Page 45

Chapter 44

Aria

J ason is excited we’re on a family trip. He has talked the entire way about what we’ll be doing. Board games, movies, walks along the beach. Three hours of driving, and we reach the caravan site.

Ewan unloads the car while I unlock the door, Jason running into his bedroom. It’s huge for being a caravan–a sitting room, kitchen area, dining corner, a small bathroom, and three good-sized bedrooms.

Once we’re settled, I drop onto the sofa.

"Can we play this?" Jason asks, holding up the game called Frustration. "I want to be red."

Ewan decides to be blue, and I choose yellow. We sit side by side, his arm slung over the back of the couch with his knee bent, resting his foot on the seat. "I'm pretty sure Aria is terrible at this game," he says with a laugh, Jason giggling with a grin. "It's okay. I'll maybe let you win."

I slap his leg under the table. "I'm going to ruin you," I warn him, narrowing my eyes. He raises a brow at me, smirking. "I'll win fair and square," I add in.

I don't.

Three games later, and I'm starting to realize I'm shockingly bad at this.

Jason and Ewan seem to have ganged up on me, knocking me off the board whenever they can instead of knocking each other, making me huffand slouch away from them.

At noon, we decide to wrap up and walk to the stone-filled beach, watching Jason throw rocks into the water while Ewan stands behind me.

I’m silent. I like how silent it is.

"I want to protect you all," he tells me. "I'm not going to be much against someone like Tobias, but I want you to know I will do everything possible to keep you all safe."

"You already are," I reply, gesturing to our surroundings. "This is safe."

"Barely."

I huff. "I'm terrified of enjoying this, worried this is all too good to be true. I've always had you and Jason, but I feel like I could lose this at any moment."

"Yeah." He glances down at our hands before he reaches for mine, lacing our fingers. It’s a small act that has me struggling to hold it together. “Do you think we have a chance?”

My gaze moves to him. “After everything? You would be with me?”

“Of course I would. But we can go slow, as slow as we both need. We can focus on helping Tobias."

I frown. "Help Tobias?"

"You said he needed help because he's mentally ill, and going by how dangerous he is, he needs it."

I gesture to his head. "He hurt you," I point out.

He shrugs. "If the guy has lost touch with reality and his only focus is you, then he will do just about anything to have you."

"Are you really saying all of this?" I ask, turning in his arms. "Why are you all of a sudden Team Tobias?"

"I'm not. I just know he’s struggling, and with how much you care for him, I need to help too." He looks over at Jason, the little one still throwing stones into the shallow waves. "When we get home, I’ll tell my mum to take Jason until this blows over, just to make sure he’s safe."

My eyes flicker to Jason looking for crabs in the rock pool. "That’s probably for the best. I don't know how to help Tobias anymore, even if I do…" I stop myself. "Sorry."

"Don't be," he says, taking a deep breath. "I know you love him."

"Can I say I love you both?"

He gives me a warm, genuine smile. "I know you do."

"Aria! Look at how far I can skip this rock!" Jason yells, breaking me away from Ewan’s intense gaze. "It goes so far!"

I smile at him, wiping my tears away with my gloves. "I bet I can beat you!"

I don't.

I can't seem to skip a stone even once, yet Ewan and Jason have them skidding across the water like it's the easiest thing in the world.

The sun starts to set, the coldness creeping in more while I make food for us before sitting around the table. As a family, we watch a comedy, giggling away at Jason asking far too many questions.

"Am I getting a little brother or sister?" Jason asks.

Silence follows, my heart racing as I look from Ewan to Jason, unsure of how to explain the situation. "Umm," I start and stop, gawking at the miniature Ewan staring back at me, waiting for my reply. "I'm having twins, so there are two."

"So I have two brothers?" He sounds so happy, his face lighting up with glee. "Woah!"

Ewan and I haven't properly discussed any of this, just that he'd be there for me like I have been for Jason, but what do I even say at this point? Yes, I would say Jason is like a son to me, and no matter what, I will treat all the kids equally, but would he understand?

