Page 44 of Should the Sky Fall

She raises a curious eyebrow. “Oh, really? Was it just then, or has it happened since?”

He shifts on the bed, uncomfortable. “I’ve been careful not to look.”

The second eyebrow joins the first. “You’re avoiding your reflection?”

Cal shrugs, tension settling in his bones. He has a feeling he knows where this is going.

“You’re going to make me look, aren’t you?”

She lets out a small, breathless laugh. “I’m not very original, am I?” She stands up, putting her notepad and pen on the bedside table. “Nothing beats exposure therapy.”

“Easy for you to say,” he says, sliding his legs over the edge of the bed and rising to his feet with a wince. “I got it,” he says when she lifts her hands as if to help him.

“Of course, you do,” she says, amused, as though she finds his stubbornness endearing. She lets him take the lead, following him to the bathroom and standing next to him as they both face the mirror, though Cal keeps his gaze downcast.

“Alright, Cal. I need you to look. Take your time and tell me what you feel.”

Taking the deepest breath his lungs allow him, he lifts his head.

His breath escapes him in a rush and his vision swims, making the sight of himself unfocused and misty. It’s as though his own brain rebels against it.

He breathes through it, and his vision eventually sharpens.

“Tell me what you feel,” Carrie nudges him gently.

“Anger,” he presses out, gripping the counter. “Hatred. I want to—”I want to hurt myself.“I want to punch the mirror.”

Carrie studies his face in the mirror. “Do you know why you feel that way? Is anything coming to you?”

Forcing himself to keep looking, he tries to think. Nothing comes up. These emotions are instinctual; like the feeling of excitement when he sees Dawson, or the deep-seated knowledge that he needs to take care of him. He can’t explain it, it’s just there.

“No. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. Chances are it's your brain’s way of coping with information and facts that don’t make sense to you.”

“So what do I do?”

“Well, for one, you can stop avoiding your reflection.” She grins at his scowl. “I’m not saying you should bulldoze through those emotions, but getting used to them and accepting them will eventually make them less intense and overwhelming.”

Unlikely. But whatever.

“Okay.”

They return to the room, and once Cal’s settled in, Carrie is on him with more questions.

“You brother and husband have been to see you a few times now, correct? How did that go?”

His husband.“It was good.” He thinks back on how heavy the air in the room was when Ellis visited him, and how Dawson left in a hurry. “But strange.”

Carrie nods. “That’s to be expected. Did you talk about the past?”

“Not much. I asked, but Dawson…”Closed off the minute I asked.“He seemed uncomfortable talking about it.”

“Oh.” Carrie’s face falls. She probably feels bad for him. “I imagine he’s going through a difficult time, seeing you here.”

Ellis said something similar. “Ellis—my brother,” he adds when it occurs to him, she might not recall the name, “Said Dawson was taking everything quite hard.”

“Has anything reminded you of your time together?”