Page 26 of Retrograde

Lucie hadn’t taken a solo trip in years.

She used to love exploring alone, and she had been feeling suffocated lately.

Being cooped up in Brett’s apartment, high up in the clouds of Sydney, was no good for her soul.

So she had left him safe in the company of his family, and fled to Italy for a couple of days away from reality.

It wasn’t in her budget for the season, but she cut into what few savings she had for the sake of her own mental health. She’d been so focused on Brett’s that she hadn’t stopped to think about what she needed. And what she needed was to play tourist in one of her favourite cities.

She navigated through the crowds at the station in Rome with ease.

She was used to travelling with a minimum number of belongings, but she always went over the top when the team paid extra for hold luggage or provided use of the private plane.

Today, though, she’d hopped on a cheap, last-minute flight with everything she needed for approximately three days.

Her sunshine keychain hung from her rucksack, reminding her of a group trip to Paris where Brett had spotted it and insisted she must have it.

It felt strange being here without him. Or without Marco, Julien, Faith or Bea. She sort of wished she’d invited her mum, but it would defeat the purpose of a solo trip. She was good at making new friends, anyway.

As she checked into her aunt’s apartment, at the top of a three-storey building, the memories of her teen years came flooding back and almost knocked the wind out of her.

Or maybe that was a result of climbing all those stairs, with a rucksack so heavy she’d felt as though she might topple backwards and fall to her death.

She’d spent a lot of time here from the ages of thirteen to eighteen. She had always been forced to bring her sisters with her, but this city had always felt like somewhere she could just be .

The apartment was old, but it was beautiful.

The floors were all wood, not a single carpet in sight.

There were scuff marks in the hall, burn marks in the kitchen.

The living room had an open staircase that led up to an upstairs bedroom, a double bed filling the space.

There was a second bedroom downstairs, opposite the bathroom, which had huge windows that opened out over the street.

The kitchen had every utensil you could possibly need, cupboards filled to the brim with ingredients.

Every woman in this family was an excellent cook except for Lucie.

And it was fifteen minutes from the Trevi Fountain, which she would be avoiding like the plague during peak hours.

It wasn’t quite tourist season, which would have been the worst possible time for her to have come.

In a capital city in Europe, there were always tourists swarming the streets and crowding the landmarks, but in the height of summer?

It would’ve been awful. Even without the tourists, she preferred to head all the way to the river Tiber, near Vatican City, and wander round, sit in cafés and just relax.

It was quite far from the apartment, but she remembered it being much calmer. More up her street.

Sitting in an outdoor bar with her aunt’s old photo albums, which she had brought out to keep her occupied while she sipped on an Aperol spritz, Lucie realised her aunt was a lot like her.

She didn’t have firm roots so it wasn’t worth making a house a home.

She was in her fifties, single, didn’t have kids, travelled all the time, went on month-long cruises with her friends.

While Lucie had loved living her twenties the way she had been, she was starting to think she might want something different for herself.

It scared her. She was so used to her life, so well adjusted to her routine, or rather lack thereof, that she had no idea how she would ever transition into a new chapter.

Her peaceful Lucie-time was rudely interrupted by a man sitting two tables over from her, smacking his fist against the table as he scowled at his phone.

He looked like a stereotypical Italian guy in his late twenties, early thirties.

Dark hair, olive skin, gold-rimmed sunglasses and a fashion sense most men wished they could pull off.

On the third ‘ Cazzo! ’, she decided to intervene. Not only in an attempt to restore peace and quiet, but also to help the poor guy.

Lucie couldn’t help but admire his muscles as he clenched his fist again. Until she realised she was being creepy and if he caught her, it would be incredibly awkward considering she was now hovering at the edge of his table.

‘Excuse me?’ she called out, hoping he could hear her over his headphones.

The man looked up, scared for his life. ‘Oh!’

‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.’

‘It’s okay!’ he laughed, his accent thick. ‘Was I disturbing you?’

‘Uh… I just wanted to check you’re okay. You seem quite stressed.’

‘Oh, I’m fine. I just lost out on a work contract I’d been wanting. I was supposed to head out to Palma de Majorca today and join a charter yacht. They hired some other guy last minute. I’m Davide, by the way.’

