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twelve

“F amily of Prosper Graham.” My head lifted from Renegade’s shoulder hearing them call his father’s name. We’d only been here for forty-five minutes, but it seemed like a lifetime when you’re waiting to hear about your loved one. Granny Lula, along with Renegade and his siblings stood up to hear the updates. I sat back because I was only here for moral support. They stepped out of the room which caused me to immediately go into prayer.

Saint squirmed in my lap before climbing down, I reached out for him to stop him from running off.

“Saint, come back here!” I hissed, to which he responded by laughing at me. Another little boy ran out from behind a chair and the two of them took off to a corner. Saint was slightly older than him, but he didn’t seem to mind one bit.

“If he’s anything like my son, they can’t sit still to save their lives. I’m Miyana, by the way. Everyone calls me Yaya. I’m Messiah’s wife.” She held her hand out for me to shake. There was a little baby latched to her chest which told me she must have recently given birth.

“Aww, it’s so nice to meet you. My name is Saya. I’m an old friend of the family.”

“Humph, old friend my ass.” Serenity chimed in, walking over to give me a hug.

“I thought that was you, but my mind was so focused on what was going on. How’ve you been and where the hell have you been?” Her hug felt warm and sincere, so I gladly accepted.

“It’s a bit of a long story. Hopefully, we’ll have a chance to catch up soon.”

“Oh, we will. That man didn’t track you down for nothing. Welcome home.” She snickered.

“It’s not what you’re thinking. I didn’t feel comfortable with him driving by himself, so I decided to come to show support to the family. You all have been there for me over the years, so It’s only right.” I expressed.

“Girl, no need to explain. I said what I said.” We both giggled as some of the other women introduced themselves to me. It was crazy seeing all of these women here because when I was dating Renegade most of these men were single. Now here they are married with families of their own. So much had changed over time.

“Where’s my man?! Why wouldn’t anyone call me so I could be here?!” A mystery woman entered the private waiting room. No one seemed alarmed by her presence, so I assumed they knew her.

“We notified our family as this was a family emergency. You are not family, which is the reason you weren’t contacted. The better question is why your so-called man didn’t feel it was necessary to have you by his side. Hell, we don’t even know who you are.” Serenity instigated. I watched the scene unfold wondering who she was connected to.

“I don’t know what your issue is with me, but I’m not going to allow you to disrespect me. The only people I’m concerned about is my man and my father-in-law.” Her declaration sparked my interest considering the fact that Prosper only has two sons and neither of them were married as far as I was aware.

“See now you’re delusional. There is not a single ring on your finger which means you’re not family. If you want to speak with our cousin later on, that’s between the two of you. We are dealing with a personal matter and we’re asking for privacy from all outsiders.”

“Hey, this is not the time or the place. I’m not sure who you are or who you’re dating, but as my niece stated, this is for family. Whoever you’re connected to is going to have to reach out to you later. It’s best that you leave.” Miss Faith instructed. The lady glared back at her before turning to walk away.

“Gee, baby! There you are! My friend told me about your dad, and I rushed right here! I’ve been calling you all night. You had me worried sick.” My stomach dropped when her arms wrapped around Renegade as he stood there, stoic. The despondent expression on his face sent my anxiety into overdrive.

“Gee, what’s going on?” Loyal and Messiah walked over to him, politely gesturing for the mystery woman to move out of the way. The two of them embraced him in a hug as we waited for him to speak.

“They’re saying he had a seizure and got a concussion when he hit the ground. He’s groggy, but he’s awake. He’s ass is in there talking shit to Granny right now.” He laughed while wiping tears from his eyes. I wiped my own because the fear in his heart was so strong, I felt it in my chest.

“Baby-”

“Aye, didn’t my aunt tell you to scram! Who is this broad?!” Messiah roared. Emotions were high and it was abundantly clear whoever she was could not read the room. From the way Renegade looked at her, it almost seemed as if he was just now realizing she was in the room. Even though she’d hugged him not too long ago. He’d spaced out from the present, something he did often when the world became too much for him to handle. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him everything would be okay. Renegade always tried to carry the world on his shoulders even though it was much too heavy to do alone. I hate it because whenever he felt overwhelmed, he’d shut down until he could figure out a way to fix it. My intuition told me this wasn’t anything he’d be able to fix.

