Page 53 of Retrograde

Brett gave her his signature cheeky grin, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. ‘We can sure as shit try, Sunny.’

There it was. The nickname was back, and she knew that regardless of how their big talk went, when she finally plucked up the courage to have it, they’d be okay.

Christmas Eve brought with it a mad dash to build the gingerbread house they’d collectively forgotten about.

They’d spent the better part of the day before building the biggest snowman Belgium had ever seen, having snowball fights and baking an excessive number of cookies.

Now, after a sugar crash, everyone was collapsed on the sofa watching Elf while Lucie and Brett took charge of salvaging the shambles of a gingerbread house structure.

They’d been getting along so well, if he didn’t keep looking at her like he was moments away from kissing her, Lucie might have forgotten that they still had so much to discuss.

That she still needed to confess her feelings.

But every time she did remember, she struggled to rehearse what to say in her head. How to say it.

‘Should we cover the roof in sprinkles?’ Brett rattled the jar.

‘Yeah, but the gold sparkly ones.’

‘Ah, of course. I should’ve known you’d want this thing to look aesthetically pleasing,’ he teased. ‘What else, black window frames?’

‘You know Jasmine is going to plaster this everywhere and give us the credit. I don’t want to be associated with something that looks like a six-year-old made it.’

Brett tipped the sprinkles over the top of the house, taking zero care in where they ended up.

If it were up to Lucie, she would’ve used tweezers to strategically place them.

She was the reason they’d always won gingerbread house competitions in previous years.

‘Ta da.’ He stepped back, looking mighty proud of his handiwork.

‘Interesting approach…’ she laughed when he feigned a pain in his chest. ‘It’s not looking too bad. We need jelly tots on it.’

‘Uh…’ Brett looked sheepish.

‘Oh, for God’s sake, you ate them, didn’t you?’ Lucie narrowed her eyes. ‘I take my eyes off you for two minutes, Anderson…’ She licked icing off her finger.

‘Mm.’ He gave her a meaningful look and she felt her cheeks flush.

‘Stop flirting! You’re putting me off my hot chocolate!’ Jasmine shouted from her spot amongst Ford, Marco and a mass of blankets. As soon as she said it, she turned and looked at them in horror. ‘Sorry,’ she grimaced.

It had been hard not to spill the details of their relationship to Jasmine, since her aunt had been living with them for so long and the first week or so she had been an ugly, crying mess.

But everyone was so used to them acting like a lovesick couple, it was no surprise that she had forgotten where they currently stood.

Lucie had been about to brush it off, but Brett’s reaction came too quickly.

He abandoned the frosting he’d been working on, putting the nozzle down on the counter and taking a hasty step back.

‘I’m going to take Ford out for a walk round the property.

But before I go, there’s something for you upstairs. Top drawer.’

With Ford leaping up to join him, everyone pretended they were still watching the film, while Lucie’s eyes darted to the stairs.

What was he talking about? She was rifling through the bedside table before she knew it, moving his watches and cables aside in a rush.

Then, tucked under a crime novel, she saw an envelope with her name on it.

She sat on the bed, trying to prepare herself for whatever was inside, then gently tore it open.

To My Sunshine Girl,

You aren’t supposed to be reading this. It was supposed to go up in flames like the other letters I wrote, but I knew it might come in handy.

You know I’m no good with emotions. The past year has proved that.

But I’m getting better, and more importantly, I’m healing.

For myself, my family, my friends, my team.

And for you. I don’t think there was a single defining moment when I fell for you, Sunny.

It was gradual. I fell a little bit harder with every touch, every glance, every laugh, every hug, every kiss.

I know you think I’m not the man for you, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that you’re the woman for me.

And because of that, because I feel it to my core, I want to become that man.

I don’t want anyone else. I never really did, I used all those women to fill a void, but you were never one of them.

You were and are my shining light, my sunshine, on every dark day.

I know you wouldn’t have crossed a line with me if you didn’t feel something for me, whether you knew it straight away or not.

That’s just not you. And I promise you, I wasn’t taking advantage of you.

I was being reckless, because I know being with me scares you.

Because you think I’m going to screw it up like I screw everything else up.

