Page 23 of Retrograde

The sun was setting as race day came to a close, and Brett was starving.

The team had been awake since five o’clock in the morning, gone straight to the circuit and only left forty-five minutes ago.

The whole day had been jam-packed, and he just wanted some pasta.

And a drink. Some white wine or something, just to help release the stress that still hadn’t left his body since he got out of the car.

But he couldn’t be seen drinking, and nobody else was either.

He knew it was a show of solidarity for his drinking problem.

Brett still wasn’t convinced he needed to be babied like this.

He also didn’t need heartfelt speeches from Lucie that made him feel belittled.

He was going to hell for lying to Lucie.

And his teammates and his bosses and his family.

But Lucie most of all. He didn’t know what had come over him when he’d suggested to Lucie that they enter some sort of friends-with-benefits situation, considering he’d been in Sienna’s bed mere days ago.

Those women often made his head fuzzier than alcohol.

And he’d lied about his sobriety, too. A sure-fire sign of addiction that he was going to continue to push aside.

As the waiter came round and mistakenly offered him alcohol, he felt all eyes on him. He was sick of it. They didn’t need to walk on eggshells around him. ‘I’m okay, but how about a round of tequila shots for everyone else?’

‘We’re all right, mate,’ Julien rejected his suggestion, which irked Brett even more.

‘The hotel’s walking distance, go on. We’re here to celebrate, aren’t we?’ He was challenging him, Julien continuing to say no would cause a scene.

‘I’ll take his shot, so one for each of us.’ Marco thanked the waiter and nodded at Brett, signalling that he had his back.

‘Sorry I’m late!’ Bea burst in right as the shots were delivered and helped herself to one, saving Marco, world’s biggest lightweight, from giggling into his pasta when the main courses came out.

‘You okay?’ Lucie leaned into his side.

‘Fine.’ He hastily turned to talk to Gabriel and Jasper so she couldn’t make a drama out of nothing. His plan worked and she chatted away with the girls, but it didn’t stop her from resting her hand on his knee like he was about to crumble. Which, in fairness, he was.

He should tell her about Sienna, or at least tell someone. Julien would get it, he would understand. Instead, he excused himself from the table and took his phone with him.

‘Hello?’ She sounded happy to hear his voice, and it broke him even further.

‘Hey, Sen. What you up to?’ He didn’t quite know what to say to her, considering he hadn’t seen her since that night at the bar, and they’d barely texted.

‘Uh, I just woke up… is everything all right?’

‘Oh, shit! I forgot it’s early morning there. I’m so sorry.’

‘No worries. So…’ She trailed off. Right, he should speak. He called her.

‘I don’t really know why I called… I guess I just wanted to check in.’

‘You don’t have to, Brett. If you wanted the other night to be a one-time thing, for old times’ sake, then that’s what it is. Don’t stress about it.’ She didn’t sound sure, and he wasn’t sure.

‘Um… can I get back to you on that?’ He grimaced. He sounded like such a tool and he hated himself for it.

‘Sure. I’m going back to sleep, Brett. Take care of yourself, okay?’

‘You too.’

He slunk back to the table, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment for who he was becoming.

He was turning into a stereotypical bloke who played with women’s feelings and the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach only grew as he watched Lucie laughing with their friends.

How could a man like him ever be ready for a woman like her?

‘Would you like a glass of wine?’ Lucie nearly jumped out of her skin when the flight attendant appeared at her side, looming over her in the dim lighting of the cabin.

‘I’m good, thank you.’ She nodded at the gigantic bottle of water on the table beside her, her third since they’d boarded the flight to Sydney five hours ago.

She and the airplane toilets were becoming fast friends.

Since Brett was equally as dehydrated, they’d raced each other twice and fought their way into the tiny cubicle.

Brett might be fast, but Lucie had elbows she wasn’t afraid to use.

‘Excuse me, ma’am? Do you happen to have any milkshakes? Chocolate, strawberry? I’ll take banana as a last resort.’ Brett spoke loud enough that anyone in the surrounding seats could hear him, and Lucie tried to hold in her laughter. She failed when she caught his eye.

‘A milkshake? Sophistication truly is not your strong suit, is it?’

‘What? I need some sugar. Don’t mock me, Sunny. Do you think he’s mocking me?’ He gestured at the older gentleman in his suit in the seat next to him. ‘No, he’s minding his own business, like you should.’ He fake huffed at her.

