Page 65 of Just A Little Joy

“I hate to admit it,Daddy, but I think beachcombing is a summer activity,” I said from the safety of my heated seat in Travis’s car.

My fingers and toes might never thaw again. The heat was blasting, and I was wrapped in my coatandDaddy’s coat and gloves, yet my arms and legs still felt like blocks of ice. Daddy didn’t argue, but his knowing smirk said everything. When I’d suggested the beach in the first place, he’d warned me it would be chilly. He’d also said he was up for it if I was. I wasn’t ready to admit he’d been right because…because I just wasn’t.

“I’m not gonna disagree with you,” he said, “but the glass was pretty cool to find. I hadn’t realized there’d be so much. All that Googling on the way up paid off, so thank you for that. I was just gonna go shopping, but this was a much better way to spend the afternoon.”

Daddy’s hand found mine, our fingers fitting together as his much-larger hand wrapped around mine. His free hand rested on my thigh, and he drove with the casual ease of someone who was supremely confident. Suddenly, the vibe in the car felt domestic and homey, and it made me want to crawl out of my skin. I could feel myself standing on the edge of everything I said I wanted—my own Daddy, stability, a place to belong—yet here I was wanting to peel off emotional layers so none of it could reach me.

Everything felt too perfect, too tidy, too fairytale. What happened when Travis got bored? What happened when he powered his phone back on and the cascade of messages hit? It didn’t escape my notice that even after we got in the car, he stilldidn’t turn his phone back on. We both knew what was waiting, and I suspected he knew that if I heard the full avalanche, I’d be out of the car in a heartbeat.

I’d told Maddie’s mom I was ready for it, but facing the reality of it scared the shit out of me.

I couldn’t help wanting to go back in time and congratulate past-me for deciding social media was a giant time-suck. There was nothing for the vultures to dig through because I didn’t keep anything online. Thank fucking god. But it didn’t stop the spike of panic when my own phone buzzed under my thigh, where I’d stashed it after we got in.

Bryce

How’s it going?

Casey

It’s all good. What’s up?

I put you in for a job up here because you’ve been in one spot way too long.

You think you know me?

Fuck yeah, I know you.

And you’ve been in one spot too damn long. I know you’re itching to move.

I plead the fifth.

It’s okay. You don’t have to admit I’m right.

What’s the job?

Breakfast cook at the lodge I’m at now. You’d be cooking to order in the dining room. Good pay. Great tips. Afternoons off to snowboard. Housing included.

When do you need an answer?

Let me know by Christmas.

I told them you’d be down for it, but you needed a couple of weeks to wrap up loose ends so they wouldn’t offer it to anyone else.

Yeah, I actually do have some loose ends, but I’ll definitely let you know by then.

“Everything all right?” Daddy glanced at me, then back at the road.

The stop-and-go traffic needed his attention, but his hand stayed right where it was on my thigh. I shoved my phone back under my leg and stared down as his fingers traced slow patterns on my jeans. His touch was somehow calming and grating at the same time.

The job was mine if I wanted it, and Bryce wasn’t wrong. I’d stayed here longer than I’d stayed anywhere in years. Making friends wasn’t a surprise—I made friends everywhere—but the thought of leaving these boys bothered me in a way I didn’t usually feel.

Normally, keeping in touch long-distance was easy enough. Texts. Photos. The occasional email. I never missed people when I left. There were always new ones to meet wherever I landed next. But walking away from the boys, their group chat, their stupid jokes, their day-to-day…it was gonna suck. I already knew it would hit harder than any move before it.

“Yeah, it’s all good,” I said. “My buddy was just checking in on me.”

“The one whose apartment you’re leasing?” Daddy asked.

“Nah. Bryce is up in Alaska. The buddy I’m leasing from won’t be back until spring.”