Page 49 of Retrograde

Lucie was crushed. She was at Bea’s apartment in Paris, lounging on the sofa where she’d been for a week straight.

The shower was a battle she had yet to face, she’d only changed her pyjamas because Bea told her she was making her perfectly designed interior look shabby, and she had lived off microwave noodles because every time Bea offered her something nutritional for dinner, she wasn’t hungry.

Bea had labelled her apartment an ‘anti-male zone’, which meant even Marco had been banned from visiting.

He had just wanted to cheer up his friend and take her mind off things, but woman to woman, Bea could see how much she needed to wallow in self-pity.

She had presented her with an open-ended invite, but Lucie knew if she didn’t at least try to leave the house in the next few days, she was at risk of overstaying her welcome.

The windows had been opened wide every morning, white tulle curtains flapping in the breeze, but she hadn’t had the will to go and stand on the balcony and soak it all in.

She loved this city, and she should be appreciating being here without work commitments, but she loved Brett more.

She didn’t want to be here without him. She wanted to be in Sydney, roller-skating down the promenade without a care in the world.

‘Can you respond to some emails for Girls Off Track today? I’ve got some photos to edit, and I need to do a food shop.’ Bea sat down amongst the nest of blankets and turned the TV on.

‘Doesn’t look like you’re that busy,’ Lucie scowled, but only because she knew what Bea was doing.

She was tricking her. Lucie would never say no to work.

No matter how she was feeling, that was something she could always crack on with.

Basic human functions? Not doable. Huge work projects, meetings, emails and content edits? Not a problem.

‘I like background noise. Come on, there are only six sitting in the inbox. You’ll get through them in no time, then I’ll give you control of all my streaming platforms.’

‘Fine.’ She pretended she didn’t want to do it, because she didn’t want to give Bea the satisfaction of knowing her plan was working.

‘Cool. Tomorrow, you can come out and shoot content with me,’ Bea grinned.

‘What content?’ Lucie sighed. Yes, Bea was letting her take it one day at a time, but when she’d been doing nothing for the last six, being forced to commit to something two days in a row felt like a lot. Then again, Lucie didn’t want to wallow.

She needed to figure out how to move on, but she wanted Brett back. She couldn’t have the latter, so her only option was to get over it, get over him. It might take another ten years, but it would happen eventually.

He hadn’t texted her, hadn’t posted on social media, he hadn’t even reached out to his teammates.

It was an alien concept for her, not knowing where he was or what he was doing.

Had he even gone back to Sydney? Maggie had texted Lucie asking how Brett was doing, which meant his family didn’t know he’d left Tuscany.

That worried her more than anything. Something like this could tempt him to drink again, and she hated that she could be the cause of a relapse.

He’d done so well, and he’d made so much progress.

In the mental state he was in, still trying to overcome his addiction, heal his trauma and secure his return to the team next season, he was never going to look past this. She should’ve told him she felt the same. Should’ve just given it a shot.

Hell, he was willing to leave the IEC over this. That’s how deeply hurt he was. She had always known she would end up with her heart broken the very first time they slept together in the Alps, but never in a million years did she think Brett would go down with her.

They had been spiralling for two years. The year Faith had joined the organisation, Lucie had seen her relationship with Julien unfold, and she had started to realise that she wanted some of that in her life.

She had let Brett up the flirting, started flirting back, and within a couple of months their rendezvous in the Alps had happened and the journey to heartbreak began.

‘Luce…’ Bea was staring at her phone in her hand, white as a ghost. ‘You might want to check your news app.’

‘Huh?’ she mumbled, not really registering Bea’s words. She’d had her inbox open in front of her for the last few minutes, untouched, while she’d been mentally tearing herself apart.

‘Or search Brett’s name, something.’ Bea was still reading, and at the mention of his name, something clicked in Lucie’s brain.

She scrambled to her internet app and typed in ‘Brett Anderson IEC’, feeling sick to her stomach while she waited for the results to load.

At the very top of the screen, there were a series of headlines.

Each of them depicting his drinking problem.

His rapidly declining mental health. Some were more brutal than others, but she clicked on one of the worst. The journalist acted like he’d been drink-driving during races, as if the organisation would ever allow that to happen.

