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“I don’t care about any of the mess the two of you have going on. This has been going on long enough. My grandson’s birthday is coming up, and if you think for one second, I’m going to miss his birthday party, you’ve got me messed up. This is why you young folks shouldn’t even be having children. As soon as one of you gets upset, the baby becomes a pawn in your little game,” my mother Faith fussed at me. I’d only been in the house for ten minutes before she started going in on me.

Breyoun’s cousin, Markeisha, posted a flyer advertising Sincere’s birthday party, which upset my mother since she knew nothing about it. I agreed with her because our issues have nothing to do with my family. I didn’t want this to be a back-and-forth thing between us every time we disagreed on something, but it was much easier said than done.

“I’m supposed to be picking him up in an hour, so I’ll talk to her. She’s been showing out after Myia posted that status about bitter baby mommas. I told her to take it down, but the damage had already been done. I’m tired of fighting all the time, and now that I’m finally able to see my son more often, I’m not trying to do anything to jeopardize it.”

“Are you still screwing her?” The bite of food I was eating went down the wrong pipe, causing me to choke. I reached for the water next to me and then took a swig of it.

“See, that right there tells me everything I need to know. How can you expect to have a healthy co-parenting relationship when you’re still putting your little penis in that girl,” my mom huffed, wiping the counter a little more aggressively than normal.

“I’m trying, but it’s not always easy. I still have love for Breyoun, but we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things.”

“Freedom, you came from my womb, so you can’t fool me for one second. You’re having sex with her on a regular basis, making her believe the two of you have some kind of future together, just for you to turn around and pop up with the next girl. How do you expect her to think with a clear mind when you are sending her mixed signals? No wonder she keeps pushing us all away. You need to decide what it is that you want. Think about your son and the way all of this affects him. She’s raising him primarily alone, and that’s a lot of pressure from one person. You’re not helping by adding more confusion to the situation. If you don’t want to be with her, then leave her alone.” My mother was always the person that I went to for advice, even if I didn’t always agree with it.

Breyoun and I have always had a back-and-forth relationship for as long as I can remember. We’d make up one week, then break up the next, but we never stopped having sex. When she got pregnant with Sincere that’s when everything changed for us. Of course, I had no clue that the reason she had been so distant was because she was carrying my seed. Had I known, I would never have allowed so much time to pass by without being there for them.

Now, it felt like I was paying for it because she couldn’t seem to move past her own feelings to focus on our son’s future. Though I agree with my mother about not blurring lines, it was easier said than done. Most times when I went to pick up my son, I promised myself that I would keep it platonic, then the moment I got in her presence and saw her fine, thick ass, everything changed. I was man enough to admit that I couldn’t let her go, even though I knew that I wasn’t ready to give her what she needed. Was it selfish? Yes. However, I couldn’t see anything changing between us.

I love my son, and I didn’t regret him at all, but I wasn’t ready to settle down yet. I’ve been fortunate enough to grow up in a two-parent home, so naturally, it’s what I wanted for my future children. Breyoun was an amazing woman and mother, but I wanted to live life wild and carefree. I know that probably sounds selfish, considering the fact that I made her a mother, but at least I was being honest. A lot of times, men will sell women a dream, knowing damn well they don’t want to be with that woman. My love for Breyoun wouldn’t allow me to make promises that I knew I couldn’t keep.

If I had it my way, she would wait around until I was ready to grow up and become ready to settle down. However, I would never ask her to do something like that. I’m in the prime of my life, with an abundance of women at my fingertips. The idea of coming home to one woman just didn’t do it for me.

Most of the women in my family didn’t agree with the way that I handled the situation, but their opinions meant nothing to me. When Breyoun and I first got together, it was supposed to be on some friends-with-benefits type shit. No strings attached and no catching feelings. Of course, just like most of those stories, it ended up with us both catching feelings and more strings than I ever could’ve imagined. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.