“Aye, I’ll hit you up when I get a chance. I really need to be with my family right now. There are some things we need to discuss privately; I hope you can understand.” He dismissed her before turning his attention back to the family. She stood there for a moment before storming out of the room.

I felt bad since technically, I wasn’t family either. A part of me thought about taking Saint to the cafeteria as he mentioned they needed to discuss things as a family, and I did not fall into that category. Deciding to step out, I called out to Saint before getting up from my seat. Reluctantly, he came over to me with a toy in his hands to show me.

“I see it, baby. We’re gonna go grab a snack. Come on.” Saint latched onto my hand before signally for the other little boy to come over. I smiled at his excitement at having made a new friend. The two of them locked arms, but I looked over to his mother to make sure it was okay.

“Do you need some money for him?”

“Oh, no I’ve got it.”

“Aww, thank you, Boo. He’s a big flirt, so please don’t pay him any mind. He gets that from both of his damn daddies.” I snorted as she glared in Messiah’s direction.

As I got closer to the door, a hand reached out to grab my arm. Turning my head, I realized it was Renegade, so I walked closer to him.

“Where are you going?” Being this close to him, I noticed his red eyes. It broke my heart to see him hurting like this. I wished there was something I could do to help.

“I know you need some time with your family, so I thought I’d take Saint to the cafeteria so we can give you all some space.” He glanced at Saint for a moment, then back up at me.

“Don’t leave this building. Do you understand me? I’m only letting you leave because I’m sure little homie is hungry.” Renegade reached into his pocket, then pulled out two twenty-dollar bills.

“Here, get all the snacks you want.” He handed both boys twenty dollars apiece. Of course, Saint’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas.

“What do you say?”

“Thank you!” He squealed with delight.

“You didn’t have-”

“Don’t you even finish that bullshit. Bring me back a granola bar and a Gatorade. You know the flavors I like.” He handed me some more money.

“I think you gave us enough.” Referring to the $40 he’d just given the boys.

“You must not have seen the price of hospital food these days. They’re damn near charging gas station prices, plus that money is for them. This is for us.” Us . It’s been so long since I’ve heard the word, a chill ran down my spine.

“Okay.” I knew better than to turn the money down, so I took it and turned to leave.

“Remember what I said. Don’t you leave out of this building. I know how you think, and I’m shutting that shit down right now.” I took heed of his warning because it was clear he meant it.

“I won’t.” On the outside, I played it cool, but on the inside my heart was leaping for joy. I’d missed being around him and his family. It truly felt like home to me.

The boys and I stayed in the cafeteria for a while because they both decided they wanted a full meal. I sat there as they watched tv on Saint’s iPad. Outside of Daycare, Saint wasn’t around a lot of kids, so it was sweet to see him sharing and having a good time.

I texted my sister Sienna since I noticed she’d messaged me earlier.

Sissy Pooh: Is your man still there?

Me: He is not my man.

Sissy Pooh: I may have been young, but I remember the infamous “Gee” and Beauty.

I blushed seeing my old nickname on the screen. Renegade always called me his beauty when we were together.

Me: That was a long time ago. Anyway, we’re with him now because there was an emergency. Can you stop by the house and let my babies out? I rushed out so fast without even thinking about them.

Sissy Pooh: Damn sis. You left my fur nephews for dead over that man. lol

Sissy Pooh: I hope everything is okay. I’m on my way over there now. I love you!

Me: Love you more. We’ll talk soon.

After an hour, the boys and I finally headed back upstairs to rejoin the rest of the family. My mind randomly pondered on the fact that I drove his car here, so when all this was over, he’d have to take us back home.

“Why would he keep this from us? I thought he was being his normal, aloof self. I would have never predicted this.” Mrs. Faith sat in a chair, dabbing tears from her eyes. Clearly, there was a piece of information I’d missed.

“I’ve been on him about it, but you know how stubborn he is. I feel like this happened for a reason, so now he has no choice but to face this head on. The Doctors are saying it has progressed to stage three and it’s very aggressive. We were hoping the Chemo would work, but the cancer has spread to other parts of his body now. He needs all of us around him.”

I attempted to walk past them to my seat to avoid interrupting anything, but of course, that did me no good.

“Aye, did you get my drink?” My eyes were focused on his plump lips, so I lost my train of thought.

