Page 46

FOURTEEN

My fingertips slid up and down her arm, coaxing her to a safer, quieter place. Words failed us both. For two hours we’d laid in silence, unwilling to destroy the peace it presented.

Xylazine .

Often used in illegal drugs. It was known as a tranquilizer. A drug used for animals that could shut down the entire system of a human. It was dangerous and it could cost one their life. It had cost my child’s life and almost claimed Rome’s.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Sain–”

“There isn’t much I’ve failed at in life but I can’t help but feel as though I’ve failed you. I failed our child. I faile–”

“This was all in the plan,” she revealed. I witnessed the weight of the world fall onto her shoulders. It devastated me knowing there was nothing I could do about it.

“It was there the entire time. I saw it happening. I felt it happening. I’ve shoved it to the back of my head at least a hundred times.

“As much as I’ve seen you in my dreams, I’ve seen our angel. A son. Wings translucent. Small. And fluttering at the mere sound of your name. Or mine. I’ve seen it over and over and over in my head. A nightmare. I’ve loved and hated the image in my head since it first appeared.

“I just didn’t know– I didn’t know it would be now. I didn’t know our child would be ripped right from us before either of us even knew of his existence. And, I’d imagine the fact we didn’t would make this easier. It doesn’t.”

I agreed. “It doesn’t. I’ve never wanted something so much. Something I didn’t know I wanted yet. Not until I realized it was gone.”

She nodded.

“I’m gutted,” I admitted.

“You have work to do tonight, baby.”

“I don’t want to move. I want to lay here. I want to stay here.”

I buried my face between her neck and shoulder.

“It is game four in the series and you’re up three games, Saint. There’s no such thing as lying here. You have work to do. For me– for you– for us.”

I had won the game the night before her performance and the night before that. Both times, she was front row, watching me kill shit on the court. Last night, we had won again.

Tonight, we could take home the championship. I just needed my head in the game. That was easier said than done. I’d lost a child. It didn’t matter that they were just beginning life inside their mother’s womb. A child loss was a child loss.

“I have some work to do, myself. We have to. Lying here would be the easy route. We can’t take that route. I never have. I never will. I won’t allow you to, either. You hear?”

She raised my chin and made me face her. Tears clouded my eyes. I was hurting. She’d mourned this death over and over. It was my first time, and grief had slapped me across the face. Anger budded and sprouted quickly. Someone had intentionally poisoned my woman.

That would never sit well with me. While August and Koen were there to protect her from visible threats, it was an invisible one that had nearly claimed her. Claimed us.

“I want to get my hands on whoever did this to you–”

“Shhhhh. All I need you to do is play ball. I’m going to dance my heart out tonight knowing you’re on that court preparing to bring me home that trophy. And, when it’s all said and done, we meet here to celebrate. Just you and I. No friends. No family. Just you and I.”

“Just us.”

“Just us.”

She rubbed the side of my face as she kissed my lips.

“You need to rest before you go on stage tonight.”

“Rest would only kill my spirit. I need to feel the wood beneath my feet,” she admitted. “I need to be in the studio. I have less than three hours before the show.”

“I was going to wait–” I started. “Until you came home with me after the first show. But, that never happened. You ended up scaring the shit out of me, instead.”

A smile turned her lips upward. I could feel my mood begin to shift already. It was funny the way love could heal you and hurt you simultaneously. You didn’t want to live without it but you’d gladly die for it.

“And everyone else.”

I slid from bed and extended my hand.

“Come here.”

She took my hand and allowed me to lead her through my home.

“The gray and white decor had grown on me. It was sleek. Sophisticated. Simple. Just like you,” she told me.

“Thank you. I didn’t know you weren’t feeling it.”

“It’s not that I wasn’t. It was just– blah .”

“Blah? Hell that mean?”

“I don’t know. It was just so plain. I’m starting to like it now. It doesn’t tell you how to feel like most colors. It takes direction from you.”

“True. True.”

We descended the stairs. Made our way through the kitchen, and then down a second set of stairs. Stairs she didn’t know existed.

“Well, this is new.”

“Eyes closed,” I prompted her.

“How will I see where I’m going?”

“I’ll be your eyes, Mellow.”

She sealed her eyelids, allowing me to be her eyes. The trust she put in me was liberating. Her submission was natural. She didn’t care to lead. She wanted to follow as long as she was following the right person. The right leader.

We walked another three feet, turned a corner and stopped.

She waited for instruction as her heart beat wildly in her chest. I watched as a smile curved her lips.

Her bare foot lifted, displaying an unbelievable arch.

And, then, on the tips of her toes she went. Eyes still closed, she spun in circles.

