Page 47 of Sinful as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #1)

SAWYER

“I painted some flowers today at the library. And then Holly Sutton kissed me,” was the first thing I said to Brodie when I sat down at the diner.

His eyes widened, pausing midway, a French fry an inch away from his mouth. “Holy shit. No way. You’re lying.”

“Nope.” I rubbed at the back of my neck. “Definitely happened. Can’t forget it. Keeps replaying in my head. I keep thinking about it. My brain won’t let me think about anything else. I don’t know how to—"

“Okay, okay, okay,” Brodie chuckled, holding up both hands. “You kissed a hot girl and now you’re traumatized.”

“No, she kissed me.” I pointed a finger at my chest.

“Holly kissed you ?”

“What, that’s so fucking hard to believe or something?” I barked at him and stole a French fry from his plate.

He chuckled again. “No, it’s just… Holly doesn’t seem like the kind to take the leap is all.”

“Well, she did. Or… Or I did… Fuck, did I kiss her or did she kiss me?” I buried my face in my hands. I could still taste her lip gloss. Sweet and sugary. And Jesus fuck were her lips soft. They were so plump, so full, felt so good up against mine.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes!” I snapped at him, sending him a glare.

“You wanna explain why? ”

“What, are you fuckin’ new here? She’s not the girl I kiss. She’s the girl I… I…”

“Fantasize about kissing?”

“I have never fantasized about kissing Holly,” I lied through my teeth. “Not even once.”

“If you say so,” Brodie said with a casual shrug before leaning up against his seat. “So, how did it happen?”

“I dunno. I was painting and then she had to come in and see if I needed anything. And then… And then I showed her how to paint and—"

“You showed her how to paint?” He snorted. “What, you plan that one or something?”

“I didn’t plan shit. Trust me. I didn’t go to the library today with the intention of kissing her.”

“Alright, aright. Then what happened?”

“I was standing there. Behind her. And I was… I was holding her hand and showing her how to paint properly, and then she looked back up at me with those fucking Bambi eyes, and then…” I rubbed at my face, trying so hard to forget about how good she felt. “Fuck, then I kissed her.”

“Aha. You kissed her.”

“Yeah, yeah, I fuckin’ kissed Holly Sutton.”

“How romantic.”

“Shut up.” I kicked his leg under the table. “What the hell am I gonna do?”

“Ask her out,” Brodie said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I shook my head. “Ask her out? Why would I do that?”

“Because you clearly like the girl.” Brodie threw both his hands up. “Like I’ve been saying since I got here.”

“You’ve been saying that because you’re an idiot.”

“I mean, maybe. But look how much has changed over the last couple months. Her and Carter broke up. You’ve been sticking up for her a lot.

You two have been spending time together at the library.

And now… you’ve kissed her.” Brodie ended his statement by shoving yet another French fry into his mouth.

I wasn’t supposed to like Holly. She was meant to be everything I hated.

At least… I thought she had been until I had seen all those vulnerable sides of her.

And how nice she was with Brodie. And me.

She was the only reason I sold my painting the other month.

I had made some serious cash on that thing – despite it being stolen.

Plus there was that other day I opened up to her about my mom.

She didn’t judge me for that. She let me talk to her, let me vent, let me show her the side of me that I hid from everyone else.

And now… Now I was painting for the library, which was probably going to be the biggest and best opportunity of my life. She had been helpful. Kind. And God I still couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss and how good she felt all close to me.

All I could do was massage my forehead.

“Dude, just admit that you like her,” sighed Brodie. “There’s no point in fighting it. Go talk to her.”

“And do what exactly?”

“Tell her how you feel.”

“I don’t even know how I feel yet, Brodie.”

“Well, think about it. Or talk to me about it. You got a thing for her or what?”

I didn’t want to admit it. But Brodie was staring at me like he already knew the answer, and at that point, I had a feeling it would be a relief just to talk about it. Staring out the window, I hoped something out there would give me the solution I wanted.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, still not looking at Brodie.

“It’s just… I’ve been spending so much time with her lately.

And she’s… done things for me. Like the groceries the other day.

She’s helping me with my art. I’m making some serious cash on this library thing.

Ya know, she’s nicer than I thought she was.

There’s this whole selfless side to her that I didn’t know existed.

She’s got such a good heart. Fuck, why didn’t I see all of that before? ”

“So?” prompted Brodie.

“So… I don’t know, fuck. I just… When I see her, I feel this weird, protective side of me come out.

