Page 25

FIVE

She looked like a doll.

A sad doll.

A confused doll.

A doll who was slowly starving herself of her beauty.

“Aliza,” I called out, regaining her attention.

“Yes?”

“Your food.”

I tipped my head toward her plate. She hadn’t touched it since I’d set it in front of her. Instead of encouraging her to spend a little time in the kitchen, I made it my business to do so. Tonight I’d prepared smothered chicken, rice, and broccoli.

Simple. And something I was sure she’d consume. However, she hadn’t touched her fork and I was halfway finished with my plate.

“Picture this,” she paused, “End of summer wedding. Outdoors. Vineyard. Mid-September. Not too hot. Not too cool. Perfect.”

I listened, clearing my throat.

“Guest list of one hundred and fifty. We both get seventy-five guests. Instead of wedding gifts, we accept wedding donations. Joined bachelorette and bachelor party. Your friends. Mine. A grand time in another city or maybe even another country,” she continued.

Silently, I watched as she gave details to the event I’d been waiting patiently for her to even acknowledge. I was searching for the words that needed to be said and the things that needed to be addressed, but I was drawing blanks.

“What do you think?”

I shrugged.

“It’s your day, too, Sac. Any requests?”

I shook my head as I lowered it. Squaring my shoulders, I lifted it and adjusted my body in my chair.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing, Aliza.”

Discomfort consumed me.

“Seriously?”

I nodded.

“That’s it?”

“I’m just trying to figure out where this is coming from suddenly? I haven’t heard you mention our wedding since the fourth month of our engagement.”

“Well, it’s been on my mind lately. Has it not been on yours?”

“It hasn’t,” I admitted. “Not lately.”

“Oh, wow,” she scoffed. “You said that so– I don’t know.”

“Would you have rather I lied?”

“No, but damn.”

I shrugged.

“I’m not trying to upset you. I’m just not in the headspace to discuss a wedding I’ve been planning alone in my head for three years.

Every time I’ve brought the conversation to your attention, you’ve deflected.

Now that you’re ready to begin planning, my head is elsewhere.

I’m not trying to do this tonight, Aliza. ”

She pursed her lips and nodded her head, sarcastically.

“Then what are you trying to do?”

“Get you to eat your food.”

“And what about marrying me? Are you even still trying to do that? Because it doesn’t sound like it.”

I didn’t respond. The question had taken me by surprise.

While my goal was clear for the night, I didn’t want Aliza trying to digest the new information I had for her on an empty stomach.

I wasn’t sure how many days would pass before she was sitting in front of solid food again.

I’d spent the last hour and a half in the kitchen making sure she filled her belly. My effort was in vain.

“Saint. I asked you a question.”

I rubbed my hand down my face, ending with the hair on my chin.

“Are you having second thoughts about marrying me?”

I exhaled.

“Do you still plan on marrying me?”

I gnawed on my bottom lip before adjusting my posture, again. My throat cleared with a rapid grunt.

“Aliza, had you asked me that two years ago, without hesitation, the answer would’ve been yes.

Had you asked me that a year ago, I would’ve said I’m ready when you are.

But, now that you’re asking me today– three years after I got on one knee and asked you to share a life with me, I can’t give you a genuine yes.

A definite yes. A confident yes. A truthful yes. So many parts of it would be a lie.”

Her face fell flat. Her mouth slackened and her eyes swelled on her face.

“Are you serious right now?”

“I am,” I confessed.

“What has changed suddenly?”

“Everything, Aliza. And, this change wasn’t sudden. It was gradual.”

“And you never thought to say anything?”

“You’ve known it all along. What was there to say? You put our relationship on the backburner for the last two and a half years to advance in your career.”

“I have dreams, Saint!”

“Which I admired and supported. But, you said, yes, Aliza. You said yes to prioritizing us. Yes to marrying me. Yes to supporting my dreams of a wife and a family. Yes to making plans. Yes to this union. But, it’s only been about Aliza since I put that ring on your finger.”

“Don’t make this about me.”

“I’m not. Not this time, love. And, that’s what’s changed here. I’ve decided to decenter you for once, because as long as you’re the center of every decision I make, happiness is subjective.”

“Sain–”

“Every time I’ve opened my mouth about the wedding, you’ve made it clear it was not in your immediate plans. Every time that happened, a small piece of me chipped away. I don’t have any more pieces, Aliza. My heart isn’t in it anymore. My thoughts are elsewhere. My interest lies elsewhere.”

