Page 97 of Should the Sky Fall

Dawson’s stomach clenches as he peruses his art. It will take a while before he gets used to seeing it around. But Cal looks so happy that he can’t even say anything.

They watch a movie after that. Dawson’s first idea isInterstellar. He could watch it over and over, but…maybe not today. He’s feeling way too raw already, and the emotions in that movie would just finish him off.

He ends up pickingHeartbreakers, becausehello?Sigourney Weaver. His plan to unwind and stop thinking for a while doesn’t pan out. Cal gets all confused by the whole premise, so Dawson has to explain that some people, for religious or personal reasons, don’t want to have sex before marriage (even if in the movie, that’s just an excuse for another agenda).

It doesn’t end there. Cal comes up with more questions, then puts a cherry on top when he asks, completely serious, “Did we wait until marriage to have sex?”

It’s a small mercy Dawson isn’t drinking or eating anything, because he would be in acute need of a Heimlich maneuver.

“Uh…no, Cal, we didn’t,” he says with a nervous laugh and flushed face. The irony is strong, considering that they had sex when—

“When did we first have sex?”

No matter that Dawson isn’t ingesting anything. He manages to choke on his saliva. This was a bad idea. He’d rather have Cal pester him about the paintings. Lesser of two evils.

“We…well,” he struggles to get the words out. “On the first date. Don’t judge me,” he adds defensively when a wave of shame overtakes him at the memory.

“Why would I judge you?” Cal asks, sounding so genuinely confused Dawson instantly feels bad for lashing out for no reason.

He shrugs uncomfortably. “It’s just…putting out on the first date is kinda frowned upon.”

“Why?”

Jesus. Cal’s killing him. “I don’t know, Cal. It’s just one of those things that society deems inappropriate.”

“Well, that’s stupid,” Cal says after a moment of silence. It’s said in such a matter-of-fact tone Dawson can’t help but laugh.

“I won’t disagree with you there.”

He’s a bit of a hypocrite, to be honest. He used to be one ofthosepeople. That’s why he felt so ashamed after he went to Cal’s place when Cal invited him when their date was over. Sure, he could blame it on the two glasses of champagne he’d downed at the fancy restaurant Cal had taken him to. He could even blame it on Cal’s natural charm and the smooth way he had with words. He could put it up to feeling pressured because what guy wants to be a virgin at the fresh age of twenty? Not to mention that after the fancy date and all the money Cal had spent on him, Dawson felt obligated to give him something in return. He understands in retrospect how toxic that kind of thinking was, but he was young and lonely.

But no matter the excuse, it doesn’t change the fact that he said yes when Cal asked.

“You look sad,” Cal says. “Did you—was it a bad experience?” He looks absolutely shattered at the idea.

Dawson quickly schools his expression. “No, it was…it was good.” He mustn’t sound very convincing because Cal seems worried, frown lines settling between his brows. “Really, it was fine.”

“Fine,” Cal repeats mechanically.

“It was good, Cal. I was just…a little nervous, okay? And clumsy. I had no idea what I was doing. I doubt anyone does the first time.”

It really wasn’t bad. Cal was experienced at least, but that also meant he had no qualms about asking for what he wanted. He wasn’t rough, but he wasn’t gentle either. If Dawson got a do-over, he’d have asked him to go slower, be a little more patient when Dawson started to panic. Or maybe not grip the back of Dawson’s neck and press his face into the mattress as he drove into him.

It was overwhelming but it wasn’t…bad. It was good. Itwas.Cal even managed to make him come, and Dawson knows that not everyone does their first time. And even though he was a little (a lot) sore in the morning, it was quickly forgotten when Cal flipped him onto his back and went down on him before Dawson was fully awake. That was a nice wake-up call.

“I was your first?” Cal asks, reminding Dawson he’s not alone and he should fucking stop going down memory lane.

“You were my first everything. First date, first kiss—with a man, first…time.” He almost said first love, but something stopped him. It wouldn’t be a lie but…it wouldn’t be quite true.

That doesn’t even make sense, you weirdo.

“Oh.” Cal licks his lips, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I suppose the same is true for me as well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe it’s silly, but I feel…because of the memory thing…” He points vaguely at his head, as if Dawson could’ve forgotten about ‘the memory thing’. “I get to experience everything for the first time. So in a way, you are my first everything too.”

It is silly, though he doesn’t tell Cal that. Which is why Dawson can’t logically explain his own reaction.