Page 68 of Suddenly Beck

‘No problem.’ Nat smiles. ‘Molly.’

‘The usual, Nat, thank you, sweetheart.’ She winks at him.

He turns his back to them and grins widely at me, shooting me two very enthusiastic thumbs up, and I laugh. I can’t help it; he’s fucking adorable, and I’m a hopelessly lost cause.

He speaks briefly to my sister as he passes and high fives Hayley as he heads back behind the counter.

‘You’re like a fairy god mother with a spatula,’ I chuckle.

‘I just think they’ll be good company for each other.’ He shrugs happily as he resumes cooking.

‘It’s getting pretty busy in here.’ I climb to my feet. ‘I think I’m going to head home.’

Nat looks up in surprise, usually I hang out til closing and wait for him, but tonight, I’ve got a lot on my mind.

‘Are you okay?’ he asks in concern.

‘Yeah.’ I nod. ‘I’ve just got some stuff to sort out.’

‘Oh, okay,’ he says, and I hate that his smile is dimmer and a little unsure.

‘You still coming over after you finish?’ I ask.

‘Do you want me to?’

Did I want him to? The smartest thing would be to say not tonight, take a step back and figure out where my head is at. It would be so easy to tell him no, to make up some excuse but I can’t. Because as messed up as my head is right now, I don’t want to waste a moment of my time with him for however long we’ve got.

I walk around the counter and grasp the back of his neck, kissing his mouth softly.

‘Of course, I want you to,’ I tell him honestly. ‘I always want you.’

‘Are you sure?’ he asks uncertainly.

‘Yes.’ I kiss him again lightly. ‘Do you want me to come back and pick you up?’

‘No, that’s alright.’ He shakes his head.

‘Okay then, call me if you change your mind, otherwise the door will be unlocked just let yourself in.’

He nods, and I can feel his eyes on me as I leave the restaurant. It’s dark when I step outside, and the air is cool and fresh. I’m glad I opted to walk instead of drive as I head down toward the beach. I wander along the sand idly in no particular rush, skipping a few stones on the water.

This thing with Nat is getting too intense too fast. The sensible thing to do would be to slam the brakes on, call it a day and go back to just friends. The problem is, we were never just friends. From the first moment we met, it was pretty obvious we wanted to get in each other’s pants.

The thing is, the more I get to know him the more I like him. Don’t get me wrong the sex is hot as hell, even though I haven’t actually fucked him yet, but everything we have done has been off the fucking charts. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, and that’s what has me so rattled. Every time I touch him, I intend to dial it back to just sex, but it’s never just sex with him. I feel every single touch and kiss right down to my bones.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to walk away from him, and I don’t want to be just friends, but I don’t know if a relationship is on the cards for us. There are just too many complications.

I head back up to my house, kicking my shoes off as soon as I’m through the door, and yanking my socks and t-shirt off as I go, leaving me to wander through the house in just my jeans. Grabbing a hairband, I scrape my hair off my face and wind it into a scruffy top knot as I head for my studio. There’s only one thing that settles me when my mind is in turmoil and that’s my art. But for the first time ever, I’m not in the mood to sculpt. Leaving the piece I’ve been working on for the past month covered in a cloth, I grab a bottle of Jack Daniels and a sketchpad. Opening one of the huge folding glass windows part way to let in the cool night breeze and the sound and scent of the ocean, I settle down on the sofa and begin to draw.

When I finally look up and stretch out the kink in my neck, it’s to find Nat leaning against the doorway that leads into the kitchen. His hair is wet, he’s freshly showered, and wearing nothing but a pair of my sweatpants slung low on his narrow hips.

‘I didn’t hear you come in,’ I murmur as I stare at him.

‘You were preoccupied,’ he replies softly. ‘I didn’t want to disturb you. I hope you don’t mind but I took a shower in that avocado monstrosity you call a bathroom and borrowed a pair of your sweatpants. I needed to get the smell of food off me.’

My eyes are greedily drinking in his smooth olive skin, his tight stomach, and narrow waist, which leads down to a mouth-watering ‘V’ revealing sharp hip bones. My dick twitches. His dark hair, which I love so much, is damp from the shower and curling in great loops to his neck. He has a delicious, dark five o’clock shadow along his jaw, and his piercing blue eyes watch me carefully.

He’s so beautiful it makes my stomach hurt; I want him to be mine. I love seeing him wearing my clothes, knowing he’ll smell like me. I want the scent of my soap and my sweat on his skin.