Page 38 of Sinful as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #1)

HOLLY

I was going to have to sit down and eat lunch by myself. It felt so stupidly alienating, and I understood that it sounded trivial. But it was just another reminder of the fact that Carter had ripped my heart in two.

It wasn’t just him that I couldn’t trust, though. It was the entire school. Who else had Carter cheated on me with? How many girls? Which girls wished that Carter had cheated on me with them? Who was lining up now that he was single? It wasn’t like being in a relationship stopped Carter, though.

My eyes shut. Even his name was enough to make me feel that ache in my chest. But Carter had not just broken my heart. He had turned me into a suspicious, anxious mess.

Gripping the red tray tightly in my hands, I scanned the crowd in the cafeteria.

It felt like everyone was staring at me.

Some girls definitely were. There wasn’t a single face that seemed friendly.

I saw smirks and fingers pointed at me and heard giggles and whispers.

Annie couldn’t even have lunch with me since she was in detention.

She had kept her word and had indeed slapped Carter.

“Holly!” I heard a voice call out.

It was Brodie. He had his hand up, a warm smile on his face. His cousin was right there by his side.

“Come sit with us!” he continued.

There was no way Sawyer would want me to sit with them. We had that awkward moment during the morning. He had seen me cry three times now, and each time revolved around Carter. I had an awful feeling that he was enjoying my pain.

I walked over to the smiling Brodie, placing my tray down on the table.

Sawyer didn’t look up at me. He just rubbed his thumb across his chin.

Did he feel weird around me now? After all the…

crying. And the drama. Maybe it was awkward for him, or maybe he was biting his tongue, waiting for the right moment to pull the trigger and hurt me.

“Hey,” I greeted softly.

“You can sit with us, Holly.” Brodie patted the table.

“Everyone’s laughing at me. You don’t want me to sit with you.”

“We’re used to people laughing at us. Right, Sawyer?” Brodie looked at his cousin.

Sawyer just sent Brodie a look, his lips pressed tightly together. Whatever he wanted to say, he was keeping it to himself.

“Seriously, sit.” Brodie nodded.

My eyes fell on Sawyer and how he kept avoiding my gaze. “I can go sit outside or something…”

“Just sit.” Sawyer didn’t look at me as he said it.

He was being generous. Much more generous than I deserved.

I nodded at him, getting settled on the bench.

Sawyer was sitting directly in front of me, but if I slid over to look at Brodie eye to eye, it would be an acknowledgment of just how uncomfortable it all was.

Sawyer Westbrook had never made me cry, but he had seen me cry three times now thanks to my boyfriend, and I was certain I had never felt more pathetic in my life.

“So…” Brodie coughed. “How’s your, uh, Tuesday going?”

“It’s Monday, Brodie,” Sawyer deadpanned.

“I knew that. But those two days feel the same.”

“Do they? Or is that just you?”

“This guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Brodie shook his head at me while Sawyer just rolled his eyes.

I laughed softly at their interaction. Brodie and Sawyer always seemed to get along no matter the situation. It was so… easy. So ca refree and simple. Just like me and Annie. My poor Annie, who was stuck in detention because of me. I planned on giving her a huge hug when I saw her next.

“My Monday’s going good,” I answered the question. “However, it seems like a lot of people think I’m a huge loser and aren’t afraid to laugh right at my face, so there’s that.”

“Join the club,” muttered Brodie. “You want Sawyer to kick their asses for you? Sawyer, can you do that?”

Sawyer shot Brodie a glare. I just smiled at the both of them.

“I’m just gonna try and ignore them,” I said. “I mean, I don’t know what else to do…”

“Tell ‘em to get fucked,” Sawyer said, his green eyes on me.

I cleared my throat. That was easy for someone like Sawyer to say. He probably said that phrase twenty-times a day. But I had always prided myself on being civil and collected. Except when I was around Sawyer, ironically enough.

“That’s good advice,” I whispered.

“You’ll be outta here before you know it.” Brodie took a gulp of his soda. “This time next year you’ll be in college, right?”

I leaned my arms on the table, not really in the mood to eat. “I don’t think I wanna go to college anymore.”

“You’re not gonna let one stupid asshole ruin the rest of your life,” Sawyer said, his voice as clear as ever. It sounded more like a demand than anything else.

“Well, I just don’t think Columbia’s the best option for me anymore,” I said lowly. “I don’t know what I was thinking applying there.”

“Whoa, Columbia? What do you mean?” Brodie asked, slamming his soda can on the table. “That’s so cool. Why don’t you wanna go anymore?”

Embarrassment hit me and I suddenly felt like I was stuck in some dark, impossible to escape tunnel. Was I really going to admit all my fears to Brodie while Sawyer sat right there, his eyes stuck on me? Why was he looking at me like that? Like he knew something I didn’t?

“I just feel like this pain is gonna follow me there,” I admitted.

“And maybe I won’t be able to cope. At least here I have a couple people on my side.

I won’t know anyone at Columbia. And this pain is gonna stay, and I’m not gonna be able to handle it.

I should just withdraw my application or something. ”

“Don’t do that,” Sawyer practically snapped at me.

“Why?” I frowned. “What do you care for?”

