Page 17 of Mariposa (Queens Command #1)

KADE

Worship by Ari Abdul

I ’m in my room in record time. I strip off my clothes, tear off my dog tags, and throw them all on the floor. I’m not even sure if I closed the door to my room all the way, but I just need to get the fuck away from her.

Fuck. I don’t know what the hell came over me.

I just tasted her—sucked the honey she dripped off her fingers, and it was sweet. My dick swells even more at the memory. Eating her pussy shouldn’t even be a thought in my head, but now? Devouring her is all I can think about.

Twisting the silver shower knob for the coldest temperature, I tear off my boxers.

My cock springs free—it’s harder than a fucking rock.

Jumping into the shower, I hiss when the freezing water hits my back.

I let it sting, soaking in it, but it still isn’t enough to rid her detrimental imprint on me.

It’s wrong in so many ways.

Where do I fucking start?

She’s young. She’s my student…soon-to-be ex-student, but still.

I had already crossed one line tonight, watching her touch herself, but she wanted me to watch. It was consensual, but it still doesn’t feel right. It feels wrong to want her underneath me in my bed. It feels wrong to look at her, and an unfamiliar feeling flickers inside my cold, closed-off heart.

It. Feels. So. Fucking. Wrong.

But it also feels so perfectly right. She makes breaking the rules so tempting. I’ve never crossed a line like this before. My dick has never yearned for a sweet soul; it needs to stop giving her the attention she so desperately craves.

How dare she taunt me like that? And how dare I let my guard down and listen to the other head, instead of the one with a brain?

I don’t break the fucking rules, but if…

If she’s not my student anymore…

If she’s not with Adam anymore…

NO.

I palm the wall and shut my eyes tight, but she’s still in my fucking head.

“Fuck!” I growl as the sound of the water hitting my back and circling the drain floods my ears. I fist my cock and stroke manically. It hurts, desperate for release. I shiver as Violet creeps into my mind like the forbidden fruit that she is, taunting me like she did in the showers.

As my hand grips my dick, I picture her sweet, hot mouth wrapping her full pink lips around my length, sucking and lapping me with her tongue. My hands in her hair, pulling it like I would love to do, as I deep-throat her.

How would she look on her knees? Would her eyes water from the way she chokes on me? How would she look with my cum dripping down her face and chin? How would she look on all fours, turning her into my own personal cum-filled whore all fucking night if she let me?

How would my little mariposa like to be worshipped?

Fucking perfect is how she would look.

I stroke faster as I hold onto the tall, white, blank wall, close my eyes, and get lost in my desire.

The last time I fucked was too fucking long ago. I was on a year deployment, returned home, had fun with the usual hook-ups, and went back to work as a cadre.

It’s been eleven months since I first laid eyes on her and eleven months since I’ve felt myself burn for someone with just one fucking look.

I need to be inside her. I don’t just want a taste.

I want to devour her until she forgets her own name and can only remember mine.

Here I am, underneath my showerhead, coming undone, spurting cum, thick ropes shooting and disappearing into the drain, and I’m in hell, growling from pure fucking wrath. I want her in ways I shouldn’t.

“No, I can’t do this. It’s wrong.”

My climax slowly dies down as I remind myself of the boundaries I can’t cross.

My relationship with my son is too important.

I’m still trying to amend it and slowly make up for my mistakes.

I can’t imagine a world where I’m inside her and carry on conversations with my son like all of this isn’t taboo.

It’ll ruin him. I need to stay the fuck away from her.

I turn the shower off and wrap a towel around my waist. I dry my hair with another.

I shut off all the lights and pull on my black Oakley boxers, ready to rack the hell out.

Tomorrow is an early day. Everyone graduates, and I return to my team, taking on new missions because work never stops.

I don’t remember the last time I took leave.

I should be celebrating this. I’ll be away from her. This is good. This is great. I saw her dream list, and nowhere did it say North Carolina.

My phone rings on my nightstand. Without a second thought, I reach for it and put it to my ear.

“Booker?”

“Hey, man…you disappeared tonight. Where the fuck did you go?”

“Uh…calling it an early night. Tomorrow is graduation.” I pace around the room, nervously. Even in the darkness, I know I fucked up. I’m just hoping he doesn’t call me out on my bullshit lie.

