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May 2022

“M an, I can’t believe you got me out here looking like one of those dudes from Men In Black. These pants are tight as hell; got my balls showing and everything,” Loyal complained. We were at our tux fitting, and of course, his ass was acting up.

“I told you not to get that style in the first place. We’re too tall to be wearing this style,” I advised. Our family was full of tall men, so the last thing we needed was to be lined up with skinny ass suits on.

“The shit looked cool in this pamphlet she gave us, but I’m not feeling the idea of my dick being out for all the saints and sinners to see. Plus, Ty isn’t going for all of that.” He turned to the mirror once more to examine the suit. The colors for the wedding were royal blue and white. Yani wanted a Winter Wonderland theme, so I tried my best to make it happen. The men would wear white tuxes, while the ladies wore royal blue dresses.

The seamstress took Wise’s measurements in the corner. When I glanced over there, he displayed an uncomfortable expression.

“Are you good over there, bro?” He flinched. I assumed she must have stuck him with a pin on the side of his pants.

“You are a very tall man; hold still!” Loyal and I laughed as she handled him like a misbehaving child.

“Bro, over there looking like he’s about to get a whupping.’”

“Both of y’all can kiss my- ouch! What the hell?” Wise stepped down from the platform.

“I said hold still!” Despite being an old-school lady, Marietta was one of the town’s best seamstresses. She gave the orders, and you followed them.

“Laugh now because we’ll be switching places before you know it, mothafuckas.” Wise retorted. Our father, Truth, walked through the door just moments later.

“What’s up, Pops?” We shook hands before embracing one another. I’d invited the three of them with me because we hardly ever got to spend time with just us. Our relationship with our father included the typical difficulties of any other family, but it was time for us to return back to the love.

“Hey, sons,” he spoke and embraced both Loyal and Wise as well.

“What’s up, old man?”

“You’re the one with gray hairs on your head, but you’re calling me old,” he teased. Loyal made a video a few weeks ago showing he’d found a few gray hairs since the birth of Tru.

“Aye, I’m still sensitive about that. I might need to buy the same hair dye you used to hide in your bathroom when we were kids. The one with the big ass afro and the cheesy ass grin on his face, looking like he ate ass for breakfast.”

“One of these days, I need you to grow up. Your mother swore those tumbles out of the bed were harmless, but now I think we should have sued somebody for compensation.” Shaking his head, Pops sat in a chair next to me.

“How are you feeling, son? Your wedding day will be here before you know it. Are you getting nervous yet? Any cold feet?” Pondering his question, I thought about what I felt at the moment. If anyone had told me I’d marry my best friend in my twenties, I’d call them a liar. In my mind, I wouldn’t even be considering marriage until my late thirties, so it was all surreal to me. One thing I knew without a doubt was that she was my person. If I had to walk through this life with anyone on this earth, it would always be Ciyani.

“Naw, I’m not nervous at all. Y’all should be grateful I wanted Ciyani to have this experience; otherwise, we would have gone right to the Justice of the Peace. I love my girl more than I’ve ever loved another soul outside of family. Ciyani is my world, and I’m ready to give her the last name Graham.” Truth grinned, stretching his legs out in the chair.

“Ciyani is genuinely a blessing to us. I’m happy for both of you. Marriage comes with no instruction manual. It won’t be perfect; nothing in life ever is. All I will say to you is, don’t quit. People often go into it thinking it will be nothing but sunshine and rainbows, but it’s not. There will be times when the only thing you have to hold onto is your love for each other. She will get on your nerves just as much as you’ll get on hers. You won’t always understand one another, but the important thing is to keep trying.

Communicate your feelings even when you feel you’re not being heard. Consider your partner in all major areas of your life. Women are sensitive; they require a lot of attention and reassurance. The same things you do to make sure she feels valued now; you need to carry it over into your marriage. Discuss your plans with her. Make her feel included. Some people make it more challenging than it should be, but if you get the foundation straight, everything else will fall in line.

Apologize often. Sometimes, what we feel isn’t a big deal to us means everything to them. I remember buying your mother flowers every Tuesday, just because. I’d started it when we were dating, so when we got married, I continued the tradition. Anyway, one Tuesday, I got into an altercation with these young cats on the corner and forgot to stop by the flower shop on the way home. Your mother didn’t speak to me for two whole days.” He chuckled as he recalled the memory.

“You should have seen me pacing the kitchen trying to figure out what I’d done wrong. I called my momma on the phone to ensure I hadn’t forgotten one of your birthdays or our anniversary. It wasn’t until I stopped in the local coffee shop the following day that I received my answer. The girl who usually takes my flower order asked me why I hadn’t been in to see them that week. It felt like I’d solved one of the greatest mysteries known to man. I left the coffee shop, ordered those flowers, and begged Ophelia for forgiveness.

