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seven

I almost didn’t want to leave the house after fuckin’ my wife to sleep, but there were a few places I needed to stop at before I could end my day. Pulling up to the first place on my list, I grabbed the gift bags as well as one of the bouquets of flowers. Janae had already gotten her tulips this week, but this was a special visit.

“Happy birthday, young lady.” Stepping in the door, I handed the flowers to Mrs. Patterson. Today was her birthday so I wanted to stop by to bring her flowers and a few gifts. Mr. Gary always went all out for her birthday, so it was only right that I showed up in his honor.

“Aww, you didn’t have to do this. Thank you so much.” She hugged me before inviting me inside.

“How’ve you been? I talked to your son last week and he told me you all were going on a vacation.” Her oldest son, Garrett and I had stayed connected since the funeral. I couldn’t believe it had already been a year since Mr. Gary gained his wings.

“Yes, we took the grandchildren to Disney for five days. I enjoyed being able to get away for a while. We made so many plans for when Gary was going to retire and now, I’m trying to fulfill some of those plans.” She sat one of the gift bags in her lap so she could open it.

“Oh, Wisdom. This is way too much. I can’t believe you!” She exclaimed. Mr. Gary always talked about how she loved purses and expensive perfumes, so I sent Janae to the store on my behalf.

“You’re so welcome. Mr. Gary told me to look out for his queen, so that is what I’m going to do. Plus, I wanted to share some news with you.” I handed her the ultrasound photo I had gotten earlier.

“Oh, my word.” She cupped her mouth in her hands.

“We just found out we’re having twins today.” It was hard to contain my excitement, so I didn’t even try. I’d been on cloud nine since the pregnancy was confirmed, so this news had only intensified my happiness.

“This is incredible. What a mighty God we serve. You’re going to be such an incredible father. You have a given heart and you’re full of wisdom. You remind me so much of Gary.” She paused for a moment. “He loved you like you were another son. I remember when you first started working for him. He used to come home talking about how hard of a worker you were. I didn’t know the first thing about the business, so I’d just nodded my head and listen.

“It wasn’t until he stepped down that I saw everything he was talking about. You took over and hit the ground running. I know I speak for him when I say he’s so proud of you. You have honored every single promise you made to him, and for that, I thank you. He couldn’t have chosen a better successor and I’ll always be so grateful to you.

Gary made sure I was taken care of financially, so I know the money you put in our account every month wasn’t requested by him. You are an honorable man, Wisdom. I pray that every single desire of your heart is given to you, tenfold. Thank you for everything you have done for us. People often switch up once the casket closes so the fact that you have been here since the beginning does not go unnoticed.” I nodded my head as she dabbed her eyes.

“Mr. Gary was a father figure to me at a time when I needed him the most. I will never forget what he was to me, nor will I break any promises I made to him. He and my father taught me what it means to truly love your woman and be what she needs. If I know nothing else, it’s that you were at the center of his happiness.

I used to laugh at the way he smiled when he spoke about you, but now I understand exactly where he came from. The love of a black woman is by far the most powerful and life-altering experience.” Being loved by Janae felt like it should be illegal. She made everything in my life better just by being in herself. Every day I woke up to her leg thrown over me or her light snores, was a blessing to me.

“I knew the moment you walked into the hospital with her in your arms, she would be your ONE. Poor girl was terrified of love, but it’s such an incredible experience when it’s with the right person. I’m glad the two of you have been able to feel what it’s like and those babies will be an added blessing to your life. You tell Janae I need my invitation to the baby shower because I plan on spoiling these babies the same way I spoil all of my other grandbabies. This is truly a blessing.”

We sat around and talked for a bit, before I left. I made sure to slide a couple of dollars on the table. I knew she’d fuss about it, but I didn’t care. As long as I had breath in my body, she would never want for a single thing.

She lived close to my next stop, so it only took me three minutes to get here. Grabbing the other bouquet of flowers, I got out of the car. My stomach knotted up as it normally did when I came here. This was something that would likely never change, so I continued to my destination.

