Page 49

“There’s no denying it,” I exclaimed. “It’s in my blood. It’s in me. It has been since conception. Suppression was a blessing from you both. You and our father. But, Chem, I couldn’t avoid it at that moment. I became who I truly am– even if only for a second .”

“That’s not you,” he whispered, shaking his head.

“It’s not,” I agreed, “Not before and not even now. But, at that moment–”

“There won’t be another moment.”

“I feel like I’ve disappointed you.”

Silence .

Teddy inhaled. His chest rose. And, then, it slowly deflated.

He shook his head. “You hurt me right here,” he explained, pointing to his heart. “But, it’s not you I’m disappointed in. It’s me.”

“Te–”

“Range is cleaning your mess as we speak. Don’t make another one.”

“What choice was I given?”

“None. But, that’s not a suggestion, baby. It is an order. Don’t break my heart three times. I won’t be able to stand it.”

“She broke mine!”

“And she got exactly what she deserved. I just wish it didn’t have to be at your hands.”

He obliterated the space between us and pulled me into his arms. My heart broke all over again. Like a baby, he held me, rocking me back and forth.

“I never wanted this for you, baby. I never wanted any of this. This isn’t you.”

Though muffled, I could hear the emotions etched in every word Chem spoke.

“This isn’t you, Rome. It'll never be you. You’re supposed to keep your hands clean. Let me get dirty for you, baby. I always have. I always will. Don’t do that again. Don’t.”

I wept in his arms. My body leaned on him for support. He’d been my rock my entire life. My savior. My stability. My security. Tonight was no different.

“A life for a life, Teddy.”

“A life for a life,” he agreed, pulling away.

“How’d yo– you–” I stuttered.

“Don’t insult me, Rome. It’s my job to know. It pains me that I didn’t know sooner. I’ve kept an eye on her since you touched down in Clarke. In the back of my mind, I always knew she’d be a problem. She’s been unstable since she was a kid.

“Instead of getting her the help she truly needed, her mother ignored all the signs that she had a fucked up daughter in this world. Not even she deserves life. My niece or nep–”

“Nephew,” I breathed out. “It was a boy. I’ve seen him too many times to think otherwise.”

“My nephew lost his life and it hadn’t even begun.”

I shook my head. “He was never going to see the light of day, Teddy.”

“It doesn’t matter, baby. It doesn’t fucking matter.”

“You’re right.”

Silence .

“How careful were you?”

“Very.”

“Elaborate,” he demanded.

“I knew that if the Vultures brought home the ring, the city would be lit up with fireworks. Gunfire. Loud music. Partying. Complete distractions. I timed myself perfectly. By the time the light show began, my mission was ending.”

“And, the gun. Where’d it come from?”

“Rugger,” I admitted, “in case of an emergency.”

He nodded.

“Fair enough. I’m going to need it.”

“Okay.”

“Go shower, baby. Meet me downstairs in ten.”

“I’ll need more t–”

“Meet me downstairs in ten minutes if you care to have a solid alibi in the event you need one.”

“Downstairs in ten,” I choked out, “I’ve got it.”

“Good.” He turned to leave. Before he crossed the threshold, he turned back to say, “And, baby?”

“Yes?”

“Dry your eyes. You did exactly what you were supposed to do tonight. I just don’t want you to ever do it again. Because it breaks my heart.”

“How can I fix it?”

Teddy sucked the skin of his teeth and lowered his head. He swiped his palm down his freshly cut hair.

“You can’t. Only I can do that.”

“H– how?”

“Kill everything.”

“Che–”

“Everything she loved and shared blood with deserves death. And, I’m going to give it to them… down to the fish .”

His back was the next thing I saw. I unraveled, unable to withstand the weight of it all. Chemistry left me in the bedroom holding on by a thread. Still, I managed to carry the heavy load I was bearing into the shower.

Fully undressed, I stood underneath the showerhead.

Blood combined with the water, washing down the drain beneath me.

I slid my hands through my hair, witnessing my curls form in real time.

It wasn’t exempt. I needed a thorough cleansing from head to toe, and I had eight more minutes to get it done.

I flipped over the bottle of peony and peach scented body wash and squeezed a generous amount onto the towel. My hands came together, scrubbing until suds formed. After acquiring a nice lather, I ran the towel across my skin, scrubbing away my sins.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

And, a fourth.

