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sixteen

“W hat?” I pulled the phone away from my face to make sure I’d dialed the right number. I was taken aback by the dry tone on the other end of the line.

“Hey, did I catch you at a bad time?” Ever since I’d started dating Onyx, things between Freedom and I have been strained, to say the least. I couldn’t understand why since he’s the one who suggested I move on. I thought he’d be happy for me, but instead, all I’ve received from him was coldness.

“I’m always busy. What do you need? Is my son, okay?” His harsh tone caught me off guard. My baby daddy was the definition of bitter. He hasn’t called to check on Sincere in a week, but now he suddenly cares.

“He’s fine, your mom has him.” Freedom scoffed before I finished my statement, letting me know this conversation wouldn’t go as smoothly as I thought it would.

“Figures. Is there a reason you’re on my line? I’ve got other shit to do.” I bit my tongue to stop myself from cussing him out.

“Okay, then. The reason I’m calling is because I checked the account you set up for Sincere, and there wasn’t any money in it. I haven’t been keeping up with it since I haven’t needed much, but with Christmas coming, I wanted to get him a few things. Do you know what’s going on with the account?” I asked. I’d called customer service, but since my name wasn’t on the account, they weren’t able to tell me anything. The last time I checked the balance two months ago, there was a balance of five thousand dollars in it. Imagine my surprise when I went to the store to buy Sincere some pampers, and the card declined. Luckily for me, Onyx had given me money to get my nails and hair done for our date tonight. Still, I needed to get to the bottom of it.

“Yeah, I took the money out.” Freedom replied smugly. My eyebrows bunched in confusion, so I waited for him to continue.

“What the fuck do you need my money for? Yo’ nigga ain’t taking care of you?” My mouth dropped in shock. My ears must have been deceiving me right now.

“What does my man have to do with anything? You put the money in there for our son. Are you not going to take care of your child because I’m dating? Make it make sense!” I paced the floor to calm my nerves because I felt myself about to explode.

“You hoes kill me. How are you fuckin’ a nigga, and he can’t even take care of you? Huh? Why the hell do you have your hand out begging when you have no problem flaunting that cheesy ass nigga all over social media. That shit is embarrassing. Do better, ma.” My ears grew hot, and my nostrils flared. I counted to ten in my head, then decided to forget all about that being the bigger person shit.

“I always knew you were a fuckboy, but this takes the cake. The fact that you’re sitting here on my line trying to justify not providing for the child you helped create is weird. Who I date has nothing to do with you, just like whoever you fuck with is none of my business.

At the end of the day, we share a child together. I shouldn’t have to ask my man for anything concerning our son because that’s what his parents are for. You’re too worried about what I’m doing with my pussy, you’ve decided to be a fucking deadbeat ass bitch. How fucking sad!” Freedom better be lucky we were on the on the phone and not in person. The way I felt right now I could spit on that man and not bat an eye.

“I ain’t no fuckin’ deadbeat, bitch! I’m just not about to be giving a hoe money when she has a whole ass nigga. Who the fuck do I look like?”

“A father, dumb ass! You’re sitting here as if the bullshit you’re spitting makes sense! It doesn’t matter if I have ten boyfriends, Sincere belongs to you! There’s no off and on switch to parenting. You don’t get to stop because you’re in your feelings!” I was so focused on the phone call, I hadn’t even realized Onyx was walking into the living room. Tears were falling from my eyes from me being so upset.

“Hell, the way you keep dumping him on my family, I should be giving the money to them. I never thought I’d see the day when you become a thirsty ass groupie. You’re no better than the rest of these hoes out here leaving their kids with any and everyone.” I won’t lie and say his jab didn’t hurt me because I always felt so self-conscious about allowing other people to help me when it came to Sincere.

“Imagine trying to call me a trifling parent when you can’t even tell me what size diapers our son wears or even his clothing size. You make every excuse in the book, but when it comes down to it, you’re a sorry excuse for a father. One day you’re going to look up and Sincere will be calling another man daddy.” I was being petty, but he deserved it. I’d been holding my tongue for so long. It’s time for me to get some things off my chest as well.

“Bitch, if you ever let me hear my son calling that fuck nigga daddy, I’m going to let you watch when I shoot that nigga dead.” Freedom didn’t faze me one bit with his empty threat because I knew the real him. He might have the bitches in Cali fooled, but the Freedom I grew up with was soft as cotton. I honestly had no idea who this version of him was.