‘Lucie. That sucks, sorry to hear that. What do you do for work?’ Lucie was always chatty around strangers, it was part of her job to be a social butterfly. To steer the conversation. It came naturally to her.

‘I’m a private chef. But looks like I’m staying here another few days, until I find a job elsewhere. And what do you do?’

‘I’m a social media manager,’ Lucie said, then realised she should be hyping herself up. This guy had a cool, interesting job and so did she. ‘For a motorsport championship. I also run an academy for women in motorsport, we do workshops and podcasts, et cetera.’

‘Seriously? That’s amazing. Take a seat, tell me more about yourself!

’ He gestured to the wicker chair opposite him and she hesitated.

She didn’t know why she was so nervous, maybe it was the piercing blue eyes burning a hole through her skin.

‘Unless you don’t want to! Apologies, I always like conversations with strangers on my travels. ’

‘Me too,’ Lucie laughed. ‘I’ll sit! Let me just grab my things.’ She picked up her drink along with the photos and her bag, making herself comfortable at his table.

‘So what brings you to Roma?’ He looked her up and down, so subtly she nearly missed it. She couldn’t quite figure out how she felt about it, but she was going to roll with it.

‘Umm, I don’t really know what I’m doing here except… being spontaneous, I guess? I’m staying in my aunt’s apartment. Been a while since I travelled solo.’

‘When’s the last time you had a sightseeing tour of Roma?’

‘Forever ago.’

‘Well then, once you finish your drink and I finish my beer,’ he raised his glass, ‘would you like to come and explore with the best tour guide the city has to offer? For free, of course. I only ask for your company. And maybe someone to indulge my love of coconut gelato.’

Lucie grinned at him, grateful to have someone new to traipse around with. This was half the fun of travelling. ‘You’re on.’

Climbing the Spanish Steps was not the best time for Davide to be asking her questions, but he was insistent on knowing the ins and outs of her job.

He was excited when she started her story with the fact she’d begun working for a catering business.

Of course, that was only the start, and when she told him all the details, like which team she worked with and the places she got to visit for work, he looked like his head might explode.

‘So, you get to travel around the world with this racing team? And film them?’

Lucie laughed at his wide-eyed expression. ‘You make it sound so easy.’

‘I don’t mean to! You seem to have a lot going on.’

‘Let’s put it this way, my laptop comes everywhere with me. I left it in Sydney once and had to edit a week’s worth of daily vlogs on my phone. Way harder than you think.’

‘So, you’re in charge of the entire race organisation’s social media?’

‘Yep.’ Lucie nodded. ‘Faith, Bea, Esme and I all create content and post on the IEC’s main accounts and manage the socials team, and Faith and I are responsible for Revolution Racing, too.

Each team has allocated social media people, but we have to make sure everything they post is up to a certain standard and ensure nothing inappropriate is put out on the internet. ’

‘Have you ever had a big scandal? Where one of them has posted something bad?’

Lucie thought about it, taking pride in her ability to do her job.

‘No, not really. We once had someone convince their drivers to do a dance challenge which was trending at the time, but the song wasn’t really family friendly.

We want the content to be suitable for everyone.

It was never posted because it came to me first.’

‘I’ve thought about taking my talents online, creating a brand for myself as a chef. Could probably get more work that way.’

‘Have you seen that reality show?’

‘Oh, Below Deck ? Yes, that’s what gave me the idea to go into the private charter business.

I just think, why would anyone want to be stuck in one place?

I’ve travelled a little bit the last few years, since my divorce, and it gave me a taste of what I’ve been missing.

I’ve done three charter seasons already. ’

‘You were married?’

‘Yes, which is crazy considering I once vowed I would never go down that road. But, for the right person, a man will do anything. As it turns out, she was not the right person for me. We were both miserable. Got married on a whim. You know how we Italians are, hopeless romantics.’

‘Uh, yeah. I have to say, that trait didn’t really insert itself into my DNA. So why did it all fall apart? Other than being miserable. There had to be a reason.’

‘She wanted to settle down, have eight billion children the second we tied the knot, stay here in Roma. I wasn’t opposed to children, just didn’t want them yet, and she was insistent.

