Page 53 of Should the Sky Fall

“How was he?” she asks. “You’ve gone to see him, right?”

“Yeah. Physically, he’s doing fine. He’s still in some pain, obviously, but it’s manageable.”

“And otherwise?”

That’s what he’s been wondering, too. “It’s…bizarre. He communicates fine and stuff, but there are times he’s confused about things. I brought him his phone and iPad and he seemed really hesitant using them, like he didn’t know what to do. I had to teach him how to download apps, so he could read ebooks.” And that’s another thing. “He likes fantasy, Liv. He binge-read the whole Eragon series.”

“That’s…interesting,” she says after a moment of silence. He can practically see her frowning. “Anything else? How is he with you? I read a little on amnesia and most of the articles said those people tend to get aggressive and lash out when they’re confused and scared.”

“That’s what the doctor said, but…”

The first couple of times Dawson visited him, he was on edge the whole time, waiting for the other shoe to drop. When he saw those photos of himself in Cal’s phone, taken without his knowledge and in such a vulnerable and compromising state, he didn’t know what to do. He was livid and ashamed and felt violated. Which was ridiculous because as he told Cal; they were husbands. There was no reason why he should be offended that Cal took, and kept, his naked pictures.

What surprised him was how embarrassed he felt that Cal saw them now, saw Dawson in such a state while knowing the bare minimum about him. He was just starting to get to know Dawson again, and one of the first things he finds is…that. Or maybe it was because Cal is so different now, and him seeing those photos felt like being exposed to an actual stranger.

And then the weirdest thing happened when Cal told him to delete the photos, because he could tell Dawson didn’t like them. Because he didn’t want Dawson to be upset.

Dawson was still cautious, but after that it became easier to be around Cal. He could breathe easier and stop walking on eggshells.

“But what?” Olivia asks when Dawson’s been quiet for too long.

“He’s fine. Confused and sometimes grumpy.” Especially if Dawson comes in right after Cal’s physio session. He’s found out the best time to visit is after Cal’s eaten. His grumpiness seems to have a direct link to his stomach and how well he slept. Dawson hates to admit it, can’tbelievehe’s even thinking it, but it’s kind of…cute? Never in his life has he imagined he’d be associating that word with Cal. “He’s about as aggressive as a goldfish.”

“Those can get pretty vicious, you know,” Olivia says, making him laugh.

“He’s fine. Really.”

“Well, just be careful. Things might change if he starts remembering.”

His throat tightening, Dawson swallows. “I know.” The doctors didn’t say anything explicitly, but he could tell how skeptical they are of Cal recovering his memories.

It shouldn’t please Dawson as much as it does.

Dawson is as ready as he’ll ever be—meaning not atall—when Tuesday arrives and he’s supposed to pick Cal up from the hospital. He spent the better part of yesterday making sure the apartment is spotless, more for his benefit than Cal’s. Cleaning always helps him take his mind off things. He also poured out all the booze he could find, feeling immense satisfaction as he watched the amber liquid disappear down the drain. If Cal was truthful about not having any cravings for alcohol, it shouldn’t make any difference to him.

Doubt overtakes him again when he gets in the car.

Can he really do this? He’s supposed to help Cal remember, but is he actually going to do that if making him remember is the last thing he wants?

And Cal… He has no idea. He probably thinks they have a normal, fairly happy marriage. Of course he does. Because Dawson never gave any indication of the opposite. Sure, Cal was confused by the lack of photos of them together, and he knows about the drinking, but anything else? There’s no way for him to know unless Dawson says something.

Which he won’t. He can’t. What would he say?

‘So, this is where we live. And by the way, if I’m ever withdrawn or quiet when talking about the past, it’s because I’ve been your punching bag for years. But don’t worry, I’ll help you get back on your feet, so when you’re all set, I can shove divorce papers in your face.’

Yeah, unlikely.

He knows that Olivia and Kieran must think he’s got self-sabotaging tendencies, but that’s not true. He doesn’twantto stay. He doesn’t want to be part of this.

But he also knows that if he walks away now and leaves Cal to his own devices, it will always haunt him. He’s not deluding himself; underneath all that confusion and cluelessness, Cal is the same son of a bitch he’s always been. That hasn’t changed. But this isn’t about Cal. Well, notonlyabout him. Dawson just isn’t the kind of person who can walk out on someone because everyone is telling him he should.

God, he needs help. Professional help.

Actually…

Looking through his wallet, he finds the business card Gabe had given him.

Ashley Cleaver, a behavioral therapist, and she has an office just down south in Miami.