Page 6 of Steel

As the doors opened, I clutched the elephant in my hands. The moment we stepped into the waiting room, the tightening in my chest grew. Something was wrong. When my eyes landed on Ms. Anita, my heart dropped into my ass. She was sitting in a chair with her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably.

Instinctively, my mother reached for my hand.

“Kerrion . . .” she whispered, choking up.

I squeezed her hand as we slowly made our way over.

“Ms. Anita?” I said, barely above a whisper.

She looked up at me and seemed to cry harder. I took a seat on one side of her, and my mom took the other. I didn’t want to be insensitive, but I had to know what the fuck was going on.

“Did . . . did something happen?” I asked.

She nodded. She was able to pull it together long enough to speak.

“She . . . she had KJ, but . . . she was bleeding more than normal. They couldn’t stop the bleeding. My baby . . . my baby is gone, Kerrion. She’s gone!”

She fell against my mother’s chest, crying hard and loud. I just sat there, her words registering. Donna? Gone? Donna’s gone? Nah, she couldn’t have said that to me. I’d just spoken to her earlier today. She’d made me promise to take her for ice cream after her appointment tomorrow.

She couldn’t be dead . . . She just couldn’t.

I looked down at the elephant in my hands. Was my son okay? Did he have complications too? Was he alive? It seemed so selfish to ask, but I needed to know. I stood and walked over to the nurses’ station, fighting back tears.

“Excuse me,” I said quietly.

The nurse looked up at me and smiled. “How can I help you?”

“My name is Kerrion Dillinger. LaDonna Moore . . . I’m the father of her son.”

The smile slowly dropped from her face. “Mr. Dillinger, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you. My son? Is he okay? Were there any complications with him?”

She turned to the computer and stopped when another nurse approached the desk.

“Sarah, this is Mr. Dillinger. He’s baby Moore’s father.”

The nurse turned to me with a sympathetic look. “Mr. Dillinger, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you. Can you tell me what happened to Donna? Her mom’s a mess right now. She said she bled out?”

Nurse Sarah nodded. “LaDonna had what we call a uterine atony. That means the uterus fails to contract properly after delivery, leading to uncontrolled bleeding. The uterus normally contracts to stop bleeding at the site where the placenta was attached, and in this case, it didn’t.”

“What . . . what would cause that?”

“Prolonged labor, certain medications used during labor, or a history of previous postpartum hemorrhage. We’ve determinedthat prolonged labor was the cause. Her mother said she’s been having contractions all day. She delivered your son in the ambulance, but they said her water never broke. If I had to make an educated guess, I would say maybe it broke when she went to the bathroom at some point, and she didn’t know.”

I stood there, taking in the information. Fuck! I should have been there. I knew she was due any day now. This mission could have gone on without me. If I’d been there, I would have made her come to the hospital with the very first contraction.

“Can I see my son?”

Nurse Sarah nodded. “Absolutely.” She offered a small smile. “He looks like you, you know.”

She motioned for me to follow her. I looked back at my mother, and she waved me off, knowingly, as she comforted Ms. Anita. With a heavy sigh, I followed the nurse down the hall. I could hear the sounds of crying babies everywhere, and it hit me that Donna was never going to hear our son cry.

She’d never get to love him, hear his first word, see his first step, . . . nothing. Did she get to hold him? Did she get to kiss him or tell him she loved him? Anything?

My thoughts came to a halt as we stopped in front of the nursery window. She didn’t need to point him out to me. I knew my baby the moment I laid eyes on him. He was lying there swaddled and sleeping soundly.