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five

“W elcome Home, Bro!” The excitement I felt in my heart seeing my brother walk out of those gates was something I couldn’t even put into words. The days leading up to his release seemed to move slower than any other day, but here we are.

“What’s good, bro!” Law hugged me tight right there in front of my car. I tried not to let my emotions get the best of me, but this moment was something I’d been waiting on for years. Seeing my baby brother outside of these four walls was a prayer I’d kept in my heart every single day for the last four years.

“They finally let a real one free!” He exclaimed. Stepping back, I took a moment to look him over. He bulked up in muscles over the last few years, but he still looked like the same Law that used to get us in trouble.

“Pops and the family are at the house waiting for you, but I told them I had to make sure you were straight. I got you some clothes and shit at your place, but I can take you to the mall if you need me to.

“I told you I didn’t need y’all to make a fuss over me. I’m just happy to get out of that hellhole,” Law declared. I’ve been a few times, but never as long as him. The shit truly strips you of everything you’ve known. Simple pleasures become foreign, even simple things like waking up when you want to. We’ve never been the type to take too well with authority, so the idea of another person having control over your entire life was demeaning.

“Granny and ‘nem’ cooked a whole feast in your honor, but if you need me to stop somewhere before we head over there, let me know.”

“I just need to change out of these small-ass clothes and get my hair lined up. I’m not trying to be around the family looking like a bum ass nigga.” My head nodded in understanding.

“You know they don’t care, but I got you. I already called Ced, and he told me to pull up on him as soon as you touched down.” Law was vain as hell anyway, so I knew his ass was going to want to look his best. I couldn’t talk shit because I thought the same way. For most of the ride, we caught up as we jammed to our favorite nineties rap music. This new age shit wasn’t my cup of tea, so I stuck to what I grew up on.

“Where ol’ girl at? I thought you said she was going to come pick you up this morning?” I pressed. Law was talking to some chick, and he swore she was going to meet us at the jailhouse, but she was nowhere to be found.

“Man, she calls herself mad at me because a chick approached her at the bar this weekend, talking about how we were together.” Glancing over in my brother’s direction, I observed his demeanor.

“So, were you? Cause bitches lie all the time, but that seems personal for her to be approaching her in a public setting like that.” Law scratched the back of his neck once I asked, which told me everything I needed to know about the situation.

“It’s not like she was saying. I just kept shorty around to do a few favors on the outside for me. A relationship is a bit of a stretch, though. It was more like a mutual understanding between two consenting parties.” Bullshit. Law has always been a ladies’ man like our father, and it was rare for him to keep only one woman in his life for more than a short period.

“Boy, you must not know who you’re talking to. Not only do we share the same father, but I’m all too familiar with that jailhouse talk, so I know how things go. You know women be taking shit like that seriously, even if you don’t think they do. Have you talked to shorty since she got confronted?” Dragging his hand down his face, Law let out a deep sigh.

“She blocked my ass. I even tried calling her from my homie’s phone, and she blocked his shit too. I’ve been trying to reach her, but she ain’t fuckin’ with me. The only reason I even found out about it was because I was also talking to the cousin of the girl who confronted her.” I almost swerved my car after hearing his revelation.

“Law, what kind of ghetto mess is that? How are you talking to a chick and her cousin?” He shrugged as if he didn’t have an explanation for what he had done.

“I was really in over my head with the whole situation. I figured it wasn’t too bad since everyone was getting paid, you know. Now, I’m sitting here feeling like a simp ass nigga because Demya is the only person I really want.”

“If you knew that beforehand, why didn’t you keep it one hundred with everyone involved? At least then there would have been any surprises.”

“That’s the thing, bro. The other chicks knew what type of time I was on because I made my intentions very clear. When I found out my release date, I tried to cut everyone off so I could focus all of my attention on the woman I really wanted to be with. I thought they would be cool with it, but Trina’s ass was on some other shit.

You know, I’ve never been the type to lie. I let every woman know upfront what they’re getting with me, so I can avoid all that bullshit and drama that comes with it. I couldn’t bring myself to tell Demya the truth because I didn’t want to risk her trying to leave me. I thought I was good until ol’ girl blew the whistle on our situation.”

