Page 36

Chapter 35

Aria

S leeping next to Gabriella is starting to get to me, the non-existent room between us making me unable to get comfortable.

It has become so infuriating, I'm now sleeping on the couch with the dogs next to me. I don't have it in me to take the duvet from her, so Ewan's blanket will have to do.

To be honest, I haven’t been able to sleep, overthinking everything.

I have a disciplinary hearing for work in two weeks, giving me time to rest and get my head straight. I've written them a long letter, explaining my rocky road the past few months since meeting Tobias, apologizing repeatedly for my ridiculous behavior and being blind to the type of control my ex-boyfriend had over me.

I just want to go home and get on with my life, not lie on this freezing couch and worry about my career.

"Why are you not in bed?"

My eyes find Ewan, the glow from the lamp in the corner of the room shining on one side of his face. "Gabriella moves too much," I respond, sitting up and dropping my head to the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling before finding his curious gaze once more. "Where are all the spare duvets we had? It's freezing in here."

He crosses his arms at his front, his inked bare chest tense. "Go to sleep in the bed. I'll take the couch."

"You aren't doing that gentleman stuff with me. We both know you hate sleeping on the couch."

He sits on the coffee table in front of me, leaning his elbows on his parted knees. "True, but if you want the bed, take it." I shake my head at him, and he huffs. "Fine. Do you want toast and a cup of tea?"

I can't fight the smile building; he knows how much I love tea and toast in the middle of the night. I nod at him, and he gets to work in the kitchen while I scroll through different news articles on my phone.

Most of them talk about Tobias and his mental health after his mother released multiple statements about him not being well, and I agree with her. He shouldn’t be in a jail cell. He needs to be helped.

Surely they can't keep a man with his mental issues locked up? It will only be a matter of time before he does something stupid, reckless, losing himself completely.

Well, he already has by killing two people. Their faces have been all over the news channels, making me feel nauseous that Tobias could commit such a heinous act.

"Any more news on Ivy?"

Ewan hands me my mug of tea, settling himself next to me. I thank him with a smile, sipping at the hot drink. "I checked her stats earlier; everything seems fine. I emailed my work to ask if I can fly over, but it depends on this hearing."

He nods, bringing his own cup to his mouth, and I can hear him gulping. "You can go sleep in the room if you really want to. I'm going to head to the gym anyway."

"Please tell me you turned the heated blanket off?"

He laughs, slouching on the couch, legs parted. "Nope," he says, smirking at me as I shake my head. "It's cold outside. Of course I'm keeping it on."

"I definitely don't want to share a bed with you then."

He frowns at me, the corner of his lip twitching in amusement. "Maybe I don't want to share a bed with you ."

"As if," I say, tossing the blanket off and standing. I spy the tattoo on the side of his neck, freshly done, a row of dead roses along his collarbone. "When did you get that?"

He looks down at his bare chest, a little lost. I walk until I'm between his legs, moving his head to the side so I can get a good look at the details.

"While you were in America. I got one at the top of my leg too, kind of identical to those."

"Can I see?" I ask, my curiosity getting the best of me.

I've always loved Ewan's body–each muscle is defined, slightly tan with tattoos covering him. Although he has my name on him, many others are also dedicated to me. A picture of myself, Ewan, and Jason as stick figures holding hands on his calf, drawn by Jason himself—my favourite.

He gives me a look, moving away from my exploring hands. "Really?"

I'm going to pretend he didn't pull away from my touch, and I'm also going to ignore the sinking feeling taking over me.

"Is it high up? Oh my God. You didn't get your bits tattooed, did you?"

"Bits... So fucking PG of you, Aria," he laughs, his hands accidentally touching the sides of my knees, causing me to nearly buckle from the shock running upwards. "It's at the very top of my thigh, near my cock, and unless you want to see it, I can't show you." He points to the stairs, biting his lip to hold back his humorous moment as I scowl at him. "Go to bed."

I nibble my inner cheek. "Can I tell you something?"

"Tell me while I get ready," he says, following me up the stairs and into the bedroom.

I climb onto the bed, the thick duvet I've missed cuddling into covering my body, tucking myself under it while Ewan gathers his gym bag and packs it. The dogs jump up, rolling into balls at my feet. "I'm sorry for being a bitch to you all the time."