Around.

Around.

Around.

Around.

Around.

Around.

Around .

Until finally, both feet hit the floor and her eyes popped open. Joy and sadness and despair and fear and pride became her.

She gazed in my direction. Lovingly. Thankfully.

“It’s beautiful.”

Next to the studio I'd finished for her on the lower level of my home was a basketball court.

A pickleball court. An indoor football field.

And, an open area that I had yet to figure out a purpose for.

The lower level was the same square footage as my home.

There was so much left unfinished and unfurnished, but would be over time.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it.”

I leaned against the wall, watching her have her way on the wood, wishing she’d join me on the court tonight. I needed her by my side, but she had shit to handle and so did I.

And, I love you .

I stepped out of my whip with a chip on my shoulder. My tardiness wasn’t intentional, but getting out of the house was easier said than done. I had to get Rome to the theater safely. Right now, she was my first priority.

The ring was my second. I knew, undoubtedly, it was mine. I had to bring it back to her tonight. I’d promised. And, I didn’t break my promises. Not to Mellow.

“Son–”

My father met me at the entrance of the building.

“Pops, what’s up?”

“Everything alright? We’ve been calling you. Coach been looking for you.”

“I’m here.”

“Well, obviously, brown-eyed fucker.”

I paused, glaring at him with the same brown eyes he had passed on to me.

“Not today, man. Not today.”

I took off, heading for the door. Just as quickly, I was pulled back and led to the side of the tunnel, behind the cars of the coaching staff and a few teammates.

“Sac. What’s the matter? Is everything alright with Rome?”

I looked off into the distance, feeling my heart breaking in my chest. Hundreds and hundreds of pieces shattering with no one to catch them. I flexed my nostrils, willing myself not to shed a fucking tear. To keep it together. To keep my shit intact. But, Rome was my baby.

It didn’t matter what she meant to others. She meant the world to me. And, I thought the world of her. She was resilient, but she was hurting. I wouldn’t be there for her tonight. Just like I wasn’t there when all of this shit was happening to her. Through her.

“Son– talk to me. Is everything alright?”

“She was pregnant,” I confessed, unable to look my pops in the eye.

A tear fell down my cheek. I swiped it as quickly as it came.

“She wa– she was pregnant.”

Without any words shed, my father closed the gap between us. He placed his arm around me and brought me closer for a hug. He squeezed my body against his. Things I’d felt since Rome’s body hit that stage came crashing down on me at once.

“She was fucking pregnant,” I wept like a newborn.

When my tears stopped flowing and my breathing returned to normal, my father loosened his grip.

“That tears me apart. Hearing that. I didn’t know. Does your mother know?”

I shook my head.

“Nah. Neither does Nadia. But, they were there when it happened.”

“Let ‘em feel your pain tonight, son. Leave it all on the court. And, take her that ring. She deserves it.”

“That’s not the only ring I’ve got for her, Pops.

I’m going to marry her. No waiting around.

No stalling. Nothing. I’m going to marry her.

I’m going to make her my wife. I don’t care what everybody else is doing or how everybody else is moving.

I have exactly who I want. I ain’t letting up off her.

Time waits for no one. I’m ready to be a husband. Her husband .”

“Never let the social norm determine your timeline. Move how you want to. I’ve always taught you that.

Hell, your mother had a ring on her finger and was pregnant with your sister by the third date.

Hell I was gone wait for? She was mine after the first night.

Live your life, son. It’s yours. Nobody else’s. ”

“Appreciate that.”

“I’d appreciate a motherfucking win tonight. Let me see what you ’bout.”

“You already know what I’m ’bout.”

“Show me, then.”

I made my way toward the locker room where the team was filing out.

“De Bacco,” Coach Downy called out to me.

“Yeah.”

“Let me talk to ya,” he insisted.

I made my way to his side.

“Your mother told me you have some personal things going on. While your tardiness is excused tonight, I need you on top of your game. We have the chance to bring this series on in with four games straight. Skunk! You with me or what?”

“I’m with you, Coach. Ready to put this shit to bed so I can get back home to my woman.”

“Let her be your motivation then, player.”

“She is.”

“Alright, let me run this down to you right quick. Ain’t nothing you haven’t heard in practice. Just a refresher before we go out here and kick some ass.”

“I’m all ears.”

I watched the board as he scribbled on it, reminding me of one play after the other. By the time we made it to the court, the board was under his armpit and our team was prepared to shoot around until tip off.

Naturally, my eyes landed where Rome was game after game. Tonight was different. Everything about it was uncomfortable. However, I’d made a promise that I fully intended to keep.