Page 21 of Not My Type (Not My Type #1)

Zara

I stare at my grandma, I feel my hands shaking. Lord have mercy. “M-mama u-um...” I can’t say it. Bwoy Zara tonight a nuh yours at all, stay safe though, my subconscious sighs.

Wah mi a go tell her seh? I mean, I can have boyfriends— but not exactly Nick. She’s disappointed. Her unwavering blank stare tells it all.

“Zara wah mi just see gwaan?” She asks in a stern tone and I gulp.

I know what you’re thinking. Why is she acting like I’m a child? Well, that’s Mama. She raised me, so she always wants to oversee my relationships— my life actually.

“Eeeh?” she presses. I attempt to speak but nothing comes out. “Use your mouth nuh because mi nuh understand,” she adds, resting her hands on her hips.

“You are sneaking out with boys now?” She asks and I just stand there.

“Umm ...” Cat caught your tongue?

“Zara yuh need fi talk,” she moves a little closer to me. I breathe out.

“U-um Mama...” I start and the sound of my voice is pitiful. It’s slightly hoarse since this night hasn’t been the best for me.

“You’re turning into a woman now enuh Zara and you can date whoever you want but why him?” Mama questions, surprising me.

How she so calm? “Mama, I know that he looks like a thug but he’s diff-” She holds up her hand abruptly, stopping me from speaking.

“Wah get in a you?”

It’s so weird how Gavin asked the same thing. What got into me? Wah them mean? I see something different in that man that apparently nobody else nuh see because them busy a judge him.

Jeez... den a really Zara this? Queen of judging finally decide fi resign from it?

No mon unuh stop read deh and clap har.

I sit down, trying to gather myself with my eyes set on the outside. Then I spot the Range turning at the intersection. Jesus s’pose him stop? My heart starts beating violently. Then the horn blows as the car accelerates pass my house. I look down.

“Hm,” she sighs and sits beside me. She doesn’t seem angry — just nonchalant.

“Why are you acting like this Mama... so weird?” I question with my face contorted in confusion. She’s not the insouciant type especially when the situation involves me and that’s why I’m puzzled.

“I’m allowing you to make your own mistake,” she mutters. I sigh.

“What if he turns out to be a good person?” I ask her.

“A 72 years me deh pon God earth fa enuh and mi can tell you say that boy is no good,” she gets up.

I stare at her. I’d be a liar if I say I’m not hurt. She steps into the living room with her hands behind her. Then she enters her bedroom, without uttering a word to me. I sigh to myself.

Let it go, Zara. It is what it is, the girl in my head says.

Deciding to get some rest, I lock up the house and head to my room. As soon as I’m under the comforter, my eyes flutter shut. But not for long. My phone is vibrating underneath the pillow. I pat my way to it and press it against my ear with my eyes closed.

“Mhm?” My brows furrow.

“Who you a talk to so?” a deep, sexy voice rasps in my ears. Immediately, I snap my eyes open.

“Chro, I was sleeping,” I smile sheepishly. I look at the time and realize that I’ve been sleeping for two hours.

Cyaa believe a really 1 o’ clock already.

“I figured,” he retorts, loud music blasting in his background.

“Weh yuh deh?” I ask and see him requesting a video call.

I accept it. He’s smiling — I smile too. I guess my question is ‘cute’. “Me like the way yuh ask that,” he bites his bottom lip.

“Yuh mek me dawg dem see say me have a ooman.” Butterflies. I look away smiling, totally forgetting the negativity earlier.

“Deh a the lounge though,” he finally tells me. “Mi cuz’n place.”

“Okay,” I yawn.

“Go and get some sleep,” he smirks.

“Yeah, good night... ” We’re still staring after a few seconds, our eyes glinting carnalities. “Be safe.” He nods and releases the smoke through his nostrils. I hug the pillow when he hangs up, feeling so needy.

His voice. Lordt! I can’t wait to fe—

Zara. Clears throat

My family is gonna have to accept our relationship enuh, cause me? Nah leggo this thrill anytime soon. Yuh crazy?

I spent a few minutes fantasizing about him until black dots cover my eyes.

I know it’s time to get up when I hear Mama’s voice. I pick up my phone, check the time and shake my head.

5:26 AM. Who is she whispering to?

“Mi say a you alone can deal with this,” her voice low.

I get off the bed.

“Michelle mi say a bad bwoy. One a dem Spanish Town one deh,” she’s frantic. Jesus Christ.

Why dem nuh leave wi alone?!

My heart rate speeds up.

“No mi nuh really know him, but mi see the red kin’ bwoy other day mi a pass through Johns Road. If only Zara know wah she a get inna, the blood of Jesus!” I heave a sigh, my face screw up.

“Bay mark of the beast pan him, hair cornrow. Definitely not the kind a bwoy fi Zara,”

Oh, please.

Mama continues “Yes... yes she nuh know seh dem man deh a look smaddy fi use,” I shake my head.

That’s why she act so calm last night. She was planning to set my mom on me? Bwoy mi a tell yuh.

“She deh sleep now. Mi wan’ yuh talk to her because she nah see the danger and mi nah sit down and mek she get hurt. A bwoy like that, might just turn me decent granddaughter inna Jezebel!”

I sit on my bed. You just can’t win when it comes to Mama. I face palm myself before throwing my body down on my bed in deep thoughts. Nobody nuh want we deh. A wah so?

I pick up my phone and call Nick but he doesn’t answer. Him probably nuh wake yet. I click on Whatsapp and press Gavin’s status.

‘People really know how fi piss me off!’

I shake my head. That’s definitely for me.

Him lucky!

I scroll through my nail tech’s status and decide to text her. It’s a little early but I think I need to get out of the house. The vibe isn’t right here.

I send her a message asking if she’s booked out today. Luckily, she says that she’ll only have two clients so I can come by 1o’clock and get my pedicure done. I don’t have much money but I’m willing to do anything to take my mind off my life at this point. Mi nuh wrong yuh.

I’m about to start my morning routine when Nick calls me. I smile before I pick up. “Good morning,” I say with a smile.