I rinsed and repeated the same process four times and then stepped out onto the heated tile with a towel wrapped around my body. Droplets of blood splattered against the floor, forcing me to halt my stride.

It’s happening.

Roaman had been clear with her instructions.

I tucked the towel underneath me to catch whatever was preparing to escape me.

Kneeling near my cabinet, I opened it and gathered a handful of washable sanitary cloths that had been tailored to fit my frame.

Before standing on my feet, I grabbed the pain meds as well. According to my sister, I’d need them.

I used the filtered hydrant water to fill the glass I rinsed my mouth out with in the morning and after meals to keep my teeth in pristine condition. The cap of the pain meds slipped off with ease. I removed two, tossed them back, and washed them down with water.

I, then, pulled on the leakproof panties designated for menstrual days. In the seat of them, I laid the cloth pad and snapped it onto the panties. It rested against my vagina like an ice pack, soothing me on contact.

Deep brown joggers, a plain white t-shirt, fuzzy socks, and a hair tie was all I needed. No bra. No jacket. No jewelry. Nothing fancy. Just enough clothes to keep me comforted during the natural process my body was enduring.

I didn’t have the strength to take the stairs. Instead, I settled for the elevator. When I emerged, Chemistry was waiting downstairs. He grabbed me by the hand and led me out of the front door. Just as he opened the door of the SUV that Koen was at the wheel of, he stopped.

“What’s the matter, baby?”

I shook my head, “The baby– the baby is passing.”

He nodded, enclosing me in his arms. As quickly as he’d wrapped me up, he let me go and helped me into the SUV. My head rested on his shoulder the second he settled inside.

“Easy on the bumps, Koen. We’re in no hurry.”

“Say less, Boss.”

Chemistry held onto me, comforting me in my time of despair. Helplessly, I clung to him, anticipating the very moment he delegated the task to my person. My Saint .

I didn’t have to wait long. In twelve short minutes, we were pulling into the driveway.

The gates opened, welcoming us inside. Koen pulled alongside Saint's car. He’d just gotten home himself.

He waited until the SUV came to a complete stop before rushing to the back door, expecting to find me waiting. Instead, he encountered Teddy.

“Champ–” Chemistry greeted him, slapping palms.

Worry lines creased Saint’s forehead. They promised a permanent residency until I stepped out of the car, trailing behind my brother. My movements were slow. The pain in my abdomen was dull, but it was present.

“Mellow,” he called out to me.

“Take care of her,” Chemistry tossed over his shoulder as he slipped into the backseat, leaving Saint and I alone. As quickly as he’d come, he’d gone.

“That’s exactly what I plan to do,” Saint promised.

I stood, unmoving. A smile widening my entire face. Saint lifted his hand, nearly blinding me with the custom MVP ring on his finger.

“You better had gotten that ring!” I squealed, feeling a sense of pride. And joy. And happiness. And contentment.

“Couldn’t let you down, Mellow. But, I had a revelation. Ya know. I figured double or nothing, ya know.”

“Double or nothing?” I asked, baffled as to what he was referring to.

He didn’t keep me guessing. He reached into his new jacket, displaying his current title as a champion, and removed a box.

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

I could hear my heart hammering against my chest.

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

“If you want something big and something bold, just tell me no tonight. I won’t take it personal because I know without a doubt you’re mine.

Gone always be mine. But, I don’t have a problem going all out and doing the whole thing for you because that’s what you deserve.

I just felt that this moment is no better than another.

Right here. Right now. You and I. What you say, Rome? You wanna be my wife?”

“Without a doubt, Saint. I only have one request.”

“Whatever you want?”

“Ask me the same question and present the same ring to me in exactly seven days. I don’t want to look back on our night years from now and feel the pain of losing our child every time I do.

My body is changing, baby. And, when we wake up in the morning, it will have shed itself of the little person it considered a threat. ”

“Rom–”

“Shhhhh. We don’t have to discuss it. I don’t want to discuss it. I just want to– lay down. In your bed. In your arms.”

Saint shoved the ring in his pocket and intertwined his fingers with mine. He led me into the house. Into his bedroom. And, into his bed. He undressed as I peeled the covers back. Their coolness welcomed us both.

I curled up, pressing my body into Saint’s for comfort. He held onto me, running his fingertips up and down my arm.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“In every lifetime,” I responded, finally able to close my eyes.