“You never pass up an opportunity to drink,” he says slowly, his tone shifting like he’s appalled.

“I know. Guess I’m getting old, huh?” I poke fun at myself.

“Guess so. Anyways, I wanted to check on you. I’m headed to sleep too…” he drawls a long yawn, forcing me to mimic it. “Why can’t I get a certain brown-eyed, long black haired, butterfly out of my head?”

Anger flickers inside me. Sitting down on my bed, I place my elbows on either side of my thighs and lean on them. Why is he talking about Isla?

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Come on, man. You know who I’m talking about. Violet…Isla.”

“Oh. That’s none of my fucking business, Booker.”

“Hey…you don’t need to remind me of the rules. I’ve never crossed any lines with her.”

Yeah, but I did…

“So what the fuck are you on about?”

I don’t like him saying her name. I don’t want him thinking about her. I don’t like talking about her with another man. Something weird and possessive comes over me. I’ve never felt like this before—not even with Penny.

I want to cut off his tongue just for mentioning her.

“Technically, tomorrow she graduates, right? So, technically speaking, she’s not off-limits anymore and fair game.”

“I mean…” I clear my throat and run a hand through my beard, suddenly feeling like I can burn down the whole building because the way my blood is heating up right now isn’t normal.

I need out of this conversation. I’m scared that if I continue to talk about her, my personal conflicted feelings will pour out accidentally, and I can’t have that.

I’m trying to stay away from her in every way I can.

“She’s young…she’s…” Tapping my foot up and down, I stutter, slipping over my words, trying to find the right ones.

“She’s what?”

“I think she has a boyfriend.”

“Who?” His voice surges impatiently.

My son. They may be broken up, but who knows? I remember playing those immature, toxic games with Penny, saying we’re over and done, only to get back together a week later.

“I don’t fucking know, Booker. She seems taken, I guess?”

“Well, I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.”

“And why is that?”

“I can’t reveal what’s up my sleeve. All I’ll say is that I like her…I like her a lot.”

Me. Fucking. Too. Asshole.

“Listen, I’m headed to sleep. Keep your personal life personal. At the end of the day, shit like this doesn’t concern me, and I’d like to keep it that way. Goodnight,” I clip back cruelly as I hit the red button, ending our call.

I’m always an asshole, so this behavior shouldn’t be surprising for Booker.

I set my alarm for three in the morning and place it back on the wooden nightstand. Pulling the silver chain downward, I turn off the lamp, leaving me in darkness. I lie on the pillow with my hands behind my head, gazing at the ceiling as I try to relax.

He’s my best friend and has been for the past twenty-something years…and for the first time since we’ve known each other, I want to hurt him—just because he thinks he has a chance with Violet.

I start to count down in my head again…it’s my trick to help me fall asleep and distract myself from prior missions. Flashes of Hawk’s screams, Kid’s last words, children screaming and dying—flashes of the consequences of war run through my head like they always do at night.

Then, the memory of a pair of brown eyes silences my demons.

I like the bratty, stubborn, pretty student of mine. I’ve looked forward to seeing her every day since we first met. Initially, I wanted to break her, but lately, she’s been breaking me.

Nope, nope, nope. Fuck no. I refuse to let my haunting thoughts belong to another soul—someone capable of ruining me with just one glance. There are walls up for a reason, and I intend to keep them that way.

I throw the blankets off. My feet and palms are on the floor in a split second. I start doing push-ups until I’m exhausted, and my muscles beg me to stop. I lose count after I reach three hundred and sweat starts to drip off my face onto the floor.

My phone rings again, and I grind my teeth until I feel a chip.

I swear to hell if it’s Booker calling again to tell me how much he likes Violet…

“What the fuck do you want?” My chest heaves wildly as I stare at the rain pattering against my window, out of breath. I haven’t pushed myself this hard since I was a young soldier training for the course.

“Dad?”

Adam.

He’s calling me.

This is a first for him. He never calls me.

“Son,” my tone changes to a more welcoming, less asshole-ish one. “What’s up? What’s going on? You okay?”

Guilt and shame hit me as I try to push Violet’s mouthwatering taste out of my mind.