I freeze as he leans down, whispering to my nonexistent bump since I’m still extremely early. "You're both going to be my best friends. I love you guys already." He smiles at me as he sits back up. "You're going to get so fat, Aria."

Ewan spits out his juice just as Jason stands and runs into his room. His father is trying to cover his mouth to stop from laughing, his body shaking next to me. "Sorry," he sputters. "You have to admit, that was a funny one from him."

I roll my eyes at him, gathering everything off the table to clean up. "He isn't wrong, though. I can already feel my breasts getting bigger." I huff as I fill up the sink, running the water. “And I have stress zits.”

He leans his elbow on the counter next to the sink. "I think you look hot."

"You would say that," I respond, shouldering him. "Don't try to make me feel better by lying to me."

Drying my hands on the dishcloth, I lean against the counter opposite him.

"I'm not lying. You’re beautiful," he admits, biting down on his bottom lip. "And I love you.”

"Loving me and being attracted to me are two different things."

"I'm attracted to you, Aria," he says, taking a step towards me, my heart rate increasing. "I'm ridiculously attracted to you."

"You're probably saying all this because you haven't had sex in a while."

He laughs, playfully glaring at me before clasping his hands on each side of my waist. "Four months. But I'm not trying to fuck you, Aria."

Before I can stop myself, I breathlessly blurt out, "Why not?"

"If we have a chance and are taking things slow, that kind of means no sex, I think."

"I don't believe you haven’t been with someone else since we broke up," I say, shrieking as Ewan lifts me onto the counter, settling between my legs. "I think you're lying again."

I don't really, but the look on his face has me smirking and holding back a laugh. "Does that make me less of a man?" he asks, running his hands up and down my thighs, distracting me. "Because I don’t want a quick fuck. I already know who I want."

"Let's say we have never met before, and I'm a random girl at the bar. Would you take me home and fuck me?"

"Yes," he replies instantly, shrugging. "As I said, you're hot."

I stare at him, running my tongue along my lips while my eyes drop to his. I feel so much stirring inside me, making me want to slam my thighs together to ease the tension, and I want nothing more than to have Ewan closer to me. "Will...will you kiss me?"

"Do you want me to?" he asks, leaning in until his nose nudges mine. "Is that what you want, Aria?"

My breathing has become uneven, my body nearly shaking from want, need, anything that results in Ewan and I becoming one.

I have an urge to push my lips against his, but Jason is possibly awake. I don't think I can hold myself or my hormones back, but before anything can happen, Ewan drops his head to my shoulder, huffing.

"This isn't taking it slow," he says, shaking his head while I grip his shirt from the back, holding him to me as I hook my ankles. "We have plenty of time for this, if this is what you want. I just want you to be sure, because as soon as I kiss you, I don't think I'll be able to stop."

I don't want you to.

"Okay."

He helps me down, the corner of his mouth turning up, walking us to the couch to watch another movie. I’m curled up in his arms, feeling safe, feeling everything .

I fall into a light sleep, fully aware of my surroundings as Ewan moves from under me, turning off the tv and telling Jason to go to bed. He hooks his arms under my legs and shoulders, carrying me into the main bedroom at the end of the caravan. I feel him tucking me in, and I reach out to grab him as he pulls away from kissing my forehead, the small act overwhelming me with emotions. "Sleep in here with me."

"Come on, Aria. I don't think that's a good idea."

I pull him, begging with my eyes. "I just... I don't want to be alone."

I see him gulping, hear it, waiting for him to stop being in his head. "Fine," he says, stepping back, my eyes widen as he pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it aside. The slight glow of the lamp defines each muscle, his tattooed body walking towards the door to close it.

I can't take my eyes off him as he climbs in next to me, facing me. "Tomorrow, we'll start to think of a plan to help Tobias, okay? We can't hide forever."

I nod, pulling the duvet up to my chin. "Thank you for being so understanding. Most guys would walk the other way if their... you know got pregnant by someone else."

He smiles, reaching for my hand and lacing our fingers, resting it between us as we face each other. "You always stayed by my side throughout everything with Jason. Even when his mum failed him, you remained patient and mature about it all. You love my son like your own, and I'll be the exact same with the twins."

