Page 189 of Should the Sky Fall

“I have.”

Thank god.“Have you been eating?”

“A little,” Cal says. He pats Donut and stands up, watching Dawson dejectedly. “Did you come to get the rest of your stuff? Because you don’t have to,” he says in a rush. “You don’t have to move out. Keep the apartment if you want. I don’t care—”

“Shut up,” Dawson says, pinching his eyes shut. “Just…be quiet.” He can’t fucking do this when Cal is being such a fucking martyr. He’s not sure he can do this at all. He can barely look at him without wanting to feel those arms around him, for fuck’s sake.

He runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath, reminding himself what Gabe and Ash told him.

“So, you’re a reaper, huh?”

Cal hesitates before answering. “Yes.”

“And you took over Cal’s body when he died.”

“Yes.”

“You do realize how nuts you sound, right?” Dawson demands, his anger making a comeback. A part of him had hoped Cal had done some self-reflection and owned up to his past.

Cal’s shoulders slump. “Yes.”

“And you still insist this is true.”

“I know it’s—”

“Just answer yes or no.”

“Yes.”

Right.Right.

So, Cal claims to be a reaper.

Gabe claims to be some ultimate-level empath, and Ash… Who knows what Ash is, except an irritating ass who Dawson has a strange affection for.

Clearly, Dawson’s life is an episode ofSupernatural.The only thing missing is a witch or a demon.

“How did you know Kieran and I were at the hospital? In your room?” he asks. “Did someone tell you? The doctor? One of the nurses?”

Cal shakes his head. “No. I was there.”

“You were comatose.”

“Caledon was.” When Dawson just looks at him blankly, he continues. “The doctor gave you a few minutes to visit him. When you were there, you said: “I don’t know what to say.” The day after, you talked to him. About Ellis—you said that you liked him, that he was nice. And then you said, just before Cal started crashing: “I wish I’d never met you.”

“How do you know this?”

That’s not possible. Dawson knows fuck-all about how the subconscious works, but there’s no way Cal could hear something so clearly and remember it in such detail, especially after months without his memories.

Cal looks him straight in the eye and, in a voice Dawson’s never heard, he says, “Because that was the moment I ripped his soul out.”

Dawson takes a step back, blood rushing in his ears. “I can’t…I thought I could do this, but I can’t.” He struggles to take a proper breath. It feels like there’s not enough room in his lungs.

“Dawson…” Cal whispers. He looks like he wants to go to Dawson but doesn’t know if he’s allowed.

“You wanna know the most fucked up part?” Dawson laughs bitterly. “I want to believe you so fucking badly. No matter how insane you sound, a part of me is begging to get onboard with whatever you say because the past three days were a hundred times worse than the past six years, and I missed you. So. Fucking. Much.”

There. He said it. Could he be any more pathetic? There’s not enough therapy in the world for him.