Page 40

Chapter 39

Aria

I feel a hot sensation on the side of my face, hearing the sound of wood crackling in a fire, and I can smell it too. It doesn't hurt when I move, but it's uncomfortable on my side, and I feel a hand on my arm as I try to sit up, opening my eyes to see Tobias's concerned, mesmerising, ocean blues.

I don’t jump in surprise like I should.

"Don't move, just lie down until you're fully awake," he says, tucking my messy hair behind my ear, the dents of his dimples deepening. "You've no idea how good it is to see you."

I flinch away from his soft touch on my cheek, causing him to sigh and kneel next to me. I'm lying on a soft, beige corner couch pushed up towards the massive fireplace, probably to heat up my frozen body.

Tobias looks different, his stubble, no glasses and messy hair making him look exhausted, yet he's still as handsome as ever, even while wearing a hoodie and sweats he probably stole off someone.

"You..." My mouth runs dry, seeing images of the man's body falling to the ground next to me. My open wider as I look at my hands and then to Tobias, specks of blood covering us. "You killed him."

"I had to," he responds with a shrug. "He was seconds from killing you."

I throw the blanket off my body and stand with a slight wince, looking down at him. "But you killed him! Who was he?"

"Just a driver for the facility. Justin paid him to help me escape during the transfer." He looks at his new phone, then tosses it on the table next to the couch. "We've got time to disappear."

"Who's we? And he's not just a worker, he was a human being with a family and you took his life, just like you did with the two people you also killed!"

He doesn’t seem to care. All he does is stare at me.

"You could have just injured him to stop him."

"He was about to kill you, Aria!" He huffs, shaking his head. "I acted on instinct and I don't regret it."

"Of course," I reply sarcastically.

Stepping back, I make my way through the open-floor planned room, stopping in the kitchen, scrubbing off the crimson stains on my hands vigorously in the sink. It burns, the harshness of the brush making my skin raw.

I know Tobias can hear my rapid bursts of breaths, the gasps that fall from my lips as I try not to break down and grip the sink. I don't know why I keep making these ridiculous decisions, having it in my head that I, the woman he drugged and messed with, could talk Tobias Mitchell into going back into custody.

I've not been myself at all this year, and it's ever since I met him.

"Aria." He draws out a sigh, his hand finding my waist as I stare at him in the reflection of the window above the sink. "Please don't be mad at me."

"Mad?" I retort as I spin around, knocking his hand away from me. "Do you want me to list off everything you've done to me? I should be mad, I shouldn't be standing here trying to help you once again!" I shove at his chest as I walk by him, standing by the fire, trying to heat myself up as my soaked through clothes cling to my skin.

"Then why are you here?" he asks, standing beside me as we both stare into the dancing inferno.

"You killed people, Tobias. You shouldn't be allowed to walk freely." I pat down my pockets, turning to look at my surroundings. "Where's my phone?"

"There's no signal out here."

I cross my arms, snarling at him. "Where is it?"

He walks until his chest is to my face, his breathing uneven as his nostrils flare. "Why're you here?"

I try to hold my stance, keeping my chin up. "You need to go back," I say, feeling my heart starting to accelerate at his closeness. "You... you're dangerous."

"Are you afraid of me?"

"No," I respond quickly, confidently, watching him nod. I don't flinch as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear with a shaky hand, and I keep my eyes on his, the intensity in the small act alone is making me falter.

"I should be," I say breathlessly as his fingertips graze down my neck, his thumb pressing on my chin to part my lips.

"I missed you."

I slap his hand away, even though deep down, I want him to continue. "You can't use fake words on me to change my mind. You need to go back and that's why I'm here."

His hands are moving up my arms lazily, slow strokes that have my eyes fluttering, and I don't stop him. "Fake words," he repeats with a sliver of sadness. "You really don't believe that I care for you, do you?"

Even through my cold, soaked coat, his touch is annoyingly electrifying. "No," I whisper. "You can't feel that way about me, it's..." My throat begins to tighten, I tense my jaw to stop it from trembling. "The way you’ve treated me. It's impossible."

"It's not, Aria." Both of his hands reach up to my face, and I feel my eyes water as he takes a deep breath. "I do love you. It might not be the same way you feel it, but it's a raw emotion that's strong enough for me to know exactly what I want and what lengths I'll go to to keep you safe. You and our baby."

