Page 40 of Retrograde

‘You have no idea. She’s been coming out with all sorts of wild theories. My personal favourite was that you’re pregnant, it’s Brett’s baby, and he’s on paternity leave.’ Piper grinned mischievously when Lucie coughed to cover up her embarrassment.

‘Anyway,’ Lucie emphasised, ‘I know Brett is starting to realise there’s more to life, and he’s loving his time here, but he can’t be forced out of his career, and Revolution aren’t doing that. If he ever chooses a different path, that needs to be a decision he’s made himself.’

‘You’re right,’ Piper nodded. ‘Changing the topic drastically… I can’t ever imagine my brother settling down with anyone except you, Luce. You just work .’

Lucie cut her off by jokingly waving the knife in her general direction. ‘Nope! We are not having this conversation, Pipes. This is about Brett. Not me and Brett.’

‘You’re basically the same person at this point.’ Piper’s eyes widened in mock horror when Lucie waved the knife again. ‘Okay, fine. No more playing Cupid.’

It was at that moment that a water balloon came hurtling past the kitchen window, saving Lucie from Piper. Abandoning their juicing task, they cautiously headed back outside where they were immediately pelted and drenched in cold water. ‘Brett Anderson, you little–’

Lucie was left stranded by Piper, who had run to join Cleo and serve as her protector, and now she was stuck with nowhere to go.

Even Maggie and Rosa were joining in, handing out more balloons at the refilling station.

How long had the girls been in the kitchen?

Things had escalated fast. She remembered childhood summers when her dad had gone crazy, taking no prisoners and insisting on being a one-man team versus his kids.

A water balloon fight was a staple activity for them, and her dad considered himself an expert.

Brett came towards her empty-handed and picked her up, spinning her round and using her as a human shield against Mateo, who had found his own bucket and filled it. ‘Put me down, he’s brutal!’ Lucie screamed as another balloon came flying at her, hitting her right in the chest.

‘Not a chance, Sunny. I need you.’

‘Why?! Defend yourself, Anderson! Fight back!’

‘No way! I need you to cover me while I get more ammunition.’ Brett began moving across the courtyard towards Rosa and Maggie with Lucie still in his arms, squirming to get out of his grip. She was making it more difficult for anyone aiming for Brett, but Mateo was relentless in his attack.

‘Dad! Ease up!’ She grimaced as water seeped down the front of her shirt and her wet hair clung to her forehead, droplets falling into her eyes.

‘You may be my daughter, Lucie, but I have no morals when it comes to this. Brett is going down, and I don’t care if I have to take you down in the process.’

With the girls all giving up in fits of laughter near the flower beds, and the pile of balloons diminishing, Brett and Mateo were down to the final two balloons.

Lucie had finally been put back on her own two feet, although Brett was still guiding her around in front of him as a defence.

She was pretty sure he was still bone-dry.

Lucie heard a ‘ psst ’ and glanced over to the refilling station, where Rosa stood proudly with a secret, final balloon in her hand and with no hesitation, launched it right at her husband, who promptly dropped the one he’d been holding and surrendered the game, leaving Brett free to throw his last one at him too, striking him in the chest.

Her mum cheered. ‘He lost! He finally lost!’ She high-fived Maggie.

Mateo lay on the ground, pretending to be wounded. ‘This isn’t over.’

‘Just admit it, Mr Carolan. I’m the King.’

Lucie scoffed at his smugness. ‘If it wasn’t for my mum, you would be in his position right now. She saved your ass.’

‘That’s true!’ Brett gave Rosa his famous bear hug, and before either of them could stop them, Cleo and Piper, in their soaking wet clothes, joined in.

It took everything Lucie had not to burst into tears at the sight of her big, loud, extended family.

Then the reality of the last couple of years came flooding back to her, bringing the butterflies in her stomach to a screeching halt.

The partying, the constant flood of women.

Looks could be deceiving, but this was never going to be Brett’s normal.

Brett and his mum were sitting out in the garden, soaking in the last of the Tuscan sun.

He hadn’t had much one-on-one time with her in recent years, partly because he was always on the go and didn’t get to stay in Sydney for long, but also because she’d been so busy raising Cleo and ferrying her to and from extracurricular activities, long after Brett and Piper flew the nest.

He studied her as she sipped on her drink, and for the first time he realised just how fast the years were flying by.

Maggie was getting older and he didn’t feel like he really knew her any more.

Or rather, he didn’t know who she was outside of being a parent.

It was the same with his dad; who had Jack Anderson been at his core?

‘Mum, what was Dad like when you met?’ His words startled her, bringing her out of whatever daydream she had been so invested in.

‘A riot,’ she laughed. ‘He was the life of the party, had a wicked sense of humour. He was the focal point of every room he was in.’

‘So that’s who I get it from.’

‘All three of you kids take after him in every way.’

‘No wonder he started taking me karting, he liked the adrenaline.’

‘Yeah, he couldn’t exactly take you to a nightclub.’ Maggie chuckled.

‘And yet look how I ended up.’ Brett grimaced, not liking his own comparison.

‘You’re still young, Brett. Just like he was. But it’s about how you grow, and the work you put in to be a better you.’ She said it so nonchalantly, like she had so much faith in his potential.

‘I guess. I just can’t help but feel like a colossal fuck-up.’

‘You’re not, Brett. You’re just on a slightly rockier path than some of us go on.’

