Page 52

FIVE YEARS LATER

" A ria Miller, this year's medal recipient, is being recognized for her outstanding work and contributions to the fields of pediatric medicine and genetic science, and her exceptional research in collaboration with multiple organizations. Most recently, she founded a charity focused on mental health awareness. She worked extensively on the discovery of new genetic mutations that affect the mitochondria. By doing this in such a short number of years, she not only has generated more jobs for research but has saved thousands of lives around the world."

Clapping fills my ears. I straighten my pencil skirt, taking deep breaths while I stare at my fingers twisting in my lap. A hand curls around them, tightening, running his thumb over my skin in comfort.

"You've got this. I'm so proud of you," Ewan tells me, pressing his lips to my temple as Doctor Shique continues speaking to the hundreds of people in the dark theatre hall.

"She had been relentless with her research, month after month, year after year. She worked harder, harder than I had ever seen anyone work, only to be told no, over and over again. Did that stop her from going on to create the new Gemgene trials? No, of course it didn't."

Each time the crowd surrounding us breaks into applause, my heart beats faster. Perspiration forms along my forehead, the room growing far too hot as I listen to him praise me.

"I've had the pleasure of working alongside for many years now, and when I tell you she is a fighter, incredibly determined, and an inspiration to survivors all over the world, I mean it."

The room grows silent, and I squeeze Ewan's hand, my nails digging into his palm, resisting the urge to get up and run for the hills. "I can't stand up in front of all these people."

Anxiety riddles me daily, to the point that I haven’t gotten up on a stage and spoken in years. Sure, I've sat in busy meeting rooms week after week, but only after hours of hyperventilating that usually resulted in me bringing my lunch up in the toilet once finished.

But at this moment, with hundreds of eyes on me, I don't think I can do it.

I go to therapy every single week since that horrific night, practising different methods to help me relax when my mind is on fire. I haven't touched alcohol in years. I don't need it, Kade and Luciella definitely don't need their mom drunk every night.

"I'll be proud of you either way," Ewan says, lacing his fingers in mine. "But as soon as we get home, I'm ripping that skirt off you." His mouth is close to my ear, and I clench my thighs. "That's a promise."

I smirk and slap his torso as my eyes flit to Jason, the sixteen-year-old with an attitude who, thankfully, doesn't hear his dad's crude statement. My hand momentarily trails the outline of the deep scar on Ewan's chest, the one he kept hidden for years before finally letting me trace my fingertips along it, telling him he should embrace the fact that he survived that torturous night five years ago.

We both should.

We have only just become official. I wanted a break from any type of relationship to focus on myself, on the twins, on Jason and Ewan as we co-parented over the years. It didn't stop us from warming each other's beds often, and he basically lived with me for the first year so I could help him with his physio, both healing the other mentally, emotionally, and eventually ... physically.

I sold the house and moved in with him a few months ago, and we are due to move into a larger one on the waterfront, in a small town not far from where we grew up. I refused my inheritance when my father died two years ago and told the investigators where Tobias buried his bags of money, which, after a long battle with the law, were returned to his accounts.

I refused his money too, but that didn't stop him from putting a chunk of it into savings accounts for the kids, which means they’ll set for life when they're old enough. He even set a savings up for Jason, filling it with two-hundred grand that'll become available to him in a few years.

But for now, I want to make my own success, my own money. I want to show the kids I can do it all without any help.

Life, after years of heartbreak, havoc, and craziness, is good.

I'm happy.

It has been wild and crazy, filled with hardships and struggles, but I've finally gotten to a place where I feel safe and, well...happy.

"Now, without further ado, I would like to introduce you all to Miller."

Ewan kisses my cheek, releasing my hand to clap alongside the crowd. "Smash it," he tells me with a wink. "You can do it."

Nodding, I bite my lip with nerves as I stand from my chair, looking around at everyone applauding. I make my way to the stage in slow motion, violin music playing overhead. I accept a gentleman's hand to help me up the steps, positioning myself under the spotlight as Doctor Shique grins at me.

"It's good to see you again." He lowers the purple ribbon over my head, the golden medal heavy against my chest. "You deserve this."

"Thank you," I reply with a smile just as the music starts to lower, every nerve ending exploding as I glance at the audience now getting to their feet, cheering. My eyes find Ewan, and he nods at me proudly, making me dig deep and internally puff my chest for courage. "Breathe, ," I mutter to myself, taking a deep breath in through my mouth and out through my nose.

Doctor Shique backs away, allowing me to stand at the podium in the middle of the stage, tapping the microphone.

"I...I, um, I honestly have no idea what to say." I look down at the medal, feeling my eyes watering with pride. "Oh, God, my mascara is going to run," I say, the crowd laughing with me as I use my fingertips to wipe away the stray tears. "I don't think I deserve this. There are many researchers out there, especially in this room, who deserve it more than me."