“Whoa. I’m all good, Dad. Did I catch you at a bad time?” he inquires, but I can hear a smile in that question. This is him trying to break the ice.

“No, of course not, just uh—” I scratch the back of my head, then run it through my beard. “...about to head to sleep. What’s going on?”

“Eh, not much. Just wanted to reach out.”

I pause, waiting for the ball to drop. He wants something. That’s the only time he really calls.

“And I wanted to ask you for a favor.”

There it is.

“I’m listening.”

“So, I have a girl. She’s there in North Carolina and told me she graduates tomorrow. Her name is Violet Isla. Have you heard of her?”

Heard of her?

I had her fingers in my mouth just moments ago.

Did Violet lie to me? She told me they weren’t together anymore.

“Yeah, but where is this going?”

“Do me a favor and keep an eye on her? If you’re ever around her? Maybe I can do the whole military spouse thing after all.”

“Adam, what do you mean? If she’s your girlfriend, aren’t you going to show up for her tomorrow? You don’t need me.” I run my hand through my beard.

Can this night get any odder?

“She ended things with me, but I refuse to give up on us. I’m kicking myself for not introducing you to her sooner.

I no longer have the boyfriend title, and it’s killing me.

I’m going crazy. She’s…amazing. No, that’s an understatement.

She’s every man’s dream, but her ending things with me has been a living nightmare. ”

“Adam, I don’t know. The chances of Violet and me being around each other are slim to none.”

It’s not a lie. I’m no longer her instructor; she reports to her duty station soon. That could be anywhere.

“Do this for me! It’s the one favor I ask of you. Keep tabs on her until I win her back. You want a relationship with me, don’t you? This is a good start.”

An ultimatum.

I don’t fucking like this.

Still, the father’s guilt I carry on my shoulders is too heavy. Every time we talk, I see my failures.

“Please,” he asks softly. He’s desperate. But I get it. If a woman like Violet were slipping from my fingertips, I’d do anything to get her back.

“Fine.” I clear my throat, uncomfortable.

“Thank you.”

“Can we talk about something else? I’d like to know if you’re up for a fishing trip.

I should be back in South Carolina soon.

” I pull the wooden Punisher skull from my nightstand drawer, staring at the long teeth.

I’m proud of the finished product. It’s taken me months, but teaching again has given me more time to carve.

“I’ve been working on this gift for you, too.” It’s been giving me hell, but it’s done. I clear my throat to suppress my giddy smile. “I think it’s my best work yet, I?—”

“I’ll skip on the fishing. I don’t like the outdoors,” he clips, sounding like the distant, cold, familiar boy I know.

“Adam, mmm, who are you talking to?” A woman’s seductive tone can be heard in the background.

“My dad,” he replies, muffled, probably pushing the phone into the crook of his neck, thinking I can’t hear. “Dad, I’m busy right now, but I can’t wait to hear from you again.”

“Son, you were the one who called me?”

He chuckles, but I don’t think it’s from anything I’m saying.

“Talk to you later!” His voice lowers like he’s pulling the phone away from his mouth. “God, you’re naughty.”

Click.

I stare at my phone screen in disbelief. I shake my head as I place it back on my nightstand.

He’s in bed with another girl, yet he’s calling me for a favor to keep an eye on Violet if we’re ever around each other. Just who the hell has Adam become?

I’m not going to keep tabs on her. I’m trying to get the hell away from her. And if he’s doing what I think he’s doing, then Violet made a damn good decision in letting him go.

Sighing, I go back to the floor when another image of her naked in the shower comes back to haunt me.

“I’m going to hell for this, fuck me,” I growl as I change to sit-ups.

She’s going to graduate. She’ll witness what I have. War, death, pain, trauma, and it’s killing me slowly. She reminds me a lot of Kid, in a way. Eager and full of ambition to get in the fight…

What am I doing?

I got no fucking right to think about her anymore.

Not Violet.

Not this soldier.

She’s Adam’s, and practically half my age.

I care about her, sure—but as my student. That’s all this can ever be.

I continue doing sit-ups, refusing to acknowledge the fact that a spark has been ignited, and Violet Isla has caught my attention.

And when a woman catches my attention, I have to have her.