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“Y ou’re still up,” My head snapped in the direction of his voice. The clock above the stovetop read 2:28am, yet here I stood, making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“I see you’re still eating like a starving college student.” He smirked, brushing his shoulder against mine. We locked eyes for a moment before he grabbed the other half of my sandwich.

“Hey, I made this sandwich for me. If you’re hungry, you should have asked for one.” He ignored me, taking a bite out of the middle of it.

“It won’t taste the same.” He shrugged as if his words made sense. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Having trouble sleeping?” I inquired. I’d heard him doing some kind of workout a little earlier.

“Yeah, I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’m trying not to let it consume me, but it’s easier said than done.” I completely understood what he meant. It’s been the same way for me lately.

Ever since Renegade re-entered my life, things have been so confusing. On the one hand, I’m glad to be here during this difficult time in his life. However, I find myself second-guessing the smallest things. I’ve always known where I stood in his life up until now, and it bothered me. I felt guilty for even dwelling on it, considering what his family was going through, so I talked myself out of bringing it up. I guess I just wanted to know what happened next. Like I told his father, we haven’t spoken much about our past since the day he showed up at my house. I wanted it to be on his terms, even though I wasn’t sure of the outcome.

“What’s on your mind? Talk to me,” I peered up at him. The worry lines etched on his forehead were an indication of how stressed he must be.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. Dragging his hand down his chin.

“I feel like I’m in limbo with everything right now. This shit with my Pops really has me messed up, if I’m being honest. I keep a strong face on around my family and siblings, but it’s eating me up. I’m a fixer, you know? I’ve prided myself on having the answers, but this is different. For the second time in my life, I’m completely lost.”

“When was the first time?” I blurted out. For some reason, I felt I already knew the answer.

“When I lost you. I put on a front for my family as if your disappearance hadn’t bothered me when, in reality, it tore me apart. I don’t think my heart’s been right since then.” Guilt plagued me. I’d avoided thinking about the effects my leaving may have had on everyone else.

“I’m sorry I-”

“I didn’t answer your question in order to make you feel bad. I’m only being honest.”

“As tough as it might be to hear, you can’t fix it all. The best thing you can do for yourself and the people you love is to be present. You don’t have to provide a solution or an answer. I promise it’s more than enough.” I turned to face him, stroking his cheek. He leaned into my hand.

“What about you? What can I do to make things right between us?” He kissed the inside of my hand, causing me to shutter.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t show up on your doorstep for no reason, Beauty. I have no intention of letting you go again. Losing you left a hole in my heart for far too long. I’m willing to do whatever to put my heart back together.” He rendered me speechless.

“Are you sure that’s what you really want?”

“It’s what I need. And before you start overthinking, I don’t care about our past. If I’ve learned nothing else, it’s that life is too short. There’s a lot of things I would change if I could, but we can’t go back; we can only move forward.”

“I don’t want you to regret this. If we’re really going to do this, then I need to know you can forgive me for walking away. The last thing I want is to get comfortable with the idea of us, only for my past to be thrown in my face.” As much as I wanted to ride into the sunset with Renegade, my heart couldn’t take the rejection from him if things didn’t work out.

“Listen to me and make sure you hear me clearly, I’m built different. I’m making my intentions clear, so there’s no misunderstanding between the two of us. I’ve been without you for too long, and I’m not willing to go another day without you being mine. I’m not saying we don’t have things to work out because we have to learn from each other all over again. Consider this the courting stage of our relationship. We can move as slow as we need to as long as you understand you’re mine forever.”

“Do you still love me, Beauty?”

“There’s never been anyone before you, and there’ll never be one after you. You’ve had my heart since freshman year at Covington, and I have no desire to take it back.” Renegade lifted me onto the counter in front of him.

“Don’t you ever run from me again, do you hear me?” He commanded.

“I promise, I won’t. I’m here for the long haul.” His lips crashed against mine, lulling me into a trance. I’d forgotten how intoxicating his love could be.

“Ummm,” I moaned into his mouth while Renegade’s hands roamed all over my body.

“Don’t do that. I’m trying to be good,” Renegade whispered. I frowned because I wanted him to do the complete opposite.