But not this. If you think you might be able to trust that I mean what I say, if you believe in me and in us, please say it.

You know you feel it, Sunny. Please. Let me love you.

Yours, Brett

When she finished, she looked up to see Faith standing in the doorway.

‘You know, when I met Jules, I didn’t know if I was ready.

For him, for everything he had to offer.

I didn’t think our worlds would work as one, but I loved him.

I realised very quickly that the universe put us on the same path for a reason.

We may have started out on two very different ones, but we were always going to end up together, we just had to be brave and take a giant leap of faith.

Now look at us, look at this. You and Brett have something special, Lucie. ’

They watched him trek across the field at the bottom of Julien’s property with the dog, leaving footprints in the blanket of snow that covered the ground. It was like something out of a film, and the man she loved with all her heart was the star of the show.

‘I trust him. I trust him to love me and not fuck it up.’

‘Luce, I say this with nothing but love.’ Faith gently took the letter from Lucie’s hand. ‘Stop being an idiot and get out there.’

Lucie was down the stairs and out of the back door in a heartbeat, shoving her feet into Faith’s wellington boots and running into the snowfall without a coat.

It was just her and her reindeer-print Christmas pyjamas against the world.

The closer she got to him, the more she struggled to see.

The snow was getting heavier, and she wasn’t equipped.

She was going to come face to face with him looking like a drowned rat, but if she didn’t say it now, the words would never come.

‘Brett!’ she called.

‘Sunny, what the fuck are you doing?’

‘Wait for me!’ She jumped over the log that was in her way.

‘I literally haven’t moved.’ Brett lifted his arms.

She finally made it to him, teeth chattering as she looked up at him in his bright red Revolution Racing beanie. Her star driver. ‘What do you want out of life, Brett?’

‘You. Just you.’ He brushed her hair behind her ear, the snow melting and making it cling to her forehead. She had always planned on looking absolutely showstopping when she did this, but to hell with it. This was the real them.

‘I know, I know. But I need to know the rest, Anderson. Please.’

‘A house, a garden, a vegetable patch. I want to spend my off time between races doing DIY projects and learning to cook, in one place I can call home. Whether it’s Italy, America, Australia.

I want dogs and chickens. We can discuss babies some other time, but for now?

I want goats. And I want to be wherever we feel the most at home, Luce. I just want to be with you.’

‘I love you. I should have said it in Tuscany. Hell, I should have said it in the Alps that first night. I should have said it when you finally broke up with Sienna, or after your first championship win. Your second. Third. My point is, I’ve been keeping it to myself for too long, and I’m tired.

I’m tired of pretending like my entire world doesn’t revolve around you.

If I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone. ’

‘Fuck me, Sunny,’ he laughed in disbelief. ‘I love you, too, you wombat.’

‘So, you didn’t sleep with Sienna that night I came looking for you?’

‘No, Lucie. It was never her I wanted.’

‘Fuck.’ She breathed out a shaky laugh. ‘Now I feel even worse.’

‘Don’t. We were both hurting, we both made mistakes, we were both shit scared of ruining our friendship.

But nothing has to change. That’s what makes us so perfect.

We just fit . Nobody on the planet will ever compare to you and the way I feel when I’m with you, and I don’t want them to.

You’re it for me, Sunny. Always have been, always will be. ’

‘Can I finally kiss you without having my heart ripped out of my chest?’ She smiled as his face inched closer and closer to hers.

‘Promise me goats and you can have whatever you want.’

‘You can have as many goats as we have space for.’

‘On our own farm?’ he murmured against her lips.

‘Mmhmm.’ And that was all she managed to get out before his lips were on hers, knocking the wind out of her. It was the best kiss yet. One that held the promises she’d been looking for all this time, a kiss that held their entire future within it.

Ten years. It had seemed like a lifetime while she was living it, but now it was just a drop in the ocean compared to all the years they had ahead of them.

She could finally kiss him and touch him without consequences, without worrying that he would never feel the same or she would end up alone, watching him move on with someone who wasn’t her.

She could watch him get behind the wheel of his beloved racing car and proudly shout from the rooftops that the racing driver the rest of the motorsport world loved was hers .