I wanted to leave the city, definitely wouldn’t raise children here.

It’s too dangerous, there’s too much going on, too many people.

We ultimately realised that as much as we loved each other, we wanted very different things and there was no way to compromise.

We were at different stages in our lives. ’

‘I get that. I have a… well, a Brett.’

‘What is “a Brett”.’ He raised an eyebrow.

‘He’s my best friend. One of the drivers I do social media for.’

‘Oh, and you have feelings for him?’

Lucie bit her lip. She’d never admitted it to a stranger. ‘Yes.’

‘And you’ve crossed the line…’ Davide looked like he was enjoying getting the gossip.

‘Quit looking at me like that!’ She elbowed him jokingly, feeling at ease after spending a number of hours getting to know him already.

‘It’s a very recent thing. Well, two years ago.

Then nothing until we kissed a week or so ago.

But he isn’t… I don’t know, right for me?

Well, he is. He’s perfect. We know each other inside out.

I just mean he sleeps with all these different girls, as any single racing driver would, and he likes to be a free bird. I can’t see him ever giving that up.’

‘He might, for you.’

‘But he shouldn’t have to give anything up.’

‘No, perhaps not, but you should allow him to choose.’ Davide shrugged, like it was obvious. And she knew it should be as uncomplicated as that, but it couldn’t be.

‘And if he chooses anything other than me?’ She squinted in the sunlight.

‘Now I see your problem. There’s no going back from that.’ His face was full of sympathy.

‘Exactly. It would change our dynamic forever, and he’s all I know.’

‘He’s all you know?’ Davide frowned, the confusion making him look adorable.

‘I haven’t slept with anyone else since him, and I’ve never been in a long-term relationship.

I’ve dated, but never seriously.’ Her cheeks were tinged pink.

It was embarrassing, saying it out loud.

It wasn’t that she had been waiting for her best friend to fill the gap, she just hadn’t felt the inclination to sleep with anyone else.

She’d been too busy fighting the chemistry between them.

‘Woah, Lucie. I think you need to explore the world a little in terms of men .’

Her whole body felt like it was on fire, both with embarrassment and sexual attraction. She wasn’t blind to the appeal of other men, and Davide was incredibly handsome. She imagined his charter guests ate him up. Tipped him unbelievable amounts of money.

She cleared her throat. ‘Where’s next on your list?’

The Trevi Fountain was unusually quiet considering the time of day and the weather. The sun was blazing, and Lucie’s shoulders were burning. It had been winter in Sydney, and she welcomed the change.

‘You know, I’ve never made a wish in this fountain.’ Lucie peered into the water, seeing all the coins at the bottom. She’d watched countless films where the characters tossed coins into it, but she’d never bothered. Her sisters had thought it was laughable, and she’d been too embarrassed to do it.

‘Never?’ Davide put his hand on his chest. ‘You must do it.’ He rooted through his wallet for some euros, coming up triumphant with a coin.

‘Isn’t there a specific way?’ She turned the coin over in her hand.

He turned her round so she was facing him and positioned her. ‘What you want to do, is keep your back to the fountain–’

‘So, you don’t toss it in like it’s a frisbee?’

‘Never. How dare you suggest such a thing,’ he teased. ‘You have to use your right hand and throw it over your left shoulder. You throw one coin; you will return to Roma. You throw a second, you will fall in love with an Italian.’

‘Oh…’ Now she felt shy.

‘Don’t worry, I only have one coin. Your racing driver beau is safe.’

‘He’s not my –’

‘I am just playing.’ He laughed, his smile reaching his eyes. He was a natural flirt and a great conversationalist, which was confusing, but only because one half of her wanted to flirt back and the other half felt like she was betraying Brett.

As they walked through the streets on the way to Altare della Patria, his hand on the small of her back to guide her through the crowds, her lack of a filter got the better of her. ‘You make me nervous, and I don’t like it.’

Davide breathed out a laugh, his hand squeezing her waist. That felt weird too, but not in the way she’d expected. It felt kind of exhilarating. ‘You make me nervous too.’

She hadn’t thought about anyone but Brett for so long, but he hadn’t given her the same treatment. And now Davide was here. In front of her. She just had to figure out if it was worth clinging to the past or trusting the present.