“See, that’s where you fucked up at. You’re supposed to be honest with the one you like the most. If you cared about her the way you say you do, it was your job to protect her. So, what are you going to do?” Us Graham men loved hard, and even when we messed up, we still tried to make things work.

“I have her address and shit, so I’m going to slide on her in a couple of days.” I almost felt bad for him because he seemed hurt since she’d blocked him.

“Damn, bro. lil’ mama must have really got your heart to have you over there pouting and shit.” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Man, I think I might love her. She encouraged me every day. She sent me inspirational scriptures and shit. You know the mental warfare that place does to you, so I’m sure you get it. She cared about my mental as well as my physical. My life needs to be in order before I go after her. Now that I’m free, I’m ready to figure out what’s next for my future. Yes, I have money in my account, but it’s so much deeper than that, you know. I love Pops to death, but I don’t want to be like him. He’s fucked over every woman who’s ever entered his life. I don’t want that for myself. One of these days, I’m going to have a daughter, and I want her to know how a real man is supposed to treat her. I want to set the example of what a real man looks like, and I can’t do that playing childish ass games.” He spoke nothing but facts. I’ve had the same thoughts myself over the years.

“Well, you’re already on track because you have your own place, your own car and you have a nice little savings set up for you. Now, all you have to do is figure out what it is that you want for yourself. The resources are all at your disposal, so it’s up to you.”

“I’ve been thinking about starting an auto repair shop. I’ve learned even more skills since being locked up, and I think it’s time I opened my own shop instead of working for someone else. I’m done with the guns and shit, so I need an actual business that will hold my attention and sustain me.” Law has been the family’s mechanic since we were children, so I knew he had the potential to accomplish some major things if he really put his mind to it.

“Say less; we can start looking for a building as soon as you’re ready. My girl has a friend in real estate that I can get you in contact with.” Law gave me a weird expression I didn’t understand.

“What was that for?”

“I see you’re still parading that girl around as if she’s really your girlfriend.” He chuckled, then shook his head at me.

“What is that supposed to mean? She is my girlfriend.”

“Oh, yeah? What does Granny think about her?” I paused for a moment to process his question.

“She, uhh, she hasn’t met the family yet,” I admitted. Taking someone to meet my family was a major step, and I really didn’t do it unless I felt like that woman was someone I could really see myself with for the long haul.

“And how long have you two been dating ?” I glared at him for using air quotes to make his point. Our bond has always been airtight, so even if I didn’t speak about something, he always knew when there was a part I was leaving out.

“Man, go on with all that. I just don’t want to rush into anything. Plus, you know how granny is when she doesn’t approve of someone. Her filter is nonexistent.” Pulling out my phone, I handed it to him.

“Can you text him and let him know we’re about to pull up? The code is 0826,” Law grabbed the phone from me.

“So, you’re worried that granny is going to see through that fake-ass relationship and call you out on it? You and I don’t lie to each other, so I don’t even know why you feel the need to do all of this. You know how I know she isn’t the one for you?” We pulled up to the barbershop, and I tried to focus my attention on finding a parking space while trying to listen to his reasoning.

“Why is that?”

“Because you still haven’t changed your passcode in over five years. How the hell are you claiming to be so in love with another woman, and you still have your first love's birthday as the passcode of your phone? Be real with me. There’s only one woman who has been good enough to meet the family, and her name is Saya Williams.” I wanted to refute his declaration, but the truth is the truth. I’ve yet to meet another woman who has been about to fill her shoes, and I don’t think I ever will. Still, that didn’t mean that I could move on to another woman.

“Whatever happened to the search on Saya? Did Jett ever find anything on her?” Law asked. He’s the only one outside of Loyal who knew I was actively trying to find her. When Loyal first mentioned it, I acted as if I didn’t care. However, that night, I tossed and turned with thoughts of her.

These last few years without her have been good, but I wouldn’t sit here and pretend like her absence hadn’t left a void in my heart. She was everything I thought I would have forever, and when she left, it took a while for me to bounce back. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something happened to her, which was the reason I reached out to Jett. I told myself once I saw her and confirmed she was safe, I’d be able to move on for good. It might have been wishful thinking, but it was all I had to hold on to for the moment.