I cry, allowing my tears to fall down to his hands on my cheeks. "This is all just a game to you."

He leans in and presses his forehead to mine, my fingers curl around his wrists, holding him to me. "What can I do to prove to you that it's real?"

"Go back," I croak through a sob, feeling my knees buckling. "Go back with me now and I'll believe you."

"I'll never see you again," he replies, his jaw clenching. "I can't."

With a surge of anger, I move away from him and march out to the coldness as I breathe out bursts of foggy air. I bow my head, my body shaking as every emotion floods me.

I feel an immense amount of rage. I'm so angry at Tobias for becoming my assistant, for getting close to him to a point that I'd feel this strongly about him. It's driving me insane that he's done so much to me, yet I still can't look at him without feeling butterflies. I want to walk in there and punch him hard, but then I'd feel bad and probably apologize.

But I also feel confused. I have everything back home with Ewan, I could have a life. Yet, I'm standing on this porch of some random shack with my psychotic ex who escaped during custody.

Lastly, I feel my heart shattering at every passing moment between us. I know it's wrong, but I wish that we met under different circumstances. If he wasn't challenged in ways I can't explain, we could have been something special. I truly believe he cares for me, but love ? I find it hard to believe that someone like him could feel that way about anyone when he admitted to me he liked killing.

Love, it's quite a dangerous thing, isn't it? It can have so many effects on someone, positively and negatively. However, is it really possible for someone to love two people? And to be drawn to the wrong person? I know for a fact that Ewan would make me happy, safe, and we'd be a solid unit for both our kids. But with Tobias, we have no future–he’s going to end up in jail for the rest of his life.

It's quite sad actually, that the man opening the door behind me and staying silent while I sob into the coldness has no chance of a proper life. Yet, when he's with me, he's good at keeping himself balanced. When I'm not there, he's somehow capable of murder.

"There are clothes upstairs that will fit you," Tobias tells me, leaning his elbows on the bannister beside mine, glancing at me sideways. "You're going to get sick if you stay in those. They're soaked."

"I'm not getting changed here."

He takes a deep breath and tugs at a strand of blonde, forcing me to look down. "You have that guy's blood splattered over your face and hair."

I gasp and cover my mouth, rushing into the lodge with Tobias trailing behind.

"When he’d hit you, did he hurt you?" he asks as I make my way up the narrow stairs to the first floor, flicking on the lights to find the bathroom. "Will the baby be okay?"

"We’re fine," I reply without looking at him, feeling my soul leave my body when I stare into the mirror at my harrowing image of blood.

I lose my footing and grab the sink, looking down at my clothes then to my reflection once more, not waiting a second to start stripping in a flustered manner.

I'm not caring that Tobias is standing in the doorway, keeping his eyes on the wall beside him so he doesn't look at me removing every single piece of clothing. I stifle sob, leaving them in a pile on the floor and standing in the shower, turning on the cool water.

I grab the nearest soap, rubbing off every spot of blood in a hurry, grimacing at the thin trail of red running down the drain as I shampoo my hair, all while Tobias stands with his back to me in silence.

"This is your fault," I say, searching for a bottle of conditioner. "I can't believe you killed him."

"I'm sorry," he replies quietly. "But I was protecting you and our child. Something I will always do."

I turn to face his back. "Sure," I reply mockingly, rinsing the conditioner through my hair, noticing the mirror steaming up.

"Aria." He turns to face me, and my breath hitches. I fully expect his eyes to drag down the length of my exposed body, but he keeps them trained on mine through the glass, gulping down whatever lump has gathered in his throat.

"Don't let them feel alone, that's when it gets dark and the voices start." He taps the side of his head, seeming to be struggling with this. "Control means everything."

"What voices?"

He shuts his eyes and runs his palm down his face. "I can't talk about this while you're naked, Aria. It's distracting."

I huff, wiping down the steamed-up glass so he can see me properly, caught on each other's gaze, the annoying organ in my chest beating faster as the silence between us becomes torturous. With our eyes glued, I tip my head, daring myself to say the words, the feeling of desire multiplying drastically.

I take a deep breath, not sure if I’ll regret it but the words tumble out anyway. "Take your clothes off."

He's taken aback by my request, frowning at me before pulling his hoodie over his head. I try not to gawk at him, but it's useless. Tobias's body is a work of art, the curves of his muscles shadowing his slightly tanned skin, rippling through his shirt before pulling it off.

