Page 19 of Steel

“I don’t know, Jae. I don’t know shit.”

She shook her head. “Are you sure you want to do this, Kerrion? You wanna open that can of worms again?”

I didn’t, but seeing Neha stirred up something in me. She ran away that day just like she did back in school. I never got closure from her leaving me. A nigga was still hurt over that shit, and seeing her had my chest hurting all over again.

“It’s just some shit I need to know,” I said.

I needed to know like a muthafucka. I couldn’t get her out of my head. Time had been good to her. She was still as beautiful as she’d always been. Those brown eyes were still captivating. That milk chocolate skin was still buttery smooth and blemish free. Those full lips still called me to kiss them. Her full-figured frame still looked as soft as it had always been whenever I held her. She’d put on a little weight, but it was in all the right places.

I had to know what was going on with her. . . had to.

Jaeda sighed. “How soon do you need this information? I really have to work on this case.”

“I’ve waited this long. I guess I can wait a little longer.”

“I’ll get on it as soon as possible. Just . . . be careful.” She fingered KJ’s cheek. “I don’t know what I’ll find, but you have him to think about. Just keep that in mind.”

“I will. I’ma head out. I promised Ms. Anita we’d call her before his bath. She came to see me today.”

Jaeda offered me a warm smile. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s holding up. Shit is still hard for her.”

“I imagine so. Well, tell her I said hey.”

“I will.” She stood and leaned over to smother KJ with kisses. “Bye, Fat Man. TiTi is gonna miss you! I love you.” She kissed my cheek. “I love you too.”

“Love you, Sis.”

We said our goodbyes and left the house. I had to push all thoughts of Neha from my head right now. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.

It had beena full week since running into Kerrion, and my nerves were on edge. I hadn’t said a word about it to anybody, not even Dinah. I just wanted to forget it happened. My brain was in a state of denial and panic. I thought I had more time before I saw him, . . . if I saw him at all. Who knew he still lived here?

Then again, when I transferred schools, I cut off all communication. I blocked him on everything and never looked him up again. I had no clue what he’d done with his life, where he was living, or anything else.

Was he married?

Did he have children?

Was he still that angry hothead that fractured faces and beat people to a bloody pulp? Had he actually beaten somebody to death yet? The questions plagued my mind. I couldn’t stopthinking about it. The more I thought about it, the more that familiar feeling of fear sank in.

I never wanted to believe that Kerrion would hurt me, . . . not with the way that he once showed me love. But his anger scared me, and that was a valid reason. I never wanted to be on the receiving end of his blackouts. Running away seemed like my only option, because I couldn’t escape him on campus. He had chased me for weeks after the incident, and I didn’t think that he would stop.

So I left.

I went home, transferred schools, and went on with my life like nothing happened. Now here we were, in the same city. I felt like once I saw him, I would never be able to not see him again. It was only so long I could hide from him before I had to face the music.

I was so distracted by everything that happened that I couldn’t focus at work. The secret was eating me alive, and I had to tell somebody. Deciding to leave work early, I headed home, praying that Dinah wasn’t busy. When I walked into my house, I kicked off my shoes and headed for her office upstairs.

I found her at her desk, talking on the phone. When she saw me, she raised an eyebrow but motioned for me to sit. She held up a finger to let me know to hold on a minute. I sat, trying to gather my thoughts for the bomb I was about to drop on her.

About five minutes passed before she finally hung up.

“You’re home early,” she noted.

“Yeah. I needed a mental day.”

“What’s wrong? You haven’t been yourself lately, Neha.”