Page 29 of Not My Type, Not Yet.

"Bigyan mo ng towel ang bata, Menerva." Utos ni Memere ng makapasok kami sa bahay nya. Agad namang tumango si Nanay Menerva.

We brought Knox along, I wanted to hear so much from him. I want him to explain his side. I want the storm inside of my head to settle.

The whole ride he was looking at me. It made me uncomfortable. Para syang magnanakaw na naghihintay ng tamang oras para sumalakay. I acted like he wasn't there, like I didn't know that he's been trying to grab my hand or how tears streamed down his face every time I ignored him.

"All I knew is that you are acquaintances, but I didn't know na iba pala ang namamagitan sainyong dalawa," she sat at the single sofa when we reached the living room. She leaned, crossed her legs and raised us an eyebrow.

Umikot si Sloane sa likod ni Memere at ginaya sya kaya halos maitaas ko ang kilay ko.

"Kaya nga." She said

I bit my lips and lowered my head. I...I don't know what to say. I don't know how to explain what she saw at the airport.

"I like your grandson, Se?orita."

Agad na pumikit ang ulo ko sa direksyon ni Knox. My eyes widened but his gaze remained focused on Memere. He said it with nothing but the yearning in his eyes, the years of silent suffering finally broke free. Memere eyed him, I was speechless. How come?

He eyed me for a second, a soft subtle smile escaped his lips. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin.

"I see. Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago," she stood up, timing naman na dumating si Nanay Menerva dala-dala ang towel na para kay Knox. She was about to hand it to him when Memere grabbed it first and approached Knox.

"Both you and your father are the same." She uttered melancholy. Pinulupot nya ang towel sa ulo ni Knox, and patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry that you had to live in isolation just because of what they've done."

Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko.

"Who?" I asked. Napabaling silang dalawa saakin. Sinalubong ko ang mata ni Knox but he averted his gaze to his finger. I clicked my tongue and threw my head back. I eyed Memere but she shook her head.

"It's not my story to tell," she shrugged.

My head whipped back sa lalaking halos ayaw nang salubongin ang mata ko. "What the fuck is wrong really?" I asked impatiently. "Bat parang may alam kayo na hindi ko alam?"

Pabalik-balik ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa. What the fuck is wrong with them? Pakiramdam ko para akong bata na walang kamuwang-muwang sa nangyayari sa paligid ko.

"Fuck!" naibulalas ko nalang nang walang ni isa ang sumagot saakin.

Nilapitan ko si Knox, he took a step backwards, but I stopped him from taking another step by grabbing his collar.

"You. Upstairs. Let's fucking talk. You better tell me everything or else this is the last time you will ever see me, got it?" Matigas kong anas sakanya. Hearing what I said, his eyes widened at dali-daling tumango.

"I promise, wag ka lang umalis." He whispered barely above a murmur.

I watched how a drop of rainwater cascaded from his hair down nose until it reached his pale lips. Bumuntong hininga ako at tumalikod. He followed me immediately; I looked past my shoulder and saw him intently watching my every move kaya napaiwas ako ng tingin.

"Baby..."

I tsked. "Stop calling me baby if you don't even mean it." Naiinis kong singhal sakanya.

He pursed his lips feeling hurt and lowered his head.

"I-I waited for you Austine, bat bigla kang umalis?" mahina nyang saad.

I clicked my tongue and grabbed his collar harshly. Nanliliksi ang mga mata kong nakasalubong sa mata nya. He flinched.

"Why are you asking me that?! Putangina Knox! ikaw ang dahilan kong b-bakit paulit-ulit akong nasasaktan tapos may gana ka pang tanongin ako nyan?" My eyes flickered with anger, mas lalong humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa kwelyo nya.

This lips trembled, bumagsak ang mata nya at dahan-dahang hinaplos ang kamao ko.

"I'll explain everything... I promised. This time I was done hiding..." he looked at me deep in the eyes. " I'm done pretending."

Saglitang lumaki ang mata ko. Pabalang kong binitawan ang kwelyo nya. His head was turned to the side. I heard his deep sigh and slowly turned his head towards me.

"That time when I woke up in the middle of the night and found your room empty my heart ultimately stopped, Austine.

I couldn't begin to fathom the possibilities that you left me.

..." Simula nya at unti-unti akong nilapitan.

"For days, I couldn't sleep. Your presence haunts me and it made me miserable knowing even your shadow was nowhere to be see-"

I cut him off. "So you just like the idea of me being there for you?" Sarkastiko kong saad.

Agad syang umiling at kinagat muli ang kanyang labi.