Now here we are going through all this drama, and I hated that shit. My son deserved to be loved by two parents who are healthy and happy. Although we were both in good health, neither of us were happy. Breyoun didn’t want to settle for being one of many, and I damn sure wasn’t offering her any commitment. There were too many bitches for me to settle down with just one.

“I’m going to fix this, mom. I promise. Even if she only allows you all to come, I’ll figure it out. All I know is that I’m not going to miss an opportunity to celebrate my son’s birthday. Even if we have to put our differences aside for one day, we will have to work it out.” Now, all I needed to do was convince Breyoun.

***

“You’re late!” Breyoun huffed, turning to walk away from the door. My eyes were so focused on her fat ass jiggling that I paid no mind to her attitude. Hell, it’s become the norm for us here lately.

“I’m not trying to argue with you today, Breyoun. I’m here to get my son, all that extra shit is unnecessary.”

“You have a lot of nerve. You get to come and go whenever you please, leaving all the responsibility on me. Then, when it’s finally time for you to step up and take your son, you have the audacity to be two hours late, and I’m the one who’s in the wrong?” She shrieked, passing me his diaper bag.

“You have no consideration for the fact that I have a job! I asked you to do one fucking thing, and you couldn’t even manage to be on time. Who the fuck do you think pays the bills around this bitch? Me! So, if I lose my job, what are you going to do then? You barely give me money as it is, and we’re not even going to talk about the clothes that you still have not bought for your son. You do the bare minimum and then expect me to give you credit as if you were helping me.

I guess I am the fool because I still let you fuck me, even though you don’t even help me take care of our son. What a joke.” Breyoun’s words pierced through my heart like a knife. When she broke it down that way, it made me realize how fucked up I’ve really been lately. I’ve been so focused on myself and doing the things that I want to do that I haven’t been the type of father that I want to be. It wasn’t fair to her, and it damn sure wasn’t fair to Sincere. He didn’t ask to be here, and as his father, it is my responsibility to make sure that all of his needs are met. At this moment, my mother’s words of wisdom rang in my ears. I needed to step up in a major way in my son’s life, and I needed to do it was right concerning my relationship with Breyoun.

“Aye, let me talk to you for a minute.” Grabbing her by the wrist, I pulled her closer to me.

“I apologize. I’ve been selfish and only been thinking about myself. You’re the one who’s making all the sacrifices, and I guess I’ve taken them for granted. I’m sorry, okay.” She rolled her eyes in response to my apology.

“I deserve that. I don’t want to fight with you anymore. Sincere should be our main focus in order for us to work together. We have to be able to communicate better. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do everything by yourself because I’m here. You choose to suffer in silence instead of reaching out to me, and that’s not fair to any of us.

I’m going to go to the bank and set up an account so you can get money deposited into your bank every week. If it’s not enough, then call me. I live a good life, and my son deserves to live an even better one. This isn’t about proving that you can be independent. This is about us working together to raise our son.” She sniffled while wiping tears from her eyes. I never wanted to be the one to make her cry, and it made me feel like shit to know that I had become that guy.

“I keep hurting you, and I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t believe me, but I really do love you. Hell, truth be told, I miss our friendship more than anything. Everything just got so complicated, and now I feel like we’re so far apart. I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Leave me alone and let me move on in peace. I deserve to be happy with somebody who wants to be with me and wants to love me. You’ve made it clear that you’re not that person, so why keep me around?” my chest grew tight at the mention of her moving on. The idea of someone giving her the love that I couldn’t made me feel inadequate. Even though I knew it was probably for the best, it didn’t mean I had to agree with it.

“Do you really want to be done with me? Who’s gonna fuck you better than me? Nobody will ever know their way around your body like I do. Do you think he’s gonna be able to make you cum the way I make that pussy squirt? Huh?” I walked closer to her and nestled my face in her neck. Her scent drove me wild, which is one of the reasons why I usually ended up getting caught up. Trailing kisses from her neck up to her ear, I listened to her moan. Taking it a step further, I gripped a handful of her round ass in the palm of my hand. My dick grew hard from the contact alone.