“Umm, oh. I, umm, yes, I have it.” Passing him the blue Gatorade along with the sweet and savory granola bar.

“Thank you, Beauty.” My heart almost stopped hearing that name leave his lips for the first time in what seemed like forever. I caught the knowing looks from his cousins as I sauntered back over to my seat. You would think I’d be uncomfortable after having been away from them for so long, but being around them gave me so much peace.

“Where do you live, if you don’t mind me asking? Gee mentioned you lived out of town.” Miyana asked.

“Okay, I live in Tisdale, it’s about two hours from here. It’s a small down like Jonah Hills except it’s much quieter, I guess. Plus, I don’t know anyone, so I don’t have to worry about running into familiar faces.” I explained.

“Are you on the run or something?” I giggled at her response, but my explanation did kind sound sketchy.

“No, it’s nothing like that. Growing up in a small town, you get used to everyone knowing you and all over your personal business. When we were growing up, if you got caught sneaking out, the whole neighborhood would find out about it by the time the sun went down. You couldn’t walk into a grocery store without being stopped by someone who either knows your parents or your grandparents. I enjoy the peace of no one knowing who I am so I can live in peace, if that makes sense.”

“Oh, trust me, I completely understand. I lived on the outskirts of Jonah Hills and my mother’s reputation was not the best. It followed me everywhere I went. As much as I love it here, too much has happened for me to ever want to move back. Some good memories and some not so good memories. Either way, I don’t desire to be around any of it, so I feel you.” I nodded at her revelation.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for my life and the way I was raised. I have more good memories than I do bad ones. However, after being assaulted, I no longer wanted a connection to this place. The occasional visits with my family were enough for me.

“Saya!” A voice yelled out then I saw River and Triniti bolting towards me. They yanked me out of the chair so they could hug me. Right there in the waiting room, I completely broke down. Both of them were crying too, making me sob even harder because I missed them both so much. My entire relationship with Renegade, we were practically joined at the hip. Prosper didn’t know the first thing about doing hair so he often solicited my help to get them together when they stayed with him.

Stepping back, I admired how much they’ve grown even in the few years I’ve been gone. My little babies weren’t little anymore and it felt bittersweet.

“A part of me wants to hug you and the other part of me wants to fight you. You promised you’d never leave us.” The waterworks started back up again because I carried so much guilt for walking away from them the way I did.

“I’m sorry. I know we have a lot of catching up to do and there’s a lot of things we need to talk about. Just know that I’ve never stopped loving or missing you two. Both of you are like little sisters to me.”

“Umm, no, we are your sisters. We love you so much. I knew my brother was going to get his girl back.” Triniti quipped.

“No, we aren’t getting back together. Plus, he already has a girlfriend.” If I’m being honest, the idea of him being in a relationship bothered me more than it should have. It’s unfair for me to think he would be single forever; I just never imagined a life without him in it.

“Girl, I’m gonna tell you the same thing I’ve told him, y’all are meant to be together. When the love is real, there’s no such thing as an expiration date. The universe is putting everything in place for the two of you, just wait and see.” My heart fluttered, although I pretended to be unaffected by her words. Things were good right now, but I knew Renegade and I still had some things we needed to work through. If nothing else, I hoped we’d be able to build a friendship out of this.

“Mama, look.” Saint held up an action figure I’d never seen before. Of course, I pretended to be completely enamored by the toy because if it meant something to him then it was equally as important to me.

“Omg, is this your son?” River bent down to Saint’s height with a big smile on her face.

“Hi, handsome boy. What’s your name?”

“Umm, Saint Milliams ,” He acted as if he was shy when I knew good and well, he wasn’t. We still needed to work on how to say his last name, but I was proud of the progress he’d made. Saint’s speech classes were paying off and I could see the confidence in his eyes.

“It’s nice to meet you, Saint. I’m your Auntie River, and this is your Auntie Triniti.” Saint’s eyes grew as big as two saucers from her declaration.

“Can I have a hug?” He glanced over to me for confirmation that it was okay to hug her, so I gave him a nod to let him know it was okay. As soon as she hugged her, she started crying again.

“Aww, Saya, he so precious.” I’d forgotten how sensitive we were when we all got together. Renegade hated watching movies with us because we used up so much Kleenex.

