Page 12 of Mariposa (Queens Command #1)

VIOLET

everything i wanted by Billie Eilish

I snuck onto the rooftop of the building with the best ocean view. Oddly enough, the door to get up here wasn’t locked.

Ever since I drowned, I haven’t been able to look at water in quite the same way.

Still, the experience doesn’t change how I feel about the beach.

It’s quiet up here. It’s the perfect place to let my guard down, and no one will notice that I’m struggling if I decide to break.

I chug my fourth beer and repeatedly stare at the text messages on my cell.

The texts that made me cancel my flight back home.

Grandpa:

Grandma is having a bad time right now. She’s sick and hospitalized. She isn’t allowed any visitors, except for me. I’m sorry, Violet.

Me:

It’s okay, Grandpa. Please keep me updated. How did the flan turn out?

Grandpa:

We never got to have it. She doesn’t remember how to make it anymore. She got frustrated and wouldn’t let me help her.

With a growing lump in my throat, a sting hits my eyes, but I refuse to let the tears fall. I feel like I’m losing the only family I have left each day.

Should I quit?

Fuck no .

I shake my head.

My grandmother wouldn’t want that for me.

“Oh, look, who it is.” Willis’s voice makes my skin crawl. He’s been doing little things here and there to annoy the crap out of me. He’s even been hiding my gear, so I’ll fail. Luckily, his attempts haven’t been working.

“Oh, look, it’s Creepy Willy.” I bring the beer back to my lips, take a swig, and keep my eyes in front of me.

“Don’t fucking call me that, you little bitch,” he snaps.

“Why do you hate me so much, Willis? Are you projecting?” I laugh. Usually, I don’t engage in his taunting, but the alcohol is infiltrating my personality tonight.

“Projecting what? That you don’t belong here in Special Forces? That you’re a weak whore who shouldn’t even be here?”

I meet his expression. He stands there in his workout clothes—black shorts with an Army shirt. His nostrils are flared, and his brown eyes give me a once-over, the kind that makes me uncomfortable.

“Projecting your insecurities because this “weak whore” surpassed you on all tests and scores,” I shoot back.

“I came up here for some peace and quiet. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like you to leave me alone.

” I turn around and face the crashing waves.

High tides wash over the sand, and there’s a full moon illuminating the sky.

It’s a beautiful night with a salty breeze despite the terrible company.

After placing my phone back into my pocket, I cross my arms and throw my head back, trying to forget anything and everything. Maybe he’ll leave if I give him the silent treatment.

Suddenly, I’m off my feet, being pushed over the roof.

I scream at the top of my lungs, completely blindsided by the level of hatred he’s gone to.

The asshole has his arms around my waist, rough and assaulting, completely catching me off guard.

Both of my hands manage to grasp the railing while my chest collides with the side of the building, forcing me to lose my breath. My legs are dangling in the air.

I glance at the ground quickly and calculate the height. It’s not high enough to kill me, but the distance is enough to break something if I fall.

“I’m so fucking tired of seeing your face where it doesn’t belong. There. I’ll leave you alone now.” Willis’s lips lift into an evil grin.

“Willis! What the fuck!”

Giving me his back, he leaves just like he promised. My heart thunders inside my rib cage as I mumble curse words. I grip the railing tightly. I have no doubt I can lift myself, but when I peer down again, fear spikes my veins, and the trembling starts.

I’ve always been scared of heights.

Gritting my teeth, I attempt to pull myself up, but my shaking won’t stop. I falter and yelp. Blood rushes to my head just as I break out in a sweat. One hand slips free, but my other still holds my body. The thought of falling and hitting my head assaults my brain.

I’m fucking spooked.

“Isla, what the fuck are you doing?” Master Sergeant O’Connell’s voice booms over my head.

Oh, thank God . I know Kade doesn’t like me, but he doesn’t seem the type to have me dying on his watch.

Or maybe he is… shit .

“Oh, you know, just hanging around,” I joke, forcing a smile through a heavy breath. His cruel expression doesn’t budge.

Tough crowd .

A bead of sweat slowly leaks down my temple.

I grit my teeth again as I attempt to get myself up, but those intrusive thoughts win again.

I don’t want to tell him the truth about how I ended up in this situation.

It’ll only give me more hassle if I’m seen as someone who can’t fight their own battles if I expose the fact that Willis threw me over.

Kade studies me, and he notices how I’m convulsing.

“Calm down, Isla. I’ve seen you max out your pull-ups.”

“Sir, can you give me a hand?”

