Page 43 of Suddenly Beck

‘Your mum says everything happens for a reason,’ he says as he stares at the coin in my hand. ‘I’m really glad you were there that day on the beach.’ He looks up at me.

‘Me too,’ I whisper.

He grins suddenly. ‘Last one to the beach has to skinny dip.’ He whoops loudly and takes off over the dunes. I shove the coin in my pocket, cursing as I chase after him, and damn, he’s fast. By the time I get to the beach, he’s standing by the water in almost exactly the same spot as when we first met. He’s stopped laughing and is staring out at the dark waves, listening to the soothing boom and crash of the surf.

‘Beck, can I ask you something?’ he says quietly.

‘Sure.’ I watch him in fascination.

‘When did you know you were gay?’

Of all the things I thought he’d say, his question takes me by surprise, but still I answer honestly. ‘I don’t know. I guess, like most kids, when I hit puberty. I suppose it helped that my brother and some of my friends felt the same way, so I had people I trusted to confide in.’

‘Jesse?’

I nod. ‘And Ryan. Deak too, although he’s bi. I think maybe that’s why we formed such a tight group of friends because we each knew what the others were going through. It created a bond.’

‘You’re lucky,’ Nat sighs.

‘What about you?’ I ask. ‘When did you know?’

‘I had some pretty intense feelings for Freddie Sinclair.’ Nat smiles beatifically. ‘We were fourteen, and I used to sit next to him in my science class. He played on the school football team, and the first time I saw him all sweaty and covered in mud, I nearly swallowed my tongue. After catching a glimpse of him in the showers after P.E, I had some pretty hot and heavy dreams about him, but he was more interested in Bethany Hall, who was in our French class. Rumour had it, she kissedwith tongue…’he says theatrically, in a loud mock whisper as if he were imparting some kind of secret. ‘Anyway, I was pretty confused for a while, everyone seemed so interested in what Bethany was doing with her mouth, and I was more interested in what parts of Freddie I wanted to lick.’

‘When did you figure it out?’ I smile in amusement.

‘By the time I was fifteen, I knew I liked boys, and I had a really big thing for Harry Styles.’

‘Harry Styles? Really?’

‘Yup, uh huh.’ He nods ’I think it was all that hair.’ He eyes me up, his fingers tangling in my long hair. ‘Hey, maybe I’ve got a type.’

I swallow tightly, trying not to arch into that touch. ‘How did your family react when you came out?’ I ask instead.

‘They didn’t.’ He drops his hand.

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I never came out.’ Nat frowns. ‘Nathan wasn’t allowed to be gay, but Nat is very, very gay.’

‘Nat,’ I whisper not really sure what to say. ‘None of your family know? So, you what? Hook up in secret?’

‘No.’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t hook up.’

‘What?’

‘I’ve never hooked up with anyone,’ he replies quietly, his words still slurred. ‘I’ve never had sex with a man... or you know what... never even kissed a guy.’

‘What seriously?’ I blink in shock, sure I’m misunderstanding in some way.

He nods and sighs loudly. ‘You have no idea what it was like growing up the way I did. I went to a private school, and all the kids were the children of my parents’ friends. It was so cliquey and judgemental. I was too scared to do anything in case it got back to my father. He has very vocal views on‘poofs’.Nat raises his fingers and makes little quoty signs. ‘He said it was wrong.’ He frowns as he looks up at me, and for a second, the naked vulnerability on his face almost breaks me. ‘Is it wrong? Is there something wrong with me?’

‘No, baby,’ I whisper reaching up and touching his face, feeling the rasp of his stubble catch beneath my fingertips, making me shudder. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you.’

He sighs loudly. ‘Uni wasn’t any better, same circles, same people. Everyone knew everyone. It was like living in an episode of Gossip Girl.’

I drop my hand, taking a step back and sucking in a shaky breath. He has no idea how potent he is right now. Even though I try to focus on his words, the thought pounds through my mind...he’s never had sex.

If I’m understanding him correctly, he’s never had any kind of sexual relationship with a man. I try not to think about his virgin arse or how tight it would be around my cock, but the minute the thought occurs to me, my cock throbs with need. I desperately want to teach him everything, I want to show him how good his body can feel. I close my eyes briefly and take a slow breath trying to calm my body. I’ve never been so grateful for the darkness, otherwise Nat would have a full-on view of just how much my dick likes the idea of being his teacher.