“I didn’t call to argue with you. When it’s all said and done, we need to be able to get along for the sake of our child. If this is the way you’re gonna act, then we can go the legal route. I have no interest in taking all of your money, but what you won’t do is try to punish our child because of your bitterness. You really need to grow up.” I spat. My mind was blown at how fast this conversation took a turn.

“I’m not tryna hear any of that shit. If the nigga can’t provide for you just say that. All on the internet frontin’ like you’re happy, but here you are begging. This shit is wild as hell. Pussy much be trash.” He chuckled, sending me into a complete rage.

“Fuck you, Freedom! I’m not about to beg you to do a fuck thing for Sincere. I’ll let the courts handle it, bitch. And don’t you worry about my pussy, my nigga goes to bed with a smile on his face every night, bitch ass nigga!” Disconnecting the call, I took deep breaths to get myself back under control. I hated that I’d even allowed him to get under my skin like this. Freedom was not worth the energy. If anything, I felt angry for choosing someone like him to be the father of my child. He still has a lot of growing up to do and I refused to stick around while he figures it out.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Onyx held me in his arms where I released all of the emotions, I’d been holding in. Lately, Freedom and I’d been arguing about the silliest issues and it was starting to become overwhelming. I wanted my son to have two parents who could at least get along with each other, but we couldn’t get on the same page to save our life.

It took a few moments for me to calm down. Of course, Onyx waited patiently until I stopped crying before trying to get information from me. When I explained what led up to the argument, he’d walked in on, I could see his facial expression change. For a moment, I worried that he was upset with me for some reason.

“What did you need from him?” The question confused me at first because I wanted to know where he was going with his line of questioning.

“I wanted to pick up a few toys and outfits for the wintertime. Christmas will be here before you know it and I wanted to make sure I had enough money to really do something special for Sincere. I know he won’t remember it, but it’s important to me.” I rambled. Onyx sat me on his lap, so we were facing each other.

“Let me explain something to you. I’m your man which means if you have a need, It's my job to fix it. Let today be the last time you beg that fuckboy for a single thing. Do you hear me?”

"I understand your intentions, however, Sincere has a father. I’m not expecting you to take on my responsibilities just because we’re in a relationship. You don’t owe me that.” The glare marring his handsome face told me he wasn’t in agreement with what I’d said.

“You’ve really got me fucked up right now. When I asked you to make things official with me, Sincere became a part of the package. I can’t call myself a man and allow you to have to figure anything out on your own. Especially when I have the resources to provide for the both of you. If being in a relationship with me means he doesn’t want the responsibility of being a parent, don’t force it. I’ve got y’all for whatever you need.” More tears fell as I rested my head on his shoulder.

“I don’t know what I would do without you.” Onyx has been one of the biggest blessings in my life as well as my son. Even when I tried to tell him, he didn’t have to do certain things for him, he paid me no mind.

When I first introduced the two of them, they hit it off immediately. Now you would think I was the girlfriend, and he was his real father. Sincere loved him and knowing he loved my baby the way he does further confirms he’s the person I’m supposed to be with.

“You won’t ever have to worry about finding out because I plan to be here for a lifetime. I told you in the beginning, I’m never letting you go. One of these days, the two of you will be rocking my last name on jerseys and on paper. You won’t ever have to question my love for you or him. I’m here for the long haul, baby. Ain’t no getting rid of me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

***

“Every time I think you can’t get any finer to me, here you go proving me wrong.” Onyx complimented me as we stood in front of the bathroom mirror. We were headed to Law’s welcome home/birthday party. I initially declined to go because they were Freedom’s family, but the ladies cussed me out before inviting Onyx and me. All the ladies were coming with their men, and I anticipated us having a good time. Mrs. Faith came and kidnapped her grandson this afternoon letting me know she wouldn’t be attending the party because she was the babysitter for the evening. The gratitude in my heart for her was in abundance.

Ever since my talk with the ladies, I decided to put my pride aside and take advantage of my village. For some reason, I thought they wouldn’t want to help me since I was no longer with Freedom, but the whole family showed up for me in a major way.