My favourite part of him is his defined back, so when he turns to pull his pants down, my eyes don't fall from it. I'm ashamed to admit that I feel a twinge of exhilaration between my legs, or that my mouth feels dry when I should be running for the hills.

Memories flash before me, my fingertips running down his spine while he pummels into me, feeling his hot breath on the sensitive skin of my neck while I grab at his powerful shoulders.

"Are you going to let me touch you?" he asks, knocking me from my daydream. I watch as he walks until he's behind me, his bare chest to my back. I try to control each breath that leaves my lungs, but I'm struggling, facing forward. "I’ll make it feel good. I’ll be gentle.”

I feel the warmth of his body pressing against my back, his strong arms wrapping around me, holding me while the water washes away our sanity and the dead man's blood. My mind is a million miles away, yet it's clearer than ever as I lace my fingers in his. I've not had this in a while, the butterflies going wild. "Keep going."

I know enjoying this moment is wrong.

I know enjoying Tobias's body against mine is wrong.

But, as wrong as it should feel, and how insane I must be for wanting him to keep his body attached to mine, I push aside those thoughts while I enjoy this, before it's ripped away from me, before reality settles back in and I need to accept that this... is wrong.

“My father was like me before he died. So there is a chance I pass on the gene to our kid,” he tells me.

I inwardly wince, tightening my hold on his hand. "How did he die?"

He drops his head, so his nose buries into the crook of my neck, making me shiver under the hot water. "He hung himself."

I release his hands and turn in his arms, wrapping my body around his, telling him that I'm sorry about his father. We stay this way for God knows how long, Tobias explaining that he did have a good childhood, homeschooled because he couldn’t handle school.

His dad was unpredictable with his mood swings, always confused and talking to nothing. Finally, he was diagnosed with a bad case of schizophrenia. He took his own life when Tobias was sixteen, and his mom remarried to Doctor Blythe a few years later.

Blythe got him a position in the hospital, believing that he was under control with the new medication he was prescribed. That was until he met me.

Tobias holds me close to him, his chin on my shoulder as he explains that he was in control, but he started to feel things that were new to him, and he had no idea how to work with them. He stopped taking all five of his meds so he could be good enough for me after Gabriella let him know he wasn’t.

She was only looking out for me like a best friend should. She must’ve noticed something was off with Tobias when we started getting together.

He struggles to keep going, becoming a little agitated. I look up at him, the droplets of water falling from our faces, my eyes flitting from his to his lips, having an inner battle.

"Don't do something that you're going to regret," he warns me. "You've absolutely no idea how much I'm holding back."

"Then don't. Don't hold back."

I want him to kiss me, because if he doesn't then I need to kiss him, and then I have to admit to myself exactly how much I want him — need him. I watch him bite down on his bottom lip, letting it drag until it's free. He must be having the same feelings as I am, wanting this so badly and trying to not think about the consequences.

Tobias knows exactly how my body works, every position and angle to be in when my body reacts to his touch in a certain way, how fast and hard I want it just by the intensity of my nails in his back. He's made it his mission to learn how to drag out each orgasm, making me writhe beneath and above him.

But why is he shaking his head and stepping away from me?

"I can't."

"You can't?" I cover my nakedness, watching him as he rinses off the suds on his body and leaves the shower.

He wraps a towel around his waist, silent. "Tobias?"

"One of the last times we were together, you called me Ewan and said you loved me. It's all I keep hearing, and they mock me, Aria." He points to his head, tapping at it. "They mock me about you, and I can't stop them."

I'm speechless, watching as he leaves the bathroom without saying another word. I remember that moment, and the image of Ewan above me was so clear that I truly believed it. But if he didn't drug me then that wouldn't have happened at all.

I follow after him with a large towel wrapped around me, stopping in the doorway of a bedroom while he sets aside clothes for us both. "If you’re going to leave me, then you need to do it before Justin gets back. He isn't a fan of you and I'm not in the mood to bury his body as well."

"You're disgusting."

"And you're still fucking here!" he shouts as he turns to me, making me jump back. "You know how bad a person I am and you're still fucking here. Get off your high pedestal, Aria, and stop acting like?—"

Against my better judgement, I launch myself at Tobias and crash my lips over his, catching him off guard as he falls back onto the bed, taking me with him.

