Page 97 of Not My Type (Not My Type #1)

Zara

No one is at home when I get to the house. I sit on the chair digging through my bag for my phone. When I find it, I dial my mother’s number and the call goes to voicemail. She probably deh a church with Mama.

I call her a few more times until she finally answers. “Hey baby, mi deh a church with mommy enuh,” she says. I hear the choir singing in the background, and I can’t hold back the sobs.

She gasps. “Zara a wah happ’m to yuh?! Yuh alright?!”

“No,” I sniffle.

“Weh yuh deh?” She asks anxiously. I can tell she’s walking by the way the way her breathing pattern changes. “Michelle,” Mama whispers then it gets distant.

“Weh yuh deh?” She asks again and I sigh.

“Mi deh at the house,” I sob and hear her car door close.

“Michelle a inna the miggle of the service you a leave!?” Mama snaps.

“A wah deh happ’m Aunty?” Gavin probes.

I sigh. “Zara seem like she in a trouble,” my mother tells them and I continue to cry.

Zara you a cry fi too long now.

“A must joke this, wah kind a trouble? Mi nuh just talk to har and she alright this mawning?” Gavin is worried.

“Zara what is happening? A Nickoi do yuh sup’m?” Mama asks angrily.

“Mi need fi go to her,” my mother says. “Unuh a stay or not?”

“Open the back door Aunty,” Gavin says.

“Alright mi a come,” Mama tells her.

“Zara talk to mi now what happ’m?” Mommy blares as she drives out.

“Mi and... mi and Nickoi break up,” I cry.

“What!?” They ask in unison.

“Him put him hand pan yuh?” Mommy questions.

“No mommy,” I retort.

“Oh alright we are on our way wi soon reach,” she hangs up.

I open Instagram and tap on Nickoi’s story. He posted a video fifteen minutes ago, wearing a black hoodie pulled over his head, smoke drifting up from the blunt between his fingers. Zara why you a check him page?

Everyone piles out of the car as soon as my mother parks. Her eyes soften when she looks at me, and she pulls me into a warm embrace. “What happen between unuh?” Mama asks, sitting down in the chair.

Mi cya tell dem the real reason why wi lef. Even though we are not together, I’m not gonna tell anyone what he did. I still love him and I don’t want him to get hurt, or go to prison. “We got into an argument because of one of his female friends,” I partially lie.

“Him cheat!?” Mama always thinks the worst of him.

“Me and har cya get along,” I tell her. Gavin sighs.

“A want deh gyal deh want yuh man enuh,” he says with an attitude. IKDR!!!

“So him tell yuh fi leff?” Mommy probes, and I shake my head.

“In a way, but him never run me out,” I say, if that even mek sense. Him dweet in a tactful way, I guess.

When we’re done talking, Mama asks me to cook with her.

I know it’s her way of trying to cheer me up, it isn’t helping, but I appreciate it anyway.

She starts telling me funny stories about my grandfather, and then moves on to stories about me as a kid.

I laugh a little, but inside, I’m still hurting.

He’s still on my mind. I try to focus on my family, hoping it’ll take my mind off him. But could I?

He creeps in my mind every now and then as we prepare the meal. As soon as Mama shares the food and everyone is settled to eat, I lose my appetite. You? weh been a nyam dung the place lost appetite?

“Put the TV pon My Wife And Kids fi mi,” Mama turns to Gavin. He laughs and springs up.

“One thing fi sure Mama a guh watch Micheal enuh. Nuh true Zara?” Gavin asks, picking up the remote.

“Yea,” I simply nod.

He looks over at me and then back at the TV. Him realize enuh.

When he puts the show on, he steps closer and sits beside me. I move the fork around the plate but I really don’t want the food. “Yuh still have it pan yuh mind,” he says with his eyes on the screen. I don’t say anything. “A so it go when yuh a go through breakup.” I sigh.

“Mi a go sleep,” I say, giving into the urge to be alone. My mother and grandma exchange looks, but neither says anything. They know I need the space.

“Yuh nuh done eat Zara,” Mommy points out.

“I’ll eat it later. I also have to get my uniform ready and study,” I stand.

After giving them all the excuses to leave the living room, I walk into my new room.

I put my bags down before I hop onto the bed.

Mi nuh understand what is it about Nickoi that pulls me into him so much.

Mi literally just find out say him kill Talia’s dad and he’s also the master mind fi the ruthless group that is trending on the news, and here I am on my bed crying for him.

I feel the same about him even though I know he’s a killer.

Bwoy. The more I think about it the more I regret arguing with him, and I don’t have the guts to call and try to mend our relationship.

