Page 7 of Steel

My big boy.

Kerrion Jamel Dillinger Jr. Nine pounds, five ounces. He was easily the biggest baby in the room. Every part of his face mirrored my own.

“He’s beautiful,” Nurse Sarah said.

“Thank you. Can I hold him?”

“Absolutely. Follow me.”

She led me into another room and had me wash my hands and put on a protective gown while she grabbed KJ. Anxiously,I waited to meet my son. I paced the floor for what seemed like forever until the door opened, and she walked in with him. She smiled as she placed him in my arms.

“Say, hi, daddy.”

I gave a tearful smile as I looked down at him.

“Hey, man,” I said, my voice trembling. “That’s daddy’s big boy.”

I kissed his forehead, and he stirred in my arms. His little eyes opened, and he looked around for a moment before dark eyes settled on me. It was brief, but that moment broke something in me. I couldn’t help but to cry as I held him.

Ms. Anita lost a daughter.

My son lost his mother.

I lost a friend, . . . one of my best friends.

In the blink of an eye, life had changed. I looked down at my son in my arms.

“Your mama loved you,” I told him. “She wanted you so bad, and she couldn’t wait to meet you. I’m so sorry you lost her, but Daddy’s got you. I’m gonna raise you to be the man she would have wanted you to be and give you all the love she couldn’t.”

I knew he couldn’t understand, but on everything I loved, I was going to do my best. I owed it to Donna. She gave her life to give me a baby, and I’d spend my life making sure he was good.

SIX MONTHS LATER

“I’m coming, man!”I said, running around my kitchen. “You acting like I starve you, dude.”

KJ did the dramatic fall out in his high chair, screaming at the top of his lungs. My boy didn’t play about his food. He got that honestly because I was the same way. When I was ready to eat, I didn’t need excuses.

As soon as I sat in front of him with a serving of eggs, yogurt, and mashed oatmeal, he settled down, smacking his lips. I shook my head as I fed him the egg.

“You greedy as hell, Fat Man. You get that from your uncle Smoke.”

KJ hummed happily as he smacked on the eggs. He didn’t give a fuck about what I was saying. I smiled. My boy wasgrowing and thriving. Being thrown into single fatherhood was the last thing I expected six months ago. Donna being gone was hard. For everything I thought I knew about babies, there were three things I didn’t.

Thank God for my family. They stepped behind me and KJ big time. My baby had more love than he knew what to do with.

My front door opened, and Jaeda walked in. She bypassed speaking to me and went straight for her nephew.

“Hi, Fat Man!” she cooed, tickling him.

He gave her a gummy smile and banged his fists on the high chair.

“Did you miss your auntie, boo butt?”

“Don’t talk to him like that, man. He’s not a dog.”

“Shut up, Steel.”

She scooped KJ from his high chair and smothered his face with kisses. His little squeals made me smile.