Page 39 of Not My Type, Not Yet.

"Chill! nasa iisang dorm lang tayo," natatawa nyang saad, mas lalo ko pang siniksik ang mukha ko sa leeg nya.

It's time for us to go home dahil pinapauwi na kami. Napaka oa naman. I wanted to stay here but 1 week is enough. Binahay na ako eh.

"I wanted to stay here," maktol ko. I kissed his neck softly na syang mahina nyang ikinatawa.

He caresses my back and kissed my temple. "It's fine, you need to talk to your dad...and I need to talk to them." Mahina nyang saad kaya napaangat ako at sinalubong ang kanyang mata.

"Are you sure you can handle it?" nag-aalala kong tanong. I mean, makakausap at malalaman nya na kong ano nga ba talaga ang tumatakbo sa utak ng mga taong nanakit sakanya.

His eyes softened, he grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it.

"Someone taught me that the only way to move on is closure.

Habang buhay akong magtatanim ng galit sakanila that's why I needed to know their side—there's a possibility na hindi ko sila mapapatawad, but at least I've already know their reason.

" He cupped my face, leaned in and brushed his lips against mine.

"I love you, please trust me and go home," he insisted. Napakagat nalang ako sa labi ko at unti-unting lumayo sa kanya.

"I'm considering buying a lot and house for us to stay," saad ko. I brushed my hair up and licked my lips.

This is so frustrating, hindi sapat ang isang linggo o araw-araw naming pagsasama sa dorm. Ibabahay ko na to.

He chuckled and ruffled my hair. "Is this a proposal?" he teased.

I grinned and grabbed his waist. "Will you accept it?"

He smirked, wrapped his arms around my shoulder, his eyes had this smoldering temptation I wanted to gave in any minute. "Sure. Let's do that."

I smirked and wanted to kiss him ng may tumikhim sa likod ni Knox kaya binitawan ko sya.

"Mga kabataan nga naman talaga oh," boses ni Nanay Janice kaya parehas kaming napatawa ni Knox.

He pulled away and kissed Elise on the forehead. "Be a good girl ok?" he uttered.

Elise pursed his lips na para bang nagtatampo. "I don't wanna go home," mangiyak-ngiyak nyang saad.

Kaycee ran to her and embraced her. "Dito nalang kayo please," she pleaded.

Umiyak ang dalawang bata kaya napatampal nalang ako sa noo ko. Baka tatlo na kami ang iiyak nyan mamaya.

I bend down at ginulo ang kanilang buhok. "You can visit us anytime you want Kaycee, at babalik din kami dito kaya wag kang mag-alala ok?" I softly cooed them.

Kumalma naman silang dalawa kaya nakahinga ako ng maluwag.

"I promise to come and visit you ok?" Kaycee cupped Elise's face and kissed her cheeks.

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

"Masyadong na attached si Kaycee kay Elise kaya ganyan yan," paliwanag ni Nanay Janice na kanila pa pala nakatingin sa amin.

"We better get going Nay," paalam ko sakanya. I hugged her and said my thanks before I picked up Elise so that we could go home.

Minata ko si Knox. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa leeg nya, tumaas ang kanyang kilay at napahawak din sa leeg nya. Lumapit ako sa kanya at pinatakan ng halik ang kanyang labi. "You better hide that hickey baby," I teased.

The corner of his lips curled up. "Let them see."

Napailing nalang ako and pulled myself away.

Elise tapped on my chest. "Kuya stop flirting! ew!" ang reaksyon nya. Nagkatinginan kami ni Knox bago tumawa.

Gosh this girl.

"Take care, love..." He whispered and I nodded.

Agad naman kaming pumasok sa kotse bago pa magbago ang utak ko at dumito nalang sa bahay nila.

"I'll come and visit again Nanay Janice, thank you so much!" I waved my hand, she smiled and waved back.

"Ingat kayo!"

It felt wrong to go home in our house when their house feels more like home than ours.

We drove back to our house, tahimik lang kami and I can totally see that Elise feels the same way about that house. Knox is lucky to have someone who cares and loved them. Habang nasa bahay nila kami, pakiramdam ko don ako pinakamasaya.

We talked, eat together, play together. The kind of laughter that we shared when we truly have some fun will forever be etched in my mind. When I say that maghahanap na ako ng lote na pwedeng pagtayuan ng bahay. I freaking mean it.

I'm planning not just my future but our future. I've never been this sure about myself. I knew that I had to be with him for the rest of my life.

Because where he is, is where I should be.

After a 30 minutes drive nakarating na din kami sa hacienda. I took a deep breath, honked the horn of my car and waited for the gate to open.

"It feels empty here Kuya," biglang saad ni Elise, nakatitig sya sa labas ng bintana. "I used to think that our house is big, but why do I feel like napakaliit nito ngayon."

