Page 25 of Mariposa (Queens Command #1)

VIOLET

T he drive to Greenville, South Carolina isn’t far from where I’m stationed.

It’s about a four-hour drive. I miss the town that’s settled in the foothills of the Blue Mountains.

I listen to a true-crime podcast the entire time and keep myself awake with a large cup of iced coffee.

Kade crosses my mind every few minutes, and it’s like a lightning strike to the chest. We don’t have each other’s numbers.

I don’t have social media, and I refuse to make one to stalk my ex-boyfriend’s dad.

But I can’t get him out of my head. I can’t talk to anyone about what happened, and quite frankly, I like knowing that the moment we shared is a secret. Still, I need to focus on my career. It’s just begun.

Kade and I share that same interest. Work before feelings.

Before I left, I prepared to surprise my grandparents at the hospital. I don’t doubt that if my grandmother’s health hadn’t been declining, she would’ve been there at my graduation ceremony. The only familiar face that showed support was… Kade’s .

He doesn’t know how much that meant to me.

The urge to seek his approval is there, and I hate that he has that effect on me.

I think he had that effect on everyone in the course.

He knows how to push people, break them, and build them back up.

I came out of the course a changed woman, and my self-confidence has soared.

I’m about an hour away from Greenville when I have to fill up with gas. I pull up to an empty slot and take out my phone before I climb out of the car.

Grandpa:

Happy birthday, Violet! I can’t wait to see you.

Penny:

Happy Birthday! Adam told me you graduated! I’ve already got your gift wrapped. Please call me when you have time to talk. Congratulations again on making Special Forces.

Adam:

Happy Birthday! Are you coming to Greenville?

Please answer me. I miss you so damn much.

Unknown:

It’s Booker—happy birthday from all of us instructors.

A mixture of emotions floods me. I wasn’t expecting a text message from Booker. I gave him my number last night before I left on Christmas leave. I guess he and I are sort of…friends?

Penny has always been kind, a second mother to me, and I don’t have it in me to ignore her. I can ignore Adam, but not her. She hasn’t done anything wrong. I may have broken up with Adam, but I don’t want to lose my relationship with Penny entirely.

Guilt seeps its way into my pores. How would she feel knowing that her ex-husband, a person she’s villainized this entire time, was my instructor? A man I met and have gotten to know over a year, and shared intimate moments with?

I swallow as my hand shakes while holding the phone. I really have to keep this to myself. I didn’t think any of this through! I wasn’t thinking.

Who kisses their instructor? Their very hot off-limits instructor who tongue fucks like a god?

Me.

That’s who.

I was acting out of emotion. He makes my thoughts blurry, and I’m a bleeding heart at the end of the day.

Kade made me feel good, and I think a part of him felt the same; either way, I’ll never know truly what goes through his mind because it’s done.

We’ve gone our separate ways, even if he haunts me.

“ This moment of being just a guy on the beach and just a girl on the beach is over .”

I text Penny back. We go back and forth until she convinces me to stop by her place before my leave of absence is over to celebrate.

Every year since Adam and I started dating, I’ve made a blueberry pie with them from scratch for dessert for my birthday celebrations.

Cooking has always brought me joy. I blame my grandma for getting me into it.

What can I say? Food is the fastest way to my heart.

“Here’s a freshly baked flan, abuelita , with a glass of milk.”

I place her plate of dessert on her hospital tray. She lifts her fork with shaky, bruised hands and scoops a bite. The utensil effortlessly cuts through the pastry, and my stomach growls.

I checked into a hotel before I arrived at my grandparents’ cozy home.

I cooked up the flan on my own as fast as I could and then left for the hospital right before her visiting hours were over.

My mother still wants nothing to do with me.

I have no home to go to when I’m in Greenville, and I don’t want to stress my grandparents with the fragmented relationship I have with my mom and sister.

My grandfather had to run errands today. I haven’t seen him yet.

I sit down with an exhausted body, holding my own plate of flan, and go to town on an empty stomach. I hadn’t eaten anything on the drive, so the flan is hitting harder.

“Oh, mija . Just like I make it, it’s so good. Well done, Violetta,” she rasps, before scooping another bite. “My granddaughter is the best cook and now a soldier!” she exclaims while chewing.

