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“I understand you’re engaged and there is conflict there, but my heart won’t allow me to care, knowing in the end you will be mine.

Simultaneously, my morals won’t allow me to interfere with your union, so I won’t.

Because, I’m a woman before I’m a lover.

Before any of that, I’m good and good people don’t hurt people. They shouldn’t, at least.”

She paused, shaking her head. Her hand fell near her side.

“You’re mine, Saint. From your head to your soles, you belong to me. Knowing this for years and years and years, yet having to wait has equipped me with an incredible amount of patience. And, I’ll continue to wait. However, I won’t wait long.

“I’ve suffered long enough due to your absence. Nevertheless, I won’t pursue you. And, I won’t entertain your pursuit of me until you’re a single man. I’m aware of my position in your life, although you’re clueless. Because I know where we will stand in the end, I will never be too far.

“I’ll always be within reach. And, I don’t mean being your parent’s neighbor. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. I’ll always be within reach. The moment it all makes sense for you, I’ll be here. I’ll be near. And, every moment after will reflect your pursuit of me.

“My knowledge of our fate will not exempt you from the chase. The hunt. I won’t relieve you of your responsibilities as a man in pursuit of a woman.

You must pursue me. Court me. Woo me. Convince me that you are worthy of my time and energy.

Because, our ending won’t come to fruition unless the journey is as unique as us.

“I’m inexperienced, but I am no fool. I understand what I deserve and you will, too. Soon enough. I’ll leave you no choice, Saint.”

Speechless, I stared at Rome, unblinking.

“Do you understand?”

My mouth slackened. My heart tried breaking through my skin.

“Do you understand what I am saying to you?”

I nodded.

Suddenly, the light in her eyes darkened and the muscles of her face relaxed. Though her words were soft, they hit like a MACK truck.

“It’ll be good having friendly neighbors,” she claimed, swiftly changing the subject. “Thank you for the warm welcoming. Tell your family the same.”

She extended her hand. I was immediately insulted. I watched as it lowered after she realized I had no interest in it. Instead, I placed a hand on her waist and pulled her closer to me.

Naturally, her arms slid up my chest and around my neck. I clung to her body, her scent, and the feeling of her body pressed against mine. She relaxed against me. Her comfort was gratifying. She belonged here.

It felt like a lifetime passed us by before I finally let her go. And, when I did, I regretted it. So much so that my hand went around her waist a second time, pulling her in again. This time, I didn’t linger in her space.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

I allowed her to have it back after six seconds. She stepped back, struggling to catch her breath. I’d stolen it all. My lungs were at capacity as I pushed out the words that would haunt me all night if I didn’t release them.

“For the record, Rome, I’m not clueless. I’m captivated– and utterly curious .”

I rejoined my family at the golf cart. Silence toyed between us. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts. I couldn’t help but want to be lost in hers, too. I didn’t have to wait long for it all to make sense. It was beginning to make sense already.

“You know, son, five years ain’t so bad. Wait a little longer, and I promise that situation will work itself out. The solution was just staring you dead in that ugly ass face of yours.”

With glee, he started the engine of the cart and reversed out of the driveway. Though he was ignorant half the time, he was hardly ever wrong.

My belly rumbled from hunger. Still, my lack of appetite didn’t allow me to feel a particular way about Aliza breaking another promise to prepare dinner.

“Ummmm–” she praised the company she’d chosen off an app on her phone. “This is unbelievable. Baby, have some… seriously.”

She’d been feasting on Chinese takeout for the last ten minutes. And, while it wasn’t a protein-packed serving on a dinner plate in front of me, it was satisfying watching her consume spoonful after spoonful of rice. She’d broken her fast.

“And the spring roll–” she marveled at the half eaten one in her hand. “You have to try one.”

Silently, I rejoiced every time her spoon touched her lips. Her quest to convince me to join her started long before the food arrived. However, I was uninterested, especially in dishes that weren’t prepared in the kitchen as she’d promised.

I shook my head. “Go ahead, baby.”

“Are you upset with me?” She inquired, placing the spring roll on the napkin next to the styrofoam box that held the heap of rice she was putting a large dent in.

I shook my head again. “I’m not, Aliza.”

“Then eat. I know you’re hungry.”

Not for food, love .

“I’m fine.”

“This is my punishment– this is my punishment for not cooking dinner.”