"You will?" I ask, eyeing him, feeling my heart swell. "You'll love my kids too?"

"I told you–no matter what, I'll be here for you all. If we don't find a way to be together, then I'm still going to be here."

I smile, him mirroring it as his eyes start to close. I feel like I could cry, but not sad tears. I want to wrap myself around him and stay there forever, make promises we will keep, expressing exactly how we feel.

I could tell him now–it's now or never. Those three words he hasn’t heard from me for months. They never changed their meaning, not once have I felt any less towards him.

"I love you, Ewan," I say, the words falling from my mouth so naturally, my eyes watering. "I've never...I've never stopped loving you."

His eyes open, staring at me through his dark lashes. Everything around me becomes a blur as I lose myself in the moment, my lip trembling as I move forward, my knees hitting his.

"Say something," I urge him to speak, to not just stare at me with a dumbfounded look.

"You had a boyfriend," he eventually responds, his breathing uneven like my own. “You?—”

"I know…" I try to cut him off, reaching my hand up to rake my fingers through his messy brown hair. "I know."

"What do you want then?" he asks, and I stay silent, desperate for him to kiss me as I move my body even closer to his, the heat between us unbearable, the intense chemistry sending my mind reeling. "I need you to tell me."

"I want you to kiss me already," I say with a laugh. "I really want you to kiss?—"

As soon as Ewan's lips softly press against mine, time stands still. It's not a deep kiss, nothing more than our mouths connected, but it's enough to completely take my breath away. We stay like this for a few moments, consumed in each other as his hand reaches up to cup my face, humming as he tilts his head, his tongue running along my lips until they part.

"I told you," he groans into my mouth, our tongues moving in a steady rhythm as my leg hikes up his hip. "I told you I wouldn't be able to control myself if I kissed you, so we need to stop."

"Shh." I silence him with a hard kiss, enjoying the way his hand explores every part of my body, traveling from my hip to my ass, squeezing it, making its way up my spine to grip the nape of my neck just as I feel his hardness against me.

I suck on his tongue, and he swallows my moans as I grind myself against him.

"I need you," I say truthfully, dropping my hand between us to the waistband of his boxers. "Can I have you?"

He doesn't answer me. All he does is pull me to him, kissing me once again with more desire, groaning his approval as I reach into his boxers and run my fingers over his hardening cock.

"Aria," he moans into my mouth, pulling away from me as he drags his wet mouth down to my throat, sucking on the skin there while his fingers trail down my ribs, pushing his hand into my panties to feel how wet I am.

“Fuck,” he growls, swirling his fingers around my clit, making me arch my back for more contact. I try to drag his face back to mine, but he stops entirely, pulling away from me.

The absence of his touch against my skin makes me want him more. I try to straddle him, but he grabs my hips. “Stop.”

I frown and sit up, staring down at him as we both pant. "Stop?"

"I can't fuck you," he admits, making my heart drop a thousand feet. "It's too soon."

He shifts me off him, standing from the bed as I get to my knees, holding the duvet to my flushed skin. "Ewan, we're adults."

"No, it's not that. Tobias is still out there. If I sleep with you, I can't watch you fall back into his arms when he shows up."

I grimace at his honesty. "I won't."

"You don't know that," he responds, wiping his hand down his face, trying to catch his breath. "What if we go back, and he's there? I can't fuck you and then sit around like an idiot. I'm sorry. I want this to work, but only if it’s me and you. I won't be able to handle anything else."

My lip quivers, my heart twisting painfully. "I'm sorry," I say quietly, feeling an immense weight on my chest as I drop my face to my hands. "I'm so sorry."

"No," he sighs, sitting on the bed next to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me to him. "It's not your fault, baby. I just need to know you're fully into this, that's all. When Tobias is found and you still feel this way, maybe it’s best if we try then?"

I nod, crying into his chest with his hand rubbing up my back. My world is a rollercoaster at the moment, and I have no idea when I'll get off, but my babies deserve a happy ending.

We need it.