I see a lot of heads shaking with smiles on their faces, disagreeing with me. I shift on each foot, my heart racing.

"There's one person who always believed in me the most, even when I failed." I take a deep breath, and find Gabriella's parents in the crowd, giving them a nod before I continue. "I met her when I was in college, and we were inseparable ever since." My voice breaks, and I swallow down a lump. "We traveled during research; we were always together. We were roommates. We were like sisters, and I honestly still feel lost when I wake up in the morning. I think I always will."

Her beautiful face flashes before me, her wide smile, her hazel eyes dancing with glee, mouthing to me to keep going like she always does, guiding me through every step in life. Her smile will brighten the skies forever. It's what's engraved on her headstone, and it's true.

I miss her.

"And I...and I..." Struggling to continue, I take a deep breath, gulping before I keep going. "I know she's looking down on me right now, questioning why..." I release a single laugh. "No, not questioning. She's screaming in disgust as to why I'm wearing my hair this way or why I'm wearing her white shirt."

They laugh again, some wiping tears from their eyes, especially her mom.

I stop, grasping hold of the podium. "I...um, I have her to thank for everything I have, because she always pushed me. Even up here," I point to my head, my nostrils flaring as tears fall, "she still helps me. She always pulls me from my nightmares, holds my hand, gives me a kick up the behind when I falter or when I feel like giving up."

I hear a few sniffles in the crowd, and Ewan wraps his arm around Jason's shoulders. "Gabriella... She saved me, and I hope she knows she did. She saved my children and the man I love. Everything I am today is because of her."

I look down at the medal once more. "I have her to thank for this." I raise it, my lip trembling. "I'm going to continue to make her proud every moment of my life, right up until I see her again, because she's my best friend, forever and always. This...this belongs to her."

The crowd stands, clapping once again as I lower my head, trying to compose myself.

My gaze remains on my trembling fingers, taking deep breaths as Doctor Shique appears beside me, his hand circling on my back. "We're all proud of you," he tells me, and before I can turn to leave the stage, he stops me. "There's someone else who wants to congratulate you."

I look up at him in confusion and wipe my tears with a tissue he offers, seeing him glance over my shoulder with a grin.

Turning, my mouth drops, blinking several times as Ivy Dermot, the now thirteen-year-old girl holding a bouquet of white roses with a massive smile, rises from her wheelchair. An aide walks alongside her as she takes careful steps towards me in her leg braces.

Her mom and dad stand behind her, applauding with proud tears in their eyes, nodding and giving me the thumbs up.

"What..." I stop, shocked, speechless.

The little girl I met all those years ago.

The little girl I travelled the world to save.

The little girl who gave me the drive to continue, fighting every single day even after her body started to give up, she's...walking.

My mind is moving in slow motion. After years of physiotherapy and treatment for her symptoms, the trials stretched out for three years, saving her, she's here...and she's really walking.

I glance at Ewan over my shoulder. His eyes are wide, and even Jason has his hand over his mouth. They know how important this moment is for me.

As soon as she reaches me, I drop to my knees in astonishment, my hand clasped to my forehead, completely lost for words as she straightens her arms, handing me the large bouquet of flowers.

Using every ounce of strength in her fragile body, she wraps her arms around me, making it all worth it.

"Mommy, where are we going?" Luciella asks as she skips alongside me.

"To see our father, stupid," Kade replies to her in a bratty tone. When I narrow my eyes on him, he shakes his head. “She’s asked like a thousand times, Mom.”

“She was only asking. She’s excited.”

I roll my eyes at the five-year-old twins who couldn't be any more different from each other.

Lu—Luciella–is a miniature version of myself, with curly, platinum blonde hair, dark blue eyes, a few freckles on her face, polite and sweet.

Then, there's Kade. He looks exactly like his father, with dark hair, blue eyes, dimples, longer lashes than anyone I know. While his looks and sometimes boisterous attitude might come from Tobias, everything else comes from Ewan. I mean, I guess he has been the one to raise him from birth, so it's only natural.

The sun is beaming down on us as we walk hand in hand. Annoyingly, the press is here, like they always are when one of the workers leaks I’m visiting. This time, with the kids with me, I want to yell at them to give us some privacy.

Kade lifts his middle finger to them.

This is their first visit with him. After years of therapy and isolation, he finally got accepted for face-to-face visitation once a month. It has taken a lot for me to give in. Ewan and I had a lot of talks with the kids, trying to prepare them. I'm nervous, having Tobias out in an open space, around us, but several psychiatrists and doctors have certified that, with close security, he is allowed to spend one supervised hour with his children.

