Page 26 of Sinful as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #1)

SAWYER

“Fuck,” I said lowly, looking behind me. Everyone was down by the fire. No one was going to come to Holly’s rescue. Especially Carter. It would have to be me. “Holly! Fuck, where the hell do you think you’re going?”

I could hear the sound of her shoes hitting the grass and leaves.

The noises she was making were the only thing that was going to lead me to her, because I couldn’t see a thing.

As I ran I realized that I hadn’t just gotten under Holly’s skin.

I had done more than that. I may have shoved my hand into her chest and pulled her heart right out.

We fought. We fought every time we were in the same room, but I had never made her cry.

Ever. I had never pushed her that hard, and fuck, I really hated seeing girls cry.

It always brought out some weird, protective side of me.

Holly was gonna get herself hurt and it would be my fault for bringing her to tears: something I had never done.

Holly was a fast runner, but she wasn’t as fast as me. Despite the darkness I caught a glimpse of her pink jacket. The sight of her made me move quicker, my throat a little dry as my feet hit the ground hard and fast.

“Holly!” I called out again.

She kept moving. She must have heard me, but she just kept on running.

“I didn’t fucking mean what I said!” I screamed out the lie. Yes, I meant it. But maybe it would be enough to get her to stop before she tripped over a branch and cracked her head open. “It was a lie! ”

She stopped in her tracks. Finally. Holly came to a holt, standing between the looming trees.

It was so dark, but a few clouds parted, exposing the full moon above us that gave me just enough light to finally see Holly properly.

I slowed down as I reached her, her back still to me.

My hands landed on her shoulders as I yanked her around to face me.

God, her face. I hoped some clouds would suddenly appear and block off the glow of the moon, because Holly looked heartbroken. Trembling lips, swollen and red eyes, tears on her cheeks. Had my words gotten to her that badly?

“What the hell did you do that for?” I snapped at her, still pissed at her for taking off like that. “You could have fuckin’ hurt yourself, Holly.”

“You don’t mean that,” she said, talking so low. I could hear the sadness in her voice, though.

I shook my head at Holly. “What?”

“It wasn’t a lie. You believe that. You think that Carter doesn’t love me.” Her voice was so shaky, but that wasn’t stopping her from spilling her guts to me. “Y-you wouldn’t have said that if you didn’t believe it.”

“Look…” I sucked in a sharp breath. “I was just fucking with you.”

“No, you weren’t,” she said quickly.

“You never take anything I say seriously.”

“But you meant that.” She rubbed at her eyes, keeping her hands there.

“You think he doesn’t love me and I guess everyone else can see that too.

And maybe it’s the truth. I love him, though!

I love him with my whole heart, but he’s so…

Why does he have to be that way? Why can’t he just…

I just want him to love me the way I love him! ”

Holly moved her hands away from her eyes, but I wish she hadn’t.

There was so much sadness in them. She should have been pissed at me.

She should have been angry. She should have been arguing with me, not pouring her heart out to the guy she hated.

It looked like fresh tears were flowing.

God, I felt like such an asshole. What had I done to her? What had Carter done to her?

“You don’t have to be with him,” I whispered to her.

It shouldn’t have been me of all people telling her this shit, because being nice to her was something I had never experienced before.

The words sounded so foreign as they fell from my mouth, but who else was gonna help her?

“You… Look, I meant what I said. You’re smarter than this.

You don’t have to be with a guy like that. ”

“But I want him . But he’s so… Sometimes it feels like he hates me.” She sobbed.

“Dump him,” I said through gritted teeth. Did she not understand that she didn’t have to stay by his side? That she could get someone better? There were so many guys at school who were desperate to be Holly Sutton’s boyfriend.

“He wasn’t always like that,” she said softly. “He didn’t always treat me like that.”

“Carter’s always been an asshole,” I said hastily. “He’s not a good guy.”

She cried softly, wiping at her eyes. “He’s the best guy when he wants to be.”

“I don’t think he wants to be a good person, Holly.

” I should have told her about everything else.

About Carter’s phone call, about how he was cheating on her with practically every girl in school.

The words were right there, begging to be said out loud.

But she was already so heartbroken. I couldn’t do it to her.

As much as I hated her, I couldn’t break her even more. She had already been torn to pieces.

“I just wanna change him,” she said softly. “Or… I should change… I should be better… Different… Be the kind of girl that doesn’t make him mad—”

“Do not fucking change,” I practically barked at her. I shut my eyes, not quite believing what I was saying. “Carter is the problem. You need to understand that.”

