Page 16 of Retrograde

Of all the places he could have bumped into someone.

Of all the people he could have bumped into.

Why did she have to appear here, outside his favourite hidden gem café?

Alone, too, so she would have no hesitation in stopping for a chat.

And he let her, because he was weak and his ex-girlfriend had always had a hold over him.

‘Hey, Brett!’ she gushed, and it was so over the top but even the fake enthusiasm tugged at his heartstrings. There was so much unfinished business here.

‘Sienna?’ He blinked at her, feeling a little lost. Should he be friendly? Passive-aggressive? Bitter? Instead, he just felt confused. ‘I didn’t realise you were back in Sydney.’

‘Likewise. I’m surprised you’re not still gallivanting around somewhere in Europe.’

‘Don’t like to stay in one place too long.’

‘I know.’ She looked down at her Birkenstocks, playing with her keychain.

‘So,’ he cleared his throat, ‘how did ya find out about this place?’

‘Zara’s sister owns it, didn’t you realise?’ Her brow furrowed. Zara was an old school friend of theirs, and funnily enough the friend who had re-introduced them years ago at a party. Cheers, Zara.

‘No way is that Zara’s kid sister!’ Brett gasped, peering through the door to where she stood at the till. He suddenly felt very old.

‘Yeah,’ Sienna laughed. ‘You don’t pay much attention to what goes on around here any more, do you?’

‘Nah. Moved on with my life.’ He shrugged.

‘Have you?’ Sienna eyed him wearily.

‘Um…’ he hesitated. The truth was, he hadn’t moved on at all, had he? What Sienna had done to him had sent him into a spiral. But maybe seeing her here now was a sign from the universe. A sign of what, he wasn’t quite sure.

‘How have you been, then?’

His crush on Sienna had begun way back in school, and transitioned into more when they met again as adults.

There was something about her that always drew him in.

She was fiery, feisty, independent. She reminded him of Lucie, except he didn’t feel the same pressure to provide stability for her.

She’d been a party animal, it was her nature.

Just like him. But he couldn’t deny that cracks had started to show, he’d been spending more time travelling and less time back in Sydney with her, and she wouldn’t come with him.

Then he found out about the cheating, and the trust was gone.

‘I’ve been all right. You?’ He shifted uncomfortably.

‘Yeah, good. Look, I’m gonna go. I get the vibe you don’t feel like catching up.’

Before she could walk away, he grabbed her hand. ‘Sienna, wait. I’m sorry. Do you want to sit down and have a coffee with me?’

‘Really?’ Her blue eyes went wide and as he looked at her, he saw a childlike innocence. Childhood memories came back to haunt him, and it made it hard to hold a grudge.

‘Yeah, come on. My treat.’

As they sat down together, Sienna having come back inside for her second iced latte of the day, it felt surprisingly normal. Brett wasn’t sure how that made him feel, or whether he actually wanted to be sitting here.

‘How’s the family?’ She sipped her drink slowly, cautiously. It couldn’t be more obvious that she didn’t know how to act around him either.

‘Yeah, great. How’s your mum?’ He bit into his croissant. ‘Oh my god, this is unreal!’ He looked at her, guilty for the interruption. ‘Sorry, continue.’

‘That’s fine,’ she laughed. ‘Same old Brett, eh? Mum is good. Married again.’

‘Again?!’ Brett gawked. ‘That’s… what? Husband number six?’

‘Yep. I like this one, though. Hopefully he sticks around. So, when’s your next race?’

‘Uhh, about two weeks’ time.’ He swallowed roughly. Could he trust her? Jasper wasn’t releasing a statement about his absence from Monza for another week, but did he really want to tell her while he wasn’t even sure where they stood?

‘Oh, Monza?’ she smiled.

‘That’s the one.’ Brett grinned back at her.

‘I’m glad you’re still enjoying racing. It’s hard to imagine you doing anything else.’

There was something odd about her tone; did she wish she had gone around the world with him? Or did she just regret making herself the enemy in the end?

‘Neither can I.’ And it was true. It was just another reason he needed to pull his socks up and stop drinking. ‘What have you been doing with yourself the last few years, then? Still causing trouble in the clubs and bars?’

She practically burst with pride when she nodded in response. ‘That side of me hasn’t gone anywhere, I still like to have fun with the girls. But I have the day job of my dreams! I’ve finally taken the plunge and started my own fashion brand. Got a store in Darlinghurst.’

‘Sienna, are you serious? That’s what you always wanted, right?’