“He called me the other day to say he found her whereabouts. Since I knew you were coming home, I waited until we got you settled. I’ve waited all this time, so it’s not like I can’t wait a little longer.” Truthfully, I felt a bit of anxiety knowing that I could be face to face with her soon.

There were so many things in limbo because the last conversation we had was a good one. I just couldn’t understand where things went wrong. When I was locked up, I spent so many nights racking my brain trying to come up with a reason she’d just up and left, but I always came up empty-handed.

Unlike my brother, Saya was the only woman in my life, and there had been no one else but her. From the moment her pretty ass entered my life, we’d been joined at the hip, so once I was sentenced, I knew there was no one else I wanted in my corner. In the beginning, I tried to give her an out, so she didn’t have to put her life on hold for me, but she declined. Saya promised she’d wait for me, and that she’d be in my corner every step of the way.

For the first couple of years, she’d done just that. Every call was answered, and every visit, she showed up with a smile on her face. I thought we would be in it for the long haul until one day, the visits stopped, and the phone calls went unanswered. At first, it fucked me up because I was already having such a hard time being in jail as it was. When you are in lockup, you really can’t afford to linger in your feelings because it makes your time even harder to get through, so I tried my best to act as if her departure didn’t affect me as much as it did. Of course, my family noticed an immediate change in me, but I quickly brushed it off so I could get through my bid.

Once I touched down, I told myself I needed to forget about her. If she’d wanted to be with me, she wouldn’t have left, so there was no reason for me to search for her. Over the years, I’ve preoccupied myself with women and money, so the thoughts of her no longer consumed me. Now, here I was, back at square one.

I hated the uneasy feeling in my chest because it was just another reminder that I wasn’t over her, and I more than likely never would be. Don’t get me wrong, my girlfriend was a cool chick. She loved me, and she never gave me any issues, but I think that was part of the problem for me.

Sidra let me do whatever I wanted to. She didn’t put any stipulations on our relationship or my obligations to her. We’d brought many women into our bedroom for the sake of her trying to make me happy. Even after I told her she didn’t have to, it changed nothing. In her mind, all niggas cheated, so she’d rather bring the women to me, so she knew exactly what I was doing.

It was fun in the beginning, but now I was over it. Contrary to her beliefs, I loved being with just one woman. I’d watched my father play these women my entire life, and I swore I’d never treat women in that manner. I never wanted my woman to question her place in my life because I wanted her to feel it with my actions.

Fuckin’ multiple bitches was cool when you’re young, wild, and free, but I was far removed from that life. I wanted what my cousins had. Genuine love. I want a partner to share my life with and create a family with. All that other bullshit I had no interest in anymore. I think Sidra knew I’d grown tired of it because she kept saying I was changing. I wanted more out of life than partying and fucking. I’ve always wanted to be a father since I was a youngin, and nothing had changed. I wanted to settle down and raise a family. I think the part I struggled with was the fact that I knew it wouldn't be with her.

“I don’t know what’s going to come of it, but I will not pretend that I’m not rooting for you and Saya. I miss her little ass, and she’s the only person I can accept as my sister.” I shook my head because our sisters felt the same way. No one wanted me to be with anyone else besides Saya, which was crazy, seeing how she was the one who left me.

My family’s love and loyalty have always been with her without even knowing any details about what happened between us. My sisters Triniti and River still hoped we’d get back together and get married one day. I’d long stopped having thoughts like that about our future. At that point, the only thing I wanted was answers. I needed to get closure on this situation so I could figure out what happened to us. There was a part of me that felt like I wasn’t ready for the answer I’d received, but it was a risk I was willing to take.

***

“O h, I’m so happy I could die and go right on to glory with a smile on my face. All my babies are here under one roof!” Granny Lula squealed as we all gathered around so we could take pictures. Granny rarely cried, but the moment she laid eyes on Law, the waterworks started. We all grew up at Granny’s house when we were little, so having us all together was such an indescribable feeling. My dad had even made an appearance, which was rare for him. Prosper Graham kept to himself if it didn’t involve money or women. Recently, his health had begun to decline, and I noticed a shift in him. However, he refused to tell the family about what was going on.

