Page 35

Chapter 34

Aria

‘American bedlamite kills two while being held in custody’

T he headline glares at me from my hospital room. As if stuck in a bad dream, I turn off the screen and fight the tears that have been falling all day. I pace the room, wiping my cheeks, waiting impatiently to be discharged.

Ewan leans forward on the small sofa. “You good?”

I stop pacing. "Yeah. We're safe. That’s all that matters." I smile at him, the fakest ever. "If I think about it, I cry, and I’m so fed up with crying.”

He nods, and I look at the staples and stitches on his head and a little on his face before I sit on the edge of the hospital bed. “I’m really sorry he did that to you. He thought you were trying to break us up.”

He snorts. “I guess I was, in a way. I wanted you away from him the second I found out you were dating him.”

My head turns to the door opening, Gabriella trailing in with Jason. He grins when he sees me, carrying a Get Well Soon balloon and a single red rose.

“Are they for me?” I ask excitedly.

He grins and hands them to me, hugging me so hard, you wouldn’t think he was only ten years old–although he does act a lot younger.

He takes the couch next to his dad and asks me if I’m sore, to which I reply with a shake of my head. “I’m just tired and need a load of sleep.”

“You could sleep at home,” he suggests. “Dad can make you a cup of tea.”

Ewan messes up Jason's hair while he slaps his hand away. "Stop it, Dad!" he whines, shifting along the couch to put some distance between them. “You said you miss making Aria tea!”

He narrows his eyes at his son.

Gabriella settles beside me on the bed, dropping a sandwich on my lap. “The food here sucks. Thank me later.”

"Hey, did you not say you had a video call with Ivy's mom today?" she asks.

"Yeah." My eyes flicker from them to the window, the sun already starting to vanish behind the trees. "She's bringing up a lot of fluids, but they said that's a good sign. Her energy levels have risen too."

"And what about the baby?" Ewan adds in, screwing his eyes shut when Jason’s face lights up. But before he can ask questions, Gabriella tells him to come with her to get candy from the vending machine.

“Sorry,” Ewan says.

I'm thrown off guard, fighting back the emotional fear of loss, making me stare at him in silence for a beat too long before finally answering him. "I have a scan tomorrow."

"That's good. Gabriella going with you?"

"No, she's been called into work all night and doesn't get off her shift until ten minutes before my appointment," I reply, walking over and sitting down next to him on the sofa, my knee bumping his.

When Gabriella returns, we chat for the next hour, mostly about Jason's school, his friends, and how much he beats Ewan in his computer game. I always feel so relaxed when I'm with them. I almost forget the last few months of us not being together, enjoying the peace and quiet in my head.

Gabriella goes to start her shift when a nurse comes in with my discharge letter and informs me when my follow ups are. She reminds me of my appointment tomorrow and tells me to come straight back if I still don’t feel one hundred percent.

"Time to go, buddy," Ewan says, patting Jason's shoulder as he stands. "We can grab food on the way home."

Groaning, Jason turns off his game and runs to put on his sneakers.

“I think you should come home tonight. I don’t like the thought of you in that apartment by yourself.”

“I’m actually excited to lie in my own bed, but could you drive me?”

Jason puts his two hands together. “Please come home. Pleaseeeeee.”

Giving him false hope isn’t right, so I mess his hair and grab my purse while Ewan picks up my bags.

I give him a faint smile and follow them out of the room and down the hallway, coming to a halt when I spot my mom standing at the entranceway.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

"Ewan!" she begins, her eyes narrowing at me momentarily. "If you need Jason taken care of while you're working, come to me. He doesn’t need to see Aria in this state. I don't think she's fit to be around him anyway. Seriously, you should do the both of you a favor and cut her out of your lives. She's nothing but a knocked-up junkie."

Before I can speak or shout, Ewan side-steps in front of me, his fists clenched at his sides. "A knocked-up junkie? Do you hear yourself? Don't speak about her like that, especially in front of my son."

He shakes his head, and I can feel the anger radiating off him, making me place a hand on his shoulder to try and calm him down.

