Page 25 of Retrograde

Twenty minutes into an episode of Black Mirror , Lucie paused the TV and glanced over at Brett.

He was sat on the opposite end of the sofa, arms crossed, eyes glued to the screen.

It was like she’d hit the pause button on him .

He hadn’t even noticed that the show was no longer playing, and he hadn’t touched the warm, buttery popcorn sitting on the white oak coffee table in front of him.

‘Do you want to go and see her?’ Lucie asked.

‘What are you talking about?’ His head turned.

‘I’m not stupid, Anderson.’

‘Correct, you’re not.’ He faced the TV again, swivelling his LA baseball cap around so the brim covered his eyes and he didn’t have to look at her.

‘You don’t need to hide from me.’

Brett had been quiet since they’d returned from lunch with his family.

He’d mumbled his way through painful small talk, but he’d been overly affectionate with Lucie while they cooked dinner.

A kiss on the forehead, a hand on the waist. It was like he was trying to apologise for something.

It wasn’t until Sienna’s name had appeared on Brett’s phone while his back was turned and Lucie had seen it that she’d worked it out.

‘I don’t want to let you down.’ He removed the cap, looking right at her.

‘This isn’t about me, Brett. This is about you doing what you need to do. I can’t stop you from doing this, all I can do is be here if you need me.’ She swallowed the lump in her throat because it wasn’t an ‘if’, it was a ‘when’.

She had no idea how long they’d been back in touch, but she feared something had happened last time he was home. It wouldn’t surprise her. Sienna always knew how to get her claws into him, and this time would be no different.

He didn’t have the capacity to handle this right now. But she couldn’t just keep him here and confiscate his phone. She had to let him go even if there was a risk of losing him again.

Lucie had so much unwarranted hatred for Sienna.

Yes, the woman had betrayed Brett but he was no angel.

Rather than fixing his relationship, he had let the physical distance interfere with the emotional and neglected her.

But that wasn’t what bothered Lucie the most. It was the way Sienna had pulled Brett away from Lucie, too.

Demanded it. Lucie understood how hard it must be for your partner to have a best friend of the opposite sex who he did everything with, but Brett had pushed her away in more than a physical sense.

He stopped coming to her for heart-to-hearts, put an end to their movie nights.

He hadn’t even defended her when Sienna had made snide comments about her appearance, her financial status or the outfits she wore on shared nights out.

But of course, because Brett was Brett and Lucie was his sunshine girl, as soon as his relationship had fallen apart, she had been there to pick up the pieces.

His ex had always felt like Lucie’s biggest competition, an obstacle in their friendship. That feeling had stayed years after they’d broken up, and right now she felt like more of a threat than ever before.

‘You should go, Brett.’ Lucie fiddled with the buttons on the TV remote. Now she was the one who couldn’t look at him.

‘Will you be all right on your own?’ He sat forward, already raring to go. That hurt her the most. The fact he seemed genuinely eager to go and see her.

‘I’ll video call the girls. Bea has a lot to catch us up on.’

‘Okay. I guess I’ll go pay her a visit then. If you’re sure?’ He hesitated, waiting for her to stop him. But she wouldn’t.

‘Yup.’ Lucie did her best to conceal her shaky voice as he reached over and squeezed her hand in appreciation.

This was why she couldn’t cross the line with him.

Tonight, her gut feeling had been proven right.

No matter how much Brett adored her, how much he claimed she was his favourite person and he’d be lost without her, he could never give her his heart in the way she needed him to.

The way she’d given him hers in the Alps, unbeknown to him.

Who was she kidding? She’d belonged to him far longer than that. It was just that he had never belonged to her in return. Lucie had read stories of unrequited love, but none compared to her own. None of them were as heartbreaking as actually living it.

As the door clicked shut behind him, Lucie let out a deep sigh. Now she got to sit here for hours and wonder when he was coming home. Starting a group video call with Faith and Bea, she wasn’t surprised to see Julien on her screen before anyone else.

‘Hi! How’s Oz?’ He grinned at her, holding the camera right up to his face.

‘Jules, move the phone back,’ Lucie laughed, fighting the sniffles that threatened to turn into full-blown waterworks if she wasn’t cheered up ASAP. She ignored his question.

‘Oh, my bad. Faith was getting dressed in the background, so I thought I’d use my big head to block the view. She’ll take over in a couple of minutes.’

‘Hi, ladies! Oh, hello, Julien.’ Bea appeared, giving Julien her usual prim and proper greeting to wind him up.

‘Bea, what’s the tea?’ Julien asked, happy with himself for learning slang from his teenage daughter no matter how wrong it sounded coming from his mouth.

‘I’m here!’ Faith launched herself onto the bed and into frame, taking the phone from her husband but keeping him in shot.

‘Right, so you know how Ricardo has ignored me for nearly a year ? Even at races? Does anyone want to take a wild guess as to why that arsehole called me this afternoon? He told me he loves me. I mean, what the hell ? Is it just me, or is that slightly unhinged?’

‘So basically, he’s matching your energy and it’s freaking you out.’ Julien shrugged; his insult mildly disguised with what could be considered advice.

‘I was unhinged, Moretz. Was . I love him, but this is a lot to take in. How do I trust that this is what he wants? Oh my God, he’s calling me again ,’ Bea yelled in exasperation. ‘I’m going to give him a piece of my mind. Will update you tomorrow.’