They had drug testing and breathalysers.

There wasn’t a chance. Where was that in the article?

PR should have been on this. Brett wouldn’t have wanted it to get out without an action plan on how to tackle it, which meant either someone within the IEC had broken their NDA and were about to lose their job, or it was someone who had a personal vendetta against him.

But it didn’t matter who had leaked it, all that mattered was that his secret was out.

‘Shit.’ Lucie bit her lip, in full panic mode.

‘You told Jasper you’re not with him any more, right?’

‘I did. He made it clear Brett wasn’t my responsibility anyway, but I didn’t tell him we’d fallen out. He has no idea there’s already a risk of him going off the rails, even without this.’

‘Do you think you should give him a call? Call it work, if you want, but… you know. You guys at Revolution are a family.’

Lucie scrolled through her contacts until she found Jasper and then hit the call button, suddenly up and alert and pacing the room, her hand dragging through her hair. This was one way to get her out of her cocoon of depression.

‘I’ve seen it, don’t worry, PR are on the case.’ Jasper didn’t sound stressed in the slightest. That was what made him a great team principal; he was calm, level-headed.

‘Have you spoken to him?’ she asked.

‘Yes, an hour ago. He’s fine. We’re working on a statement which will make it abundantly clear Brett never put himself or anyone else at risk. The drinking was all in his own time, which I have made sure of myself through a lot of in-depth talks with him the last few months.’

Lucie finally stopped pacing and sat on a bar stool. ‘Are sponsors freaking out?’

‘Yes, but my team are reaching out to them all, explaining all the details.’

‘Jasper, what’s the plan of attack here? Are we going to be open with the public? Do Faith and I stay silent on social media?’

‘Brett wants to be honest. The organisation wants him to be honest. As for Revolution, we’ll be standing our ground, supporting him publicly.

He still has a spot on the team, Lucie, I meant it when I told him he was welcome back if he stays sober.

I’ve been on the phone non-stop since the story broke.

A couple of our big sponsors are happy to weather the storm with us, which is a huge relief.

We’ve worked hard to build connections, and they know Brett well.

They’ve seen his performance and behaviour during race weeks, and they’re trusting us and him with our approach to this.

They agree that every driver has personal issues away from the sport, and if we handle it well, the damage will be minimal.

For now, I want you to keep quiet on socials.

Just let the initial reactions wash over. ’

Lucie nodded then realised her boss couldn’t see her. ‘He always said he wanted to be open about it one day, we just didn’t expect to lose control of when that happened.’

‘I imagine he’s feeling quite vulnerable right now. He may be telling me he’s okay, but I’m worried. I wonder if someone should go out to Australia and see him. I think I could convince Marco to abandon what he’s doing and go, right?’ Jasper pondered.

‘I, uh…’ Lucie thought about it for a second, deciding whether she wanted to do what she was about to suggest. Screw it. ‘There are some things I need to say to him. I’ll go.’

She could practically hear him narrow his eyes. ‘Has something happened?’

‘We, um, yes? I kind of let him tell me how he feels, and then I just… let him go.’

‘Lucie!’ Jasper gasped. ‘He finally told you?’

‘What do you mean finally ? What do you know?’

‘You two have been in love for years. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.’

‘Has he told you that?’ Lucie flushed.

‘No, no. I just knew. You two have something very special, I’ve been waiting for you to both come to your senses.’

‘Hm. Anyway, I’m going to go to Sydney. Today. Well, I’ll get there tomorrow. Keep me posted on team business though, please. I know it’s nothing to do with me, but Brett…’

‘Is everything to do with you. You’ve got it, Carolan. I’ll transfer you the cost of the flights. Go take care of our boy.’

Lucie hung up the phone and placed it on the counter, only now looking at Bea’s amused expression. ‘Did your boss just give you dating advice?’

‘I believe he did.’

‘Better get you packed!’

Lucie landed at Sydney airport, still very unsure of herself and what she was about to do, or say, to Brett.

She’d watched him with countless other girls, hiding the way she felt.

If he understood how much that had hurt her, he would understand her hesitation.

She needed to explain her side, that she was so scared to let him in all the way, let him know that she loved him too.