Between her, River, Yaya, and his uncles: O2 and Oh’Shun, I barely got to see my son on the weekends. His little butt couldn’t get enough of all of the love in his life. I’d never be able to repay them for all they’ve done for me. Sincere’s room was filled to capacity from them constantly buying clothes for him. With Christmas only being two months away, I knew I’d need to make room for more stuff.

“Thank you, baby. You’re looking fine as always.” I stood there admiring the two of us together.

These last four months have been a dream. In the beginning, I thought we were going to be having fun. Nothing too serious, no strings attached. My pre-conceived judgment of dating an athlete caused me to enter into this with my guard up. However, this man was not going for any of that. When he promised he’d take care of my heart, he meant it.

Onyx brought me a sense of peace and security I’d never experienced before. It felt surreal at times because I wondered when the other shoe would drop. He seemed too good to be true some days, but his actions lined up with his words.

“I love you, ma. Do you know that?” I beamed at his declaration. The first time he told me he loved me, I thought I would pass out. It felt so good to be able to freely love a man and have him reciprocate the same love.

“Yes, baby. I love you too.” He kissed my neck which was one of my spots. Squirming in his hold, I tried not to moan.

“When I look at you, I see my future and that’s big for me. People think being a professional athlete and public figure means you have access to all this love. It’s not like that at all because you’re constantly having to watch to see if a person is really there for you or what you can do for them.

My last relationship showed me you can give your all to a person and it still won’t be enough if their intentions aren’t pure. I know you love a nigga because you do things for me that money can’t buy. You and Sincere bring me peace. Spending the majority of my life in the limelight, I need a place to go where I can shut the world out and just be me. That’s what you provide for me. It’s funny because when Messiah and Yaya got together, he would go on and on about how her and Deuce completed him. I thought I’d found that in my past relationship, but the two of us weren’t on the same page.

Most men our age aren’t thinking about coming home to a family every night. Especially in our line of work, where you’re constantly being sought after. The spotlight can often cloud your judgement when it comes to relationships, you know. Having money comes with a lot of privileges including women.” I frowned at the last part of his statement.

“Don’t give me that look.” He warned, kissing me along my temple.

Of course, I’m well aware Onyx had a past prior to me. It still was hard imagining him with another woman. Especially if he fucked any of them the way he fucks me. I’d never understood the term ‘dickmatized’ until the night after the cookout. He’d turned me every which way, but loose and now I’m on him real bad.

“This lifestyle comes with a lot of temptation, but none of it lasts. The pleasure only lasts for a fleeting moment then you’re back feeling empty. Having the two of you in my life filled the empty places in my heart. I’m proud each day I get to show you off to the world because I’ve found the person who makes me whole.” My heart fluttered. It never ceased to amaze me how just being in his presence could turn a sad day upside down.

He truly cared about me, and he showed it in every way. To think I almost gave up on love after Freedom. Then here comes Onyx swooping in to save the day.

“Thank you for loving me the way you do. I know I give you a hard time when it comes to you providing for me, but I’m working on it.” He scoffed, and all I could do was laugh.

Onyx normally leaves money for me whenever I spend the night over here. For the first couple of months, I’d stick the money back into his nightstand until he caught on. It frustrated him to no end and caused many disagreements in our relationship.

It got so bad that Onyx reached out to Yaya to talk some sense into me. All it took was one group call for me to get my act together. After talking to them, I realized I was denying Onyx the opportunity to be the provider in our relationship. I’d allowed my past trauma to infiltrate my current relationship which wasn’t fair to him.

Freedom wasn’t the main root of it either. My childhood shaped me into believing people only do things for you with the expectation of receiving something in return. In most cases it always panned out to be true so it’s what I stuck with. I never wanted to be in debt or give another person something to hold over my head.

I’d gotten much better with allowing my man to take care of me. Part of the reason was because I really believed he did it out of love. He never made me feel as if I owed him. Shoot, I’d tried to pay him back many times only for him to give me that look to tell me I had him fucked up. It was a blessing to be able to be loved from a healthy place.

“Let’s get up out of here before I fuck around and bend your ass over.” He warned. My nipples grew hard thinking about him being inside of me.

“Get it out of your head right now. Meet me at the garage in ten minutes, woman.” Smacking my butt one last time, he left the room.

My phone vibrated showing an incoming call from River. I prayed she wasn’t calling to try and defend her stupid ass cousin. Normally, she kept things neutral, but I didn’t know what he was telling people on his end.