‘You’re telling me.’ He sighed and leaned back on the sun lounger, pulling his shades over his eyes. Typically, that signified he was done with a conversation, but his mum wasn’t one to back down once she got going.

‘It took us five whole years to get together after high school, because your dad was always off doing his own thing. I didn’t think he’d ever settle down, but then I went on one singular date with another man, your dad saw us walking along the street hand in hand, and it’s like something clicked.

The exact moment I stopped waiting around for him to realise what he was missing. ’

‘He stole you away from someone else?’ Brett’s jaw dropped. He had always been told it was love at first sight for his parents, and while it may be true, he hadn’t known that it had taken them so long to find their way to each other.

‘I was always Jack’s, in my heart. There was never going to be anybody else who could compare. He was my best friend. But my God, he was a party animal until you and Piper graced us with your presence!’

‘And you weren’t?’ Brett raised an eyebrow, remembering seeing old photos.

‘I did my fair share, staying out until dawn, ended up in the back of a cop car a couple times when I was much younger.’

‘Mum!’ he scolded. ‘I never knew that about you.’

‘Well, it’s part of my history with your dad. And the trouble is, until very recently I couldn’t stand to talk about the good times we shared because it only made me miss him more.’

‘I get it. I don’t talk about him much, either. Think about him a lot though.’

‘Oh, I think about him every day. I look at you kids, and all the memories come flooding back. He loved you all so much, his family was his world. He loved spending time with you, watching you excel in your career, taking you and Piper camping, going to soft play with Cleo. You were all the apple of his eye.’

‘And then he left us.’ He felt guilty as soon as the words left his mouth. It was one thing to let Lucie know he was bitter about his dad’s death, but to tell his wife? The love of his life, mother of his kids? He didn’t want to be selfish. But at the same time, he needed her to hear it.

‘Your dad had a lot of demons, honey. He wasn’t well for a long time, and he fought it as long as he could.

I was so angry with him for leaving us like that, but I also understood why he did it.

Eventually I was able to feel relieved. For him.

Relieved that he wasn’t suffering any more, that he could be at peace.

It was so hard seeing him in pain, shutting himself away all day when you kids were at school and trying to pull himself together by the time you got home.

He was a shell of himself in his final days.

He did the therapy, he took the medication, he tried to be strong for us. ’

‘We just weren’t enough.’

‘Brett.’ Maggie put her drink down and sat up, scooting across to sit on Brett’s chair next to him. ‘He loved you so much. It would break his heart to know you felt like that, and I can guarantee you that he didn’t take his decision lightly when he did what he did.’

‘I’m scared I’ll turn out to be just like him. I don’t want to lose sight of myself, I don’t want to drown in my own sorrow.’ He choked back a sob.

‘Sweetheart, you’re here in Italy. Taking a break. You’re getting the help, doing all the right things. You’ve got the support system. But most importantly, you’re your own person. You’re not your dad. Yes, you’re struggling. But this is just part of your journey, not the whole journey.’

‘I love you, Mum.’

‘I love you, too. And I think your dad would be incredibly proud of the man you’re becoming.’

On his way to his and Lucie’s side of the house, Brett stopped in the kitchen to grab a bag of her favourite sweet and salted popcorn with a packet of peanut M&Ms to pour into it.

He fully intended on cuddling up and watching a film, but he wasn’t going to complain if they continued where they’d left off the other day, only this time in a more comfortable location.

He wasn’t sure what all of this meant to her, but to him, it was everything.

He was playing a dangerous game and he was going to get burnt in the end, but right now, he would take whatever she was willing to give. It would be worth it in the end just to be able to say he knew what it was like to have even half of her.

He knocked on the door. ‘Sunny?’

‘Hey!’ Lucie shot up from her cosy spot under the covers and immediately came to him, wrapping her arms around him. They ignored the fact that she almost got walloped in the head by the bags of sweets and revelled in the warmth of their hug.

‘It went well, it was needed and I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.’

She pulled back and her gaze softened. Every time she looked at him like that, it made him weak. Something about Lucie seemed to heal his inner child. In fact, everything about today had done exactly that.

‘She told me Dad would be proud.’

Lucie smiled up at him, capturing his face in her hands. ‘She’s right. And I’m proud. This was a huge step in the healing process, Brett.’

Brett hesitated only for a moment before leaning down and placing his lips on hers, in a kiss so gentle that he hoped she felt the meaning behind it.

He had an incredibly supportive family around him, but Lucie had always been different.

Because Lucie didn’t have to stick by him, she had no obligation.

She had chosen him, and she continued to choose him every day.

‘I got ya something,’ he murmured against her lips and rustled the packaging.

‘My favourite,’ she smiled. ‘Thank you. I’ve shortlisted a selection of musicals for you to choose from, but I figured Mamma Mia! would be the winner, so it’s ready to go.’

‘Am I allowed to sing?’

‘Yes.’

‘Stick it on, then.’

He smiled to himself as she rushed to put her phone on ‘do not disturb’ so she didn’t have to deal with any work calls or notifications for the evening.

As she pulled the covers back for him to get in, his eyes darted from the lock on the door to her, in her oversized tee and underwear. ‘You can lock it.’

As they settled in to watch the film, legs intertwined under the sheets, the popcorn was discarded by the time Bill rocked up on his boat.