In her mind, I’d forgotten about her or somehow loved her less. She never cared about the fancy dresses, diamonds, or designer purses I’d bought her. However, those flowers were symbolic. It reminded her every day that no matter what I had going on in life, she stayed on my mind. After that day, I signed up to have them delivered every Tuesday. She was the most important woman in my world, and if a dozen roses were what it took to express my love for her, then I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Even now, I go to the cemetery every Tuesday to ensure my baby gets her flowers. That’s what love is all about, son—compromise, communication, consideration, and care. Ophelia gave me things money couldn’t buy, and in exchange, I made sure she never went a day without knowing she mattered. Now, did I make mistakes? Damn right, I did. However, I made them right each time.

Accountability makes a difference in marriage. It’s okay to be wrong, but you must be prepared to acknowledge your faults. That’s what separates the men from the boys.

A true leader understands they’re not always right. It’s simply impossible, being that we’re in this fleshly body.” My father was full of wisdom; he always had been. I considered it a blessing to have him still around to glean from.

I listened when he spoke, knowing his advice would only improve me. People think you have to be perfect to give guidance, but it’s the ones who were once lost who have the potential to become the best leaders. There’s no such thing as a perfect person; however, being able to turn things around makes the difference. Truth Graham represented the blueprint of what it meant to be a man. It’s trial and error, but those core values will forever stand out. He’d molded me into the man I am, and I’m grateful to take all that knowledge and those lessons with me to impart to the young men I’m raising.

“Alright, who’s next?” We all glanced at one another before we burst into laughter. I know Marietta wanted us out of her shop.

We got ready to head out after Loyal and our dad got their measurements. Since it was still early, we decided to grab a bite to eat. It felt good to unwind with the people who loved me the most.

“Yo, Pops almost blew a gasket when he found those keys in that damn coffee pot! I would have taken that shit to the grave if it hadn’t been for Justice’s snitch ass.”

Loyal had us hollering in the restaurant as we reminisced about old times. We were good kids overall, but we did some funny ass shit.

“Man, I was hot as fish grease. Your mama was trying to convince me I’d somehow misplaced my keys, but I knew one of y’all badass kids had got me.” I laughed so hard tears welled in my eyes.

“I figured if you didn’t have your keys, you would have no choice but to stay.” Loyal shrugged his shoulders. I remembered that day so vividly in my mind. My father worked tirelessly, and often, he’d be too tired to spend time with us throughout the week. He’d promised to play with us when the weekend rolled around, but he’d made plans with the fellas. Loyal and Wise devised a plan to hide his keys so he couldn’t leave; he had no choice but to play with us.

Being the youngest, I went along with it because they were my brothers. When we heard him coming down the hall, Loyal dumped his keys in the coffee pot before we all took off running. We thought our plan would go off without a hitch until he immediately accused us of touching them. He was wrong, but we’d hoped our plan worked. Wise and Loyal were solid, not uttering a word about where the keys were. Unfortunately, I hadn’t acquired my skills for lying, so as soon as he applied pressure, I cracked like an egg.

“It’s one of my favorite memories because I thought for sure we were getting a whuppin’ that night, but instead, Pops pulled out that water gun and lit our asses up,” Wise recalled. I nodded in agreement that it was also one of my favorite memories. Our Queen was so angry by the time we got done having an all-out water gun battle in the house. It was one of the best days because he still stayed with us.

We laughed the whole night, even during the clean-up process. Mama cooked us a big dinner, and we all sat around the table as a family. As Pops said earlier, it’s the little things that matter. I knew no matter what happened, I always had them to fall back on. They were the core of who I am.

“What time are we leaving for the game?” Loyal asked.

“We can leave at five. They get out of school early today.”

We were taking the boys to the championship game tomorrow night. Since it was out of state, we decided to make it a boys’ trip and drive there. Messiah’s team didn’t make it, but one of Cayden’s favorite teams had advanced to the finals. I hadn’t told him we were going because I wanted it to be a surprise. He was sixteen now, and he made me proud every day. Although he was going through the usual growing pains of a teenager, he was responsible. He got a job at fifteen, and they were already trying to promote him.

I’m proud of the man he’s becoming because I can see him coming into his own. Ciyani was an emotional mess about him dating, but it’s all a part of life. I’ve given him all of the talks and tools I know, and now it’s up to him whether he takes heed to the advice.

He wanted to take his girlfriend out on a date a few weeks ago, so Ciyani and I made it a double date to the movies and dinner. We let them sit at the very bottom while we sat at the top level. As soon as the movie was over, I asked Ciyani about the volcano scene, and she told me it was great. The only problem was there was no damn volcano. My poor fiancée watched those kids like a hawk, most of the night. Truthfully, there was no need because Cayden behaved like the perfect gentleman.