“We’re supposed to be taking things slow; I can’t do that if I’m buried between your thighs. We’re going to do this the right way,” he insisted.

“I’m not sure I’m in agreement with your decision. Shouldn’t I have a say so in this?” I reasoned. Honestly, being this close to Renegade has been torturous. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the touch of a man, so being in his presence caused my hormones to go crazy.

“Just say the word, and I’ll give you whatever you want. This dick only belongs to you. It’s not going anywhere.” He ran his fingers through my locs while staring into my soul.

“Can I ask you a question?” The timing may be a bit off, but I knew my mind would obsess over it if I didn’t ask.

“What’s on your mind, Beauty?” Goosebumps traveled up my arm.

“What about Saint?” I uttered lowly. Renegade’s eyebrows bunched together, letting me know my question hadn’t been well received.

“You’re joking, right?” Sarcasm laced his tone as he took a step back.

“Making assumptions is what got us here, so yes, I’m asking for clarity. Saint is my world, and I need to know the two most important people in my world can co-exist together.”

“The fact that you’re questioning me makes me feel like less of a man, if I’m being honest. How can I declare my love for you while excluding a part of you? Come on now, beauty. You’ve got to make it make sense. I’m going to love him. Simple as that.” The conviction in his voice was clear, and it settled the uneasiness in my spirit.

“I know you’re a good man, but as his mother, it’s my job to protect him. As much as I love you, I’ll walk away if you weren’t able to love him, too. I don’t want you to ever feel as though you have to compromise for my sake. I’m giving you the opportunity to back out now because if I fall back into our love, it’s going to destroy me to have to leave you.”

“Have I ever given you a reason to lose faith in me?”

“Never,” It took no time to think about an answer.

“Exactly. I’m still the same man I’ve been from the very beginning. Much wiser and finer, but the same man nonetheless.” He countered.

“You’ve most certainly grown into your looks.” You would have thought I called him ugly from the expression he gave me.

“What the hell does that mean? I’ve been handsome since birth; don’t play with me,” The sexy grin on his face caused me to squirm.

He told no lies about his attractiveness. In college, I hated having such a handsome man on my arm. The girls in the dorm would stare at us while whispering rude comments about why he chose me. I often questioned him myself, and he constantly affirmed his love for me.

“Wait a minute. What are you going to do about your little girlfriend from the hospital? I refuse to be a side chick, so you need to tie up your loose ends.” I folded my arms, waiting for him to respond. The expression he sported told me he hadn’t thought about this all the way through.

“I’ll handle it,” He stressed, scratching his head.

“Well, until then, I’ll continue being a single baddie. Who knows, maybe I’ll make a love connection at Law’s party,” I smirked. His jaw flexed, and the muscle in the center of his forehead pulsated.

“Beauty, you know better than to play with me. You’ll be hosting a going away party messing around with me,” Renegade warned. I knew he wasn’t exaggerating because he’d beaten up quite a few men on my behalf, and I’d returned the same courtesy back in the day.

“Well, I suggest you get your affairs in order then. Serenity told me there are still a few spots open for the wet T-shirt contest; I think I have a real shot at winning. What do you think?” His large hand gripped the base of my neck as he stepped closer to me.

“Why do you insist on testing me, Beauty? I think you want me to act a fool, and I’m inclined to give you exactly what you’re looking for.” My breathing labored, and my body reacted to his touch.

My panties were ruined, so I knew I’d be taking another shower before bed. The scent of his cologne swirled in my nostrils, making me want to take off all of my clothes right there in the kitchen.

Knock. Knock. Knock

I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard a knock at the door. Although I wondered how who it could be. Saint spent the night over at Messiah’s house, but they had our number in the event of an emergency. My eyes shifted to Renegade when the knocks became louder.

“You might want to tend to your visitor. Goodnight.” I walked away before he could offer a rebuttal. A part of me wanted to stay to see what would happen, but I needed to take a shower. When I headed to the guest room, my mind became overwhelmed with many thoughts concerning the future. My heart hoped we’d be able to make it work and rebuild, but the logical part of me knew it might be harder than I thought.