She’s been so upset about all this Carter bullshit, and for some reason it makes me wanna help her.

It makes me wanna kill him for doing what he did to her too.

I mean, how dumb can you fucking be? How stupid do you have to be to cheat on a girl like that?

He had, like, the prettiest girl in the world.

He hit the fuckin’ jackpot and he still treated her like that?

” I finally looked back at Brodie, hoping he would at least understand my frustration, but he was staring at me with a goofy grin on his face. “What?”

“You think she’s the prettiest girl in the world, huh?” He tilted his head at me.

“Yeah. Yeah, I fucking do. So what? You gonna go tell her?”

“Nah, you can tell her.” Brodie sighed loudly.

“Why are you pouring your heart out to me when you should be doing this with her? Why are you so focused on how you used to feel? Okay, so you used to hate her. She used to hate you too. I get it. There’s history there.

Fine. But something changed between the two of you.

Clearly . So, why don’t you just risk it and tell her how you feel already? ”

“What makes you think a girl like that could ever like a guy like me?” I snapped. “Her and Carter made sense. Rich quarterback asshole with the pretty cheerleader. Where do I come into the picture? What the hell do I have to offer her?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Brodie scoffed.

“You’ve been on her side this whole time, dude.

You’ve been looking out for her. Sticking up for her after all that Carter stuff.

You’re a good guy, Sawyer. I’m not saying that ‘cause you’re my cousin.

You think she’s not thinking about you? About how nice you’ve been to her? ”

“I don’t think Holly spends any of her free time thinking about me.” I rolled my eyes. “Why would she?”

“Holly’s nicer than you think. You’ve clearly learned that. You don’t know what’s going through her head. You’ve been a good guy to her, Sawyer. And she kissed you back. It’s not like she pushed you away.”

“Well, she practically fucking ran away from me after we kissed.” I thought about how soft her lips were, how nice it felt to have her so close to me.

It was a sweet kiss. Soft and slow. I wanted it again.

Wanted to kiss her more, feel her, hold her up against me so that there wasn’t an inch of air between our bodies .

“She was freaked out,” Brodie said with a shrug. “She just kissed the guy she’s been arguing with for her whole life. Look at you. You’re freaked out too. You two should be freaking out together.”

I inhaled. “Yeah, maybe. I don’t think she’ll want to be in the same room as me again.”

“You don’t know that. You have to talk to her.”

“You’re not gonna let this go, huh?” I raised an eyebrow at Brodie.

“Nope. Not a chance, cousin.”

“Hey,” a voice said to my right, and I turned to see Lucas, a glass of soda in his hand. “Can I join you guys?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled.

“What’s wrong?” Lucas asked.

“Holly and Sawyer kissed!” Brodie let out the second Lucas sat down.

I leaned over the table, teeth grinding together. “Brodie, what the fuck?”

“Oh, finally.” Shaking his head, Lucas shoved a straw into his glass. “You know, I made a bet with William Brooks back in tenth grade that you two would get together. Guy owes me, like, a thousand bucks.”

“I placed a bet with Owen,” Brodie said as he rubbed his hands together. “Got a hundred dollars coming my way.”

“Don’t place bets on my life,” I muttered.

“And we aren’t together . We just kissed.

”I shut my eyes, letting my elbows rest on the table as I moved my hands roughly through my hair.

“Why would she ever like me? She deserves someone good. Especially after Carter. I hated seeing what he was doing to her. How he’d always bring her down and make her feel bad – especially when that asshole was cheating on her the whole time.

I still can’t fuckin’ believe he did that.

If she was mine, I never would have treated her like that.

I wouldn’t have even thought about doing that to her.

But… I’m me. Trailer Park Trash, remember?

I don’t know if who I am is enough for who she is. ”

“You should have learned by now that Holly isn’t the girl you thought she was,” Brodie said. “She doesn’t care about that kinda stuff!”

“I don’t know about that,” I mumbled. “I don’t know if I can be the guy she deserves.

And Holly deserves the best. I’d be so good to her, you know?

I’d treat her so good, but I don’t know if that’ll be enough.

Plus she’s gotta be pissed at me. I just assaulted her in the fucking library.

Probably thinks I’m just like her asshole boyfriend. ”

“Ex-boyfriend,” Lucas insisted.

“Yeah, ex-boyfriend.” The guy who ruined the best thing he was ever gonna get. Fuck him. He didn’t deserve her.

But part of me felt like I didn’t either.