Humigpit ang pagkakakapit ko sa manibela. I forced a smile and patted her head. "Mas malaki ba ang bahay nila Kuya Knox?" I asked.

She turned to me, gumuhit ang isang malaking ngiti sa labi nya. "Yes, it's big. Not in size but in love. I want to be there because I can play and eat with Ate Kaycee, and Nanay Janice." Masigla nyang aniya.

Napangiti ako. "I'm sorry Elise." Paumanhin ko.

She tilted her head and looked at me with confusion. "Bakit po?"

Ilang segundo ko muna syang tinignan at umiling. "Nevermind, let's call Kuya Knox and Ate Kaycee later." Agad na nanlaki ang mata nya dahil sa tuwa.

"Yeyyy!!!" she exclaimed. That's all it takes para bumalik ang mood nya.

Unti-unting bumukas ang gate, agad ko namang binaybay ang dana papuntang paradahan dito sa hacienda. Nang maiparke ko na ang sasakyan agad akong lumabas at umikot para kunin si Elise.

Agad na tumakbo si nanay Melda sa amin. "Sir, buti nalang at nandito na kayo. Nandon si Daddy mo sa study nya. Kanina ka pa hinihintay." She informed me, tumango naman ako at inabot sa kanya si Elise.

"I'll talk to him, pakisuyo nalang po sa mga dala namin." Tumango sya kaya umalis agad ako.

I need to end this now. It doesn't really matter kong matatanggap nya ba ako or hindi. I don't need his approval.

Binaybay ko ang daan patungo sa study nya with calm and stable heart. Matagal kong kinamuhian ang taong to, and hearing him called me his son for the first time kinda stirred something deep inside of me.

I lied. I totally lied. The little boy inside of me want to hear him call me his son again. Kaya ganon nalang ako naapektuhan ng mabasa ang text nya nong nakaraan.

When I reached his study, I composed myself and knocked on his door.

"It's me," I announced.

I heard a thud inside before the door burst opened. My eyes widened when I saw how disheveled my father looked right now. His once stoic face is now full of desperation and...regret?

When he saw me, he smiled weakly. "Come in," his voice was rough and shaky.

Sumunod ako sa kanya, nilibot ko ang paningin ko sa buong kwarto. Until my eyes landed on the picture frame sitting on top of his drawer. Nilagpasan ko sya at kinuha ang picture frame.

Hindi makapaniwala ko itong tinignan. It was a picture of me back when I was 7 years old. Naka pajama habang may hawak-hawak na popsicle, the photo was taken in our sala.

"Why'd you have this?" I turned my head in his direction. Nakatayo lang sya sa likuran ko, and somehow he appears so small and timid.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he replied at ngumiti.

I clenched my jaw. "What do you want to say to me?" I asked darkly at pabagsak na nilapag ang picture frame sa mesa nya.

"I wanted to apologize...for everything." His voice were small and weak. "I know na sobrang rami kong pagkukulang sayo bilang tatay, and I regretted it."

I scoffed. "At ngayon mo lang talaga nalaman ano? saan pumunta yang magaling mong utak?" sarkastiko kong saad.

Umikot sya at umupo sa swivel chair nya. What's with people nowadays?

"Alam kong galit ka sa nangyari sa mom mo..." panimula nya. I balled my fist, I want to scream at him for bringing up my mom but I remained silent.

"... I'm sorry for lying to you for so long." He lowered his head.

"What? anong pinagsasabi mo?" Nagtataka kong saad.

He heaved a deep sigh before looking up at me. "I never married Keanna just because I love her. I married her because of your mom's wish," Yumuko sya dahil nanubig ang kanyang mata.

I don't know what to feel at this point to be honest. Ramdam kong naiiyak ako at the same time parang nagagalit ako dahil hindi ko alam kong ano ang lumalabas mula sa bibig nya.

"Get your story straight. Fuck!" I yelled frustratingly. "What do you mean you married her because of my mom's wish? What do you fucking mean?!!!"

Ang gulo. Napakagulo.

"Your mom had a Fatal Familial Insomnia, it's a rare genetic condition that causes sleeping difficulties.

You were 7 that time, young and innocent.

We don't want you to know that we were suffering.

That's why tinago namin sayo yun. Natakot ang mom mo na baka nakuha mo rin ang sakit nya since it's genetic. You're all she could think of."

Bigla akong nawalan ng balanse dahil sa narinig ko. What? Fatal Familial Insomnia? Akala ko ba namatay sya dahil hindi nya nakayanan ang kataksilan na ginawa ng tatay ko.