“No,” he says simply.

“But sir?—”

“You’re capable of pulling yourself up.”

My mouth falls open. How is he so calm about me possibly falling to my death?

He swallows, his throat moving up and down.

“You’re really not going to help?”

“Stop shaking and do as you’re told, soldier.” A strong breeze hits us. Dark brown hair falls over his forehead as he watches me with distant eyes.

“Master Sergeant. I can’t.”

“Don’t you ever fucking say those two words to me again. Your mind is holding you back, and you’re capable of getting yourself out of this situation. Let’s go.”

“Really?”

Right now is not the best time for a teaching lesson .

As if he can read my mind, his eyes darken.

“You freeze up like this in a warzone, and you’re dead. Now, let’s go.” His tone deepens.

“Sir, with all due respect….” My jaw chatters violently, and I close my eyes. He doesn’t know that when I was five years old, my older sister pushed me off the rooftop of my house, and I was in a coma for days. Ever since then, I’ve had a phobia of heights.

“Please,” I beg with tears in my eyes.

He stays silent, but I don’t miss the inner turmoil behind those cruel, mismatched eyes.

“Please.” Shame and humiliation are written in my tone.

“No,” he tells me flatly with a straightforward tilt of his head.

I suck in a breath as my muscles start to burn and cramp. I glance at the ground far beneath me, bracing myself for the impact because I feel my skin slipping away, gravity welcoming me.

Maybe I should let go. Maybe, then, I’ll get what I deserve and make everyone who hates me happy.

“Look at me, Isla,” he growls.

I lift my head as a tear rolls down my cheek.

“Look at me and concentrate.”

I squint and furrow my brows. My shaking dwindles, and I zero in on his determined gaze.

“Focus. You’re okay. It’s just you and me here right now—just us two. Don’t listen to that voice in your head telling you no. You’ve got this.” That authoritative, emotionless instructor’s voice is replaced by a version of Kade I’ve never seen or heard.

Where’s the beast I’ve come to know?

Where’s the cruel emerald and frost in his eyes?

“The Unbreakable Soldier, huh?” he scoffs, his question painted with disdain.

When he says that, I blink another tear away as fire flickers in my chest, and adrenaline simmers in my veins.

No one can hold Kade’s cold stone gaze, and this is the first time I’m not intimidated by it. In fact, I don’t want to look away.

“You feel that? That fear ? Don’t drown in it—instead, use it to your power and as motivation to fight back harder.” His voice is calm and collected as always, and it manages to snap me out of that state of mind I’m in.

Our eyes lock together, and I swear I feel that weird flutter again.

His seasoned voice and attitude are evident in how he talks, moves, and breathes.

For the first time, the alphahole mask he likes to put on has been removed, and it touches my numb heart.

When he looks at me like this, with determination yet patience in that darkened, serious expression, I can see the color in the black-and-white world I’ve come to know.

I do as he tells me.

I stare at his handsome face as he grips the railing right by my hand, still not helping me up.

My left hand joins my right, and I lift myself until my chin reaches the rooftop in a split second. I climb over, letting myself fall back onto the roof, but before my face can connect with the ground, Kade grips my wrist with his rough, massive hand and pulls me to my feet.

Our proximity is only an inch away. We both stand in silence, with only the sound of ocean waves between us. My heart is thundering…can he hear it?

“Are you going to tell me that I have to send you to the medic because you’re suicidal?”

“No, sir. I promise you I’m not. I’m okay. Really. I didn’t try to kill myself.”

“Then what the fuck were you doing, hanging over the roof like that?”

I bite my lip as my breath catches in my throat.

“Answer me, soldier,” he demands, crossing his arms against his chest.

“I was stargazing a little too hard.” It doesn’t sound convincing, not in the slightest. I clear my throat, trying to make the lump disappear. I’m still shaken, but not as much as before.

I quirk a brow and watch to see if he’s buying it. He clenches his jaw—his dark brows pull together, and he hums darkly.

He doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t probe further.

“I thought you were going back home for Thanksgiving.”

He changes the subject.

“Oh, uh, yeah, about that. I changed my mind.”

“Why?” he blurts.

I don’t want to tell him that my only family left doesn’t want me home.

Or the fact that my grandmother’s sickness is getting worse, and she’s not allowed any visitors in the hospital until she gets better.

Or Adam and I haven’t talked because we’re too stubborn to address our relationship status. Even though it’s clear we’re over.

“Because I’d rather stay here and train. There are only a few more weeks until graduation, so why not?”

I’m technically not lying.