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It was good to be home. As much as I loved St. Catana and what I was cultivating on the island, I missed Clarke dearly. It was the city of my wildest dreams and that would never change. It didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing.

“Good morning, August. Good morning, Koen.”

Though my yard was empty, I was aware that I wasn’t alone. I was hardly ever alone when I stepped outside of my home. It had always been that way. I doubted much would change. Teddy was insufferable. But , he meant well. My protection was his priority. It always has been.

“Shit,” Koen whispered as he appeared from the bush. “August, come on out, man.”

He shook his head as he cleaned his tracksuit. Defeat covered his handsome face.

“Good morning, Balle.”

“Good morning, Balle.”

With their hands in front of them, they both greeted me.

“He didn’t tell you, huh?”

“Tell us?”

“You wouldn’t be joining me this morning?”

“Hm?” August asked.

“Of course he didn’t. He told you to pretend I was alone.”

“Well, in our defen–”

“Quiet, Koen. You don’t have a defense.” I sighed. “Did you at least sign up?”

He nodded. “We did.”

“Good.”

I headed toward the street, prepared to strike out. Low protests began behind me. I turned around, wondering what was going on.

“Yes?” I questioned.

“Why aren’t you taking the car?” August wanted to know.

“I need a pre-work out before the actual workout. A warm up.”

“The meet up is two miles away,” Koen informed me.

“I’m aware.”

“How will we get back?”

“The same way we came,” I assured them.

Instant regret covered their faces. Victory would be mine soon. Patience was the key.

“Bal–”

I pressed play on my cell, drowning out their moans and groans as their faces fell flat with regret.

If I were lucky enough, they’d give up before the start of the group run.

However, I knew the nature of their punishment if they did, so my chances were slim to none.

Nevertheless, I’d try my hardest to get them to tap out. If not both, one would suffice.

SZA settled in my spirit as I conquered the path to the meetup. The inclination of Clarke initiated the burn that felt so familiar, I almost missed it. Most late nights as I lie in bed, I craved it. Movement was one of my love languages. Not for others, but for self.

I was fluent in fluidity when it came to Rome Childers. Maintaining my mobility and exercising the privilege made me feel alive.

Useful.

Purposeful.

Beautiful.

Disciplined .

One foot in front of the other, I put the two miles behind me without stopping to catch my breath once.

Stop signs were my nemesis. The guys longed for the moment we approached one.

With their hands on their knees, exhausted from the sixteen-minute warm-up, they tried regulating their systems. I tapped the earphones, pausing my music.

Strong lungs and long-windedness weren’t a requirement for employment. Your ability to fire a weapon with precision, outsmart the average person, remain poised in the eye of danger, and your willingness to die are what determined your level of qualification.

“Stay far behind. Far behind,” I requested, “And, keep a good pace. If you’re going to accompany me, I’m going to hold you accountable. Both of you. That was only sixteen minutes. A start. We will be running for the next hour, and we must return home shortly after. Tighten up.”

With nods, both agreed. Words weren’t spoken because neither of them had caught their breath yet.

“I’m secretly rooting for you both, although I wish you’d just give up.”

“N– not an option, Balle.”

“I know,” I admitted, tapping my earphones to resume my playlist.

The group of young, Black, and successful professionals was large. Chemistry’s request for security during the run wasn’t baffling. Not in the least. I understood.

This was out of my comfort zone. This was out of his comfort zone. And neither of my sisters were running beside me. His back was against the wall.

The long, dark-skinned man, who I assumed was the orchestrator of the weekly event, began yelling over the crowd, giving simple instructions to everyone in attendance.

My playlist continued running. I’d studied the run club for three weeks.

There wasn’t anything coming out of his mouth that was new information to me.

I’d gone over the map. I’d run the route twice. I’d gathered details. I’d taken notes. I was ready.

As he continued to speak, I pulled one arm across my chest to begin my stretches. Once it popped, I switched arms and repeated the process. I placed both hands on my hips and began rotating them to open them up in preparation for full stride.

With my legs shoulder-width apart, I leaned forward and grabbed hold of my sneakers. I pushed my right shoulder blade leftward and then the left one rightward.

“Mmmm.”

Satisfaction comforted me. As I straightened my spine, preparing to squat, a whiff of sweet musk inflated my nostrils.

My eyebrows cinched forward, gathering near the center of my forehead.

