Page 50 of Mariposa (Queens Command #1)

VIOLET

W e found The Surgeon. Everyone is ready for the mission, geared up and waiting for the Chinook to arrive. Adrenaline fuels my veins, and I’m determined not to feel the fear that wants to creep its way inside. Instead, I’ll use it as motivation to fight back harder, just as Kade taught me.

I’m sitting next to Slater when Booker lays out the plan again.

Kade wasn’t there this morning and isn’t here right now, either. Where is he? He left last night, which wasn’t unusual, but he missed work, which is extremely out of his norm. I’m worried about him.

Me:

Where are you?

I wait, but as minutes pass by, there’s no response.

Suddenly, the sound of blades whipping in the air forces me to shut my phone and throw it in my locker.

“Bird’s here. Let’s go. Everybody move,” Booker shouts, pointing to the door. As soon as I walk out the door, I see a familiar, massive figure. Kade is smoking and watching the Chinook land.

He’s been outside this entire time.

He takes one last drag of his cigarette before he throws it on the ground. His boot drags against it twice before he places his balaclava mask on.

Everyone runs past him as he plays with his knife momentarily before tucking it back into his kit.

I walk to stand next to him, placing my own mask on.

“Kade?”

He doesn’t face me. He keeps his eyes on the soldiers in front of me.

“It’s Master Sergeant,” he corrects in a cold, distant tone. At first, I don’t think much of it. I do my best not to let it bother me.

“Where were you today?”

“None of your fucking business,” he quips, making me take a step back.

Jesus. I’ve never heard him so angry before.

“Whoa. What’s going on with you?” I step forward, leaning on my toes. I need him to look at me, but he doesn’t. His eyes narrow intimidatingly. This is the first time I’ve experienced Kade radiate pure fury.

“You lied to me. You really know how to make a guy feel special, then tear his fucking heart out.”

What the hell? I swallow my thickening throat. Hurting Kade is the last thing on my mind. It’s not even a thought.

“What are you talking about, Kade?”

“You told Karen about us. Threw our relationship in her face to spite her. She said you’re using me to get ahead.”

Where is this coming from?

“I did not!”

“Liar!” he grits out. “I’m a lot of things. An asshole. A piece of shit. But a liar isn’t one of them, I never took you as one, either,” he rushes out, each word faster than the other.

Trepidation cripples my neck as my upper lip recoils into my bottom one. My whole body grows heavy as the accusations take me by surprise.

“Kade, come on. Please believe me. I’m not using you,” I say, keeping my voice down.

“I’ve known Karen for years. We’re just two broken people lying to ourselves the longer whatever the fuck this is goes on.

But it ends right here and right fucking now.

I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hear from you.

If it’s not related to work, don’t fucking speak to me.

After this mission, we go our separate ways.

Do you understand?” he growls, still unable to face me.

A sting hits my eyes as my heart shatters into irretrievable pieces. Kade sounds so terribly broken, even though he was the one who repeatedly told me not to get attached. I know the mission is here, which means he leaves right after.

What the hell did Karen say to him?

“Kade, whatever she told you…she’s?—”

“Did you or did you not tell Karen about the shower incident?”

I narrow my eyes as my heartbeat batters so hard I feel it at the base of my throat. I’m trying to remember every interaction I’ve had with Karen, and the only place I talked to her was at The Drunken Shell. Through gritted teeth, I mutter shamefully, “Yes.”

He tuts, disgusted.

“Listen to me, it’s?—”

“Enough. This was fucked since the beginning, and it’ll be fucked in the end.

It’s always been so… fucked ,” he rasps, defeated.

He pulls on his black gloves, inserting one finger at a time.

I glance at his veiny, calloused, rough hands, already missing how they feel on me—wondering if I’ll ever intertwine my fingers with his again.

“What?” he coos with bitter snark, almost mocking how I’m falling apart.

“Did you think we would have some type of relationship with a happily ever after? Did you think we would mimic your grandmother’s love story?

A girl falls in love with a Green Beret older than her?

” His icy stare widens, making my blood freeze.

“Stop it, Kade. I wouldn’t use you. If you would at least let me fucking explain.”

I take a step forward, and he takes one back, making the sting cut deeper.

He laughs, wicked and cruel, making my heart sink further until all I feel is humiliation.

He laughs .

His mask conceals his mysterious expression. I’m dying to see his face because it’ll tell me more than his words. However, his impassive tone tells me all I need to know. The Kade I love to spend time with, my anchor …he’s gone.

“You tried to go out with Booker before me, didn’t you? He was the one who invited you to the bar, and you came. Is that what you’re into? Older men? Instructors?”

His words cut me deep as he continues to break me apart.

“Why are you doing this?” I ask, fighting back tears.

“Master Sergeant!” Slater booms, cutting into our conversation. He looks at him, then gets in my face so I can only hear him. His storm of wrath inflicts more pain the closer he gets.

“Don’t you get it? Listen, I’ll never be able to hold your hand and take you to the movies for date nights without someone judging the shit out of us.

Do you think Penny will accept that I’m dating our son’s ex-girlfriend?

You think Adam will ever want me in his life after finding out what we’ve done? ”

“Who cares what people think?” I snap.

“They’re not just people. They’re my family,” he bites back.

“So what am I, Kade?” I croak. “I wouldn’t be enough family for you? I’m not good enough for you?” Tears prick my eyes.