There's only so much I could do to prepare five-year-olds for this, but going by the video calls, I reckon they'll be fine. However, I won't put them in a position they aren't comfortable with, so if they appear on edge or want to leave, then we will.

If Tobias steps out of line, intentionally sabotages his meds, or gets into any sort of trouble, any contact with me will be cut. Ever since he was given the all-clear for visits under good behaviour, he hasn't stepped out of line once. The specialists at his mental institution even say he's like a different person, all things considered.

His lawyer is still in contact. Mr. Vize was his defense, managing to stop Tobias from getting the death penalty and securing a plea deal of insanity, saving his life. The next appeal is in a year, this time to have him transferred closer to home. So far, I don’t see it going well, especially since Mr. Vize just adopted two kids and has been working on fewer cases.

The first year of his sentence, I didn't hear a word from Tobias, making me wonder if I'd ever see him again. But when he finally was taken off suicide watch and underwent numerous therapies, the specialists started to notice a change.

They were able to break through the cracks of his mind games. Tobias feared the idea of being heavily medicated, of being a vessel, but he's the complete opposite, as if his daily treatment suppresses the evil I experienced first-hand.

The first time I saw him after so long was two years ago, and I felt my heart stop. His once ocean blue eyes were sunken in, dark purple bags under them. He was thin, the handcuffs sliding up and over his elbows. No words were spoken; he just sat opposite the glass pane, staring at me, drinking me in after so long, ignoring me as I tried to speak until he was taken away an hour later.

His mom is serving an eight-year sentence for aiding a criminal, and that's all I know or care to know. Justin is dead, and Tobias took the fall for it to protect me.

Over the last month, in an attempt to prepare the kids to see Tobias, we were granted video calls for half an hour every two weeks, his therapist staying glued to his side. I could see his eyes light up each time they laughed or asked him ridiculous questions. I knew that, at times, he was staring at me. I could see the way his throat bobbed, and his fingers fidgeted every time I smiled.

After we check-in and have been searched, we follow the receptionist down a long corridor filled with windows that look out to the family area, the kids still arguing over who gets to hug him first. My eyes widen at how beautiful the place really is. There's artificial grass, trees, benches, a small pond, and sandboxes for the kids.

My heart nearly drops when I see him sitting at a picnic table with his back to us. A young woman is next to him, pointing around them while he nods. I can see the muscles have built back up along his shoulders, his sun-kissed arms leaning against the wooden table.

The guard searches me one last time before swiping his badge, the first set of doors sliding open. "You have one hour, and if there are any suspicious activities or sexual contact, you will be removed, and visitation privileges will be revoked."

I try not to frown at the sexual contact comment while I look between the kids then back up at him with a raised brow.

He talks into his radio, telling whoever it is that Tobias Mitchell's visitation begins in three...two...one.

The second door opens, and his head snaps in our direction, lips parting. He looks better. He looks well, healthy.

The kids try to pull from my hands as we make our way to him. "Are they allowed to hug him?" I ask the therapist, who nods and lifts her paperwork, resting her hand on Tobias' shoulder before going to join one of the guards.

I’m about to let go of their hands, but I can see Tobias is nervous, so I hold them tighter. For a split second, I look between them as they stare at him, Kade moving behind my leg. Luciella glances up at me with a smile, her finger in her mouth.

I look up at Tobias. "Okay?"

He takes a deep breath. "Okay," he replies with a short nod.

"Do you want to go see him?" I ask Luciella, and she nods enthusiastically before she runs at him, followed by Kade.

"Daddy!" they yell in unison as they launch themselves at him, both wrapping their arms around his neck. The smile pulling across his face, causing his dimples to dent in deep, makes my heart swell, and I tear up. "Mommy took us on a huge plane!"

He holds them tight, burying his head into Lu's shoulder, then Kade's, messing his hair while he smirks at him. "It's good to finally meet you two," he says with a sniff, trying to keep himself together, holding them even tighter. "You're both so big."

"I'm five!" Lu says with a massive smile. "Kade is five too."

"Wow," he replies with wide eyes. "Five is a cool age."

I bite my lip to stop it from trembling, my eyes flitting to the therapist I've had weekly calls with, and she gives me a thumbs up.

Watching them converse easily, I take a seat at the picnic table, nervously playing with my fingers. The kids eventually run to the sandpit, and Tobias looks over his shoulder at me, shoving his hands in his pockets while he takes careful steps towards me. "Hi."

I smile as I look down at my fingers. "Hi."

"What do you think of the place?" he asks as he looks around, his blue eyes dancing under the bright lights.

"It's beautiful," I reply, glancing at our surroundings, the little speakers playing sound effects of wind, quacking ducks, chattering people, anything to make it seem more realistic. "They said you helped design it?"