“You’re not throwing it all away because of some dumb, high school quarterback. This is the highlight of his life. After this, it’s all downhill for him…” Sawyer let out a long breath, his voice lowering. “It’s the opposite for you. Don’t you get that?”

I felt something in my heart but I didn’t know what. Sawyer could be so sweet when he wanted to be. I almost always saw his bad side, though. The side I had come to know very, very well.

“I just wanna forget all of this happened,” I murmured. “Or find a time machine or something.”

“Go with the first option,” Sawyer offered. “Forget these assholes. They’ll move on... You will too.”

I shook my head, pushing my salad around.

None of the fresh, leafy greens looked exciting to me.

“I have a feeling that I won’t. Every room I go into, I see another girl he cheated on me with.

Some other girl I have to compare myself to…

” The black hole of insecurity Carter had created was sucking me in deeper and deeper. Why hadn’t I been good enough?

“You think you’re gonna remember Carter in ten years?” Sawyer asked. “You think you’re gonna remember him in five?”

All I could do was offer him a weak shrug in response, my fork piercing some of my lettuce. I heard Sawyer hiss at my non-answer as he pressed his heavy hands to the table. The sound caught my attention, but it was the serious look in Sawyer’s eyes that kept me staring at him.

“Brodie, if you ever tell anyone I said any of this shit, I’ll deny it. Forget everything I’m about to say.” Sawyer narrowed his eyes at his cousin before staring back at me. “You, however, you remember every word that’s about to come out of my mouth.”

Brodie just raised his eyebrows in response, his hands barely hovering over his ears .

“Did you really think this was it for you?” Sawyer asked.

The question sounded rhetorical, so I kept my mouth shut.

“You’re better than him. You always were,” Sawyer said sternly.

“I was waiting for you to wake up and realize that. You thought Carter fucking Henderson was how it ended for you? That guy’s a loser.

Don’t let him have any sort of power over you.

You’re going to Columbia. You’re getting out of here.

Even if you weren’t going to Columbia, you’d still get out of here.

There’s a lot of places for you to go, Holly.

You don’t have to forget what he did to you.

Remember that, because that was a lesson.

All he ever did was bring you down. Don’t let him ruin any of the fight you have – the fight I see when you and me get into it.

Keep that. Keep that confidence, that spark.

It’ll come in handy wherever you end up going.

You’re gonna go far, Holly. Carter was never gonna keep up with you. ”

Okay, now that was officially the nicest thing Sawyer had ever said to me.

Brodie looked just as taken aback as I was.

I bit at my bottom lip, feeling like I was about to start crying right then and there thanks to how much was going on in my brain.

Sawyer kept staring at me, like he was waiting for me to protest, but every word he said made absolute sense.

He was right. I knew he was right. One day I’d feel okay, but that wouldn’t be for a while.

“Thank you,” I said softly. There was silence for a long while before I ended it. “Things are better when we’re not fighting, huh?”

Sawyer huffed, letting out a small laugh. I couldn’t help it when I smiled at the noise.

***

I had kept to myself the entire school day. It was easier to avoid people, and I was sick of the sound of laughter. I had never been more excited for the clock to strike three and made a quick getaway home, flopping down on the couch with a loud sigh.

God, I was so tired. Not just from everything that was going on with Carter, but from cheer and The Chronicle and the fact that my mind was suddenly occupied with Sawyer Westbrook.

He was everywhere I went lately. God, he had protected me and looked out for me more than once.

My enemy had become something else. Something I was becoming stupidly fond of.

He had been so nice to me during lunch. I hadn’t forgotten his kind words. Keep that confidence, that spark . When I had been with Carter, it had been so easy to crouch down into someone I wasn’t. His cruelness often got to me. It made me doubt myself and who I was.

How did I let Carter dig his claws into me like that? Why hadn’t I seen it all earlier? And why was Sawyer the one who was being so sweet to me? It suddenly felt like he was the only one who understood me, and that was truly saying something. Maybe Sawyer knew me better than I thought.

With a sigh I finally got off the couch.

munching on some chips and dip before heading upstairs to get changed.

My parents would be home soon, so the house was quiet and lonely.

Wanting some form of communication to get my mind off of Sawyer and Carter, I jumped on my laptop and scrolled through my emails. Sales, sales, and more sales.

But something caught my eye. An email from Eric Anderson.

Holly

You must know by now that I have been working with your classmate and friend, Sawyer Westbrook.

After purchasing his painting, and after talking consistently with staff at the library, I’d like to make him an offer.

The head librarian, administrator and I are on the hunt for local up-and-coming artists.

We would like them to paint a mural that would be placed in the library foyer.

My first thought was Sawyer. He would be compensated for his work.

I have since lost his number since our previous sale.

As you have worked with the library in the past, I was wondering if you could please get in touch with him and let him know about the offer?

We’d like you to interview him for the library’s website and newsletter when it’s all finished with – if you’re up for it, of course!

Sincerely

Eric

A wide smile graced my face. That was the best news I had received in a while.

What a great opportunity for Sawyer. He’d get his name out there and he’d get paid.

He deserved that. Sawyer was talented. Just because we didn’t get along didn’t mean I could deny the fact that Sawyer was the best painter in school.

I replied to Eric quickly, letting him know I’d inform Sawyer tomorrow at school. Sawyer could be a brash guy. I hoped he wouldn’t be brash about this.