Page 51 of Steel

“That’s why you need to talk to her. You have the right to be angry, but what’s done is done. I’m not telling you to move on, but move forward and be civil with her. You share a child, and that child needs to see a healthy relationship between her parents. If you take nothing else from me, take that.”

I was quiet for a moment, pondering his words.

I knew, eventually, I had to have a conversation with this woman. I couldn’t stay mad forever. Holding on to that anger was only making me angry, and the angrier I got, the more I wanted to fuck some shit up.

“Now,” my father said, resting a sleeping KJ over his lap. “Tell me about my granddaughter. I know you have pictures. Let me see her.”

As I told him about my baby, I pulled up my phone and went to my photo album. In the weeks that I’d known Nayelli, my camera roll was filled with pictures of us, of her, and of her and KJ. I’d quickly fallen in love. When those paternity test results came back, solidifying she was mine, that love only grew stronger.

I’d met Neha and my cousin Destiny, the family lawyer, at a private DNA testing site. Twenty-four hours later, I had an email stating that she was 99.99% my child. Soon, she would legally be recognized as mine.

“She still being bullied at that school?” Pops asked.

“She said they whisper about her, but nobody has said or done anything to her since she beat that lil’ girl’s ass. I already showed my ass at the school. I can’t touch them kids, but I can beat their daddy ass. If they don’t have a father, I’ll sic one of the girls on the mama. Come to think of it, I’ma have Jaiden and the little Dillingers look out for her. If anybody touches her, they whupping ass.”

Pops smirked. “You’re about to have their parents onyourass.”

I shrugged. “They protect each other. They can protect her, too, because she’s one of them, . . . even if I want to wring her mama’s neck.”

Pops eyed me suspiciously. “You still have feelings for that girl, don’t you?”

“What?”

“What?” he mocked. “You heard me. You still have feelings for her?”

I didn’t answer right away. That was some shit I had to think about. I’d buried my feelings for Neha deep in the back of my mind with my darkest secrets, in hopes that one day, she would come back. Over the years, they hadn’t gone away. They weresimply under lock and key along with my ability to love any woman the way I loved her.

Seeing her at the school before I knew the truth sent a rush of those feelings back to the forefront. When I had my sister look her up to see where she was, my first mind told me I was going to get my woman back. Now that was dead.

I hadn’t had another serious relationship since her. I didn’t commit to anybody. I did what my brothers did and fucked around with different women to meet my sexual needs. That was the only thing being met. Part of me always craved more, but I couldn’t give myself to another woman like that again. We were young, but I loved her, and she ruined me for another.

Neha telling me she couldn’t love me hurt me to my fucking core. I knew what she saw that night scared the hell outta her. I mean, I hadn’t crashed out that bad on a nigga . . . ever. The thought of someone trying to take advantage of her, and I wasn’t around to protect her, made me see red. If I’d walked in on that shit, it would have been a murder that night.

Quiet as it was kept, she wasn’t the first girl he’d tried on campus. He had a reputation for being a predator. I waited until the heat from the fight died down before I handled him the way I wanted to. Jaeda got me his information, and I took the trip, along with Deuce, to take care of that nigga once and for all. He didn’t even see it coming. We followed him for two days, learning his habits.

When we found him that fatal night, he was at a bar, pushing up on another unsuspecting female. I’d discreetly slipped something in his drink to lower his inhibitions. When he came stumbling out of the bar about thirty minutes later, I was waiting on him in the alley. He had to take a piss and never knew what hit him when I sent the bullet through the back of his head. He’d never prey on anybody else.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes,” Pops said, shifting KJ.

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. I know you, boy. Better than you know yourself.” He stood with KJ in his arms. “I’ll take him for the night. Get you some sleep. You look like shit.”

I waved him off. “Bye, Stanley.”

He chuckled as he came over to hug me. As usual, he kissed my temple.

“I love you, Son.”

“I love you, too, Pop.” I kissed KJ’s forehead. “I love you, Fat Man.”

“I want to meet my grandbaby. You need to tell the family and bring her over here. Tavia is gonna kick your ass.”

“She is.”

I didn’t even think about how my mom would react to all this. I couldn’t spring Nayelli on her with a visit because she was gonna want Neha’s head. As mad as I was at her, I couldn’t let my mama get her hands on her. Jaeda or Mia were different.

I walked them to the door and watched as he climbed into his truck with my son and headed back up the road to his house. When I closed the door, my thoughts drifted back to Neha. It was as though I could feel the mental wall I had surrounding my feelings for her, beginning to weaken at the foundation. I had to get that shit under control.