“Well, I gave a few suggestions.” He nods, taking a seat beside me as he watches the kids throw sand at each other. "I wanted it to be perfect for them. I wanted it to be different.”

I turn my head to look at him, smiling. "It is perfect."

Tobias smirks, his eyes searching my face. "You seem to get more perfect every time I see you."

I blush, shaking my head. "You said you'd stop saying stuff like that."

Laughing, he rolls his eyes. "I guess I can't help myself." He leans forward and moves a strand of curly blonde hair behind my ear. "Especially when you're so close to me." He huffs out his nose and leans away from me. "Shayla..." He looks over at his therapist. "She wants me to do this exercise where I say exactly how I feel, so I want to try it with you, okay?"

I nod, looking from the twins to him. "Of course."

"First, I want to say sorry. I don't mean for falling in love with you, but for all the havoc that came with it. I lost...I lost myself often, and when I did, I wasn't me. I let myself fall into a dark hole, and every time I tried to get out, it got deeper. I should have listened to you and gotten help before things went as far as they did. Maybe I wouldn't be incarcerated in a mental institution for the rest of my life. Maybe I'd have a chance at a happy ending with you and our kids." He glances at Kade and Lu, the corner of his mouth tugging up. "But I can see how happy you all are, and that's enough for me. If Ewan is your forever, if he is the one who can show my children the right path in life, then I'm happy too."

"Really?" I blurt out.

This is the first time Tobias has ever mentioned Ewan without losing his head–the name was a trigger for him for years, landing him in solitary confinement. But to hear the name fall from his lips in such a positive way… It's making my eyes water.

"Don't get me wrong, I wish it was me, but I can see he gives you all something I can't."

"What's that?" I ask.

"Happiness," he replies with a shrug. "And I've recently found out that happiness means more than anything. Yeah, if I was given the opportunity..." He lowers his voice to a whisper. "I'd happily find one of the broom closets in here and fuck you senseless." My eyes widen, and I snort out a laugh.

We both burst out laughing, and the kids snap their heads in our direction, grinning as Kade whispers something to Lu, making her giggle and toss more sand at him.

"But you're okay?" I ask him, serious, my eyes burning into his. "You're really okay?"

"As long as you and the kids are, then yeah." He nods, shrugging as he stands.

“Ewan asked me to marry him.”

He tilts his head. “Do you want to?”

“I still haven’t given him an answer.”

“Marry him.”

A frown pulls across my face. “What?”

“Marry him. Go live your life and raise our kids. Make sure he makes you happier than I ever can, but just know, once I’m out, I’m coming for you.”

He swipes a tear sliding down my cheek. “Will you?”

“Yeah. I’ll wait forever if I need to, because you’re mine.”

I gulp and look away, but his voice brings me back. “Do you want to help us build a sandcastle?"

I bite my lip, putting my purse down on the table, walking side by side with Tobias until we reach them, kneeling and trying to act like a normal family, even if it's only for an hour.

Kade and Tobias keep looking at each other, and it's so strange to see the mini version of him. I can see him trying to psychoanalyse the twins, looking for any signs they are like him, but in all honesty, they are still far too young.

"I think you need to look out for Kade," Tobias says as we pack up, his voice serious. "I just have a feeling he's going to be..." He searches for the words, glancing at his son. "He's going to be a handful."

"Well, you can help me. We'll be back next month anyway." I pull my purse up my shoulder, resting my hand on his. He turns it in my hold and smiles down as his fingers lace with mine. "I'm proud of you," I continue. "I'm really proud of you."

He frowns, confused. "After everything I've done, you still care. I don't get it at all."

I tighten my hand over his before letting go, Kade and Luciella jumping on him. "I guess I can't help myself," I say with a smile.

Wrapping his arms around them both as he stands, he lifts them into a big hug. "Be good for Mommy, and I'll see you guys real soon, okay?"

"I love you, Daddy," Lu and Kade say in unison, causing me to clench my teeth to stop my tears.

Tobias opens his eyes to look at me, still holding the kids to his chest. "I love you both so much. Even Mommy."

It's strange. Years ago, I had no idea how much he would change my life, for the good and for the bad.

When I first met him, I never thought I'd fall in love with him, a relentlessly psychopath, ignoring every single red flag that came my way. I should've taken a step back and paid attention to the signs my assistant had issued.

But I didn't, and I can't turn back time.

He overtook every part of me, consumed me, and I let him.

I was taken into the arms of the devil and exposed to a world I didn't belong in. With a desired thirst and need for destruction, our demons danced, and I lost myself.

I lost myself in him.

And now, I'm found. We both are.

THE END