“Where?” She asked.

Her eyes were glossy. Her eyebrows were crinkled. Her face was contorted.

“Have you cheated?”

I shook my head.

“No. I haven’t. I’m not that guy. We both know that.”

“Then where does your interest l–”

“With who,” I corrected her.

“Wh– who?” She stuttered.

My heart broke as her chest caved. The tears began. I exhaled, hating to see the pain flash across her pretty face. I sat back in my seat, rubbing the corners of my mouth with my index finger and thumb.

“There’s a girl, Aliz–”

Before I finished my sentence, she bolted from her chair. She stormed past me, stomping into the hallway. I closed my eyes, wishing I had the energy to follow behind her. I didn’t. It would only create more chaos. I listened as she climbed the stairs.

I unlocked my phone and prepared my mother’s contact. There would be a call placed. I just wasn’t sure when. I retrieved my utensil and continued my meal. I tried my hardest to place my feelings, but they were in a realm of their own at the moment.

Maybe later. I reasoned, understanding I was still in the thick of things.

Patiently, I waited for the sound of Aliza descending the stairs. It came eight minutes after she’d gone up. She dragged a laundry bag full of her things through the dining room, stopping at the table in front of me.

“I hope it isn’t your money that interests her,” she grimaced, bitterly, while slamming the key to my house and the garage opener on the table.

She struggled to pull the laundry bag in the opposite direction. I stood, reaching for the oversized bag made of thick, stretchable fabric.

“Don’t!” She yelled. “Don’t fucking help me. I don’t need your help, Saint. And, I don’t need you. Fucking asshole!”

Tossing both hands in the air, I retired in my seat. I returned my attention to the food in front of me, digging in for a third time. This time, I didn’t stop until I could see the white around the entire glass dish.

The silence confirmed Aliza’s disappearance. I unlocked my cell again and placed a call to my mother.

“Sac?” She answered on the first ring, concern etched in her tone.

“Good evening, lady,” I said, hoping to calm her nerves.

“Evening, son. What’s up?”

“I need a favor.”

“I’m listening.”

“Contact Aleena. Make sure she checks on Aliza tonight or first thing in the morning. Tell her to set Aliza up with the therapist she was referred to. Make sure she understands I will pay for her first twelve months in full. I’ll also finish the year’s payments for her condo.

The title of her car will be transferred into her name by the end of next week. ”

The line was quiet.

“Mom?” I was prompted to ask. “Did you hear me?”

“Yes. Yes, I heard you son.”

“Good. I’m going to head up for a shower.”

“Do you want to know what Aleena says?”

“No. No, I don’t.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I yawned.

I lowered the phone from my ear just as I heard my mother’s voice again.

“Sac–”

I lifted the cell again. Resting it against my ear.

“Yes?”

“Do you think she’ll make you happy?”

I paused, allowing the question to marinate. A mother always knows, was one of my mother’s mottos. She proved it was true year after year. Without mentioning Rome, she already knew. She always knew.

“Yeah,” I admitted, “I think she’ll make me a very happy man. The happiest I’ve been.”

“Me too.”

She ended the call before I had the chance to. Instantly, the burden of my relationship was lifted. I felt a hundred pounds lighter. The idea of corniness kept me grounded and not out of my seat for a victory dance. I wasn’t sure just how condemning my engagement was until now.

And, though I was enchanted by the newest member of my mother’s neighborhood, she wasn’t the reason for the conclusion of my relationship. She was simply the fuel to an already brewing fire.

I’d broken a promise. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew it was for my betterment. That would always be the main goal.

Even in her sadness, she stood out like a sore thumb. A pretty sore thumb. Aliza was draped in black. The darkness of her fabrics highlighted her light brown skin. Her hair hung down her back, resembling waves of the ocean.

“Vultures on three,” Coach Johnson yelled.

I leaned in, extending my arm. The huddle was full.

Every team member was in attendance, surrounded by the coaching staff.

I shook my head, ridding myself of my last memory of Aliza.

It had been a little under twenty-four hours since our engagement had ended and I hadn’t received a text or call from her.

However, she was courtside with her feet against the wood.

Her season passes were still active and would be until the season ended.

Though our relationship had ended, our history wouldn’t allow me to bring her anymore turmoil.

She’d enjoyed watching me play since we were children.

I doubted that would ever change regardless of our relationship status.

“One. Two. Three.”

“Vultures!” We chanted in unison.

Prrrrrt . The whistle sounded, marking the start of the game.