The only reason I was privy to any information was because I’d been the one taking him to his doctor’s appointments. I gave him an ultimatum that he needed to come clean to my siblings by the end of the month, or I’d have no choice but to tell them. We didn’t keep secrets from one another, and this wasn’t a secret you withheld from the family.

“Mama, please. We took about thirty pictures. Half the people in the picture are funny-looking anyway, so it doesn’t matter how many pictures you take; nothing is going to change.” My father grumbled. He’d become grumpier because of his medication, but he’d always been the family jokester. Way before there was a Loyal or Messiah, there was Prosper.

“Oh, hush. I know you aren’t talking. You have four kids, and none of them look anything like each other. Thank goodness you had enough sense to pick some pretty hoochies because my poor grandbabies would be doomed.” I’d learned long ago not to take anything Granny said to heart because her mouth was unpredictable, even on her best days.

“You’re damn right. All my hoes were beautiful, and we made some pretty babies. I might try to make a few more while I still have time left on this earth.” He chuckled, although I didn’t find anything funny about his joke. We’d just found out a while back we had a little sister who was six years old. I wanted to ring my dad’s neck when I found out. Now here I am in my thirties with a damn six-year-old sister. He ought to be ashamed of himself.

“Naw, you’ve done enough. You need to find yourself a nice, Christian woman to settle down with and focus on your family,” Granny fussed. My father was the only one of her children who had never gotten married, and sadly, it would never happen if he had a say in it. After we ate, everyone just laughed and enjoyed our time together. Granny was telling stories about the hell we used to cause growing up.

“Chile, I wanted to ring their necks when I walked outside and saw those hellions riding down the street in my husband’s Cadillac. Law’s high yellow tail could barely see above the steering wheel and had the nerve to be driving the car. These fools pulled up carrying bags of snacks for all the kids like it was no big deal.

I made them all pick out their own switches and wore their hind tails out. I thanked them for getting my cowtails and peach drink, but they about gave me a heart attack. I never even told my Lou about it. The only reason he found out was because Charity told her daddy, and Knowledge called me fussing.”

“That’s when Charity used to snitch on everybody. We couldn’t do anything around her butt. Then Serenity used to blackmail us, to keep us quiet. That’s the only reason they ended up getting snacks in the first place; she threatened to tell on us if we didn’t buy something for everyone. I was so pissed because Wise and I had mowed Ol’ man Jimmy’s yard, and he paid us $20 apiece. I felt like I really had some money back then just to turn around and have to spend it on their bald-headed, snaggle tooth selves.”

“We used to give y’all hell, and I can honestly say I have no regrets.” Serenity snickered as she and my sister River slapped hands.

“Not a single one. We stayed, getting them in trouble, and they still spoiled us. It was the best of both worlds.” Charity chimed in. All the fellas could do was laugh because they told not one lie. We spoiled our sisters and girl cousins like princesses because that’s what our fathers and grandfather had taught us. Even now, they all knew they could get anything they wanted from any of us, and we’d do whatever we could to make it happen. It was a tradition I planned to keep up with my own children one day.

“I feel bad for y’all niggas because y’all don’t even know what the word no means,” Oh’Shun called out.

“Don’t feel bad for my man because he loves it here, and he knows if he tells me no, I’m going to get it anyway, so his bet is to say yes, or I’m calling my brothers.” Serenity shrugged her shoulders.

“Naw, Jett knows better. Cause whenever I open my wallet for you, I’m going to send him a request for reimbursement. He signed up to be with your crazy tail, so I’m no longer footing the bill. Now when y’all get married, that’s something different. Daddy already had money set aside for that.”

“Messiah, you can pump fake all you want to, but we all know the truth.

Didn’t you just buy me a new travel set for my business last week? I never even got the chance to ask my man because as soon as I mentioned to you, it was delivered to my door the next day. Don’t try to act all hard now.” Serenity revealed. Messiah grinned because he already knew what it was. We did not play with our sisters, no matter what it was.

“Damn right, I did. You said you needed it, so I made sure you had it. Don’t worry, though, because I’m still sending my homie the request for my bread. Think I’m playing. He wanted you so bad, so he’s going to have to come up off the money.”

“Lies. It’s okay, brother, I know you love me.” Serenity stuck her tongue out.