"I like the idea of you, Austine. I like the idea of embracing you, loving you and keeping you safe," he said lovingly yet achingly.

I furrowed my brows to suppress my tears. "T-then why did you hurt me?"

Finally, Finally natanong ko na. He looked at me deep in the eye, a surge of emotions resurfaced. I took a step forward and watched how he struggled to find yours to answer my question. If it wasn't intentional then I wanted to know what his reason was.

"Answer me, Knox..." I calmly uttered yet somehow harshly.

He looked at me first before reaching for his pocket. And with a trembling hand, he handed me a photograph. An old photograph. He swallowed and urged me to get it in his hands. Binitawan ko sya and I grabbed the photo in his hand with a furrowed brow.

"What the fuck is this?" I whispered and flipped the photo to see it.

As soon as my eyes landed on the two people in the photograph, I froze. Nanlaki ang mata ko habang hindi makapaniwalang nakatingin sa laman ng larawan. It was a man who looked exactly like Knox, the only difference was their eyes, and beside him was a boy who somehow looks like me.

The photo was taken at the flower field, with both of them facing each other. Isang bugkos ng rosas ang namamagitan sakanilang dalawa, parehas silang nakahawak dito habang nakangiti sa isa't-isa. They looked so young and...in love.

"It was our dad's." He began. Mas lalong lumalim ang kunot sa noo ko dahil sa sinabi nya.

"I-it can't be..." I whispered. Kamuntikan nang bumigay ang paa ko buti nalang nakahawak ako agad sa pader.

Him and who? Knox's father? How come? what the fuck?

I was shaken to my core by the revelation. It wasn't just shock-it was as if the ground beneath me had split open, and everything I thought I knew came crashing down.

I eyed him as if denying what I just heard and saw, nalukot na rin ang larawan sa kamay ko. He nodded his head and just like that, my mouth gaped open.

Unti-unti syang lumapit saakin. "My father's bitterness drives him to project his pain onto me.

I once saw you at the shore, you looked heavenly yet somehow the tears had dried up to your face, nong mga panahong yun I thought to myself that 'ah, this boy is pretty.

Ever since that day, I never did once stop coming to the same place just to see you.

..." he trailed off and he finally held my hand softly.

My heart hammered in my chest as soon as our eyes met. Naalala ko na lagi akong nasa dalampasigan simula nung namatay si mommy and ever since I saw a boy standing from a distance. Watching me.

It was Knox. The boy I almost approached but chose not to and let him watch me.

For a year.

"...My dad found out about my frequent visit at the beach and I told him about you. You were famous at our place since childhood, kaya talagang kilala kita..." he chuckled and I remained silent.

"... he found out who you are. He forbade me from repeating what he sees as a 'mistake' and that is falling in love with you. " He breathed. Slowly... his tears broke free.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko at nanginginig na inabot ang kanyang pisngi upang punasan ang kanyang luha.

"Ayaw ko...ayaw kong tumigil non," he grabbed my hand and nudge his face towards it. "B-but he threatened me. He threatened me Baby, he said he'll do anything in his power to make you suffer if I don't stop." Humikbi sya kaya mas lalong sumikip ang dibdib ko.

"I don't want that. Ayaw ko non, Austine.

A-Alam kong nahihirapan kana non kaya ayaw kong dumagdag.

So I left. For years I kept my distance but sometimes I couldn't help but wanting to see you.

..My father was furious because after all those years my feelings for you remained.

That's the main reason kong bakit nandon ako sa paaralang yun, he locked me up," he looked up and cupped my face.

"Baby, please believe me. I have loved you since the very beginning. God knows how happy I was when I saw you that day." He desperately searched my face for an answer whether I believed him or not. Seeing me not reacting, his shoulder loosened.

"Y-you don't believe me?" nanghihina nyang saad.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. "Yun na yun lahat?"

"Huh?"

"I said kong yun na yun lahat?" I repeated. He bit his lip and fiddled with his fingers.

Marahan nyang sinalubong ang mata ko, he smiled weakly. "Despite the happiness I felt that day, your dad warned me to stay away from you dahil nandidiri sya sa tuwing nakikita nya ako. Ayaw nyang makilala mo ako at malaman kung ano mang sikretong tinatago nya..." he lowered his head.

And I just stood there, frozen. My dad? his dad? But what shocked me the most is the fact that he loves me first, he yearns for me first. My affection isn't rejected, it was suppressed by those people who view his affection as wrong.

I didn't realize until now that he carries the world on his shoulders and it's taking a toll on him. I didn't realize na mas masakit pala ang pinagdadaanan nya. I was blind-more like we were held captive by our father's past.