My cheeks flattened with hunger. My throat ached from thirst. Suddenly, I was famished, and food didn’t meet the requirements of my craving.

Completely deterred by the pleasant fragrance, I lowered my butt toward the ground.

Careful.

Careful.

My equilibrium had been altered. Falling on my behind was certainly a possibility at this point. Falling forward onto my face was as well.

Good .

I extended my left leg and pushed my body toward the right. I, then, extended my right leg and pushed my body toward the left. The aroma intensified.

My God .

A vast presence surrounded me. Though silent, it was consuming. I closed my eyes, attempting to collect myself. A sharp inhale and delayed exhale proved that it wouldn’t be so simple.

The words of the song playing through my earbuds blended into beautiful, unrecognizable melodies.

I couldn’t understand a single lyric of the song.

I wasn’t even sure what was playing, although I’d carefully curated the playlist over three weeks.

I knew every track and exactly where it was on the list. Right now, I knew nothing.

My chest tightened as the knots formed in my heart. The pleasurable pain was the most profound feeling I’d experienced in my twenty-four years of life. I stood upright, pressing my palm against my crewneck, hoping to settle the aches. There was no use.

It hurts.

It hurts so good .

My conclusion didn’t come without evidence. Neither did it come without a culprit. As my lids separated, I was met by the menace. The offender. The malefactor. My transgressor.

The sight of him made my stomach turn. A yearning beyond explanation was born in the pits of me. The deep parts. The dark parts where it was impossible for light to reach.

How he’d reached them wasn't perplexing to me. I’d seen him over a hundred times in my dreams. His presence, however, was mystifying. It felt as cryptic as it felt inevitable. As bemusing as it was enlightening. As puzzling as it was clear. As real as it was make-believe.

But his face–

His voice–

It was all a mystery. It didn’t matter how many times I encountered him, they remained unseen and unheard. Yet, his presence sufficed. It always did. Even now, before words were exchanged. Before his handsome, unfathomable face cleared in the small distance between us.

My God . I gasped, taking him in at once and overdosing simultaneously.

Closing my eyes, I savored the magnetic energy. I’d fallen victim to it at least twice a month, every month since the tender age of ten. Again. And, again. And, again.

My chest lifted dramatically and fell with just as much emphasis. The thermal energy from another human’s frame caused me to stop breathing altogether. Everything in my world stopped, even my heart.

He’s real .

Emotions swelled in my heart. I swallowed the nothingness in my throat.

Waiting.

Anticipating.

Yearning .

I opened my eyes to find him standing in front of me. With his head leaning to the side, he waved his left hand in front of me, drawing me from the trance he was completely oblivious to. I felt my eyebrows wrinkle on my forehead.

Words.

Words.

Use your words .

I struggled to access my vocabulary. I was beyond words. I was beyond this world at the moment. I’d been catapulted into another stratosphere. One where we both belonged. One where we’d wedded and had two children. Two girls.

No. A girl and a boy .

With legs as long as his and mine, we’d make athletes, for sure. As the thought passed through my head, I felt cool fingers against my ear. And, then there was the sound of nature and the person who was in charge.

Koen’s body pushed forward. August’s hand went into the pocket of his dri-fit jacket. He wasn’t reaching for his water bottle. He was reaching for something that would start a fire, not put one out.

I stiffened my hand, balling it into a firm fist. The gesture halted movement from them both.

I’m okay , I spelled discreetly with my fingers.

Hesitantly, they both retreated. Suddenly, I could breathe again.

My God, Teddy .

I watched as my earbud was curled into the palm of the man in front of me. He smelled like a slice of heaven. He looked like one too.

Like he bathed in clouds.

Like he was the closest thing to Godliness.

Like he ruled nations.

Like he sucked good.

Like he fucked good.

Like he made love to those who didn’t know what love felt like.

Like me.

Like Rome.

Like Rome Childers.

Or Rome whatever his last name was .

“Excuse me.”

He speaks . I concluded, completely dismantled on the inside.

His voice was like silk, lacing the tracks playing in my earbuds. It was firm yet gentle. It was deep yet light. It was chaotic yet soothing. It was a dream and nightmare wrapped in one, because now that he’d spoken, it was my turn to do the same. Unfortunately, I had no words.

Just thoughts.

Just feelings.

Just concerns.

Just disbelief .

“Good morning,” he greeted.

“You’re real,” I whispered.