“You’ve got me fucked up, Gee! I’ve been blowing your phone up for days with not even so much as a callback. Are you fucking kidding me?” A female voice boomed in the distance. It sounded like the same girl from the hospital.

“Have you lost your damn mind?! It’s two in the morning, and you’re hollering about a missed call. Obviously, if I wanted to respond, I would have." Renegade rarely raised his voice unless he felt disrespected, so it surprised me when I heard him shout back.

“Don’t try to turn this around on me. What’s going on with you? You’ve been acting real funny since the day at the hospital,” I probably should have went to the bathroom to take my shower, but I stood there frozen in place.

Renegade laughed in response, but it wasn’t a friendly laugh. He often responded this way to control himself from exploding.

“He’s out of the hospital, you know?”

“Who? What are you talking about?” She questioned. Yaya told me her name, but I still forgot it.

“My father. It’s crazy seeing you standing here upset about me not responding to your messages because in all of the text messages I received, none of those included you even asking how he was doing. You made such a spectacle up there only for you to go ghost on me until you needed money. I almost lost my fucking father, and all you cared about was money for you to go clubbing,” Now I kind of felt as if I shouldn’t be eavesdropping. I heard the hurt in his voice. He’s really big on family, so I knew how much this ordeal must have frightened him.

“Oh, come on, Gee. I didn’t press you about it because I figured if there were any issues, you’d let me know. I mean, he’s not dead yet, so it’s not that big of a deal. Plus, if you would have responded to my calls, I could have asked. I’m sorry, okay? I wasn’t trying to be insensitive or anything; I thought you’d come to me once everything settled.” I cringed from her word choice. Knowing Renegade, he probably wanted to through her out on her ass right now.

“Not dead yet. Wow. I wanted to handle this with more respect because I appreciate the time we spent together. However, I’m done.”

“D-done with what?” I covered my mouth in shock. His tone came across dry and unwelcoming. Two things I’ve never experienced with him.

“Us. Whatever this was. It’s been on my mind for a while now, and I think it’s best we go our separate ways. There’s no hard feelings on my end. I just don’t believe in wasting anyone’s time.”

“This is about the bitch from the hospital, isn’t it? You must think I’m a fool or something. I knew who she was the moment I laid eyes on her because I’d done my research on you long before we got serious. She’s the one who left your ass high and dry while you were doing a bid. Well, she must have magic in her pussy to make you forgive some flawed ass shit like that,” My flesh told me to make my presence known, but this wasn’t my moment. Truthfully, I’d be upset if my boyfriend randomly broke up with me.

“I don’t want to do all of this back and forth. We were having fun and now it’s time to move on. I need to focus my attention on my family and my father. You know, since he’s not dead yet.” Yikes, I thought to myself after he repeated her words. From his tone, I could tell it offended him. Hell, it offended me.

“I see you’re in your feelings, and I don’t honestly care. I can’t believe you’re switching up on me for a bitch who played in your face. Don’t call me when she breaks your heart. You deserve whatever she gives you.” I wanted to be offended by her words, but she only knew what she’d been told. I couldn’t blame anyone for how they perceived me. Especially, when they had no way of knowing the truth without hearing it from me.

“Be easy,” Renegade’s response almost made me laugh, although I knew now wasn’t the time.

“Fuck you, Gee!” The door slammed then the house went completely quiet.

“I don’t know why your ass is acting like you weren’t listening. Nosy ass,” He called out. I burst out laughing because I’d been caught. Opening the door, I peeked into the hallway,

“Did you call me?”

“Get your ass out here, silly girl,” I followed his orders, taking my sweet time down the hall.

“When I said you need to take care of it, I didn’t mean tonight,” I covered my mouth to hide the smirk on my face. I may have felt guilty if it wasn’t for the fact that I didn’t like her personality. She came across as self-centered and entitled. I hated people like that.

“Hey, the opportunity presented itself. Plus, let’s be honest here, if I had let her walk out of here without ending things, I would have been getting the silent treatment from you in the morning. I can only deal with one woman’s attitude right now,” He retorted. His arms opened, requesting me to walk into them. Of course, I jumped into his arms with no hesitation.