He halts his movements, staring at me. "What are you talking about?"

"Since we split up. I cut you out. I just want to say I'm really sorry."

"No need. I had a lot of making up to do," he replies, zipping his bag up and placing it on the bed. "This is good. I like the whole friendship thing we have going on. It's better than the back and forth before."

"Friendship," I repeat, my mouth all of a sudden drying up. "Is it normal to be friends with your ex? What if you get another girlfriend?"

"I mean, I don't plan on it, but you had a boyfriend, remember?"

I plaster a smile on my face when I finally look at him, trying to hide my negative energy, raising my brows as he lies on his side at the bottom of the bed, leaning up on his elbow.

"Yeah," I reply with a giggle, averting my gaze to the TV on the wall above Ewan's head. "Just please don't flash your new girlfriend in my face."

"I wouldn't. I highly doubt I'll ever be in a relationship; not anytime soon anyway. But would you care?"

"Oh, you two!” Gabriella shouts as she walks past the room, slamming the bathroom door behind her. Her voice is echoing, faint, but we can still hear her. "I better not hear you two, or I'll go to my parent’s place to stay."

"She's very dramatic," Ewan says, rolling onto his back, slinging his forearm over his eyes. "Do you remember when we walked in on her and the fucking dog lead guy, the one who gagged her?"

I pinch my lips together to hold in my laugh, but it bursts out, and he follows. "On my coffee table! What about when she walked in on us in the tub? And I was under the water, sucking your..." I stop myself, feeling the atmosphere shifting, causing me to drop my head and stare at my fingers. "Sorry."

He gently taps my thigh, making me look up at him through my lashes. "We have a lot of memories together."

"We do," I reply, sucking in a deep breath. "How can we be friends?"

"I think it's already working better this way. It'll be better for Jason and the baby."

Jason and the baby. I know he's right, and I know I have a very muddled-up mind, especially over the past few months with Tobias. But I can't shake the feeling coursing through me, the ice-cold liquid in my veins.

"So, do you think this is it between us…” I stop and look for my words. “Do you think we're fully over?" I ask, nervously playing with the corner of the duvet, keeping my eyes on the tattoos on his torso. "After ten years, this is it?"

"Aria...you had a boyfriend . For both of us, it should be over. Why do you look so upset?" He leans forward and captures a stray tear falling down my cheek, attempting to tip my chin so I look at him, but I turn my head to the side, holding myself together. "Hey..." He moves into my line of sight, cupping my cheeks with both hands. "We had a good ten years, didn't we?"

I nod, trying to smile through the tears, resting my forehead on his. "We did. I can’t believe it’s been months since we broke up. It feels like years too."

"I know. Nothing changes with Jason, I promise you. Is that why you're crying? Is this not what you wanted between us?" he asks, rubbing his thumbs under my eyes to catch each tear, tucking my hair behind my ear. “We can stay friends.”

I nod, although I want to do the opposite. I want to bat his hands away and climb onto his lap—to kiss him. I want to wrap my arms around his neck and never let go, to beg him not to believe me if I say the love isn't there anymore, because I'd be lying. I want to tell him it has always been him and always will be. But I don't, because he's right.

We did have a good ten years, amongst all the arguments. We were a family of three. We had fun–a lot. Vacations abroad, camping trips, romantic dates, weddings, parties, we did it all together. Ewan is the type of partner who goes above and beyond, although he was always working hard to make up for his mistakes from when we were eighteen. He really was a good boyfriend.

I truly am jealous of his future, because I know there's a massive chance I won't be in it. In fact, that empty feeling alone has me dropping my head forward, resting it on his bare shoulder, relaxing into the feeling of his hand curling around the nape of my neck. "I love our family."

"We're always going to be a family. You, me, Jason, and the baby. I'll even help you arrange visits so Tobias can see his kid. Just because we aren't together doesn't mean we can't be there for each other, okay? Just like next week. I’ll be there with you during the hearing."

I smile at him through my blurred vision, dropping my head back down onto his firm shoulder, my body trembling against his.

I do love you. I will always love you.