Page 20 of Retrograde

‘I’m going to make a banana smoothie, you want one?’ Brett rifled through the refrigerator, oblivious to her inner turmoil.

‘I’m good, got to go and shoot some content. See you later.’ Lucie scurried through the door, forgetting she had a half-eaten cookie in her hand. The only thing she did have an appetite for was Brett Anderson.

‘I think we have to accept there’s a strong chance he’s bullshitting us and that he’s not actually okay,’ Julien mumbled to Lucie.

They were in the garage on the morning of qualifying, watching Brett do yoga in the middle of the garage.

Yoga mat, workout gear, the lot. He even had the sunrise behind him, making the scene look like one of those social media photos with motivational quotes on.

Lucie thought how funny it would be if he were doing this when fans were in the pit lane, viewing the cars.

They would give anything to witness a racing driver in downward dog.

But instead, it was barely dawn and Lucie and Jules were concerned.

Brett had done this three days in a row in various places; the garage, the trailer, and in his and Lucie’s now-shared hotel room.

Her room had a double bed, but Brett was naturally a touchy-feely person even in his sleep.

He was making her life hell with their night-time spooning and ‘cuddle time’.

He’d been making smoothies multiple times a day, eating healthily aside from stealing her pistachio cookies, turning down alcohol at dinner and going for runs twice a day around the circuit, either alone or with his trainer. He’d even had a couple of chats with the team psychologist.

Those were all normal things for a racing driver, but they weren’t normal for Brett. He had always been able to get away with half-assing those things on race week because he was so overly-prepared the rest of the year.

‘It’s like he’s going over the top in an attempt to prove himself, right?’ she whispered.

‘Yeah, and all it’s doing is making us think he’s worse than he’s letting on,’ Julien frowned.

‘We have to trust him until he gives us a reason not to, though. We can’t baby him otherwise he’ll start shutting down and hiding his emotions. I got him to open up a bit yesterday, I think he’s on the right path.’

‘I don’t know, Luce. I’m just worried that this complete one-eighty he’s done is too good to be true. I’ve seen this before, my very first teammate completely let himself go. Lost everything. We thought he was okay, but he wasn’t.’ Julien’s jaw tensed.

Before she could answer and ease Julien’s concerns, Brett’s voice reached them from his spot on the floor.

‘Are you guys just going to stand there and stare at my ass all day? I know the view is impressive, but please, have some self-control. You’re embarrassing yourselves.’ Brett looked at them upside down from between his legs. ‘Anyone joining me?’

‘Screw it, I will.’ Lucie whipped her Revolution Racing hoodie off, revealing her purple sports bra, and left it in a heap on the floor.

‘You two are ridiculous.’ Julien laughed while they got into the lotus position, shaking his head as he left them to it.

‘We could try these yoga positions in the bedroom instead, if you want?’ Brett winked at her with a low laugh.

‘Anderson!’ Lucie’s arm shot out and smacked him in the chest, disrupting the peace.

He had joked about it before the Alps, but back then she had believed it was just that: a joke.

Now that lines were slightly more blurred, she could never be sure if his teasing held more meaning.

Given that they had almost slept together again in Vegas, before her freak-out, she feared it might be the latter.

He shrugged. ‘Offer’s there.’

‘I thought you were swearing off women for a few months, anyway?’ Lucie asked.

He’d made a passing comment before he went back to Australia about not getting mixed up with anyone, and her stupid brain had clung to that with what she unfortunately believed might be an inkling of hope that he was waiting for her.

But these comments showed he was the same old Brett, he only wanted one thing and that wasn’t a relationship.

‘You’re not women , Lucie. You’re you. The trust is there, the sexual chemistry is there.

What if it’s just as magical as it was two years ago?

’ Brett’s tone was softer than usual, like he knew this was a sensitive subject.

His usual cocky confidence was nowhere to be seen, and when Lucie’s eyes flew open in shock, his were still closed.

Magical ? Did Brett ever think that about other women he’d been with?

‘Brett, you don’t mean that.’

‘What makes you think I don’t mean it?’

‘Have you ever looked at the type of women you go for?’

‘What?!’ His own eyes shot open, and he gawked at her in disbelief. ‘The women that I– Lucie, do you not remember that I went for you? I go for you almost every day that I’m with you. I know you’re worried about boundaries, but that’s my whole point. I respect you, Sunny.’

‘I know, but I’m nothing like your ex or any of the girls you meet at parties.’

‘You’re right, you’re worlds apart from them, especially from Sienna, but not in the ways that you think.

Your differences don’t equate to how beautiful you are, Luce.

For a start ,’ he emphasised, holding his hand up to signify a number one, ‘your eyes have gold flecks in them. When you insist on sleeping with the curtains open, those gold flecks are the first thing I see when the sunlight streams in and our alarm goes off. Don’t get me started on your body.

Do you know how hard it is not to touch you?

To not place my hand on the curve of your waist, touch your neck in the way I know makes you shiver, and take you back to that night in the Alps?

That night has been on replay in my mind ever since, and watching your face when you reached your climax?

Yeah, I’m telling you now, I’ve slept with plenty of other women and nobody came close . ’

‘I –’ Lucie stuttered.

‘Wasn’t finished,’ Brett interrupted. ‘I don’t want you to think I’m trying to use you for sex. I just think that you and I both need a healthy release, and we trust and respect each other enough to be able to find that release in each other.’

‘I just don’t know if it’s wise, Brett. What if it changes how we are? Our dynamic?’

‘It’s risky, but we don’t know unless we try. I won’t ask you again, okay? But think about it, and just know that if the answer is yes, I’m open to it. But don’t think I’m expecting a yes, this is your choice.’

‘I’ll consider it,’ she agreed, already knowing her answer was a flat-out no.

Her head was scrambled enough without throwing frequent casual sex into the mix of their relationship.

She knew that she would always want more, and she knew that it would destroy them when Brett couldn’t give it to her.

One night together was enough to mess her up.

But he wasn’t going to ask again, which meant she could just never give him an answer, and they could brush it under the rug.

‘On another note, you want to come back to Sydney with me next week?’

‘To see your family?’

‘No shit. That’s where they live, Carolan.’ He rolled his eyes as he uncrossed his legs and stood up, rolling up his pink yoga mat.

‘Yeah, I’ll come. I’ve missed them.’ It had been months since she’d seen his sisters outside of a video call, and she was long overdue a coffee catch-up with his mum.

Lucie had been planning on going back to Los Angeles to see her own siblings, or to Tuscany where her parents were renovating their farmhouse, but if Brett wanted her at home with him, then that was where she’d be.

At least this way she could keep a close eye on him and still have a great time during the break between races.

Her siblings didn’t care either way, they were used to Lucie being a wild card.

She’d never missed a holiday and she always video called and sent gifts on their birthdays, and that was all that mattered to them.

There had been multiple times over the years when her family had flown to Australia or Brett’s family had flown to America so they could all hang out together.

Their families meshed together in a way that just made sense.

It wasn’t like she was ditching her family; she was just spending time with the other half of it.

She just had one concern about Sydney. They were in Brett’s apartment instead of a hotel room, and she knew from all her years of trying, and succeeding, that Brett was exceedingly hard to resist when he was standing in his kitchen shirtless, cooking her a fried breakfast and telling her how good she looked despite her bed hair. She was a glutton for punishment.