The moment I stood in front of my mother’s grave, I felt at peace. Some days I’d be sad and other days, I’d feel this overwhelming sense of peace come over me. It was as if her spirit was surrounding me.

“Hey, ma. I know I said I was going to come last weekend, but I got a little caught up.” Holding the ultrasound in my hand, I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“You’re going to have two new grandbabies.” I held up the ultrasounds so she could see it. I could remember all of the conversations we had about her becoming a grandmother. We all used to laugh at her because children weren’t on any of our radars as teenagers. We barely wanted to have girlfriends. Momma swore that one day we’d all find love and want to settle down.

It’s crazy to try and wrap my head around the fact that she wouldn’t be here for any of these milestones. She would never get the chance to hold our children or take those cheesy ass family pictures with us. We’d never get to have a mother-son dance with her at our weddings. The day Janae and I got married it killed me inside to go through such a monumental moment without my mother’s love and wisdom. Although I knew I would do everything to keep Janae happy, I was going to miss her sound advice when there was an issue I couldn’t seem to solve.

“I keep trying to pretend like it doesn’t hurt as much, but the truth is, I’ll never be whole without you. I’m about to be a daddy and I’m so hurt that I won’t get to share this with you. My babies will never know their nana. I know you said you didn’t want to be called granny.” I chuckled at the memory as tears pooled in my eyes.

“I wish you were here. It feels like this weird dream I can’t seem to wake up from and I find myself waiting for you to come back and tell me it’s not real. I’m still waiting. You prepared us for so many things in life, but this one will never be right to me. I can’t fill your shoes with anything or anybody. I can’t replace the strength your hugs brought me or the calmness of your prayers. You promised me you’d always be here when I needed you and momma, I need you. I’m afraid of being a father and not being what my children need. I don’t know the first thing about being a parent. I put on a front for Janae, but what if I mess up? Dad wasn’t perfect by any means, and he made mistakes he almost couldn’t come back from.

I don’t want my babies to grow up hating me because I’m too hard on them, but this world is so crazy I can’t go easy on them either. I need your guidance. I need you here to get me in check when I’m being too overbearing or too strict. The same way you used to get on daddy. We always knew you were in our corner whenever he was going in on us. I miss that. Having you in my corner to back me up even when you know I’m wrong.” I smiled through my tears.

Dad and I used to butt heads all the time when I was growing up, and she’d always come in to mediate the situation. The voice of reason. She never took sides. She’d somehow find a way to make us all see the other’s point of view. We all had a soft spot for our Queen, so we were able to receive information better coming from her than one another.

“If I could ask God for one thing, I’d asked for us to trade places in a heartbeat. I love you so much, mama. I know you’re watching over me, but I’m asking you to watch over Janae and the twins. She’s terrified, and I want her to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible. Keep a special eye on her for me. Give her some of that peace you used to preach to us about. I already know you sent her to me and I’m grateful to you for that. Janae is the most incredible human being I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Her personality reminds me of you because when she has her mind set on something, there is nothing you can do to talk her out of it. She’s a go-getter and a real firecracker.

You know I’ve never been good with goodbyes, and I think that’s one thing that will never change. I’ll see you later, angel. Come visit me when you have the time.” Blowing a kiss to the sky, I sat the bouquet of flowers next to her headstone. I made sure to remove the few weeds I saw growing around her flower bed then smoothed out her blanket. Our women made it a point to come and touch up her plot and I was beyond grateful for that. Although my feelings were all over the place, I knew I’d be bringing my babies here to meet her as soon as I could.

My father said he came here every weekend, and it gave him peace. With my work schedule, I wasn’t able to come as often, but I wanted to make more of an effort to going forward.

***

“You are way too big to be tender-headed!” Ciyani laughed as she re-twisted my locs.

“Aye, ain’t this supposed to be a judgement-free zone?”