Seeing her holding my son cause so many different emotions to run through me. For so long, I convinced myself he’d be fine not having a lot of family, but the truth was, I wasn’t even okay with it. My parents were there in the beginning, but once they divorced my father acted as if he no longer had children.

He moved on with his secretary and completely abandoned his original family. Sienna and I haven’t seen him since they first split. I’d tried calling him a few times, but the conversations were always few and far between. He normally gave an excuse for rushing me off the line most times. Sienna told me he behaved the same way with her.

“Aww, he stole your whole face, look at him!” River gushed. Saint ate the attention up.

“Yea, its wild right?” My eyes shifted over to Renegade whose eyes were also locked on me. I wanted to know what thoughts were running through his mind right now. Having him show up on my doorstep yesterday was the biggest surprise I’ve gotten in a long time. It’s crazy how at home I felt being in his presence. Almost as if my heart remembered where I felt the safest. I’d missed the feeling of being a part of his world for so long.

“I have so many questions, but right now I’m glad you’re here.” Triniti rested her head on my shoulder. Her voice cracked indicating her emotional state right now. My heart broke for them because I knew what Prosper meant to them. He was their rock, their safety net, so to see him hurt must have crushed his children.

“I’m happy to be here. I’ve missed you guys for a very long time and now it feels like I’m back home, you know?” I admitted. I’d stopped coming to Jonah Hills for so long worrying about what the memories would do to my mental, but I felt a sense of peace wash over me.

“We knew you’d be coming back soon,” She uttered, tiredness seeping through her voice. My head drifted down to her in curiosity.

“What do you mean? How could you have known I’d be coming here when I didn’t even know?” I assumed she meant the hospital. Unless Renegade sent them a message or something. I’d been under the impression no one knew I’d be here.

“I’ve been having dreams about you lately. I kept telling Gee, I saw the two of you getting married in a chapel. Of course, he kept calling me crazy, but you know my dreams have always had a deeper meaning.” I nodded my head, recalling the dreams she used to have as a teenager. Granny Lula called them premonitions which sent a chill up my spine thinking about it.

I glanced back over to Renegade and once again his focus rested on me. He mouthed the words, “I love you,” and I almost dropped dead. He smirked, probably because of the dumb expression on my face. I froze in place because I knew what I wanted to say back, but it scared me how natural it felt. After all this time apart, you would think I’d have some reservations, but there were none. Finally working up the nerve, I repeated the same sentiments. My heart leaped out of my chest from nervousness.

We stayed in the hospital for two more hours before the family decided to go to their respective homes. Most of them were able to go see him before they headed out. Granny Lulu wanted to stay longer, but the family collectively decided she needed to get some rest. She’d been up since this morning, and I’m sure she hadn’t eaten much.

“Where are you going to be staying?” River asked me. Initially, I figured I’d go back home, but it may have been wishful thinking, considering the circumstances. The worn down look on Renegade’s face told me he needed to be somewhere resting. Since he’d been at my house last night, he hadn’t eaten either.

“I’m not sure. I’ll probably crash with Gee until the morning.” She beamed with excitement giving me a quizzical look.

“Just one night huh? We’ll see about that. Well, do you mind if Saint comes with me for a while? I’m going to pick up my God son, Sincere for a pizza date at the arcade.” Saint’s pleading eyes suckered me in because I wanted to say no. It’s not because of any distrust for River, but my overprotectiveness kicked in. We’ve been joined at the hip the moment he came out of the womb. Outside of my sister, he’s never been away from me.

“I promise he’ll be fine. By the time I bring him back, he’ll be passed out or at least on the verge of going to bed. I’m good a wearing kids out,” She insisted.

“Okay, take my number down though. That way you can call me if there’s any emergency or problems.”

“I’ll take it for my own personal use. Renegade has our locations so trust me; he’ll know where we are at all times.” I nodded, then handed her my phone to input her number.

“Are you leaving me, Pooh?” Saint nodded so fast I knew his neck hurt.

“See he’s ready to hang with his Auntie. We have so much to catch up on, isn’t that right, Saint?” He gave a sticky face grin while holding up the sucker Yaya had given him. It warmed my heart to see how everyone embraced him. I thought it would be awkward considering I’d came back out of the blue with a kid, but of course this proved why I’ve always respected their family dynamic.

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