“You hate him. Of course you’ll say that.”

“Well, I hate you too, don’t I?” I finally opened my eyes back up. Holly’s tears had at least stopped falling, but her eyes were still wide and wet with her pain. God, I hated it when girls cried so much. “But even I get that you aren’t the one who’s fucked up here. Or before.”

Holly sucked in a shaky breath and wrapped her arms around herself tighter.

I had never seen Holly be so vulnerable before.

Every day at school she seemed to just glide by.

I thought everything was easy for her. And maybe it was.

She had money. She had the popularity. She had the coveted label of head cheerleader and ran the school newspaper and always seemed have everything going for her.

But she was a mess. Part of her was a mess, anyway. She should have been confident. She should have walked away from me with her head held high before she punched Carter in the face and told him to get fucked.

But she thought there was something wrong with her . She thought she had to change when Carter was the reason for all of her pain.

“Do you know how embarrassing it is that I can’t even trust my own boyfriend?

He makes me do things I never would have done.

He makes me question myself, and I hate it so much.

You think I wanted to cut Brodie’s story?

” she asked, a trembling hand pressed to her chest. “I hated doing something so mean. I hated myself, but that’s what he wanted and I didn’t want to upset him, because when he gets upset he makes sure I’m upset too. ”

“Holly…”

“You know what the saddest part is?” She took in a long breath, a sad smile on her face that I wasn’t used to seeing in the slightest. “You don’t make me nervous or worried, you’re just annoying and loud and you give me a giant headache every single time I talk to you.

I hate you and you hate me, but even when I’m around you, even when we’re all alone together, I’m never worried that you’re gonna… ”

I raised my eyebrows at her. “Gonna what?”

“God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this. You probably think this is hilarious,” she said with a shaky laugh.

“Did I say that?” I mumbled.

“I know you think I’m perfect and that I have no problems, but there’s a lot you don’t know about me, stuff that no one knows. I keep waiting for the guy I fell in love with to come back. I don’t know what to do to get him back or how I’m supposed to fix this.”

“Why do you think you have to fix something? You aren’t the problem. ”

“I just want him to go back to how he was, so we can have what we’re supposed to have.

” She reached her hands up, fingers rubbing at her eyes.

“It’s confusing. One minute he’s nice, and then the next he’s all mean, and it messes with my head so much.

I don’t know why he does that. It makes me feel all confused and stupid. ”

It was weird seeing her deflated. Weird and wrong and like being in a fucking episode of The Twilight Zone , because the Holly standing in front of me wasn’t the gutsy, trash talking one that I had experienced firsthand thousands of times.

“You’re not stupid, okay? You’re the smartest person I know,” I said. “And I know I live in a trailer park, but there’s a guy there who’s been getting free cable for years and no one knows about it.”

“The guy I fell in love with. He’s there. I know he is. But… It’s not supposed to be this hard, right?” she asked with a little whimper.

“I’ll drive you back home right now if that’s what you need,” I offered. “Do you want me to take you home?”

Those wet doe eyes flickered up to meet mine. “He wouldn’t like that.”

“Who cares what he likes?”

Fingers wiping at her wet eyes, she shook her head. “It’s okay. I’m being a drama queen. I’m fine.”

“Holly…” I could feel the words on the tip of my tongue. They were right there. She deserved to know. She needed to know. But she was already so goddamn hurt and sad and I didn’t have it in me to cause her more pain.

“I just hate it when he gets like this,” she sighed. “He can be so mean. But when he’s sweet? When he’s sweet I feel like the happiest person in the world.”

“Yeah, he definitely looks like he makes you happy,” I grumbled.

She parted her trembling lips just barely before finally speaking up. “I should get back to the fire,” she murmured. “We should get back.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you home?” I asked again.

“No, I don’t wanna ruin your trip. Our trip. I’m okay. Let’s go back down.”

“Yeah,” was all I could say .

“Don’t… Please don’t tell anyone about this. Please.”

I nodded once. “I won’t.”

She returned the nod and walked straight past me, walking back the way we came from. It was obvious that Holly needed some distance, so I gave her that. But I kept my eyes on her as we walked back slowly, making sure she didn’t get lost or run off again.

She looked so small walking away. That confidence I thought she always had was all gone. Carter had made sure of that. He ripped all of it away from her in what seemed like seconds. I sighed loudly. Who knew Malibu Barbie had some depth to her?

As much as I hated her, I had to wonder if Holly knew she could do better.