“Absolutely not, because I have young clients who don’t move as much as you do! You would think you’d be used to it by now considering you’ve been in my chair for over a year now.” She clowned me every time I came to see her, but there was no one else I’d rather have in my head. Ciyani was truly gifted, and she didn’t even realize it.

There are some people who only do it for the money and then there’s others who have the ability to heal with their hands. Since I’ve been coming to visit my sister, my locs have grown tremendously. To the point, I’ve considered cutting them. My hair has never been healthier, and she’d even started using her own mix of shampoos and conditioners. Justice and I kept telling her she needed to start marketing her hair products because she really could make it a lucrative business.

The oil she used in my hair was amazing and I knew so many people who would pay top dollar for something like this. It soothed your scalp without causing build-up.

“I told Janae I was going to cut all this shit off and get a fade. She damn near packed all her shit when I said it.” Although I was joking the look of irritation on my wife’s face was not missed.

“You’re crazy for even considering it. Your hair is so healthy and beautiful.”

“Ain’t shit beautiful about me.”

“I’m sorry to burst your bubble brother-in-law, but you are most definitely beautiful. All of y’all are.” She snickered at the glare I gave her.

“You got me fucked up. I’m about to find me another loctition,” I fussed, lying my ass off.

“Yea, you can try it, but sis gone be right in that lady’s shop with her Glock in her lap.” She wasn’t lying one bit. Janae was very secure in our relationship, but it did not change the fact that my lady was bat-shit crazy. If a woman even looked at me too long there was Janae asking them if they want to sniff my dick. I swear I couldn’t take her anywhere at times, and pregnancy has made it even worse because she did not possess a single filter.

“She got mad at the barista down at the coffee shop because she swore that lady gave me more espresso and caramel.”

“You know how my friend gets, and you better believe I’m right there with her with all of the bullshit. Those heffas aren’t slick because I promise the waitress at Lucille’s always gives Justice an extra slice of pound cake. I don’t say anything though, because he lets me eat it. If I wasn’t addicted to those sweets, I’d tell that little hussy about herself.” I shook my head because I knew she meant it.

Our women did not play about us, and they already knew it was reciprocated. Shoot, I had to lay a few niggas out for trying to push up on Janae before she stopped working at Vibez. People thought because of the way she dressed, it was a free pass to touch what didn’t belong to them. I’d put a nigga in the dirt for playing with my girl, and I needed them to understand that.

“So, how are you feeling about being a married woman? Are you getting nervous yet?” Ciyani and I had gotten close since I’ve been back home. She really is my sister, and now that they were officially tying the knot, she’d officially be a Graham soon.

“I’m ready. To be honest, I was ready to marry the man the day he pulled me off Lyndsay’s ass. Justice is my soulmate, and I can’t wait to officially be able to carry the last name Graham. It’s not the getting married part that has me stressed out, if I’m being honest. It’s everything else.” Her tone told me she’d been wrestling with something else, so I asked.

“Tell me what’s on your mind.” Ciyani has been there to listen to me plenty of times, so I wanted to be able to do the same for her.

“It’s my family. When I used to dream about getting married, I imagined this perfect world where my father would give me away and my mother would help me pick out my outfit. The church would be filled with all of my family and friends watching me commit my life to the man of my dreams. Everything would be perfect, you know?

When we went to my dress fitting, my heart was completely broken, not having a mother there to tell me I looked beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, I love Auntie E and Aunt Faith, but it’s not the same. I wanted to know what it would feel like to be surrounded by family. Then the reality hit me. My mother is gone, and even if she were here, my wedding would be the last thing on her agenda. It hurts to know that she didn’t love me, and I’ll never be able to have those intimate moments with her.

Everybody thinks I don’t want to have children just because I’ve been raising my brothers for so long, but the truth is, I don’t want to mess anyone up. Justice thinks I’m being ridiculous, but am I? How do I love a child the way they need to be loved when I don’t know the first thing about it?"

“The same way you do with Cartier and Cayden. hell, the same way you do with us. Ciyani, you aren’t incapable of love. Your heart is big as hell and you’re constantly nurturing everyone around you, so I don’t even know why you’re having doubts. When the time is right, you are going to be an amazing mother.