“Hey, Pooh. Are y’all on the way to the club yet?” Her and Triniti were supposed to be meeting us there with their boyfriends.

“I’m getting ready to head out of the door shortly. What about you?”

“Not yet, I decided to change my outfit at the last minute. You know my brothers and my father are going to be here and I don’t want them seeing my ass out.” I chuckled at her reply. Grabbing my jacket before turning off the room light.

“You’re a mess. Did you need something? I already packed some extra slides in my purse for when our heels give out on us.”

Girl, I didn’t want anything. My aunt called me saying Freedom was on her phone talking crazy, so I figured I’d call you to check on you.”

“I don’t know what his problem is. We got into a really bad argument and at this point I’m no longer interested in being cordial with him. I’ve been cutting him so much slack lately and it feels like I’m being taken for granted. He only wants to provide for Sincere’s when I’m doing what he wants. He was the main one telling me to move on, but now he’s singing a different tune. I’m honestly disgusted with the way he turned out as a father. I thought once he found out, he’d do the right thing, but he’s not ready.” I sighed, trying not to allow those ill feelings to linger in my mind. At the end of the day, Sincere didn’t need him. Still, it sucked that he was choosing to act this way, due to his own feelings.

“Bree, you are like a sister to me and you know this. I’m never going to throw your choices in your face because we all have made mistakes. It’s not your fault that Freedom is the way he is. He’s a grown ass man so he’s in control of his actions. You’re a wonderful mother and Sincere wants for nothing. Don’t waste your energy on anyone who isn’t adding value to your life. You’re back in school, my godson is happy and healthy. Not to mention the fact that you have a man who loves your dirty panties. Fuck Freedom. He may be family and I’ll always love him, but right is right.

Maybe one day he’ll grow up and realize how all of this affects his son. Until then, block that man and move on with your life. If he wants access to his son, he has plenty of avenues to go through. Between Aunt Faith, his brothers and all of us, we can make sure he sees his son. It’s time for you to water yourself. Don’t worry about how anyone is going to feel. Do whatever is best for you and do the shit, unapologetically. I’m gonna be riding for you no matter what; you don’t ever have to question that. Your happiness matters more than anything. Seeing you glowing and full of life is all I’ve ever wanted for you.” I dabbed my eyes before the tears could fall.

“I love you, bestie. More than I could ever really express. You’ve been here from the beginning, and I honestly wouldn’t have gotten through this without you in my corner.” Even though she never agreed with Freedom and I messing around she never judged me. She wiped my tears and even cussed him out behind me. Although I never wanted to come in between family, it felt good to know she had my back no matter what.

“We’re locked in for life. How many times do I have to tell you, girl? There’s not a nigga or a bitch who can come between our friendship. I love you, Boo. Now hurry and bring your ass on. We’re gonna be pulling up into the club in about fifteen minutes and I’m ready to drink and bounce this little bit of booty meat the Lord gave me.” I snickered. River and my cousin, Markeisha used to drag me to clubs all the time when we were seventeen. Til’ this day, I have no clue where she obtained those fake IDs.

“I’ll be there in about ten minutes. Ima text you as soon as we’re pulling in.”

“Okay, Boo. Be safe. I’ll see you soon.”

“I was just about to come in there and get your ass.” Onyx huffed. If there’s one thing he could not stand about me it was my tardiness. I am late to pretty much everything and he’s the complete opposite.

“Damn, it’s cold out here.” Onyx opened the door for me as the wind blew under my dress. We’d finally arrived at Law’s party and the weather decided to be on some bullshit. I brought a light jacket but didn’t go with my outfit. My so I wasn’t trying to wear it right now. Normally, I kept an extra jacket for the chill air after we left the club.

“Did I tell you how fine you are?” I stood on my tiptoes to kiss my man.

“Yes, about a thousand times already.” I loved this man so much, I couldn’t stop smiling so he held my hand.

“Damn, I’m slipping then,” He smirked. His plump pink lips were calling my name and I wanted to suck on them. The line for the club wrapped around the building. Thank God for connections because my feet were already tender with these heels on.

“Best friend!!!” River called out, running over to me with her stacked heels on. My girl must have lost her mind because there’s no way she thought this through.

“Ma’am, why in the world are you running in those shoes, are you crazy? We’re supposed to be turning up tonight, we don’t have time to be going to anyone’s emergency room, friend!” We hugged each other, before River pulled out her phone to take pictures.