“Always and forever. I’ll always do whatever I can for your little bald-headed ass.”

“Ya, mama!”

“Hey! I’m your mama too, little girl!” Auntie Elantra shouted. She rarely came to family dinners over the years, but I was happy to see her make an appearance. Regardless of whether or not she’d moved on, she’d always be a Graham. Plus, Big Moe was a solid dude. He made her happy, but he also looked out for my cousin over the years as his bodyguard.

“My bad momma. I guess you have a little bit of hair.” Ren snickered while Auntie gave her the side eye. While everyone talked and laughed, I sat back, observing. These were the moments I’d cherish forever because who knew if we’d ever be able to do this again. Life had a way of throwing curveballs you never saw coming, so I didn’t want to miss a single moment with the people I loved most.

My father was laughing and enjoying himself. I watched him closely to see if he appeared to be in any pain, knowing he wouldn’t offer this information on his own. I had plans to talk to him later, but for now, I’d enjoy the blessings in front of me. This year has been rough on him physically, so to see him out and about meant the world to me. My father was far from perfect, but he was still a good man. He taught me how to be everything he wasn’t, and I’ll never forget his many lessons.

“What are you over here thinking deeply about?” River came over, resting her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head before focusing back on the scene in front of me.

“I’m just grateful, that’s all. Our brother is finally free, and the family is together again. Everything is as it should be,” I replied.

“Yeah, I thought this day would never come, so I’m happy to see it come to fruition. Now, both of my brothers are home where they should be. Hopefully, y’all will give me some nieces and nephews soon.” River wore a big, goofy grin on her face.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Truthfully, I wasn’t sure when children would come into the picture for me, but I prayed it would happen before I turned forty.

“I can wait as long as it’s not with Sidra.” River rolled her eyes.

“Don’t you start with your mess. Sidra has done nothing to you. You dislike her for something she can’t control.”

“Naw, I dislike her because her butt doesn’t match her thighs. She lies for no reason, and my good sis, Saya, would never!” I groaned hearing her name, although I knew this was coming.

“Yeah, well, your good sis is no longer a factor in my life, so you might as well hang it up.”

“I don’t believe those lies for one second. Y’all had that forever type of love, and I know in my heart you’re going to find your way back to one another.” I still don’t understand where this undying loyalty came from, but I knew better than to argue with my sisters. They were convinced Saya, and I, were going to have this great love story, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to convince them otherwise.

“Yeah, whatever. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Are you going to go find her? I overheard you talking to the fellas about it a while back,” River probed, staring at me with hopeful eyes.

“Don’t get your hopes up. I’m not looking for her because I’m trying to reconnect or anything. There are some things I need to know, and she’s the only person who can give me the answers I need. Nothing more, nothing less.” My sister sucked her teeth, letting me know she was displeased with my answer.

“You can put on a front for everyone else, but I know you. I remember how happy you were when the two of you were together and how proud you were to have her on your arm. I don’t know why she left, but I feel it in my soul; this isn’t the end. The chapters to your love story are just beginning.” Her declaration caused chills to go up my arm, but I tried to remain unbothered.

“You just aren’t going to give up, are you?”

“No, I’m not. Sidra is nothing more than a placeholder until you get your woman back. I almost feel bad for her, but her face is so stiff I’m sure she can’t even form actual tears.” I accidentally chuckled at her last remark. Everybody always made fun of Sidra for getting Botox. Personally, I wasn’t the type to shame somebody for wanting to enhance their looks. Plastic surgery had been a popular trend for years. The way I saw it was, if it made you happy, who am I to judge? As long as the pussy still got wet, that was all I really needed.

Sidra was beautiful, and while I didn’t think she needed all of that extra shit, who was I to stop her? A lot of these women felt the need to try to keep up with the next one. Although I may not understand it, I never judged the next person. I had enough of my own issues to deal with to be worried about anyone else.

Sidra texted me a few times, but I told her I was spending time with my family. She wasn’t the type to nag a nigga, so I never felt pressured to explain too much to her. Once I responded, she told me to enjoy myself and to slide by her crib before I went home. I really wanted to go straight to the house, but I knew if I slid by, I’d at least end my night with my balls drained. After the day I’ve had I could use the release.