“I would’ve cooked dinner myself had I known you wouldn’t,” I admitted, “But this has nothing to do with dinner. I’m just– not in the mood for Chinese or takeout. Has nothing to do with you, Aliza. All me,” I explained, placing a hand on my chest.

And her .

“Well, I feel awful,” she lied.

Tittering, I watched her put another spoonful of rice in her mouth.

“No you’re not.”

Her lies were hilarious. Far from offensive because I knew she didn’t mean any harm by them. They just fell out of her mouth before she knew what she was saying.

Chuckling, she nodded.

“Okay, that was a lie. But, that’s not the point here. I– Sometimes I just feel like I won’t ever be the woman, the wife you imagined marrying and creating a life with. You prefer someone that’s a homemaker. A woman who cooks. Cleans. Waits on you hand and foot. G–”

“I prefer a woman to be herself, Aliza. Whoever she might be. I’m no fool. When I put that ring on your finger, I knew you weren’t a homemaker. And, I’m not trying to make you one, either. I’m just trying to get you to understand the importance of keeping the promises you make.

“Whether it be making dinner or making dinner reservations. Whatever you choose to do in this relationship, love, I just want you to do it well. And do it right. And, not cause confusion when clarity is our goal. That’s not too much to ask.

My mother is my nutritionist and personal chef. I’ll never miss a meal unless you’ve promised me one. You understand how that works?”

“Yes.”

“That’s all I’m saying,” I told her.

“I’m sorry.” She sighed, apologetically.

This time, she wasn’t bluffing. Her eyes were all the evidence I needed. Her shoulders rounded and her posture slackened.

“I’m going to do better, Saint. And, I don’t mean later. I’m going to work on not making my life and relationship harder than it has to be.”

“You’d be doing yourself a favor, baby. Out of your head. Just get out of your head.”

“Yeah,” she agreed.

“I’m heading to the shower. Early morning flight.”

“Okay. I’ll be up when I’m done.”

I stretched my limbs until they popped. I rounded the table, meeting Aliza’s lips on the other side.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

I pushed my lips into hers and then pulled back. Gloom covered her pretty brown features. I wrapped my hand around her low ponytail, forcing her to look up at me.

“Whaa?” She asked, softly.

“I’m not mad at you, aight?”

“Then why didn’t you eat?”

“Alot on my mind. Has nothing to do with dinner. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you upstairs.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you back.”

I kissed her a final time before releasing her.

As if I was in a rush to bed, I hurried down the hallway, up the stairs, through my bedroom, and into my bathroom where I closed the door behind me.

I turned on the water, running the shower to rid it of the cold water. Finally, I settled against the counter.

With my back against the granite, I buried my head in my hands. I shook my head, hoping to clear my head. Too much was happening up there that I had no control over. Since I’d stepped down from that fucking porch, I no longer owned my thoughts.

You’re mine, Saint. From your head to your soles, you belong to me .

Her sureness was arousing. Mind-boggling. Soul-stirring. And, it didn’t matter how much I tried pushing her words to the back of my head, I couldn’t. There was truth to them. To some degree. I’d known since I saw her pretty face on stage at Huff Theater.

Her declaration was confirmation. It explained so many unanswered questions. Something within me shifted at the sight of her that night. Everything in me shifted to their rightful places at the sound of her proclamation.

Rome .

Her name circulated. It replayed in my head, looping like a broken record. I peeled my clothes off after losing the short battle in my head. The glass shower door slid back with ease. I stepped inside and allowed the water to knead away the stress I was feeling.

I arched my spine and closed my eyes. There was no way to vanquish the thoughts. They were loud and they were repressive, shutting down any and everything else.

It had been three years since I’d gotten on one knee and asked my lifelong best friend to be my wife.

It had been four years since we’d decided to give a relationship a shot.

It had been fifteen years since I’d made a promise I had no intention of breaking.

Yet, here I was wondering if I was walking into my glory or a lifetime of regret.

Maybe we haven’t progressed because we weren’t supposed to . I reasoned, soaping the towel.

I scrubbed my skin as I sat with my revelation. With the thought still at the forefront, I rinsed and washed up a second time. Once I was clean, I stood underneath the showerhead and considered my next steps.

Is this temptation? I questioned.

Closing my eyes, I began to talk to the only Man with the answers I was in search of.

Or fate?

With my hand against the shower wall, I tightened my lids together and pressed for answers.