I smile, content. As I continue to eat, I can’t help but think of Kade. Has he had flan before? Does he like it?

Why am I acting like this is my first time crushing on someone? Every time I do anything, I think of him.

Get it together, Violet .

“Who has you smiling like that? Did you finally say yes to Adam?” Grandma pries.

My eyes narrow at her question, freezing my movements.

“Did I say yes to Adam?” I parrot, confused, but then it hits me—the non-proposal ultimatum at the airport before I boarded my flight. “How do you know about that?”

She shrugs.

“He asked for my ring from your grandpa. He said he was going to propose to you at your graduation, but you told him not to go.”

It was her ring?!

God, she’s always been able to read me well. Sometimes, she knows my thoughts before I do.

I sigh, looking down at my half-eaten dessert.

“Actually. We broke up and went our separate ways.” I tell her with a steady tone.

“It’s pretty simple, actually. He doesn’t want to be with someone in the military, and at first, I was upset, but now that I’m back home and don’t have the stress of completing the course, I kind of understand where he’s coming from. ”

After losing his father to missions and deployments, I can see why he would be hesitant to stay with me, because he had to watch his parents drift apart due to distance and time. My father was in the military too, but he had us when he was older, only a few years from retiring.

Adam and I were together for almost six years.

That kind of history isn’t easy to let go of.

A small part of me misses him, but the biggest part of me remembers the fight we had at the airport.

He didn’t believe in me. Why would I stay with someone who holds me back and doesn’t push me to be better?

Isn’t that what love should be?

Shouldn’t it be about pushing each other until we’re the best versions of ourselves?

“I understand Adam’s side of things. Falling for someone in the military isn’t easy. When I fell for Graham, I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I missed him so much that it felt like I was dying slowly every single day when he was at war.” She trails off, clutching her teddy bear tighter.

“Really? Then, if you felt that way towards him, why would you choose Grandpa Ramon?” I lift my fork with one hand as I ask.

“When we get to the end of the letters, I’ll tell you why. I will give you a hint, though.”

“Yes! Tell me!” I purse my lips together, still savoring the vanilla-flavored sweetness on my tongue.

“There was a bit of an age gap. He was older than I. I was nineteen—he was twenty-eight. No one approved of us being together,” she huffs, agitated.

“Oh, Grandma, who cares what people think?”

“Yeah, I know, but I had no one’s support or approval at the time.

Not even from my parents or siblings. I couldn’t tell my friends for a long time because I knew what they would say, things like, I’m too young for him.

It was a romance in secret.” She closes her eyes momentarily and pauses, breathing slowly as if in pain. Her IV bag is almost empty.

A secret, forbidden romance.

Kade’s beautiful, magnetic, scarred, hard-ass face pops into my head.

Flashes of the beach, his arms, and his heavy body on top of me. The way I savored every second, I could graze my hands over his hardened muscles and tattoos…

“So tell me, why are you smiling? That’s the smile of someone in love.”

I almost choke on my food when I see her wag her silver eyebrows up and down.

“ Abuelita !” I grit out while I cough up a lung.

“Tell me who it is. You’ve already found someone else, haven’t you?”

“No!” I tell her, but my high-pitched tone screams otherwise.

“Tell me, or we read the letters. Your choice.”

My mouth falls open.

“Really, abuelita ?”

She nods, and a weak smile pulls at the corners of her mouth.

“Okay, okay.” I stand from my chair and reach for the box that’s sitting by the nightstand of her hospital bed. As I open it, a male nurse comes in, dressed in light blue scrubs, and injects something into her IV.

“How’s the dessert, Mrs. Isla?” He throws the used needle into the proper disposal cabinet.

“Oh, it’s yummy.” She points to the tray, where a telephone sits by the plain white wall. “There’s some leftover if you’d like any?” She settles back into her bed, letting the back of her head rest on the pillow.

“I’m good. Thank you, Mrs. Isla.” He stops at the door, brushing his long blonde hair out of his face, and turns to give us a warm goodbye smile with a wave. “Remember, press the button if you need anything.” He vanishes into the hallway.

“Ready?” I ask, opening the folded papers.

“ Si, mija .” She closes her eyes again, gets settled into her pillow, and hugs her blue teddy bear tight.

Dear Graham,