“If I sprain my ankle, I’m wrapping it and turning up! It’ll still be sprained in the morning,” she shrugged, posing for another photo.

“You get on my nerves. Let’s get in here and see what’s going on. I’m praying your cousin doesn’t show up, but I know it’s probably wishful thinking,” I griped. Of course, I wouldn’t have an issue with him being here as long as he kept it respectful.

I knew how to be cordial, but after the conversation we had earlier, I knew to expect the worst. Onyx gripped my hand, reminding me of his presence. His levelheaded temper balanced me out perfectly at times. If nothing else, I knew he’d keep me in check if things escalated.

Once we walked into the club, the party was in full effect. There were banners with Law’s picture on them in various corners. The Graham men were too fine for words. River ushered us over to the section everyone else sat at and I made sure to greet everyone. Most of Freedom’s family gave a warm welcome and I appreciated it. Law gave me a hug and thanked me for coming.

“Damn girl. My cousin fumbled a real one. You’ve gotten even finer over time.” Law complimented. I used to have a small crush on him, before Freedom and I started messing around. When he got locked up, it devastated me.

“Thank you, LJ. I’m glad you’re back home where you belong.” Onyx stood behind me, observing the scene per usual. Whenever we were in large groups, I noticed he tended to stay quiet and enjoy the moment.

“Thank you for coming and celebrating. Feel free to get whatever you need, you know how we do.” Whenever I spent time with this family, I’ve never had to open my wallet. I still brought money with me just in case, but I’ve yet to use it. Onyx treated me the same way and at this point, I could get used to this type of treatment.

“Do you want something to drink?” Onyx inquired, we’d taken a seat next to River and her man Tez. My mind got distracted staring into Onyx’s eyes. I’d never experienced the kind of connection we have with anyone else. Just looking at him, brought a smile to my face.

“What? Why are you staring at me like that? Did I do something?” He quizzed.

“No, you look really good tonight." The tattoo of my lips on his neck caused a tingle down below. Onyx exuded sex appeal without trying and right now I wanted to take him into one of these bathrooms and show him just how much I appreciated him.

“You’d better stop. I can’t be held accountable for what happens if you keep giving me that look. I’m trying to be respectful,” He warned. I told myself to calm down because I didn’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself tonight and I knew I’d be walking funny, if I took him up on his offer.

“What are y’all over there whispering about? It looks like you’re over there being nasty, best friend,” River blurted out.

“Go to hell. I’m doing no such thing. My man was trying to take my drink order,” I replied.

“Ummm, hmmm. I don’t believe you, but whatever you say.” She smirked, making me drop my head in shame.

“You know what I like, baby. Sincere will be staying the night with his nana so keep them coming!” I slowed down on my drinking after I gave birth to my son, so I only got drunk when he spent the night away from home. It’s crazy when I think about how much motherhood changed me, both physically and mentally. I’m a completely different person than I was before him.

“I got you, bae. I’ll be right back.” I thanked him, then turned my attention to the other people next to me.”

“I’m glad your ass decided to come out and bring that fine ass man of yours! I can’t believe you were really about to turn down the opportunity for free drinks and food. Clearly, I haven’t rubbed on you the right way.” Serenity snickered, taking a shot from her glass.

“Aye, chill with that fine shit. You and I both know you would be ready to beat a bitch’s ass if I even glanced at her too long.” Her boyfriend, Jett interjected.

“You’re damn sure right about it. I don’t give a damn who she is. Anyone can get slapped. I’m sorry, baby. I’m still adjusting to being a taken woman. It won’t happen again,” she batted her lashes, then poked out her lips in his direction. I loved seeing her be vulnerable with her man, even though I knew her personality would never change.

“You’re so full of shit, but I love your crazy ass,” Jett leaned down to peck her lips. Several minutes passed before Onyx returned with my drinks. I danced in my seat when he handed my glass to me.

“Thank you, baby.” He pecked my lips then took his seat next to me. The party was lit and everyone around us seemed to be enjoying themselves. Once the drinks took effect, we started dancing and singing to the music. Moments like these I cherished because I thought I’d never have an opportunity to have a life once I had Sincere. My mother made parenting sound like a death sentence where I wasn’t allowed to have a life. Let her tell it, she barely helped me in order to teach me a lesson. I still haven’t figured out what I was supposed to learn for it.