“This has to be only lust between you and me because we don’t work. I don’t want this. I’m done having kids. I promised myself I’d never marry again.”

His words are slicing my chest apart, drying my tongue and throat. Agony vibrates through me.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I might not want those things? Maybe I just want you? I only need one reason why we work. Maybe I don’t need a ring on my finger or a white dress.

Maybe I’ll be happy only holding the lover or girlfriend title, but I’ll do it because I’m all in.

I know you carry demons, struggles, and darkness inside you, but it isn’t enough to scare me away.

You’re not as bad as you think you are.”

He shakes his head.

“It was always going to end, you know that.”

“So, what? You’ve ruined me for any other man, and now you pull this?” My pitch rises.

He huffs distantly.

“It’s Master Sergeant O’Connell. It’s done.

The mission has begun.” He walks away from me, leaving me in a state of shock.

With watery eyes, I watch his muscular back shift with each step in front of a whipping Chinook.

Every deep, shaky breath I take isn’t enough to mask the pain.

I keep shaking my head until I let it drop and lean my weight on one hip.

He’s ended things.

I knew this would come to an end eventually, but why was I under the impression we had a future? Why am I falling apart while he’s stone-cold? Why did I let myself get to this position where I let someone in?

And why is Karen doing this?

I lock my knees to prevent myself from feeling the hurricane of fury that storms through my insides.

The mission comes first. It always comes first.

Kade is the first in the helicopter, and the entire team follows him.

I run inside, taking the farthest seat away from him.

I glance at the empty seat beside me. Castle is supposed to be sitting here so I can follow her lead, but her absence makes a lump in my throat.

Slater is just outside the Chinook as it closes, saluting us goodbye.

He has to stay and take charge of a different mission today. His plans changed a few hours ago.

Booker’s laughter erupts to my right, and my head jerks to the sound.

He sits next to a stone-cold skull-masked Kade.

He can feel my dreary, agonizing stare on him because he looks in my direction.

I hold his intense, narrowed glare for a pregnant moment.

There’s an unforgivable fire in his mismatched, darkened eyes—a look of hatred and betrayal.

Before I can get a chance to blink, he rips himself away and takes out his knife.

Before anyone else can decipher our quarrel, I close my eyes and let the back of my head collide with the cabin wall. I’m so fucking stupid for ever thinking that Kade O’Connell could love someone like me. I’m an even bigger idiot for falling hard for someone who’s completely off-limits.

I don’t know how I do it, but I don’t allow my tears to fall. I’m not Violet Isla right now; I’m Mariposa, and no one will take that away from me. A job needs to get done.

The helicopter rises, and I’m hit with a wave of nausea as it ascends higher into the sky. Intel informed us that the area we’re landing in should be clear of insurgents, and we’ll need to hike around ten miles to ambush The Surgeon.

The entire time, I stay quiet while everyone talks about their families, whispers about their wives and children, and brags about what they’re doing back home, while the only family I have left is falling apart.

I take the blue mini-bear from my pocket to distract myself from the pain.

The same one my grandmother shipped when I was in the course.

I run my fingers over the fur, and my heart twists into pain when Kade’s words echo cruelly.

“ Did you think we would mimic your grandmother’s love story? A girl falls in love with a Green Beret who’s older than her? ”

I close my eyes and try to control my heartache. Eventually, I fall asleep, battling the hurtful things he said. He can’t drag me out of the darkness and throw me back in because he thinks our relationship is damned to hell.

I’m in love with him.

Suddenly, the aircraft jumps and maneuvers violently, making me drop the bear.

My eyes flutter from the sudden turbulence.

Everyone groans and sucks in a breath, skeptically hyper-focusing on where the pilots sit.

The bear skids across the floor, sliding between every soldier slowly, and stops at Booker’s feet.

He stares at it momentarily, curiosity flickering through his hazel orbs.

Before I can ask him to throw it back to me or unhook my seatbelt, chaotic shouting comes from the cockpit.

“RPG! They’re everywhere! We’re getting fucking shot at in the sky!”

What ?!

Everyone tenses. I grip my seatbelt tight until the friction burns the pads of my fingers.

We’ve been in the air for about an hour, approaching our destination.

The helicopter moves again; this time, it feels like we’re going through a pocket of air, but that’s impossible.

Hanging on while blood pounds in my ears, I bite the inside of my cheek until it fills with blood.

My stomach rises to my chest as bile explodes into my throat, and we start to free-fall.

It’s a desperate attempt from the pilots to land safely before we’re shot out of the sky.

In the distance, I glimpse the mountains as the pilots jerk their sticks, dodging enemy fire. We’re getting closer to the ground.

Holding my scream inside my constricted lungs, I search for the bear, trying to focus on anything but the worst-case scenario.

Crashing . Death .

I’m going to puke everywhere .

“What the fuck?!” Green Berets shout and groan left and right from the chaos that ensues. Before I know what I’m doing, my fearful eyes meet Kade’s confident, calm, and collected gaze.

He takes off his mask, making me take off mine.

The urge to run into his arms and hold his hand is killing me.

I need it; I crave his safety. If we’re going to go down, I want to be next to him.

He might hate me, yet, in what seems to be our last moments of life, we spend them looking into each other’s yearning eyes.

The helicopter’s engine booms, and loud pain riddles my ears. His is the last face I see before gravity pulls the aircraft to the ground. The collision forces everyone to lose their bearings, and the last thing I remember is seeing Kade’s intense gaze and wondering where the bear disappeared to.