"Don’t ever speak to me like that again," I warn against his mouth as his hands grab at my hips, straddling him. My lips are on his once more, sighing as he returns the passionate kiss with his hand on the back of my head.

My warning seems to have turned him on, feeling his hard cock pressing against the annoying barrier of the towel. Thankfully, Tobias unravels it from me and tosses it aside. My body tingles at the proximity of our bodies, keeping our mouths magnetized as we become one.

Every nerve within me is exploding from his touch, his hand keeping a tight grip in my hair while the other is roaming the length of my body, grabbing at my breasts and ass, and my tongue runs along his as I groan into his mouth.

Tobias flips us, making me gasp as his hand cups between my legs, leaning down and sucking on my nipple harshly just as he shoves two fingers inside of me, causing a strangled whimper to drop from my mouth, arching my back.

“Will you regret this?” he asks, running his tongue up my throat, he curls his fingers as he works against the sensation already building, bursts of breath heating my neck. His fingers vanish. "You have no idea what regret is, doctor." He pushes his cock into me so deep, I choke. "Don't make me show you."

I shouldn’t enjoy this. I shouldn’t move with him. Kiss him back. Become needier, wetter, louder.

This is my reality, one warped, messed-up, and extremely disturbing existence that comes with a heavy price.

My entire life.

So why am I writhing beneath him while he fucks me senseless?

Why am I moaning so loud that anyone in a fifty-mile radius can hear me?

What is making me so insane that I want this?

Tobias wraps his arms around me while he flips us so I'm above him, riding his length as he groans. I want to hear him grunt my name out as he feels immense pleasure, to tell me how much I mean to him, even if it's in a way that makes absolutely no sense.

I love the way my body tingles when he grabs my throat and slams me down on him, running the large head up the side of my face and gripping my hair. I love the way our bodies join, sweating, slapping, swallowing each other's moans as we search for impending euphoria.

I'm losing myself with him, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. My mind is battling my heart and my hormones, numbing itself from the pain that this destruction most definitely will cause.

"This is wrong," I say shakily as Tobias runs his palm up my spine, pushing against each vertebra until he grips the nape of my neck. Our hips meet relentlessly, bodies grinding in sync as I drop my head to his shoulder, heat building everywhere. "I shouldn't be doing this."

"Then why are you?" he groans against my ear, yanking me back by the hair to look at him while I ride his cock, my walls tensing around his thickness in a suffocating manner. "Why the fuck are you here, Aria?"

With Tobias pressing his raw lips against my collarbone, each suck and bite of my sensitive skin sends shocks to my core. I try to form a sentence, trying to ignore the burning sensation at the bottom of my spine as he pulls harder on my hair to elongate my throat.

"You..." I lose my words, feeling a wave of pleasure shooting up my inner thighs. "You told me to come."

He releases his hold of my hair, and I look down at him as both of his hands grip my hips, making me grind against him slow and hard. "Do you always come when I tell you to?"

Feeling him bury deeper, hitting that sweet spot, I throw my head back, my fingers digging into the muscles of his shoulders. Strangled whimpers leave my mouth as I ride him faster, my breathing uneasy as my heart rattles in my chest.

"Yes," I moan, my hands moving to cover his as he thrusts upwards to meet my movements. Gasping for a deep breath, I lean forward and grab him by the throat, making his blue eyes light up as I tighten my grip.

I shriek as he pulls himself up, flipping me on all fours. He positions himself behind me and doesn't wait a second to shove inside of me again. I gasp with each thrust, gripping the bedding as I try to stay in position, his relentless thrusts driving into me.

Grasping a handful of my hair, his chest meets my back, pulling my hair until I can see in the mirror in front of us. "I want you to watch yourself come," he rasps in my ear, keeping his movements steady and hard.

I hold my eyes on my own, my mouth wide open, giving him an opportunity to push two fingers in, pressing on my tongue as I moan. The erotic feeling of watching myself with his fingers gagging me, fucking me from behind, has me struggling to hold back the fire building.

Sucking in his bottom lip, he picks up the pace. I hold my breath as I feel it... the building, the clenching, his cock pummelling into me like a hammer when the surge of electricity explodes within me.

"Fuck, Aria," he blurts as he begins to throb inside me, filling me just as the pinnacle of my orgasm has me seeing flashes of white mixed with stars, ultimately falling apart as his name falls from my lips in a whimper.