“I know he’s fucking playing right now.” I heard River snarl. I’d been grinding so hard on Onyx, it took a moment for me to even focus my attention on anything else.

“I’m missing a piece of the puzzle. Do you know her or something?” Serenity asked River. That’s when I turned to glance in her direction. Her face displayed pure disgust which piqued my interest.

“What’s going on?” My question was answered the moment I heard his voice.

“What’s good, family?” Freedom walked over to where Ciyani, Justice, O2 and Oh,Shun were sitting. It took no time for me to realize why River had been so upset. The woman holding Freedom’s hand seemed oddly familiar, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to accept it until she turned around. Markeisha.

“Can you believe this hoe really walked into this section as if she isn’t a foul ass bitch!” River fumed. My emotions were going haywire, trying to process what was going on in front of me. There was no way Freedom walked in here with my own cousin on his arm. My hands started sweating as I attempted to gather my thoughts.

“Are you okay? Is there something I should know about?” Onyx held me from behind as if he knew I needed him to hold me up.

“Yes, I’m fine, baby.” Markeisha kept her head down as Freedom greeted everyone around the section. When our eyes locked, I saw something different in his eyes. They appeared glossed over and his pupils looked bigger than normal. Working as a CNA for the last three years, I’ve studied people enough to know when things were off.

“What’s up, River?” He reached out to hug her, but she curved him. Freedom responded with an angry chuckle.

“I see you’re still fraternizing with the enemy. You never did understand what loyalty meant so I shouldn’t expect too much.” He shrugged, then turned to face me. A wide grin spread on his face as he glanced between me and Markeisha.

“What’s up, baby momma? I believe the two of you already know each other.” The smirk on his face, set a fire in my chest. I could care less about who Freedom chooses to have sex with, but this was a different level of betrayal. I’d cried on Markeisha’s shoulder many times about the bullshit Freedom put me through over the years so seeing her here with him cut me deeply.

“You know, I don’t put anything past my baby daddy because he’s a pathetic loser. I guess I should be upset because we’re blood, but honestly, I feel sorry for you. Imagine thinking you’ve won some kind of prize and it turns out to be shit. Your self-esteem has got to be disgustingly low to sleep with your cousin’s ex, not to mention, a nigga who doesn’t take care of his child. Enjoy your night, love.” I turned my body away from them, trying to calm my nerves. The emotional part of me wanted to smack the shit out of them both for trying to play with me.

“You can save the speech for someone who doesn’t know any better. Contrary to what you maybe think, this isn’t some attempt to get back at you. Freedom and I have been messing around for years, long before you started fuckin’ around. You’ve always thought you were better than me, but really you were easy pussy. He finally got tired of pretending you were what he wanted with your wide ass and decided to come back home,” Markeisha smirked.

“W-why not tell me about your relationship? You’re sitting here smiling as if this brings you joy, which makes you a weirdo in my book. Why would you sit back and watch me date a man you claim you had before me? I don’t know what kind of reaction you were looking for, but I hope you get everything you wanted from this.”

“Umm, hell no! Best friend, you’re not angry enough for me! This bitch has been playing in your face for years! She needs her ass beat.” River huffed, removing her earrings.

“I don’t know what you’re doing all that huffing for, hoe. It’s not my fault your best friend has been living in my shadows her whole life. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m trying to enjoy my night with my man . Who knows, we might go half on a baby since he won’t be taking care of that bastard of yours,” My fist connected with her face before I could even process what was happening. I played about a lot, but my son would never be one of those things.

My mind went blank as I thought about all the times I’d confided in her about my relationship. She listened to me cry, and told me how I deserved better, only to find out she’d been screwing him the whole time. He could have left me alone a long time ago, but once again Freedom showed more proof of why I’d made the right decision to finally choose me.

There were hands grabbing me all over, but it’s as if I had gained some kind of superhuman strength as I released all of my frustrations on her.

“Get this big bitch off of me! Freedom! Let my hair go!” Markeisha screamed while I delivered punches to her face.

“That’s enough!” I heard, before being lifted into the air. I’m a thick baddie so it caught me off guard. His familiar scent let me know exactly who it was. My adrenaline rushed through me as he carried me out of the section. Once we exited the club, the cold air began to sober me up.

