Page 145 of Steel

“Sister Donna’s beautiful life was cut short too soon. Rest assured that her time here was not in vain. She gave her life tobring forth one of God’s biggest blessings.” He motioned to KJ and gave a soft smile. May the Lord bless this little angel. May his family find peace during this time of bereavement. Amen.”

The congregation gave a resounding Amen.

“Mrs. Moore, . . . believe me when I say that our heart goes out to you. To bury a child is one of the hardest and cruelest things any parent ever has to do. But know that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Trust that He will cover you in this loss. Hold on to His unchanging hand, and He will heal your heart?—”

I sat there staring straight ahead, tuning out the rest of his sermon.Nothing would ever heal my heart.Nothing would ever make me feel whole again.I’d lost my husband, and now, I’d lost my child. What did I have to live for?

The rest of the funeral went by in a blur and so did the burial. For the longest time, I sat in that chair watching them throw dirt on my baby’s coffin. Every shovel was like burying a piece of myself.I was drowning. I didn’t see a way back to the surface. Kerrion tried to get me to leave with the rest of the family, but I declined.

After everyone left, after all the grave diggers were gone, I sat there. I sat there for hours, well until nightfall. I missed the repast. I didn’t want to see anyone, . . . couldn’t see them. The last thing I wanted was their pity or sympathy.

I didn’t want the hugs or condolences. I didn’t want to hear that God wouldn’t put more on me than I could bear because I was suffocating. All I wanted was to be alone with my baby.

Tavia came back and finally made me leave. She took me home, got me in the shower and into bed. I didn’t sleep that night. Instead, I migrated to Donna’s old bedroom and lay in her bed. All night long, I stared at the picture of her and my husband, wishing I could just leave this life and go with them.

The Body Snatcher

I wipeddown the deep freezer one final time before stepping back to grab the blankets. Humming softly to myself, I prepared the large container. I hadn’t slept since the funeral three days ago. I hadn’t eaten. Hadn’t showered. My body was on autopilot, yet I wasn’t tired, and I didn’t feel weak. I just didn’t feel like myself, although this was an unfamiliar feeling if I was being honest.

Picking up the pillow from the floor, I ran my fingers over the stitching of Donna’s name. I’d made this for her when she was a little girl, and she’d slept with it every night until she moved out on her own. It was one of her favorite things, and I wanted her to have it when I brought her home.

“Just a few more hours,” I whispered, placing it inside the freezer.

Closing the lid, I popped the trunk of my car and loaded the tarp and shovel, all while humming to myself. When I was done, I went back inside and took a seat on the couch. There was mostly silence as I sat there staring at the clock on the wall. My eyes followed the ticking hands as they completed several rounds.

I didn’t move.

I didn’t even think I was breathing heavily.

“Don’t do this, Anita,” I heard a familiar voice say.

Turning my head, I looked over to see my husband sitting beside me. I smiled as I took him in. He was still the same dangerously handsome man he’d always been.

“Donald,” I whispered, reaching out to touch his face.

He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm, same as he always did.

“Anita, I’m begging you not to do this again.”

“I have to bring her home. This is where she belongs. Right here with us.”

He stared at me, a reminder of what I had already done. Donald Moore was the love of my life. My best friend. My protector. Losing my husband was the first thing that broke something inside of me. I needed him. Donna needed him. There was a void that nothing could fill without him being around, so I brought him home.

In the back corner of my backyard, he was resting beneath a bed of beautiful flowers that I tended to every single day. It was our little secret. Nobody knew that my husband was there, not even Donna.

“She’s where she needs to be, Anita.”

I shook my head. “No. No, I refuse to believe that. She shouldn’t be gone, Donald. She was so young. So full of life. How is it fair to lose you, then lose our child? It’s just not right.”

“This. . . what you’re about to do. . . it isn’t right. She’s resting, my love. I know you’re hurting. I know this is hard, but this isn’t the way to deal with your grief. Moving me here didn’t ease that pain then, and moving her won’t ease it now.”

Again, I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. “You’re wrong. I need her. I need my baby with me. I’m the only person that can take care of her the way only a mother can. I need her. She’s all alone out there!” I stood to my feet, hand pressed against my stomach as I stared at the front door. “I have to bring her home,” I said, walking away from him.

“Anita!”

“I have to bring her home!”

Grabbing my keys, I went into the garage and climbed into my car. Lifting the door, I backed out and closed it before reversing out of the driveway and heading to the cemetery on the outskirts of town. It was a secluded area with very little traffic, so I wasn’t worried about anybody seeing me. Donna’s grave was toward the front. I blocked the spot with my car, got out, and popped the truck to grab the shovel.