He struggled to express his emotions at times, but the smile on his face when he walked her to her door told me he really cared for her. I remember those times; even if it was nothing more than puppy love, it still mattered. Creating a safe space for them to communicate was the main objective. A lot of times, teenagers sneak out because they feel as though their voices aren’t being heard. Although I know we’ll never agree on everything, I hoped that they would always feel comfortable enough to come to me no matter what.

“Alright, bet. I’m going to slide home and take a nap before we leave. You know, this parenting thing is exhausting as hell. Tru’s loose-neck butt thinks it’s okay to be up early as hell. I’m sick of seeing her big, bright eyes ready to play at four a.m. I’m about to start putting some sleepy time tea in her bottle.” I chuckled, shaking my head at him.

“Leave my niece alone. She knows the early bird gets the worm.” Messiah and Rule expressed the same issues with their children, which almost made me want to put off having children even longer. I valued my sleep more than anything.

“Fuck the bird and the worm. I’m too damn fine to walk around with mothafuckin’ bags under my eyes. I stopped by CVS to grab an energy drink, and this little old lady patted me on the back and said, ‘Hang in there, buddy.’ Man, I felt so judged that I wanted to knock her little walker over. Tru’s got people out here thinking I’m on my last leg.” I laughed so hard my stomach started hurting.

“She probably went into an immediate prayer for you. Got you on the sick and shut-in list, too. Damn, bro,” Wise teased him, causing him to flick him off.

“My grandbaby is an angel when she’s with me. Maybe you just don’t have the touch.” Dad gloated, knowing damn well all of the kids loved him.

“Well, since she’s such an angel, I’ll pack her brand-new luggage bag so she can come stay with you.”

“Yeah, right. Have you forgotten about the way you cut up when she stayed over while the two of you went out of town for your birthday? I almost needed to block you because of how many times you called my phone.” We’d learned to tune Loyal out whenever he complained about Tru because we all knew how obsessed he was with her. Tru was a daddy’s girl through and through.

“Exactly. Janae and I kept her last month, and Lo acted as if we’d kidnapped her. Sending us video chat requests every hour like a damn stalker. Meanwhile, baby girl wasn’t thinking about that man.”

“First off, fuck you. My lil’ baby loves her daddy. I’m trying to relax y’all, but it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. Tyeis says I’m a level three clinger, but it’s hard not to be. Tru is my baby girl, you know? I feel like no one can protect her or keep her safe the way I do. Logically, I’m aware that this isn’t true, but I’m struggling. Ty wants to put her in daycare full-time, but I’m not cool with it. I’ve got Jett running background checks on them as we speak. If they even thought about snorting a line of coke, I need to know about it.”

“Seek therapy, bro. At some point, you’re going to have to let go and allow her to explore. Tyeis wants to go back to work full-time, so unless you plan on giving up your career, daycare sounds like the best option for you all. Plus, you’re acting as if she won’t be at a family-operated daycare. I’m there almost every day, not to mention we have cameras throughout the building. She’ll be fine.” I understood his reservations, being that Tru was his baby. However, the time apart would be good for them.

“So, you’re saying I’m the problem?”

“We don’t lie to each other, so you know I’m not going to spare your feelings. It’s time for you to loosen the reins a little. If you’re really struggling, they offer a service where the staff sends pictures and videos to all the parents. It’s mainly new mothers who use it, but it’s available for fathers as well.”

“Thanks, Bro. Even though I feel like you’re judging me right now.” I smiled, thinking about how tickled our Queen would be to see her son in daddy mode. Loyal was always the one least likely to have children, so the fact that he was married with children was mind-blowing. I knew she’d be somewhere, smiling from ear to ear.

“Alright, fellas, I’m going to get out of here. I have a few errands I need to run for your granny, and then I have a dinner engagement I need to get ready for.” The way he spoke caused my eyebrow to raise.

“Are you dating again? You know you don’t need to hide anything from us, right?” We suspected he’s been seeing someone for a while now because when we call him, he’s been out more than usual.

“Do you have a girlfriend, Pops?” Wise inquired. Our father’s face turned beet red, something I’d never witnessed before.

“Why are you hiding this from us? Did you think we wouldn’t approve?” Embarrassment flashed across his face, and I felt terrible about it.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you fellas about it, but I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. No one on this planet could ever replace your mother, and I don’t want you to think it’s what I’m trying to do. I’ll always love Ophelia with every fiber of my being, but I’ve been seeing someone for almost a year now.” His admission came as no surprise, although I can’t say it felt the best hearing it.

Naturally, a man would want to seek companionship. I guess I never thought about how I would feel witnessing my father loving someone outside of our Queen.