It’s too late now anyway, him probably hate me.

I think back to Juaqína, and a surge of jealousy runs through me. I hate her. Why is she so concerned about him? She called asking if everything was okay. Why do I get the feeling that he’s into her? I wipe my tears.

When I get into the shower, I can’t stop thinking about it.

It’s like he’s the only thing on my mind, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t escape it.

I’m tired of crying, but the tears keep flowing.

It’s been hours, and I feel weaker and weaker with each drop.

All of this, for a man who probably doesn’t even care about me.That would a sad bad.

There’s no way I can do this enuh. I step out of the shower and pat my body dry with my towel. I stare begrudgingly into the mirror, my eyes are red and puffy. I didn’t get any sleep because of the thoughts that were overwhelming me.

A week later…

Everyone thinks I’m fine now, but, as the days go by I feel worst. I realize that this breakup is real, because Nickoi isn’t reaching out and not seeing him for a week isn’t normal, considering that I’m used to seeing him every day.

It’s so weird to stare at my phone knowing that he won’t call or send me a message.

I’m hurting, but I keep it to myself because mi nuh wah people think mi a mad over man.

I am, but that nuh cute. Plus, they wouldn’t understand.

My family thinks I’m over it, because I’ve been putting on a facade.

I don’t talk about him nor do I cry... well, at least not in front of them.

I did cry. Right now? Mi tear ducts inna drought! !

I cry myself to sleep every night. It’s been me against my thoughts every night; and only me, myself and the girl in my head know the crying mess I’ve been. During the days, I would open the act and just go along with my day. Sighhh.

“Girl a cheese pizza mi like,” Sash says and I chuckle as I eat my slice.

I did my last exam, and they decided to buy pizza when we met up in Treez. Gavin says it’s his gift to me because I’m almost out of college and he’s proud of me. “You like every fast food,” Gavin laughs.

“And she nah put on no weight,” I chime in playfully.

“That mi a seh too! A weh the food a go?!” Sash shoves Gavin with a laugh.

As I continue to chew, the more nauseous I begin to feel. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me, I’ve been feeling sick for quite a while now. I lean my head against the wall when I start feeling dizzy.

“Zara yuh wah piece a the pepperoni pizza?” Gavin asks and I shake my head.

My eyes are only slightly open. He widens his eyes looking at me. “Mi nuh like how yuh look,” he panics and I sit up.

Sash looks up too. “A wah do har?”

I ignore them until the wave of queasiness passes, and I feel a little better. I drink my juice as they stare at me. “She just did look like she out fi dead a while ago,” he laughs when he realizes that I’m ‘okay.’ Zara yuh need fi go a doctor because you been a feel so from wen.

We walk out after eating our pizza and Sash runs her hand through the security’s hair. “Thanks, chargie.” She sweet talk the man mek him allow we fi eat in there.

“Suppose yuh mek the man lose him job?” Gavin asks. I chuckle a bit.

“That mi a seh too,” I say and start feeling queasy again. What’s wrong with me?

“A did mi classmate enuh! A true yuh nuh know how him love me,” Sash giggles and I look away and spot Nickoi. He’s wearing a white tees, denim jeans with black kappa slides. We both stare at each other awkwardly. Jesus.

My smile fades. It’s been a week since I’ve seen him and it brings back so many feelings. Aww yuh nuh feel sick again?

He’s walking out of the ATM with Rick next to him. They’re in the middle of a conversation. I can tell he’s surprised too. He masks it quickly, approaching me... well, more like passing. I try to not touch him, but my hip grazes him.

I look back at him crossing the busy street before the white pedestrian light even comes up.

His cologne still lingers in my nostrils, ‘my’ plaits grabbed to the back, a little fuzzy, but still neat.

Sash and Gavin staring at me in surprise.

I get it. I’ve been telling them that I’m over him and I hate him.

Now here I am a bruck mi neck a look at him like mi in love all over again.

Even after him pass, as if he wasn’t just staring at me.

Like we’re strangers. Life of a ya—I turn away, feeling like I’m about to throw up.

I dash through the first store I see, race to the bathroom, and swing it open just as everything comes up. Yuh nuh lock the door enuh!

“Zara!” Gavin calls when he walks in.

“A wah do the dolly?” Sash behind him.

I can’t do nothing but grimace as I throw up. “A so yuh hate Nickoi?” Sash asks in shock. Gavin kneels down beside me and he’s quiet. He holds my hair before he gives his sister his phone.

“Hold this.” I can’t stop gagging.

“Yuh think a the pizza?” Sash is concerned. “A can it upset her stomach enuh.”