Page 46 of Mariposa (Queens Command #1)

VIOLET

M y chest throbs with anticipation. I miss seeing his rugged good looks, which can make my heart swell with one devastating glance. I begin my journey toward the tall building across the pit, and I get there in five minutes on the dot. I raise my hand to knock, my stomach fluttering.

The door swings open before my knuckles can collide with the wood. Kade stands tall in a black shirt, his dog tags around his neck. Black camo pants hug his thick, muscular thighs, his biceps flexing, matching how his jaw ticks. Regret paints his face.

“What is it? What couldn’t wait?”

His massive hand lurches forward and wraps around mine. He pulls me in by my wrist and slams the door. I strut in, shuffling against my feet to regain balance. I think he underestimates his strength sometimes; I almost fell over.

I turn around, facing Kade’s massive back. He locks the door, making my heart sputter against my rib cage so hard I’m afraid he’ll hear the way he has me under his spell.

Walking away, I notice the dark under-eye circles surrounding his beautiful irises as he strides to the same locker that holds whiskey. He plugs in the code and takes out an almost empty bottle. Geez, has he been drinking that much? The last time I saw it, it was nearly full.

“Castle has been reunited with her family. She’s going to make a full recovery.” He pours the amber liquid into a glass, still not meeting my gaze.

I don’t mean to cry, but a tear rolls down my cheek at the knowledge that she’s going to be okay.

A sharp cry lurches out of my dry throat as I suck in a relieved breath.

My hands cover my face as I gather my emotions and push them back down.

I don’t need to cry in front of him because he’s my boss at the end of the day, and I’m ‘unbreakable.’

“I’m so happy to hear that.” I sniffle, my words almost muffled behind the palm of my hand. I suck in a breath, and it helps lower the tension in my tightened chest.

He nods, but it’s clear he’s holding something back.

“I haven’t seen you in a while. Do we know where The Surgeon is?”

He raises the glass and drinks it all in three easy swallows as though it’s water.

“Not yet, but we’re close. One of his followers is slowly giving us all the information we need.” He sighs, his jaw muscles ticking bitterly. He leans on his desk with his knuckles, the snake and skull tattoos stirring on his right arm while he flexes.

“Good, that means the mission is getting closer to being over.” I pop my knuckles one by one.

“Thank you for the update, but I should get going so no one suspects something.” I stroll over to the door.

“Your father drowned…didn’t he?” His inquiry is laced with patience.

My chest buckles at his question.

“That’s why you wake up gasping for air?”

A lump forms in my throat as my heart flip-flops in my chest. My stomach churns as I dart my gaze from my Converse to his door. The urge to flee is burgeoning in my legs, but I stay cemented to the floor.

How does he know this? It had to be my ex.

“Did Adam say something to you? How do you know?” Anger quickly substitutes for my curiosity.

“You know, you’re one of the best prospects I’ve met, surpassing every single phase at the top.

You even earned a nickname from your superiors as The Unbreakable Soldier.

” The muscles at the corner of his mouth dip downward as he shrugs emotionlessly.

He sways his hand in front of him nonchalantly before continuing, “And yet you failed the water portion.”

I swallow as grief strikes my nerves. My head sways left and right, bouncing from his body to my hands.

I can’t talk about this. It’s none of his business.

“I’m not sure why any of this matters. I’d like to get back to my sleeping quarters.

” I amble to the door in a split second.

Everyone has a reason for joining the armed forces—I haven’t told anyone mine.

Honoring my dead father. Following in his footsteps to become a Special Forces soldier.

He didn’t need sons; he had me to carry his legacy.

I can’t talk about this with Kade.

Kade beats me to it, standing in front of the door like a giant wall.

“It wasn’t your fault, Isla.”

“I know that. Get out of my way, Kade!”

“Violet…look at me.” His tone deepens with a crisp, dark hum at the end of his words.

His fingers tilt my chin to meet his gaze, but I smack it away, causing him to retreat until his broad shoulders clash with the door.

He straightens his posture as I try to grab the knob again, but he blocks it with his waist.

He isn’t letting me go.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he repeats, his voice bleeding with compassion. My legs shake as the memories of my dad come back to haunt me. “You talk about him in your sleep. You are the one who told me.” He pinballs his long index finger at me, then to his chest.

“You joined to honor him, didn’t you? Surpassed all odds, and you fucking did it well, Mariposa.”

I glare at him, finally giving him the attention he seeks.

“He was a father, doing what any other father would have done in that situation. It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault.”

“You weren’t there! He would still be here if I hadn’t jumped into that river! He’s not here because of me! My mom hates me because of it!” I shout until my throat feels like sandpaper. My brows pinch together as my vision blurs.

“I just wanted to go for a fucking swim, and now he’s dead.” I scoff with a humorless laugh. “I underestimated the currents.”

“I know, baby. You didn’t do anything wrong. Breathe…breathe, okay?” He tries to hold me again, but I resent it.

“Fuck you, Kade.” I shove him away from me, but he doesn’t falter; he remains still. He keeps his beautiful gaze on mine as a tear escapes my lashes.

“It wasn’t your fault. Say it!” he grits out through a clenched jaw, watching me intently.

Before I can suck in another breath, I crash against him, surrendering every cold shut-off part of me.

My demons fall into him, nestling into the vast open void he’s letting me bury inside.

His strong arms pull me closer to him. Dragging his calloused palms up and down my forearms, over and over again, he comforts me.

Those four words sink away the guilt I’ve been feeling.

I bury myself in his woodsy cedar scent, crying, but the tears are not derived from pain or grief this time.

They’re a rebirth. A freeing hope of light he’s breathing into me.

“It wasn’t my fault,” I breathe into his side.

The wall I’ve built surrounding my guarded heart is crumbling.

No one has ever taken the time to tell me that but him.

My mother and sister tossed me aside and placed the blame on me until I believed it.

He’s the first person to make me truly see it.

He’s healing me in everlasting ways—always looking out for me and anyone he cares about.

He makes me feel safe.

“You know more about me than I do about you. Let me into your world, Kade. How is this fair?”