“I mean, your dick still works, doesn’t it? We weren’t expecting you to stop having needs and desires just because Mama is no longer here. We figured you’d talk to us when you were ready, not to be hiding your woman in the shadows. You act as if we wouldn’t have been understanding.” Loyal made a lot of valid points.

“We want you to be happy. I’m not sure why you felt as if you couldn’t trust us with this information, but we’re your sons. Your happiness is important to us. Yes, it’s going to be an adjustment for us because we’re so used to you being with mom. However, we will always support you in everything you do. If she makes you happy, then we’ll be happy too. Don’t ever feel as though you have to hide your happiness from us because you think we won’t understand.”

“I guess I was worried it would offend you in some way. It started with me casually dating, but I’ve met a nice lady who makes me happy. She’s been asking to meet you all, and I’ve come up with every excuse I could think of at this point. I know she’s growing tired of me giving her the run-around.”

“After a year, I would have walked away. Shit, you ain’t about to treat me like the booty piece of bread. I’m all for privacy, but you’re hiding her like she’s on a top-secret mission for the government. She probably thinks we hate her or something.” It’s a crazy day when Loyal is the one being a voice of reason, but once again, he speaks the truth.

“I apologize for keeping this from you. We’ve worked so hard to strengthen our relationships over the last two years, and I was afraid this would set us back. I underestimated the men I’ve raised. I’m proud of each of you. Some parents are lucky if even one of their children turns out alright, but God has blessed me beyond measure. Not only are all of you successful, but you are good men.

I stand proudly with my chest out, knowing you’ve absorbed everything I’ve ever tried to instill in you. Growing up the way I did, I knew I wanted to do things differently when I had children of my own. My father was a good man, but he was a hard man to connect with. He raised us under strict guidelines and harsh punishments. Then, by the time we were old enough, he taught us the game. I can count on two fingers how many times my father told us he loved us. One of those times occurred when he was on his deathbed. I vowed to raise y’all with the same values while showing you, it’s okay to show emotions. I’ve made mistakes along the way, but I tried my best to make sure you always felt my love.

I’m pleased to have raised such honorable men. When people say they want their children to be better than them, this is what they mean. I know the women in your lives will be loved correctly, which means my grandchildren will witness healthy black love. Your mom and I used to sit up at night talking about what we wanted our future children to be like.

She’d always say she wanted to raise good men. The kind of man she’d trust with anyone’s daughter. She said once you got married, she wouldn’t be dealing with her future daughter-in-law crying because her sons were dogging them out.” We all laughed because when we first started taking an interest in girls, she gave us all the same speech about how we needed to ensure we treated them the way we’d want a man to treat her. Of course, we rebutted by saying she already had a man.

We understood what she meant, though. A lot of times, men will drag a woman to hell and back, then be ready to end someone’s life if they mistreated their mother. Their thinking was backward as hell because every woman is someone’s daughter. There shouldn’t be a difference in how we treat them.

I’d been teaching Cayden and Cartier some of the same things. Granted, I understood they would make their own decisions, but I prayed they made the right ones. Women were our backbone. If we tore them down, who was going to lift us up?

“I love you, Pops. Being a father has helped me put a lot of things in perspective. There is no rule book to this, so you can only do what you know to do. I want my children to be the best people they can be in this world, but I also have to accept that they may choose a different path.

We might have had our differences, but you’re also the reason I am who I am. The reason I’m able to have confidence in parenting my children. I’m giving my son the same talks of wisdom you once gave me; it blows my mind at times. I appreciate you taking the time with us as kids. Most of my friends either didn’t have fathers or they were too busy running the streets. Thank you for always making us a priority. Mama taught us how to use our hearts, but you taught us what it meant to be a real man, how to honor our wives and be there for our families. How to work hard for everything we want in life, and how to lead with wisdom.” Loyal expressed.

“We love you, Pops. You’ve played a major role in our lives and our families’ lives. The way you show up for Ciyani and the boys gives me an even greater respect for you. You fill a void for them I never could.” Losing Nazir at such a young age affected not only Ciyani but the boys as well.

They needed that love and guidance only a parent could provide, and my father has stepped up for them so much over the years. I love that the boys have another resource to come to if they don’t feel comfortable coming to me. I trusted him to impart the same wisdom in them he’d given me.

We finished up dinner so our father could get to his date. I’m glad he was able to open up to us about it. I extended an invitation to the wedding, figuring it would allow her to meet the family. My father has excellent taste in women, in my opinion, so I knew if he felt interested in her enough to want to bring her around, she must be someone special.

We said our goodbyes before going our separate ways. Once I got inside my car, I said thank you to the man upstairs. My heart felt at peace knowing my father was happy and our family remained intact. It was the little blessings that made the biggest difference.