"Yes, your son, not hers. Why do you even let her see the boy? You aren't together, and truthfully, you could do way better than someone who hasn't got her life sorted out."

"Aria has helped me raise him since he was a baby. She will always be in his life. You should be ashamed of yourself," he says, turning to Jason and ushering him out to the entrance with Gabriella before he looks over his shoulder. "And she's not a fucking knocked-up junkie."

"She won't be for long; I have her scheduled to deal with the issue tomorrow. You should go, find someone who would take in a halfwit with a kid, no future, no money. I was wrong before. Aria is better off without you. Both of you."

"How dare you speak to him like that!" I yell at her in the middle of the hospital’s reception.

Her hand smacks me across the face, and it takes me a few seconds to realize my mom just hit me.

“No, fuck this. Aria, come on." Ewan takes my hand, scowling at my mom, my silence continuing. "What Aria does with the baby is her choice, not yours!”

Without saying a word, I let Ewan lead me out of the hospital to his car. Gabriella gives me a worried look. “What happened?”

“She slapped Aria,” Ewan tells her. He pulls open the passenger car door for me. “Get in.” His voice is shaking with rage.

"Are you okay, Aria?" Jason asks. I nod, giving him the best smile I can muster.

"Jason," Ewan starts, opening his door for him too. "Hop in."

He listens, Ewan closing it before taking a deep breath and gripping the steering wheel.

“She hit you?” Gabriella asks in disbelief, leaning forward between the seats. “Can I go back there and kick her ass?”

“Yeah!” Jason calls out.

Ewan turns to me, his voice low. "She said she has you scheduled tomorrow for what I can only presume is a?—"

I cover his mouth. "I know.”

“I’m never going to let anything happen to you again,” he says sternly. “Ever.”

He has no idea how much my insides are jumping right now, a flock of butterflies threatening to blow through my ribcage. It's not as if this feeling is new; I've never not felt this way about him.

Telling him I want nothing more than for him to protect me might give us all false hope for our relationship, so I stay silent.

Brushing my hair in the mirror, I ready myself for my appointment, hoping I’ll finally have some sort of good news in my life. I want them to be healthy. That’s all I can wish for right now.

Last night, we didn't go straight to Ewan's. We got fried pizza then went back to take the dogs for a walk in the park. It kept my mind off everything, something I guess Ewan intended. It worked, and I'm grateful.

It was good to lie on the couch with the dogs on each side of me, nice to fall asleep easily for the first time in so long. I woke while Ewan was carrying me to the spare room, and I'm not ashamed to admit I missed his scent, the musky cedarwood filling my nose. I missed the comforting feeling of him being so close to me.

"Are you ready?" Ewan asks through the door, having come back from dropping Jason off at school.

I open the door to him running his hand through his hair, spinning his keys around his finger. I say goodbye to the dogs, following Ewan to his car as he pulls a cap on to tame his wild hair.

Since dying my hair brown, I’ve been missing my blonde hair, but he told me last night that he prefers me with any hair color, so I have no desire to please anyone.

The drive is silent, but it's a peaceful silence I feel comfortable in. I watch the sky, the trees, passing them all as we drive to the hospital. He pulls into the parking lot–closest space to the entrance of the maternity building.

"I get it if you want to do this part yourself. I'll try to reply to some work emails and keep myself busy."

I play with my fingers on my lap, nervous, hating I'm doing all this on my own. "Can you...can you come in with me?" I ask, not taking my eyes off my hands. "I have a feeling it's going to be bad news, and I don't want to be on my own."

"I don't want you to get the wrong idea, Aria."

"I'm the one asking," I say, and he nods slowly. "I know this might be weird for you, so I get it if you don't want to. It's just..." I feel the words strangling in my throat as a lump begins to build. "I don't have a clue what I'm doing. And, God , I keep fucking crying.”

I wipe away the tears falling down my cheek, feeling Ewan's palm rest over my hand. "Hey, it'll be okay. I'm here for you. Same with Jason and Gabriella."

Watching the way this man looks at me, comforts me, breaks my heart.

"Have you ever tried?" I blurt, my vision hazy from the pools building in my eyes.