"T-then where were you when she was calling your name on her deathbed? Putangina! rinig ko kong paano sya umiyak bawat gabi sa tuwing wala ka!" Marahas kong iniling ang ulo ko, ayaw ko, ayaw kong maniwala.

Napakagat sya sa labi nya at unti-unting bumagsak ang kanyang luha. "I-I was trying my best to save her. I went from one hospital to another, hoping na makahanap ako ng magaling na doctor. I tried my best to save her, but the disease took her away..." At don na sya tuloyang humikbi.

My proud and cold father is now crying in front of me like a child. I shook my head continuously. This can't be...was my anger all for nothing? No...

"You cheated on her that's why she died!" I roared. Ayaw kong paniwalaan ang kung ano mang lumalabas sa bunganga nya. "You're kidding..." unti-unting nababasag ang boses ko.

"I never did, Austine. I love your mom more than I love myself.

.." he sobbed in front of me. "When she was dying at the hospital, I was just outside.

..I wanted to be by her side but it's her will for me to not see her draw her last breath.

" Napahilamos sya sa mukha nya at don umiyak ng tuloyan.

"S-she told me to marry someone para sa kapakanan mo.

You're just a child and you needed a mother. .."

"H-how could you lied to me?" I finally broke down. "After all this years, I fucking hated and blame you for my mom's death. Tas ngayon sasabihin mo na you marry her just because she said so?!!" Nilapitan ko sya at marahas na hinila ang kanyang kwelyo.

"You're pathetic." Madiin kong ani sa pagmumukha nya. "I never needed a new mom dahil iisa lang ang nanay ko. What I really needed at that time was your attention and care!" I pushed him hard. I looked at him through my blurry vision.

"If only pinaintindi nyo sa akin, kong sana hindi nyo lang tinago sa akin!!! My anger was pointless!" Sigaw ko.

Sana pala nanatili nalang akong ignorante. Hearing this broke my heart into pieces I couldn't bring myself to pick and fix.

"How about Knox's dad? diba may relasyon din kayo non?" Panunuya ko.

"Yes." He admitted. "I was the one who broke up with him, dahil nabuntis ko ang mommy mo."

I took a step backwards, I can't absorb what he just said. Alam ko kung ano ang nangyari but hearing him say that personally hits harder than I thought it would be.

"T-that was my greatest mistake. Akala ko hindi ko kayang mahalin ang mommy mo, but day after day I found myself wanting to be a good husband and a father. That's what makes Kel, sour. K-kasalanan ko...alam ko..."

Fucking hell!

I brushed my hair up frustratingly. " A-alam mo ba na dahil sainyo, nasaktan at naghirap kami ni Knox?

All we wanted was to love each other freely pero dahil sa mga putanginang kasalanan nyo na parang kasalanan na rin namin nagawa naming saktan ang isa't-isa!

!!" I pointed at him, the veins in my neck were protruding dahil sa sobrang galit.

"Bakit kaylangan namin dahil ang kasalanan ng mga magulang namin? Why do you keep hurting us with your past mistakes? That was yours! kasalanan nyo yun p-pero bakit kaylangan na magdusa din kami?" Pahina ng pahina ang boses ko hanggang sa napasalpak nalang ako sa sahig at doon umiyak.

"S-son... I'm sorry. " He crawled to me and I felt his warmth enveloping me for the first time in 10 years.

"I thought I was doing a good job...h-hindi ko aakalain na dadalhin mo rin ang mga kasalanan namin.

I-I did not wish for that to happen. I flew to Milan, I talked to Kel and begged him to let the two of you together.

.. because I know that that's the only way I could make it up to you. .."

I slightly pushed him away. "Alis. Hindi ko na kayang makinig." Walang kabuhay-buhay kong saad.

I've had enough.

"What's done is done and you can never undo it. I came here without expecting much from you." I stood up at tumalikod. "T-thanks for letting me know, pero hindi pa kita kayang patawarin." I smiled weakly kahit na hindi nya nakikita.

"I see. Tanggap ko. Kasi hindi ko rin kayang patawarin ang sarili ko."

After that conversation, humayo ako sa kwarto ko at don nag mukmok. Sana pala hindi nalang ako nakinig, sana pala nanatili nalang akong galit sa kanya. I wished I never knew those.

Pero deep down, my mind can finally rest. It hurts hearing what he just said. About my mom, his struggle and how he only married Keanna because mom asked him for my sake. I fucking don't need a surrogate mother.

This might be the last time I'll dwell on my family problem. Hindi lang naman sila ang pamilya ko. I have Knox. The man, who despite all the challenges and hurt he'd been through, he stayed firm.

I dialed his number, it took three rings before he answered the phone.

"Hey, kamusta?" I asked trying to sound normal. Narinig ko syang ngumiti sa kabilang linya.

"Austine? wanna run away with me?"