“You really want to be done with me? Huh, Bree? You gon’ give my pussy to another nigga?” Unbuttoning her pants, I attempted to slide them over her ass, but she resisted.

“See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t have a problem fucking me, but you have a problem committing to me. You don’t think there’s anything wrong with this, do you?” Breaking away from my hold, Breyoun rushed down the hall. When she reappeared, she had my son perched on her shoulder.

“He’s already taken a bath, and I gave him a snack before you came. I fixed him dinner, so the only thing you need to do is warm it up and feed him. His sippy cups have water, juice, and milk in them, so they will need to go in the fridge.” She gave me the rundown while passing him over to me. Guilt ate me up inside, seeing the excited look on his face. I didn’t deserve his love, but I wanted to.

“What’s going on with his birthday? My mom said that she saw an invitation, but we haven’t received anything.” She was already upset, so I figured I might as well get it out of the way.

“Yes, my family is throwing him a birthday party. I figured it would be best if we do his party separately to avoid any conflict or confusion,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“Come on, Bree. Don’t you think you’re taking us a little too far? I mean, it’s his first birthday. Why would he have two parties when we can all just come together? It’s not like we don’t have the bread.”

“This isn’t about money, Freedom. It’s about peace of mind. I already do all the work when it comes to your son. I’m not about to share his party with you. If you’re so pressed about celebrating his birthday, then you can plan a party and pay for it yourself. I’m done compromising in order to help you sleep better at night. I’m exhausted, both mentally and physically, even though I know you don’t care.”

“That’s not true at all, and you know it. My cousin has a whole party planning business, so if you needed help, you could’ve said something. You’re expecting me to read your mind, and I can’t. The only reason why I never said anything was because I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. I thought you would tell me and then send me the bill. If I had known that you had planned on doing them separately, then I wouldn’t be sitting here asking you.

I understand you’re upset with me, and you have every right to be. The problem comes with you punishing my family for my sins. They love him, and they want to be in his life just as much as I do. It’s not fair to keep pushing them away every time you and I fall out. My family has no problem telling me when I’m wrong, and they’re willing to play their part in his life. You just have to let them. You’re making things harder than they have to be.

There’s no reason for you to be struggling when I’m here, and my family is willing to be the village that you need. I know for a fact that your mother and you aren’t even close, so the fact that you have her planning this party tells me everything I need to know. You’re not only punishing me; you’re punishing yourself as well.”

“I hate you,” Breyoun blurted. As much as it hurts to hear, I deserved it. It wasn’t right for me to play with her feelings when I didn’t want anyone playing with mine. I need to be man enough to let her go so that she could heal. If I didn’t, it was just gonna cause more pain for all of us.

“I know. I’m gonna do everything I can to make things right for Sincere’s sake. As much as I don’t like the idea of you moving on, I know I’m not what you need. All I ask is that you find someone who isn’t gonna mistreat my son. Don’t bring him around anyone unless you’re serious about them. I don’t care if I have to hop on a plane every time you have to go on a date. I’ll make a way.” Breyoun sucked her teeth in response.

“Talk is cheap, Freedom. It’s about time you started putting some actions behind your words. Honestly, a relationship is the last thing that I’m looking for right now. I need to get over you and all the bullshit I’ve been through. All I want is for Sincere to be happy with two parents who can be cordial. We’ve had enough toxicity to last us a lifetime, and I’m over it.” I nodded before kissing Sincere on the forehead.

“I’m gonna keep him for a few extra days if that’s okay with you.” Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a knot of cash and then handed it all to her. Money has never been the issue; it’s always been our communication. Granted., I should’ve taken more initiative when it came to providing for Sincere. I just relied on the fact that she had my number if she needed anything. I’m realizing now that it was irresponsible on my part. Whether she needed anything or not, it’s my obligation to make sure that I’m doing my part.

