Page 153 of Steel

We shared another kiss before I trekked down the steps and made my way down the road to his house. Normally, I wouldn’t leave Nayelli alone, but she was surrounded by her family, and we were literally next door. When I walked in, she was lying onthe couch watching a movie, with her grandparents on FaceTime on her tablet.

“Hey, Mom. Hey, Daddy.”

They looked into the camera and smiled.

“Hey, baby,” my mother said. “Everything okay?”

“They found her. She’s in a cabin in Tennessee. Kerrion and his dad are heading out that way in a little bit.”

“Praise God!”

“I know, right. Thank y’all for keeping her company for a little bit.”

“It’s not a problem, baby girl,” my dad said. “She has us watching this movie with her. Go on and get comfortable and join us.”

I kicked off my shoes and climbed on the couch behind Nayelli. She snuggled up close to me.

“KJ’s coming home?” she asked.

“That’s the plan, baby. Just say a prayer that everything is okay.”

“I will.”

I kissed her temple and rested my head against the oversized pillows. Silently, I said my own prayer. I prayed for KJ and that this wouldn’t traumatize him in any way. I prayed for Kerrion and Senior’s safe arrival and departure. I prayed that Ms. Anita didn’t put up a fight and things didn’t take a violent turn. I just wanted my man and my baby to come home safe.

I wouldn’t be able to sleep until they were back under the same roof with me.

It was seven a.m.

I sat on the porch with KJ, drinking my morning coffee and enjoying the sounds of nature. It was so peaceful out here and exactly what we needed. The first thing I did when we got here was go to the grocery store to pick up some food. Since we were pretty high up, I wanted to grab enough so I wouldn’t have to drive back down for a while. I picked up diapers and wipes for KJ as well.

He seemed to be enjoying himself.

Every morning since we got here, we’d been on nature walks, or I took him down to the lake to feed the birds and fish. My little man loved the outdoors. Back home, whenever I had him, we spent a lot of time in the backyard. He loved the feel of the grass beneath his toes or digging through the dirt.

“Isn’t it a beautiful morning, KJ?” I said, ruffling his curls. “How about we go fishing today? Your grandfather loved to fish.He used to take me all the time and fuss because he had to bait my hook with live worms.” I placed the coffee mug down and picked him up. “He would have loved you. He wanted a son so bad. I wish I could have given him that.”

He stared at me with a blank expression. When his little lip poked out and tears swelled in his eyes, I knew the screaming was about to start. Every so often, he got into these moods where he would just cry for no apparent reason. Nothing I did would work, and oftentimes, he just cried himself to sleep.

“No, no, no. It’s okay,” I said, bouncing him. “It’s okay. Granny’s here.”

He balled up his face and let out an ear-piercing scream as he tried to get out of my arms. I sighed heavily as I stood and carried him back into the house. His tears and cries continued, and I could distinctly hear him say “DaDa” in between.

“Daddy’s not here. It’s just me and you now, baby.”

“DaDa! DaDa!”

“I’ve got you. All you need is me. Granny’s gonna take care of you. We’re gonna be happy, I promise.”

Even as I said the words, I didn’t know if I was trying to convince him or me. He didn’t understand a word I was saying. He didn’t understand what was happening. All he knew was he wanted his daddy.

For thirty minutes, I paced the floor, trying to calm him down before he finally fell asleep. After placing him in bed, I grabbed a blanket and took a seat in the bay window, allowing the morning sun to warm my face. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm my raging thoughts.

Silence was my worst enemy.

It was true that an idle mind was the devil’s playground. Silence paved way for intrusive and irrational thoughts. It allowed my grief to escape the confines of my mind and fully rise to the surface. I thought back to the night that changedeverything for the second time. There I was, sound asleep in Donna’s guest room. She was due any day now, and I wanted to be right there when it was time.

The sounds of her groaning woke me from my slumber.