He tilts his head in confusion, pulling his hand away from me, leaning his elbow on the steering wheel and waiting for me to clarify.

"To find someone else?"

"Why does everyone think someone needs to be with someone? No, I haven't tried because I have no reason to. I know we are done; I really do, and that's my own fault. But the idea of being with someone else hasn't even crossed my mind, and I'm sorry I did that to you before. It's my biggest regret."

"Do you think I'm crazy? For wanting to keep it?"

He sighs, leaning forward and catching me off guard by tucking my hair behind my ear. The touch is so soft, so tender, that my eyes flutter shut. "Not at all. I know you're going to be a fucking awesome mum, and I'll be here for you both, no matter what."

"But Tobias is a... He… The baby might end up like him."

"Kids aren't defined by who their parents are, Aria. You should know that by now," he says, staring deeply into my eyes with a soft smile on his lips. "You're nothing like your mum, and thank fucking God for that."

I giggle, feeling some tension disappearing from around me. "Thank fucking God," I repeat his words. My smile falters, and I chew on my lip. "I'm just worried. Gabriella thinks I should lie and say it's not his."

"I don't think lying to him is a good idea, to be honest. I mean, you do whatever you feel is right. But as a father, and someone who's had someone ripped away from me because of lies, and I know she's going to boot my balls for saying this, but I disagree with Gabriella."

"Even if they're a psychopath who kills people?"

"Debatable," he replies with sarcasm, his dimple showing as he drags his tattooed hand down his face. "Just don't let other people make decisions for you, okay? You do you, and I'll be here."

"Okay," I reply, fighting back the smile as tears start to fall again. "Will you come with me then?"

"Lead the way."

The waiting room is cool and bright, with lots of pregnant women with their bottles and cups of water, some smiling at me. I feel strange, as if I'm in the wrong place. I have no bump, and I might not even have a baby waiting to be seen on the scan. What if it was a false positive?

It makes me feel like I have a heaviness in my chest, slowly suffocating me while Ewan taps his hands on his lap.

Before, the idea of becoming a mother scared me. Sure, I helped raise Jason, the ultimate stepmom who devotes her life to him. I'm not blood-related, nor am I even with his dad anymore, but he’ll always be like a son to me. Sitting here now, with my hairs raising every time I see a happy couple, I fight back my tears and focus on my breathing.

"Aria Miller."

I hear someone call out my name, and I don't even give Ewan a chance to ask me if he should stay. I grab his hand, ignoring the little shocks in my palm as we walk into the room, my heart beating through my chest with such a force, I think I might pass out.

I should feel uncomfortable in this position, lying on my back while the midwife preps me. Ewan keeps his eyes on mine, giving me a tight-lipped smile. The scanner can’t see much, so she needs to do a transvaginal ultrasound. Nerves take over completely as I reach for Ewan’s hand and screw my eyes shut.

His thumb strokes over the top of my hand while she talks me through what she’s doing.

"Have you had any bleeding or cramping?" I shake my head as she prods me with the ultrasound stick, my eyes now fixed on the screen.

Ewan stays silent next to me, but I can see from the corner of my eye that he's intently watching too.

"Ahh," she starts after a few torturous minutes, moving the screen so I can see better, Ewan leaning into me to see too. "So here we have the sac, and right here…" She clicks something on the computer, making her screen turn different colours as a little blip appears.

I muffle a gasp, and I hear Ewan let out a deep breath he must've been holding. I feel relief, the rush of emotions hitting me square in the face. I cover my mouth with my palm, my other hand grabbing Ewan's sleeve. "Is that..."

I'm lost for words, more tears falling down my face as she moves the probe around, seeing my beautiful baby from a different angle. "According to what measurements I can make out, we are looking at a little over four weeks."

Clearing her throat, she looks closer, then she smiles. “You’re early, but everything looks okay so far from what we can see,” she says. “We’ll arrange another ultrasound for twelve weeks.”

I try to nod, my cheeks wet.

She hands me a tissue, my hand still tight in Ewan’s as she smiles. “Congratulations.”