Are you sure you’re up for it? You’ve barely even had any experience keeping him overnight. Is your mother going to be with you?” The concern laced in her tone offended me, but I guess she was well within her rights. This would be my first time having him for more than a few hours. Even the times I’ve gotten him, my family usually helped out.

“I’ll never get used to it if I don’t start now.” Adjusting his bag on my shoulder, we waved goodbye to Breyoun before heading out of the door.

“If he’s too much for you to handle, you can always bring him back.” She called out.

“Naw, enjoy the rest of your week. Catch up on some sleep and do something for yourself. He’ll be fine with me if I need help; I have family to help me.” She flinched at my words, even though it wasn’t my intention to be offensive, given the history she has with her family.

“Oh, okay. I’m not used to being away from him so I may call in the morning so I can FaceTime him as well as during the day and also at night.” I chuckled, knowing she meant it too. I wanted to use this as an opportunity to prove to myself I could do it, but also take some of the pressure off of her. As much as she probably didn’t want to admit it, I knew she needed this break more than she let on.

“I’m cool with it. As long as you’re not calling at the butt crack of dawn.” I gave her a warning look, so she knew I was being serious. She wouldn’t be getting an answer from me that early anyway.

“I’ll try my best. He normally wakes up between eight and nine in the morning. My baby is a really good sleeper, aren’t you, Sin?” Sincere was too engrossed in my phone to pay attention to her. These kids were so young, yet they knew how to answer phones and access their favorite shows on YouTube.

“Enjoy your night.” I probably stared at her longer than I should have, but it was difficult not to. My baby momma was stacked in all of the right places. I’m salty she denied me because now it might have been the last time for us.

“Are you ready to spend the week with Daddy?” Sincere nodded his head yes, even though I knew he didn’t know what I was talking about.

Once we made it to my place, I went to heat up his food as Breyoun instructed. My mother had already called so she could talk to him and put in her request to keep him at least one night. I agreed to one night, but I was determined to do this by myself for once.

Baby mama: Is he crying?

How is he taking it?

I miss him so much.

Shaking my head, I replied to the messages from my worrisome baby momma.

Me: *attachments sent*

He is living his best life with his daddy. My boy is just fine, now find you something to do.

Baby momma: He looks heartbroken to me.

Me: Get out of here. You are losing your mind. Now please don’t call us until the morning.

I chuckled at her delusional self. I’d sent her two pictures and a video of him playing and watching his shows. Sincere hasn’t shed one tear since I picked him up, and I expected no less. He’s a really cool baby for the most part.

Baby momma: Are you sure you don’t need me to come get him?

Me: No, I might actually keep him for another week since I’ll be home for a while.

I only said it to get under her skin, even though I planned to spend as much time with him as I could.

Baby momma: Over my dead body. I wouldn’t be able to survive two weeks without my stinka butt. One week is already going to kill me.

Me: Try to have fun. Call my cousins and see what they’re up to. I’m sure you can find something to get into besides harassing us during our bonding time.

Baby momma: Kiss my ass. I may take your advice though. I could use a night of bald head hoe shit. Good night, baby daddy. Kiss my baby for me.

I didn’t bother replying because there was no need.

“Alright, son. It’s time to eat.” Spending time with Sincere gave me a feeling I couldn’t even describe. Kids were never in the plans for me, but I couldn’t see my life without him. Every time he smiled at me or said “dada” it warmed my entire soul. My father Omar gave us the world and I planned to give the same to mine.

I’d started off rocky, but I was determined to right all of my wrongs. My son deserved so much more from me. We cuddled up while watching his shows for the rest of the night. My thoughts were on how hard I needed to work, to make up for mistakes. When my son grew up, I wanted him to recall all of the good times we had together. The past can’t be erased, so I need to make sure the future is even brighter. As Sincere drifted to sleep in my arms, I made a vow to be everything he needed me to be.