‘You avoided my question. Don’t think I didn’t notice.’ Julien raised an eyebrow at Lucie.

‘Australia is fine. Brett is fine. I’m fine. How’s Jasmine? I saw she posted that she was at a go-kart track today.’

‘Yeah!’ The pair of them lit up. ‘She’s fast, just like her dad.’ Faith beamed.

Following a long catch-up, with a large hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and marshmallows in her hand and her favourite hoodie, Lucie settled down in bed to watch a film.

She was supposed to watch this one with Brett, but he owed her this.

Go out with your ex-fiancée and sacrifice watching Anyone But You .

By the time the credits rolled, Lucie couldn’t have told anyone what the film was about even if she’d been held at gunpoint. For the whole two hours, her mind had been on nothing and nobody except Brett and Sienna.

She was starting to realise that Brett could be her person, and she might be about to lose him all over again. And yet, she couldn’t possibly tell him this. He had vowed to never commit again after Sienna, so why would Lucie’s confession change his mind?

Was he going to bring her back here? Should Lucie extricate herself from Brett’s luxury cotton bedsheets and check into a nearby hotel?

Camp out in his childhood bedroom and cry to Maggie and his sisters?

No, she belonged here. Brett always made sure she knew that, so why should she start doubting it now?

Still, it didn’t stop Lucie feeling like she should go home to Los Angeles or visit her parents in Europe.

Leave Brett to his own devices for a while.

Then she remembered the man she’d be leaving behind had a drinking problem.

She had to take care of him, even if that meant her own heart had to ache for a while.

She’d take her space when she knew he was okay.

Brett sat in a booth at Sydney’s newest bar. It was opening night, and Sienna had told him that if he wanted to see her, this was where she’d be. She wasn’t willing to change her plans to suit him, which made sense considering how wishy-washy he’d been with her.

She looked stunning. Platinum blonde hair down to her waist, piercing blue eyes and heels that made her almost the same height as him.

She was a knockout. And yet as she begged him once again to have a vodka coke and loosen up a little, he wished he was at home watching a film with Lucie.

He felt sick to his stomach as he sipped his cranberry juice.

‘How’s Lucie?’ Sienna smiled but he knew it was fake. Why was she bringing her up?

‘She’s great.’ Brett’s jaw ticked.

‘Is she in Sydney with you?’ The small talk was beyond painful, but now Brett was here, he didn’t quite know what to say. It felt different to when he’d seen her a few weeks ago.

‘Yeah.’ Lucie was a topic he didn’t want to discuss with her.

‘Why didn’t she come here with you?’ Sienna challenged. She knew why.

‘I wonder,’ he scoffed, recalling how she had treated Lucie in the past.

He had never been Sienna’s best friend, and she had never been his. Their relationship, in truth, had always been surface level. His real best friend, the one who he loved unconditionally and who he knew with utter confidence would always be by his side, was Lucie.

And he’d fucked up. He’d left her sitting at home by herself in a city she wasn’t overly familiar with while he was out here trying to make amends with someone who should be left in the past.

‘I can’t do this, Sen.’ He shuffled out of the booth.

‘What? B, please. I don’t want you to go. I know you haven’t forgiven me yet, but you will. We can work through it. What we had was special, I realise that now. Breaking your trust is my biggest regret. If I could take it back, I would.’

‘I’m not convinced what we had was even real.

I know my lifestyle wasn’t right for you, but you should have just ended it when you knew I wasn’t the one.

But no, you got chatting to a random guy on a night out, when you should’ve been at home with me , and next thing I know my whole world is falling apart.

You cheated on me, what was it? Eight times?

Your friend over there told me all about those other guys.

’ He pointed directly at her redheaded friend, who was looking at them in fear. Sorry, Amelia .

‘Just give me one more chance. I won’t hurt you again,’ she pleaded.

‘I’m going to go home to Lucie.’ He held her gaze.

‘It’s always going to be Lucie, isn’t it?’ Sienna sighed.

‘Yeah, it’s always going to be her.’

Lucie woke hours later to the front door opening and closing softly, followed by only one set of footsteps coming down the hallway. Thank God . Brett appeared, his frame filling the doorway. He looked as exhausted as she felt.

‘Nice night?’ She peered out from the blankets.

‘No.’ Brett disappeared into the bathroom to clean his teeth.

‘Oh, really? I’m surprised,’ she called through.

‘Don’t act all smug, Carolan.’ He walked back into the bedroom, sans clothing, and climbed into bed in his boxers. Although they covered everything, they left very little to the imagination and she wished he’d wear sweatpants to bed when they were sharing.

‘I’m an idiot.’ He let out a bitter laugh.

‘No, you’re hurting and you needed to see her in order to move forward.’ Lucie sat up.

‘It was a waste of time.’

‘I’m sorry, Brett.’

She turned to face him, smiling at the sight of his face buried in the pillow. He didn’t seem utterly heartbroken, which was good. Sienna may still hold some power over him, but at least he wasn’t going to cry about it and drown his sorrows.

‘So, what have we learned today?’ She prodded his arm.

‘Lucie is always right,’ he mumbled into his pillow.

‘Sorry, what was that?’ She smiled into the darkness.

‘I said,’ he lifted his head and propped himself up on his elbow, ‘you’re always right, and you’re the only woman I’ll ever need, Sunny.’ Brett’s lips hovered above hers, and as soon as she realised he smelled like peppermint rather than alcohol, she pulled him to her.