He's afraid. He's suffering-so am I. It wasn't our fault, nor it's his fault. None of us is at fault. We were chained by our father's painful experiences. I wasn't aware to any of it kaya tanging nararamdaman ko lang ang inaalala ko.

We are the same, we yearn for that little thing called love only for it to break us apart.

Tuloyan nang bumigay ang mga binti ko at napaluhod nalang ako. Nanginginig pa rin ang kalamnan ko dahil sa nalaman ko.

"B-bakit sila naghiwalay?" I tried to sound calm but my voice cracked.

Pinigilan nya ang kanyang hikbi at lumuhod din sa harap ko. Maingat nya akong niyakap, I did not resist. Hinayaan ko nalang sya.

There's a moment of silence between us, his chest rising and falling, probably contemplating whether to say it or not but I just nudge him and he heaves a sharp breath.

"He got your mom pregnant. And when dad found out, the issue escalated and hindi nagtagal he got my mom pregnant just because he wanted to take revenge on your dad. He forced me to be better at everything-"

Tinakpan ko ang bibig nya ng palad ko, I heard enough.

Mariin kong naipikit ang mga mata ko. I bit my lips so hard that it started to bled. Putangina. Kaya naman pala parang basura ang tingin nya sa amin. He wasn't a good father nor a husband, he's the worst.

Kaya din ba galit ang tatay ni Knox sakin? Was it the very reason why he forbade Knox from freely loving me?

Was it my fault?

Was it?

Isang hikbi ang kumawala sa bibig ko at mahigpit syang niyakap. He stiffen for a moment.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," I murmured through a broken voice.

Hinigpitan nya ang pagkakayakap nya sakin at hinalikan ang tuktok ng aking ulo.

"W-wala kang kasalanan. Staying away from you is the best thing that I've done because I get to see you shine at what you do.

I get to see you enjoy life without having to carry the past mistake made by our fathers.

And I'm glad I did that, I let my father control me, I let him put the world on my shoulder just so you could live the life that you deserve," he calmly uttered as if all his suffering doesn't matter.

Mahina ko syang itinulak na syang ikinagulat nyang muli. His tears stained face welcomed me. Napakagat ako sa labi ko at inabot ang kwelyo nya.

"Stop making it sound like all your suffering didn't matter. Putangina, you don't have to carry everything alone." Halos nanggagalaiti kong saad. "Wala na akong paki, it doesn't matter if they force you to stay away from me..."

Napatigil ako dahil sa sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Hindi dahil sa kung ano mang dahilan kundi dahil sa galit na namumuo sa puso ko.

Parents should never project their own mistakes onto their children, nor let them suffer for the choices they never made.Their children were clueless so why must they carry the weight of a past that isn't theirs.

With an aching heart I cupped Knox's face and gently brushed my lips onto his. Pinagtagpo ko ang noo namin at marahan syang tinignan. I wiped the tears that escaped his eyes and gently kissed his swollen eyes.

"No child deserves to bleed for the wounds that their parents refuse to heal. The past should end with those who lived with it and not echo through the hearts of those who didn't."

We are victims. I was hurting but he was bleeding, that's the difference.

"Let's defy them. I want us unchained from their past mistakes and live the life we want to live," I whisper na syang ikinatango nya.

With trembling lips and hands, he gently cupped my face. "Y-yes please."

He buried his face on my neck at don umiyak ulit. Umupo ako sa sahig and hugged him tightly as he released all his pent up emotions. Tumingala ako para pigilan ang luhang nagbabadyang kumawala muli.

He loved me too much kaya nya nagawang saluhin ang lahat na para bang wala lang sa kanya. Kong sana alam ko lang, hindi ko sana hinayaang magdusa din sya. I'd do anything to save him, to let him breathe, and to let him live freely and calmly.

Kumalas sya sa pagkakayakap sa akin at pinahiran ang sariling luha. His hands lingered for a moment, as if afraid to let go completely. His eyes shimmered with emotions he finally let go, but most of all, a joy he could no longer hide.

He cupped my face, thumb brushing softly over my cheek, he leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead, it was warm, reassuring, full of love that words had failed to say for so long.

"I'm sorry...for all the hurt I caused you," he whispered, voice trembling like his hands.

I shook my head slowly, placing my hands over his. "You didn't mean to hurt me," I said softly. "You hurt me because you had too, you had no other choice."

He looked at me-really looked in my eyes and let his heart speak freely without fear.

Pinagtagpo nya ang noo namin ulit, we smiled at each other and with a voice full of tenderness he said, "In every hue of yesterday and tomorrow, I will always love you through crosswinds and current and in every storms in between.

Because it's always been you, Austine. Always have been, always will be. "