Onyx remained silent once he placed my feet on the ground. I secretly wondered if I’d upset him, because I’ve never acted this way around him before. He knew my temper could get out of hand at times, but not to this degree. I watched as he typed away on his phone, waiting for him to address me. After a few minutes, he turned in my direction.

“Let’s go.” He commanded. I followed him to the car without any words between us. Onyx opened my door the way he normally would, but he surprised me when he reached down to unbuckle my heels. It’s something he does for me often, but given the circumstances, I hadn’t expected him to offer tonight.

“Where are your slides?” His tone seemed void of any emotions leading me to assume he was upset with me. I passed him my shoes and sat back as he rubbed my feet then placed the slides on them.

Onyx hated to be in the spotlight, and I prayed we didn’t even up on some gossip blog in the morning thanks to my anger. The last thing I wanted to do was make him look bad in the public eye. Onyx has all kinds of major endorsements and I’d be heartbroken if my actions cost him any issues. By the time we got home, my notifications were going crazy. My fear had me avoiding them because I wasn’t sure if anyone posted a video of the fight. Although, Markeisha got what she deserved, I regretted even giving her my energy.

I took a shower as soon as got in the house, trying to rid myself of the negative energy stirring inside of me. A part of me questioned whether I should head home for the night in order to give us some space. I knew it was just my insecurities talking. Whenever Onyx and I got into any type of disagreement, he made sure we talked through it before going to bed. It took a while for me to get used to because I’ve always been a runner. Onyx handled me with patience; letting me know it’s okay to disagree without it destroying our relationship. Stepping into the bedroom, with my towel wrapped around my waist, I walked over to the dresser. I’d been leaving clothes all over his house for the last few months.

“Come here. Let me rap to you for a minute,” Onyx requested. My body shifted, but my feet took a while to move.

“Stop playing with me, woman. Bring your ass over here.” Throwing caution to the wind, I met him on the side of his bed. He reached out for me, planting me in between his legs.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked with my head facing down. He hated it when I did this, but I was afraid of his reaction.

“I’m not mad at you, baby. You reacted the way most people would have, given the circumstances. You were betrayed by someone you cared about, so it’s natural for you to feel some type of way. My biggest concern will always be your safety and well-being.” Onyx hooked my chin with his fingers, giving me no choice, but to look into his big, brown eyes.

“I’m not going to judge you for your reactions; however, you should never allow anyone to have that much power over you. People are spiteful and she could have pressed charges on you as get back. Things like that go on your record, not to mention the fact that it could take you away from your son. You have every right to defend yourself, but you have to think about the consequences behind every decision you make in life. My coach drills this into our heads on the daily basis. One bad decision or lapse in judgement could cost more than you’re willing to lose.” His advice made a lot of sense. I’ve never had anything to lose until I had Sincere.

Now I have to think twice about the people I allow around me as well as the choices I make. Guilt plagued me because I hadn’t even considered Markeisha pressing charges or the potential fallout from our fight. My anger got the best of me and all I saw was red.

“You’re right and it won’t happen again. I meant what I said back there. I may have lost a cousin, but I’m not upset about Freedom moving on. It took me meeting and falling in love with you to see how much I’d settled in my previous relationships. This is the first relationship where I don’t feel as though I’m fighting for my place. I’m secure and genuinely happy.

Although I’m hurt that he’s going out of his way to hurt me, I still wish him well. I could tell by the darkness in his eyes, he’s battling something far greater than our drama. I want my son to have a good childhood with two healthy and happy parents, so I pray he gets himself together and soon.” Through all of the drama from tonight, I didn’t miss the faraway look in Freedom’s eyes. There seemed to be something deeper troubling him and I prayed he got help before it was too late.

“I won’t even lie; I thank God he fumbled the way he did. You’re one the biggest blessings to ever stumble into my life. I promise whether he gets his shit together or not, you and Sincere will have everything you’ve ever needed. I mean that.” Cupping his face in my hands, I pressed my lips against his while he held me. Life comes with many hard lessons, but when the beauty of it all is that you will enjoy your blessings so much more. Onyx taught me love isn’t supposed to hurt and although I wish I’d learned this sooner, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

“Now take off these clothes and get on this bed,” He demanded. I wasted no time shipping down to nothing before assuming the position. Love hits different when it comes from a real man.