‘Yeah. I used my money from influencing to do it. So, you know, it wasn’t all a waste.’

‘Hey, I never said it was a waste.’

‘No, but you didn’t exactly approve.’

‘Just sometimes it felt like you were using me. But if it worked out… I’m happy for you.’

She sighed and leaned back in her chair, looking defeated.

‘I never used you, Brett. It was a confusing time for us both, but I realised my mistakes after you and I broke up. I pined for you for months, praying that you’d call and come back to me.

I wished I could undo it all. I’ll always have a soft spot for you. ’

‘You really fucked me up, Sienna.’ He let out a shaky laugh.

If only he could tell her just how much.

Tell her she’d ripped his heart to shreds, put his walls up, driven him to drink his feelings away behind closed doors and eventually, in the open, too.

Not a whisky bottle was devoured without his mind going back to her.

Remembering the good and the bad. His sunshine girl took up one half of his brain, and Sienna the other.

‘I fucked myself up too, Brett. If only you knew how much.’

‘Fuck, I’m going to regret asking this, I’m sure of it, but do you wanna go out tonight?

’ The words hadn’t even left his mouth before he knew he was making a mistake, but he couldn’t help it.

His poison was right in front of him, and he was confused and tired and just wanted to feel like his old self again.

Maybe rekindling something with Sienna would help him.

‘I’m going to regret saying yes, but I don’t want to say no.

’ She tucked her hair behind her ear, and he smiled softly.

He used to love lying on the sofa and playing with her hair while a television show of her choosing played in the background.

He’d never watch it, he always watched her.

He knew he loved her more than she loved him, but he’d been willing to accept it in order to keep her in his life. Now he was in the same boat with Lucie.

‘You still living in the same apartment?’

‘Uh-huh.’ She nodded.

‘I’ll meet you at your place at six thirty.’ He stood up abruptly.

‘Oh, are we done here?’ She gathered up her things in a hurry.

‘Sen, it’s gone three o’clock. You haven’t even fake-tanned.’

‘Shit!’ She immediately went into panic mode.

‘I still know you, Sienna.’ He laughed, and after a few seconds of hesitation, kissed her on the cheek. ‘I’ll see you tonight.’

‘Brett, I don’t like this.’ Maggie frowned and he regretted coming over.

‘You don’t have to like it, Mum. I love you, but this is my life.’

‘I just don’t want you getting tangled up in that woman’s bullshit again, honey. She’s a right little witch.’ Maggie stood in the hallway with him, trying to pull his shoe out of his hand while he was putting it on.

‘A witch.’ Brett laughed. ‘Mum, chill. People change, you know?’

‘This is bizarre, Brett. Even for you. You hated her guts the past few years, and now you’re home unannounced, getting ready to go hang out with her.

Why isn’t Lucie with you? Have you had a falling-out?

Do I need to set Piper on her?’ She cast a look back towards the living room where his twin was watching a crime documentary.

‘We talked about this yesterday, Maggs. Sunny and I are all groovy, I just need a break from cameras and journalists and all that crap. I need to relax, hang out with my faves.’

‘And Sienna is suddenly your “fave”?’ She pulled a face, her frown lines prominent. It was all the stress of worrying about her beloved only son that had aged her, according to her.

‘No, you are.’ He squeezed his mum tight.

‘Don’t be sweet. I expect I’m supposed to keep this part of your visit a secret from Lucie, aren’t I? She’d be straight on a plane if she knew!’

‘I have skeletons in my closet. Luce knows that better than most, so I’m sure she would understand my need to do this, but yeah, keep it hush hush.

She’s got too much to think about right now.

I’ll tell her eventually.’ He did partially mean that.

Lucie was incredibly busy at the minute, but he also knew she would chew him out far harsher than his own mum.

‘How is our Lucie?’ Maggie passed him his other shoe, giving in to the fact he was about to make a potential mistake.

‘She’s fine. She’s got meetings galore this week. That’s why she isn’t here.’

‘Hmm. I’m glad she’s garnering so much success.’ Maggie pursed her lips like she didn’t quite believe him. ‘Anyway, be off with you. And please, Brett, end the night in your own bed.’

What in the hell are you doing, Anderson?

He mentally cursed himself as he stood outside Sienna’s apartment.

He was stone-cold sober, and in an ideal world he would be staying that way.

But God, he could use a drink. He had half a mind to turn around and go home, or better yet, get on a plane to the UK.

But tonight was about closure. Or at least, that was what he had been telling himself for the last hour or two.