‘Hello, Mr Anderson. Nice to have you flying with us again. But as I told you last time, we don’t do milkshakes. Can I get you something else?’ The flight attended raised an eyebrow.

‘What if I had type one diabetes and was having low blood sugar?’ Brett blinked at her.

‘We have Coca-Cola.’ She waved a menu at him.

‘Fine, that’ll have to do. Two, please.’ He tapped his card on the machine. ‘So, how’s your flight, Susie?’ he grinned up at her.

‘Susan. My flight would be better if I didn’t have to deal with your mischief.’

‘Come on! Admit I brighten your day.’

‘It’s like having my grandchildren at work with me. By the way, they loved the signed caps you sent them. Haven’t taken them off.’ All the sarcasm dropped from the woman’s tone and she lit up.

‘Any time.’ He took the drinks from her and she ambled her way back down the aisle, pushing her cart as Brett passed a cup to Lucie. ‘Want to watch a movie with me?’ he asked.

‘Which movie?’ They never agreed, they just sucked it up, but it did mean that Lucie had managed to slowly convert Brett into a romcom fanatic, and she bet she could convince him to watch How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days if she said yes.

As if he’d read her mind, he said, ‘I’m in a Matthew McConaughey mood.’

‘Make room, I’m coming over.’ They had established this routine years ago.

On a long-haul flight, rather than trying to sync up the on-board entertainment systems, Lucie would sit in Brett’s lap for the duration of whatever they were watching.

They even had a headphone splitter especially for these situations.

The only period of friendship when they hadn’t done this was when Brett was dating Sienna; even Lucie knew it would be inappropriate.

She wouldn’t want a girl curled up on her boyfriend’s lap, no matter how innocent it seems.

Lucie took the blanket with her, which may have given the elderly man next to Brett a heart attack if he looked over and got the wrong idea, but she didn’t care. She needed warmth and Brett was her human radiator.

She snuggled into him while he set about organising cables and navigating through the romcom category, ultimately settling on the exact one she wanted without her having to ask.

Laying her head back on his chest and letting Brett wrap his arms around her, chin resting on top of her head, Lucie was fast asleep before Andie and Ben had even met.

‘I’m so happy you came back here instead of going to LA.

’ Brett’s mum squeezed her arm as they walked along Palm Beach.

They had left Brett to take his sisters to the aquarium, much to his disgust, but the girls hadn’t wanted a beach day.

They lived here, it was nothing special to them.

But Lucie and Maggie loved getting away from the chaos and having a gossip.

Lucie was too embarrassed to admit to them all that the main reason she’d been grateful when Maggie offered her an escape route was because this was where they filmed one of her favourite Aussie soaps, and if Brett could see the way her eyes lit up when she spotted the film crew, he would never let her live it down.

His mum, on the other hand, was just as much of a fan.

‘Well, you know, LA has plenty of celebs, but it isn’t home to the River Boys.’

‘Brett told me off once for gawking at them so openly when they were filming a surf scene years ago. Apparently, they noticed, but it’s not like I was ushered away from the set, so clearly it wasn’t a problem. They’re probably so used to it. He acted like I’d thrown myself at them.’

‘Ah, sounds like jealousy to me!’ Maggie chirped.

‘Brett, jealous of a couple of actors? Maggie, have you ever noticed your son’s massive ego? I don’t think he was jealous; I think he was embarrassed by me literally drooling over a bunch of shirtless men.’

‘You two are the biggest idiots I have ever known.’ Maggie rolled her eyes playfully, and Lucie felt no need to push her further. She knew exactly what she meant.

‘But you love us.’ She nudged her.

‘You have no idea how much.’

‘I’m sorry, Maggie,’ Lucie’s voice softened, ‘for not taking better care of him.’

‘What are you talking about? You take better care of him than anyone .’ Maggie looked genuinely shocked, her greying hair pulled back off her face. Her eyes looked exactly like her son’s. Maybe that was one of the reasons Lucie felt so at home around her.

‘I feel like I let him down, and you.’

‘Of course you didn’t! He’s a big boy, Lucie.

He makes his own choices. All that matters is that you were there when he realised his mistakes, and you were there to guide him back on the right path.

You could so easily have abandoned him and left him to screw up his life, but you stuck by him.

That’s not letting him down, Lucie, that’s lifting him up. ’

‘I don’t know if Piper will see it that way. She still scares me.’