“Valid points were made. I might have ignored you for a least a couple of hours.” I admitted. I’ve always been territorial over Renegade, and it won’t change any time soon.

“Spoiled ass, I take full responsibility for the monster I created,” My legs were wrapped around his waist as he carried me down the hall.

“It’s only right you take accountability. Besides, I have missed years to cash in on. I hope you’re ready for it.”

“Hell yeah. I’ve been waiting to have my baby back with me. You can get whatever you want. Now, come on in this room so we can go to sleep.”

“I need to take a shower first, silly! You’ve only been single for two seconds, and you’re already trying to move me into your room,” I laughed as he kicked his room door open.

“Damn right. I’ve waited long enough. We can take a shower together, then go to bed,” He insisted.

“Okay, just remember you said we were taking things slow, so don’t be feeling on my booty in the shower,” Shaking his head, he tossed me on the bed.

“Forget whatever I said back there. As soon as I get you cleaned up, I’m wearing your ass out. I’m texting Messiah right now to let him know we’ll be picking up little man in the afternoon. There won’t be much sleep going on tonight!” I watched him strip down to nothing before helping me out of my clothes. My nerves were running wild, but I felt right where I belonged.

***

“I missed you so much, baby,” Renegade grunted while slamming into me. My mouth hung open, unable to voice the immense pleasure he was giving me. My legs felt like noodles resting alongside his waist. Missionary has to be one of the most intimate positions ever invented.

Renegade whispered how much he loved me, causing my heart to melt into a puddle. I wanted to cry from the intensity of his lovemaking. A perfect mixture of rough yet gentle.

“Did you miss me, beauty? Huh? You miss me fuckin’ this pretty pussy?”

“Yes, baby! I missed you so much!” The pressure he applied to my neck while he choked me sent me over the edge. I gasped while raining down on him.

“Promise you won’t ever leave me again? I can’t live without you, beauty,” His declaration brought on a series of emotions. I had very few regrets in life, except walking away from my heart.

“I promise, baby. I prom-ohh gawd!” He fucked the words right out of me as I held onto his shoulder.

“I’m never letting you go again. Fuck, beauty, this pussy so fuckin’ tight. Gawtdamn!” His eyes were closed while he stroked me into delirium.

“I need you to sit on this dick before I buss all in this good ass pussy.” I obeyed his command, climbing on top of him. I hissed on the way down as my body readjusted to his size. We let out groans simultaneously.

My hands rested on his chest while I found my rhythm. Renegade’s hands palmed my ass cheeks, causing my juices to drip all over him.

“Umm, God, I missed this dick!” The words slipped from my mouth, but I refused to take them back. The Lord himself handcrafted my man’s dick personally for me, and no one could convince me otherwise.

“Ooh! ssss, yessuh!” I clawed his chest from the orgasm taking me under. Renegade pumped into me from underneath, intensifying the storm occurring down below. Both of us were covered in sweat, so I knew we’d need to take another shower.

“I’m telling you right now, I’m not pulling out. Your walls are squeezing my shit so tight, I couldn’t if I wanted to. Fuck! Stop playing and ride this dick the way I like it!” Our eyes locked and I decided to give him what he asked for. Leaning forward, I used his shoulder for balance while I wobbled my ass cheeks.

“Arg, shit! Yea, baby, do yo’ shit!” I continued twerking on his pole, enjoying his sex faces. They fueled me to go harder as the sounds of our skin slapping together resounded in the air. I planted my feet on the bed and positioned myself into a squat with his dick inside of me.

Renegade observed me with stars in his eyes. I loved pleasing my man, so I’d go the extra mile to make sure he left completely spent. Bouncing my ass in this position felt as if he was much deeper than normal. From this angle, his tip knocked up against my G-spot, creating a waterfall between us.

“I’m about to buss, cum on this dick for me, beauty!”

“Yes, baby, I’m about to cum!” My form faltered once I erupted. My body dropped right on top of his. We were still connected, and I didn’t care at all.

“Damn!”

“I can’t feel my legs. You may have to carry me into the shower.”

These last two weeks went nothing like I imagined, but there were no regrets on my end. I’d made it back to the only man that’s hold the keys to my heart. Life couldn’t get any better than this.