As far as having a family, I know you’re feeling the void now that you are planning your wedding, but what you need to understand is that we are your family. Even though it feels like you don’t have anyone on your side, that’s not true. You have a father, brothers, sisters, aunties, uncles and cousins. Use us for whatever you need. You feel like your wedding has to be traditional, but who decides what’s traditional and what isn’t? Hell, I’ll walk you down the aisle if I need to, but I have a feeling there’s someone else who’d want that honor.” I’d talked to my father about the wedding, so I knew he wanted to be the one to walk Ciyani down the aisle.

In the last couple of years, she had quickly become his favorite child out of all of us. Between her and the boys, they’d completely stepped in and taken our spots. My father always wanted a daughter, so I knew it was one of the reasons he cleaved to Ciyani the way he did.

“I’ve been wanting to ask Papa Truth, but I didn’t know how it would work. Maybe I’m just overthinking things. I guess I just really want this day to be special, and it’s hard to do when you feel like you’re missing so much. You’re right though. All of you are my family and I’m so grateful. I know I can call on any of you and y’all will always come through for me. I used to wonder what it would be like to have older brothers and now I know. I’m really blessed to have y’all, even though you eat up all of my favorite snacks.”

“Don’t be out here throwing shots! You need to pick nastier snacks if you don’t want us to eat them.” We burst out laughing. I swear Ciyani always picked out the best snacks. Even the healthy ones were good as hell. Loyal was way worse than me, but I can admit to raiding her snack cupboards many times.

“I love it. Having a house full of family and laughter has always been a dream of mine. You all bring so much joy to my life. People say you need a village when raising children, but you need one when you’re an adult too. I know a lot of people who don’t even get along with their in-laws, so I know I have it made. I guess I got caught up in the representation. I have to look at it from a different perspective. You guys are there for me just as much as you are for him.

“Exactly. Like I said, if you are worried about seating, we can just switch it up. It’s mainly immediate family anyway, so it’s not like it would be a problem for them to sit on both sides. This day is going to be all about you. Whatever we need to do to make sure you feel happy and comfortable is what we’re going to do. All you have to do is ask. You’re over here stressing about nothing when you have a whole army behind you, baby girl.

Do you understand the blessing you’ve been to this family? You already know my brother is going to move heaven and Earth for you and we’ll be right there with him.” I heard the sound of sniffling, so I turned in my chair to see Ciyani crying.

“You and your best friend are some real crybabies. Sensitive ass thugs.” I chuckled as I pulled her in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, I just feel so lucky you just don’t even understand. I’ve been wracking my brain about this because I knew it would make me feel some type of way to walk down the aisle by myself and only have a few people on my side. Justice has been on me lately because he doesn’t want me to be stressed. I’m trying my best to focus on the things I can control, but it’s not always easy. I’m so grateful for y’all.”

“We got you. Now you’ve got to help me plan this baby shower for your stubborn best friend.”

“Charity and I are already on it. Janae claims she doesn’t want to have a gender reveal, but I’m doing that as well. I’m not going to allow her to miss out on any milestones in her pregnancy. We are going to celebrate these babies because they are a blessing. I don’t care what she says.” Times like this made me grateful that my wife had solid people in her corner. I knew she was afraid to celebrate because she was worried something would go wrong. I really wanted her to have a healthy and happy pregnancy and even though she said she didn’t want to have a baby shower; this was something I knew she’d regret later on in life.

“I’ll give you my card, and y’all can get whatever you need. We’re supposed to find out the sex of the babies at our next appointment, so I’m going to send you the information so we can get it together. Our family is blessed because I barely have to outsource anything. We have a hair stylist, nail tech, event planner, and makeup artist. Y’all need to come together and start offering packages or something.”

“You know what? I’ve never thought about that. We really do have a lot of in-home talent. I haven’t had to hire anyone because Aunt Faith is making my cake as well. I’m telling you, this family has me so spoiled. Uncle Prosper hooked us up with the house we’ll all be staying at for Christmas. I can’t wait to have everybody under the same roof, opening gifts together and just enjoying each other’s company. I’m trying to get all of the ladies to agree to one design so we can all wear matching pajamas as a family.”

“Man, y’all wildin’ with that one. I’m too damn tall for some pajamas. Let’s not forget Messiah and Big Moe. Unless these are going to be some custom joints, all our nuts and shit gone be on display,” I fussed. I’m all for family time, but I knew the ladies in our family were going to do the most.

“You just let us worry about that. The only thing we need from you is the money and for you to show up.” She giggled, directing me to the dryer. This was the part I hated the most. The shit was hot as hell. I didn’t understand how women sat under these all the time. My neck felt like Satan was breathing his breath on me.

My phone sounded off, so I opened the notification to see who it was. Of course, my wife’s contact picture was the first thing I saw. Shit. My dick was hard as a brick admiring the pictures of my wife with her legs cocked open. We had just had two sessions in before I made my rounds so, I thought it would be enough to hold her over. Apparently, I was wrong because the video she sent me next had me wanting to get up out of this seat and take my ass home.

Janae loved sending me all kinds of pictures and video showing me her sexy ass body. My wife was drop-dead gorgeous, and the glow from her being pregnant had only enhanced her beauty.

Me: You gon’ ride this dick when I get home?

My World: Yes, zaddy. I want you to bend me over and hit it from the back. Go as deep as you want.

I really needed to close out of our messages because the last thing I wanted to do was walk around my sister-in-law with a hard dick.

Me: This is the reason your ass is pregnant now

My World: And I’m going to be pregnant again because I’m not coming up off that dick.

Her little ass does not play fair, and I was going to make sure to make her pay for all of the shit she was talking about.

My World: *attachments* I’m leaking, Zaddy. How much longer are you going to be?

“You’re all done, Bro! Now make sure you take a picture and tell all the hoes who gets your locs looking crispy.” Ciyani broke me from the conversation I was having with my wife.

What hoes are you talking’ about? You already know your best friend doesn’t play that shit. The last time I posted a pic of my hair, she started blocking folks on my page.” I chuckled at the memory. There was nothing insecure about Janae, she just didn’t play about disrespect. A few compliments were cool, but nowadays these women had no chill in the comments. If we as men said some of the vulgar things these women put in our comments, we’d be looked at crazy.

“I don’t blame her at all. Every time Justice posts a picture, I just like it and keep scrolling. Those bitches don’t care about y’all being in a relationship at all, and I’ll be on there all day if I took the time to reply to all of the foolishness. Instead, I take pride in the fact that they all want what I have.” Ciyani’s outlook on things always impressed me. She was younger than me, but her life experiences made her more mature.

“That’s the best way to look at it. Shoot, I make money off of those posts, so I don’t even be trippin’ half the time. Anyways, your best friend is requesting my presence, so I’m about to head out of here.” Pulling out a few hundred-dollar bills, I held them out to her.

“Wise, I already-”

“Sis, we go through this every time. Us being family doesn't change a damn thing. Now take this damn money with your difficult ass.” Ciyani huffed, then accepted the cash from me. We’d been doing this back-and-forth thing since the very first appointment. I believe in supporting a family without any discounts. Ciyani’s skills were unmatched, and she deserved to be paid for her services.

“You get on my nerves,” she grumbled.

“That’s what brothers are for. Love you, Yani!” I threw my hand up as I headed out of the door. I prayed she felt the sincerity in my advice from earlier. There wasn’t a single thing we wouldn’t do for her as a family, and she needed to understand that.

“I love you too, bro!” She shouted back. Our family has this rule where we never leave out of each other’s presence without saying we love one another. You never know when it may be your last time, so it’s important to make sure they know it. Getting into my car, my thoughts were processing the events of the day. My business was doing well, my family was growing in both size and love. Life was good, and I couldn’t ask for much more than that.